London Calling

The room was silent apart from the sound of Zack chomping through his breakfast like he hadn’t eaten for days. To be honest it wasn’t that far off. The past couple of days we had really eaten anything that could be passed as food. It was mainly alcohol, pizza and grease filled burgers. Don’t get me wrong that kind of diet is fine when you’re a teenager, but in your late twenties you have to look after yourself a bit more. Or so Matt says. We all try to listen apart from Jimmy whose chemical makeup is whisky.

This was one of the first times that I was fully able to see how much of a baby Zack can be if he’s ill or even remotely hungry. The baked beans had gotten the better of him, sliding gracefully off the side of the plate, while the sausage acted as a pokey stick permanently attached to the fork. I found great amusement in the fact that the great Zacky Vengeance, rhythm guitarist of Avenged Sevenfold, was sat in front of me eating breakfast like a three year old. I could say that we’re a lot more normal than we seem, but I don’t think that covers it.

“Having fun Zee?” I questioned, now that he was absent-mindedly chewing on the end of the sausage that, I’m ashamed to say, was doing things to me it really shouldn’t.

“Mmhhh mhh mhh mh” He mumbled still chewing. God this really reminded me of something but I couldn’t put my finger on what.

“Zack, English please?”

The big baby emeralds stared at me blankly, I knew I was getting no real response from him, but considering that most of the food that hadn’t fallen off the plate had already been eaten I guessed he liked it.

Once the massacre of breakfast had been put well out of the way, I thought it would be a good time to bring up my burning question. I had been putting it off for a while but, I wanted to wait for the opportune moment. The start of a new relationship is a good a time as any to get some secrets out of the way. I just hoped that I could handle what he was going to say.

“So.” Great start Haner. “Um about that thing I wanted to ask you.”

“Yeah, shoot.” He looked scared, maybe this was bigger than I thought.

“Zack, I’ve known you a long time and I pretty much know everything about you apart from one little thing. There has been something you’ve been hiding from all of us for as long as I can remember, and I can’t go on anymore knowing that you’ve had to deal with whatever it is by yourself. So please tell me.”

“I wanted to tell you but it’s hard, because I’m very sensitive about it. I don’t want you think any less of me because of it.” The thought of actually finding out what he's been hiding was scaring me more and more.

“How could I ever think any less of you, I didn’t when drank piss that one time.” I joked.

“IT WAS A DARE!” He was in no mood for thinking about the many games of dare we have played over the years.

“I know that, but I still didn’t think any less of you after you did it. so you can tell me this in the most confidence”

“Ok, just don’t laugh or anything.”

“You have my word.”

“I’m gay.”

“Zack, I know that already.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, but we both know that’s not it.”

“I’ve been in love with you from about the first time I ever spoke to you.”

“Zacky that’s so sweet, but that’s not it either is it?”

“No.”

“Then what it is?” This was starting to get annoying, he was going to avoid this as much as possible.

“I’m left handed.”

“ZACK!”

“Ok ok, I’ll tell you.”

“Thank you.”

“I only have one ball.”

“I’m sorry what?”

“Testicles. I only have one.”

“Which one?” I was doing my best not laugh, but it was hard. Things like this aren’t what you would imagine to be the biggest of secrets.

“Does it matter? I knew you wouldn’t take me seriously, this is why I never told anyone.” He got up to leave the room, he was sulking and obviously trying to get sympathy and as always it worked. I can’t bear to see him unhappy.

“Zack I didn’t mean to laugh, but that was a serious question. It might explain why you walk like that.”

“Like what?” He started spinning around like a dog chasing its tail.

“Like that.” I laughed, grabbing and pulling him down onto the bed. “Is this really what you’ve been hiding from us all this time?”

“Yeah, it always made me feel uncomfortable to talk about it.”

“But, you told us you were gay. Surely that’s so much more of a big deal than only having one ball.”

“I actually said I was bi not gay thank you.”

“Zachary Baker, who are you trying to fool?”

“Yeah, ok, fine. But it’s still hard to deal with you know, I used to have two.”

“What do you mean you used to have two?” This really wasn’t where I thought this conversation would be going.

“Well maybe I’ve always had one, but I think I had two at one point. Like I think it disappeared when I started puberty. I got worried but the doctors said I was fine, there was nothing to worry about.”

“Wow that’s some secret you got there Baker. You feel better?” I asked pulling him into a hug.

“Yeah it feels like a huge weight has been lifted.”

“Oh yeah, one more thing.”

“What?”

“You eat like a three year old.”