Never Have I Ever Been Normal

Even as a child, Auster Williams was never the 'normal' one. But with a name like Auster, was it possible to be the 'normal' one? Name aside, her habits, likes, dislikes, appearance, et cetera, were never ones of the typical child.

She absolutely loathed wearing shoes and avoided doing so at all costs. She was never interested in pink, or yellow, or blue, or any other color of the rainbow. All she needed were the simple shades of the grayscale. She didn't enjoy sweets as much as the next child. She had never been a talker, or a smiler, or a giggler. Some would describe her disconnection from the rest of the world an Antisocial Personality Disorder, but that wasn't it; it was just how Auster was. Reserved, shy, quiet.

And that was just her personality traits and her habits. When it came to appearance, there were the handful of odd physical features. Her eyes were always big and bright blue-green; different and odd, but definitely captivating. Her face was always a year or so mature for her actual age. She was always skinny, maybe due to her healthy food choices. Her hair was naturally black and her skin was a pale color; no matter how much time she spent in the sun, she didn't get tan. Maybe a burn once in a while, but never tan.

The list of Auster's odd traits could go on and on. But the specifics aren't really important. What the point here is, is that Auster Williams has never been normal and will never be normal.

Throughout the thirteen years that the Williams family was functioning, together, and full, Evangeline Williams was always supportive of her only daughter, glad that she had such a unique child. However, Alexandre Williams found his daughter's quirkiness rather annoying, for lack of a better word. He always tried his best to change Auster's ways, but it never worked.

The once happy couple was constantly arguing over their daughter, but managed to stay together until Auster turned thirteen years old. Only months after her birthday though, Alexandre just left one day and never came back. The day had held no arguments, nothing suspicious. Neither had the days leading up to it. For a full week, the house was silent, but not in a good way. And at the end of the week, Alexandre wasn't there. He just left one day and didn't come back.

Evangeline had hope that he would come back; she waited for weeks even, promising herself that when Alexandre came back, she would find a fix to the constant fighting. He never showed up though, and soon Evangeline gave up hope. She ended up crumbling with the realization that her husband had left her. Didn't he love her? Didn't he want to work things out? Didn't he know how much he meant to them?

As for Auster, she hoped that he wouldn't come back. Not two days after, not weeks later, not ever. Auster knew that her father never loved her, even though she was his own flesh and blood. Alexandre never wanted her. Maybe if she was normal and like every other little girl out there, he'd have loved her and wouldn't have left. But that wasn't the case, was it? He didn't love his daughter, even though she wasn't normal. He was just as bad as any judgmental person out there. It didn't matter to him that Auster was his own, it didn't matter to him that her differences should have been viewed as a good thing.

Even years after all of this happened, around four to be more precise, Auster can still remember just what happened. The night before Evangeline and her daughter lost a member of their family haunts Auster.

She had been at home and in her room, reading a book, when her father walked in and started talking to Auster. His voice was calm, but he definitely wasn't content with anything.

The exact words he spoke weren't completely important, but the message he was sending was. Even when he asked the simple questions at first; "Why are you reading? I thought you finished all of your homework," and, "Why aren't you with a friend? It's a Friday night."

When she answered with her simple, honest answers, he wasn't pleased. "I like to read for fun," and, "I don't want to be with anyone."

"You just don't have any friends. Are you that weird that even other people don't want to be around you?"

Staring up at him with her big blue eyes, she responded with another simple answer. "I guess they don't. I don't mind. I have you and mom."

He scoffed. He rolled his eyes. He did everything that a spoiled teenager with a bit too much unneeded angst would do. "You don't have me. You never did. Because of you, your mother and I are fighting all of the time. You ruined our marriage."

Tears were threatening to spill down Auster's face, guilt and sadness overwhelming her. "I'm sorry."

Shaking his head, he left the room, muttering the word 'pathetic' as he left. This was Auster's last memory of her father. The next morning, when she woke up and went downstairs, her mother was crying and asking herself, "Why?" It didn't take long to find out that Alexandre wasn't there. There were no notes explaining anything and his important possessions were gone. And Evangeline's heart was breaking bit by bit, as she still asked herself, "Why? Why did he leave?"

Guilt overwhelmed Auster once again. She knew the reason why, but she didn't say it. It was her fault. All her fault.

So the two of them have been broken for years, but for different reasons. Evangeline was missing her husband, the one she had loved. Auster felt guilty for causing her mother so much pain.

If only she'd been normal. If only, if only.