Remember Me, Sam

I meandered my way into fourth period and attempted to slink silently into the back of the class. I was 10 minutes late, but, honestly, I don’t really get in a hurry going anywhere. I got caught up talking to Emmy in the hall about the latest dumb shit that happened in this teenage cesspool. The teacher just sighed and wrote my name down on a paper. I guess it’s just another thing added to my shit list. I sat in a lone chair in the back; it's not like anyone busts their ass to save me a seat. Well, except Emmy. She's my only and best friend. No one ever really tried to get to know me outside of her.

A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with depression. I was in a dark place for a while. I didn’t like to hangout with kids my age, or really anyone for that matter. I lost a lot of weight because the thought of food made me sick. Everyone at school thought I was on drugs or caught up in something nasty. Emmy was the only one that dared break through my shell. I’ll say, I have more good days than bad now, but I don’t bother to try to set my reputation straight. If they thought I wasn’t worth talking to then, they’re not worth my energy now.

I twirled a pencil between my fingertips, occasionally dropping it. Mrs. Cartwright glared at me and continued her lecture about biodiversity in the rain forest or something like that. It was interesting enough, but being a good student was hard for me. Paying attention for the length of a class felt like an eternity, and I was hungry. The bell rang and interrupted my thoughts. I swung my bag over my shoulder and was nearly first out of class. Emmy met me at the door and her energy directly contrasted mine. She was a bouncing ball of bright light--a voice that never stopped chattering, even to breathe. My presence was more subdued. I tended to stick to the shadows, keep quiet, and only make a scene when some fucker really deserved it.

Emmy bounced on the toes of her feet and was unabashed by my straight face.

"Guess what! Guess what!" She babbled while nearly vibrating.

Somedays I wish she would take her medication, but I know it makes her groggy and dims her typically bubbly personality. Ugh, I need some ibuprofen.

"Can you take it down like ten notches,” I asked dully as I walked towards the cafeteria. She wasn’t phased by my comment. She was confident and used to my bullshit. She grabbed my arm and swung me to face her before I could push through the crowd at the lunchroom door.

"Listen to me for a second you cynical bastard,” she said as she shook my shoulders excitedly.
I laughed, and she brightened, “We've got a new student!"

"So what, we get new students here all the time. I’m not interested in another daddy’s money, hybrid driving, know-it-all. Can we just get lunch before all the good stuff is gone and we get some slop?"

She blinked at me unphased, "Just come see." Emmy grabbed my hand and dragged me through the double doors. Our Cafeteria was fairly big in size. We attended a smallish school, but everyone had lunch at the same time. There were four lunch lines in the back where tons of kids were already filing through. My stomach growled as Emmy tugged me the other way. We were headed for the front left corner of the room. That’s typically where the smart kids congregated. The kind who wore ill-fitting clothing, played nerdy card games based on kids TV shows, talked about anime, and always turned in their homework. This is so not where I belong.

“Where are we go…,” My breath caught in my throat, and I froze. Emmy continued to walk and was comically jerked to a stop when she realized I was rooted to the spot. We did have a new student, and he was breathtaking. He sat at a table alone writing something in a small notebook. I couldn’t see his face entirely, but, in that instance, I knew it would be perfect. His skin was the color of porcelain, smooth and pale. It contrasted every other part of him, from his hair to his clothes. He was wearing white Vans, black skinny jeans, and an oversized black jacket with the hood up. His shaggy black hair jutted out and covered most of his face in shadow. Emmy smirked at me.

“Put your tongue back in your mouth and move. You’ve been standing there for like a solid 60 seconds. Go talk to him.”

“No way,” I whisper screamed at her. “I won’t get two words out around him.” My usual demeanor slipping from my features. Emmy walked around the nearest table, and I watched her from my spot, confused. I realized what was happening too late when she landed a hard shove to my back and I stumbled forward emitting a loud yelp.

The boy looked up as I braced my hands on the edge of his table to regain my balance. If I had a breath, I would have lost it. We made eye contact and he looked physically alarmed. His pupils blew out making his grey-blue irises nearly invisible, and it seemed like he was taking quick shallow breaths. Neither of us moved or broke eye contact for what felt like an eternity. Emmy appeared out of nowhere and slapped a hand on my back startling me out of the trance.

“Oh my god! Sam, are you okay?”

I blew out a frustrated, steadying breath, “Yeah, I tripped on one of the chair legs. I’m okay.” It was now or never. I looked back at the boy hoping he was still looking at us. He wasn’t. His gaze had dropped back to his notebook. He was holding his pencil close to the paper as if to continue writing but it was shaking violently. Why was he shaking?

I sat gently, “H-hey, I’m Sam. I’m really sorry I bumped your table. I hope I didn’t mess up what you’re working on.”

He didn’t look up or respond. I swallowed hard and looked at Emmy. Her face was hard to read. I could tell this isn’t how she expected things to go.

I tried again, “You don’t look familiar. Is this your first day here?” He dropped his pencil from shaking so hard. I felt terrible. Did I do something to startle him? I know Emmy made me bump into his table, but this was so strange. “This is Emmy,” I gestured to my right. “We’re Seniors here, so we can help you get around if you want.”

At this he shut his notebook and turned to shove it in his bag. A jock walked by with a tray so full of food it made me sick. “Give it up. That freak is mute. Just another emo freak like you,” He laughed as three girls following him covered their mouths in glee.

My eyes narrowed, “Now listen here you insignificant, vacant brained, ball la…,” I stopped my verbal assault when I realized the boy had grabbed his bag and darted for the hallway. “I don’t have time for your bullshit,” I spat as I took off after the new student without a second thought.