Chemistry Class
Is It Progression If a Cannibal Uses a Fork?
Those four little words sent me straight to Hell. I got home and found another note on my window sill. It said 'Look out your window.' He was sitting on our beach with a guitar. I screamed and barred my window with black out curtains. He had thrown my world into chaos once and I was determined not to let that happen again. I threw myself on my bed and sobbed my eyes out. I sobbed and sobbed until finally my mother called a therapist and asked what to do. I wasn't about to talk to some shrink so I said I was perfectly alright, I was simply over tired and aggravated, as I was often prone to be. She said okay and let me go to sleep. I waited until I was absolutely sure they were asleep and pulled out my Past Things Box. I kept his Arabic notes in there. They said all those words of love he'd written over that year we were together. They were sweet, and his siren call was even sweeter. I reasoned and argued with myself for hours. Maybe he still loves me! Maybe you're a dumb fuck! Maybe he's sorry! Maybe you're just a hormone driven sex slave!" I couldn't control myself; I went to see him. He was sitting on the beach still, holding his guitar and waiting. I brought a blanket, he must've been freezing. The climb down the side of my house was the longest it had ever been...
He was asleep when I got there. I knelt down and smoothed his hair back. He jumped at my touch and looked up. "Joaquin, you came!"
"It took Hell and highwater to get me here, but I came." I looked at his face; It was tear-streaked. "Have you been crying?" He looked like he was about to lie to me. But his face changed to one of submission.
"Yes, I've been crying. I really miss you, Joaquin. I love you."
"Then why the fuck did you go back to that slutty bitch?"
"Because I thought I loved her."
"Does this mean that you might decide you still love her and leave me again?" My voice was shrill and harsh in the cold night air.
"No! Absolutely not! I love you more than I can tell you Joaquin, I really do!" He broke down and sobbed his heart onto my shoulder. I was shocked beyond words. 'He's never cried in front of me before.'
"Seth...I don't know what to say...I love you...but I love Darlene too..."
"Be with me, Joaquin! I love you more! Remember how I used to make your soul dance and sing with the passion we had! Remember how I loved you so! Remember the times we had, Joaquin!" He was crying profusely and I couldn't say no.
"I'm going to have to think long and hard about this, Seth. You hurt me deeper than I'll let myself say, and I do love Darlene." He still seemed so hopeful it hurt. He tried to kiss me, I turned away. "I'm not ready, Seth." I hurried back to my room and sat down. I made a list of Pros and Cons.
Pros for Seth: I love him, he's so sweet, he's always there (when we're dating), he's great in bed, he's genuinely in love (when we're dating), and he's hot.
Cons: he's likely to have a hoe on the side. That alone was enough to kill him as a choice.
Pros for Darlene: I love her, she's always there when I need her, she was there to pick me up after Seth dumped me, She was definitly in love with me, she's hot, and she wouldn't EVER cheat.
Cons: There really weren't any.
I got no sleep that night. Thank God it was Friday. I slept all Saturday; woke up at six and worked out like no other. I cleaned my room as if I was having the Queen of England over for tea and made dinner for five hundred when only three people lived in my house. Shit, the Energizer Bunny would've had a hard time keeping up with me. I still hadn't called Darlene and told her what was going on. There wasn't a point to. She was spending time with her favorite aunt and I wasn't going to ruin that for her. The garage got cleaned as did my car, laundry was done and silver polised. The lawn was mowed and I would have re-shingled the house had my mother not said that eleven at night was too late to be banging on the roof. I reluctantly went up to my room and thought about what I was going to do. Every logical fibre of my being told me to stay with Darlene and forget Seth ever existed. I'd spent a year forgeting him and now my entire psychological balance was in jeopardy. But my heart, which was much more willful and persuasive than my logic, was telling me that Seth was the right choice. I had to see him again to make my decision.
I called him and told him to meet me outside. He was out the window and on the ground faster than Spiderman. I told him not to say anything or react at all. I ran my hands through his hair, smelled his clean, firmiliar scent, let myself be engulfed in that oh so wonderous hug, ran my hands over his firm buttocks again, kissed his beautiful, lusciously large lips. I knew my choice.
He was asleep when I got there. I knelt down and smoothed his hair back. He jumped at my touch and looked up. "Joaquin, you came!"
"It took Hell and highwater to get me here, but I came." I looked at his face; It was tear-streaked. "Have you been crying?" He looked like he was about to lie to me. But his face changed to one of submission.
"Yes, I've been crying. I really miss you, Joaquin. I love you."
"Then why the fuck did you go back to that slutty bitch?"
"Because I thought I loved her."
"Does this mean that you might decide you still love her and leave me again?" My voice was shrill and harsh in the cold night air.
"No! Absolutely not! I love you more than I can tell you Joaquin, I really do!" He broke down and sobbed his heart onto my shoulder. I was shocked beyond words. 'He's never cried in front of me before.'
"Seth...I don't know what to say...I love you...but I love Darlene too..."
"Be with me, Joaquin! I love you more! Remember how I used to make your soul dance and sing with the passion we had! Remember how I loved you so! Remember the times we had, Joaquin!" He was crying profusely and I couldn't say no.
"I'm going to have to think long and hard about this, Seth. You hurt me deeper than I'll let myself say, and I do love Darlene." He still seemed so hopeful it hurt. He tried to kiss me, I turned away. "I'm not ready, Seth." I hurried back to my room and sat down. I made a list of Pros and Cons.
Pros for Seth: I love him, he's so sweet, he's always there (when we're dating), he's great in bed, he's genuinely in love (when we're dating), and he's hot.
Cons: he's likely to have a hoe on the side. That alone was enough to kill him as a choice.
Pros for Darlene: I love her, she's always there when I need her, she was there to pick me up after Seth dumped me, She was definitly in love with me, she's hot, and she wouldn't EVER cheat.
Cons: There really weren't any.
I got no sleep that night. Thank God it was Friday. I slept all Saturday; woke up at six and worked out like no other. I cleaned my room as if I was having the Queen of England over for tea and made dinner for five hundred when only three people lived in my house. Shit, the Energizer Bunny would've had a hard time keeping up with me. I still hadn't called Darlene and told her what was going on. There wasn't a point to. She was spending time with her favorite aunt and I wasn't going to ruin that for her. The garage got cleaned as did my car, laundry was done and silver polised. The lawn was mowed and I would have re-shingled the house had my mother not said that eleven at night was too late to be banging on the roof. I reluctantly went up to my room and thought about what I was going to do. Every logical fibre of my being told me to stay with Darlene and forget Seth ever existed. I'd spent a year forgeting him and now my entire psychological balance was in jeopardy. But my heart, which was much more willful and persuasive than my logic, was telling me that Seth was the right choice. I had to see him again to make my decision.
I called him and told him to meet me outside. He was out the window and on the ground faster than Spiderman. I told him not to say anything or react at all. I ran my hands through his hair, smelled his clean, firmiliar scent, let myself be engulfed in that oh so wonderous hug, ran my hands over his firm buttocks again, kissed his beautiful, lusciously large lips. I knew my choice.