Still So Young

The morning sun broke threw the blinds, alarming me of a new day. It was a Thursday, and I laid on my back staring up at the ceiling. I'd been in this position for almost three days now. Refusing to move for anyone, my mother, my father, Kelly, even Sam and Ryan had come over to try, but no one could get me to move.

I rolled on to my side, turning up the volume on my ipod. I could feel the warm water dripping down my face slowly.

If it hurts this much, then it must be love.
& it's a lottery, I can't wait to draw your name.
Oh, I'm trying to get to you, but time isn't on my side.
The truths the worst I could do, & I guess that I have lied.

Keeping me awake,
It's been like this now for days, my heart is out at sea.
My head all over the place, I'm loosing sence of time, & everything tastes the same.
I'll be home in a day, I fear thats a month to late.

That night I slept, on your side of the bed so, it was ready when you got home.
We're like noughts and crosses in that opposites always attract.

You've taken me to the top, and let me fall back south.
You've had me at the top of the pile, and then had me kissing the ground.
We've heard and seen it all, no ones talked us out,
The problems that have come haven't yet torn us down.

Am I keeping you awake, if i am then just say.
You can make your own decisions; you can make your own mistakes, I'll live and let die all the promises you made, but if you lie another time, it'll be a lie thats to late.
You always have your way, for now it to soon for you to say, we will be always, always.

I curled my legs up, the tears falling more rapidy. He was gone, he'd just come over, told me goodbye, and left.

"We need to talk..." My heart was racing in my chest as his lips met mine, before he led me over to the bed where we both sat down. "I'm leaving Ell." he said, his eyes wouldn't meet mine.

"Wh-What? What do you mean, you're leaving?" I asked, his hand held on to mine in his lap. My vision was clouded with tears, I could feel the heat burning my face.

"There was this opporunity for me, in California, I decided to take it." he finally said, standing on his feet, he looked down at me, in the eyes finally. "Don't cry love." he whispered, kneeling down in front of me.

"No, but, Brendon, I- I love you." I whispered as his hands reached up cupping my face. He brushed away a tear.

"Shh. I love you too." he said kissing my forehead.

"Don't leave me, please." I begged as he kneeled looking at me.

"It's, it's just better this way. We were too attached. Go back to school, call Kelly. Move on with your life, and I'll do the same." he said, now he was standing up heading for the window he had come threw.

"No!" I shouted standing to my feet. "Brendon." I whispered. I ran across the room to him, pressing my lips against his I felt my own tears mixing with his.

"Tell me you hate me." he said, our foreheads pressed together. "It will make this easier."

"I hate you Brendon." I seethed threw my teeth.

And I had meant that. Lying here alone, I realized I hated Brendon Urie for the pain he left me in. He moved on, away to California, leaving me alone, he could meet someone new, have a new amazing life.

I sat up, my feet grazing the floor. This was a new start, a beginning. Leaving my bed I walked to my dresser, taking a backpack with me. I dumped different articles in to the bag, scribbling a note to leave on my pillow.

Mom, Dad...
This is goodbye.
By now, I'm long gone. Don't look for me.
I don't want to be found.
Ellie