A Little Piece of Heaven

Being the girlfriend of a very hot, sexy, amazing band member was more incredible than I thought. Sure, nothing had really changed about us. We just had a lot more reasons to have sex now. But it wasn’t just the sex that was amazing, Brian could be completely romantic when he wanted to be. He took me to dinner, the movies, and the beach, everywhere. Though, every time it came to pay, he would always insist. I know the man is meant to pay, but I just want to help sometimes, you know?

However, there was always the downside. The paparazzi... They just don’t stop do they? I was sick of seeing my face all over the magazines. Soon they would know where I worked, and that would just ruin me. The only times I had privacy was in my house, Brian’s house or at work. I don’t think I could deal with them being outside the club every night. But sooner or later someone from my club would realise it was me and would blab to get some extra cash.

Currently, everyone was together at Brian’s house, just lounging around in the back yard by the pool. Melle and Zacky were lazing on a deck chair together, occasionally kissing each other. Jimmy and Aj were in the pool splashing each other lightly. Those two were just too cute together. Matt was lying down on a banana lounge with Lya straddling his waist. I felt like I was intruding on something every time I glanced at them. Yet, they seemed completely at ease with each other. Johnny and Jam were playing cards, while lying on the grass.

My cuts and bruises were healing nicely, which made me smile. I couldn’t wait until I stopped looking like a freak. “You’re more beautiful to me everyday” Brian told me some mornings. I don’t believe him, but it gives me reassurance every time.

Most of the time when I wasn’t with Brian, my thoughts would haunt me. Should I tell him my true feelings? That I’m falling helplessly in love with him? I could never bring myself to say that to Brian, in fear of him running away. But something small in my mind told me that he felt the same way. But that thought was so small that I dismissed it without even thinking about it seriously, or asking Brian. Yeah, I’m a coward. Sometimes I would confide in my best friend, Melle. She said I should just wait a while until I know for sure that I’m completely in love with him, and not just some little faze. But my feelings for him got worse by the minute.
Every time I saw him smile, my heart would melt. Every time he laughed, my knees would shake. Every time he made love to me, I felt like I was in heaven. This was getting out of control. I knew I should just tell him, but I had to know for sure he was sticking around before I say those three little words. Melle was right. I would wait.

“You alright, babe?” asked Brian, pulling me out of my crazy little world. We were sitting on the edge of the pool, dangling out feet in the cool water. His arm was around my shoulders, pulling me into his chest. His other hand was tracing up and down my legs. “You looked pretty out of it.”

“I was just deep in thought,” I told him, kissing his bare shoulder.

“Tell me?” he kissed my hair.

“Later,” was all I could say. What else could I say? ‘I love you Brian, and there’s nothing you can do about it’? I don’t think so! This would have to do. Later pretty much summed it about up for now. He just doesn’t know how much later. I felt guilty for not telling him my feelings when I knew I should, but I just couldn’t stand the thought of getting my heart broken. What if he tells me he doesn’t feel the same way?

“You’ve done it again,” Brian whispered in my ear.

“Oops, sorry Bri,” I smiled sheepishly, “Guess I’m just a little out of it today.”

“You can tell me about it later,” Brian kissed my lips and I instantly forgot what I was thinking about. I brought myself closer, deepening our kiss. Just when we were getting really into it, a cold splash of water hit us. Brian and I broke away and turned to the culprits. Of course it was Jimmy and Aj. Before you could say “holy shit balls” I was in the water and chasing after Aj.

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It was just turning to around 10 o’clock at night and everyone was getting ready to leave. Before Melle and Zacky could leave to go back to our apartment, I brought her aside to have a quick chat.

“What’s wrong Kass?” Melle asked as soon as we were out of earshot, “You’ve been out of it all day. What’s going on?”

“I’ve just been thinking a lot again,” I told her. Her mouth formed an ‘o’ as she understood. “I told him I would tell him later, but I don’t know if I can.”

“Well, I’ve already told you this,” Melle began, “If you don’t think it’s the right time, then don’t. Save it for when you’re absolutely sure.”

“I know, I know,” I nodded, “But I don’t know how long I can keep telling him ‘I’ll tell you later’.”

“Well, technically, you are telling him later,” Melle shrugged, “He just doesn’t know how much later.” Sometimes Melle and I were so alike, it scared me. Maybe we were twins in another life... “Maybe you should get him really drunk and try and discuss the future.” Yeah... like that’ll work...

“That’s a great idea Melle! Get him drunk, spill my guts to him, then he won’t remember a thing in the morning,” I told her in an unamused tone. I knew I shouldn’t be taking my frustration out on Melle, but I just couldn’t help it. Stupid Brian!

“Ok, well maybe I didn’t think about that,” Melle rubbed the back of her neck, “What if you tell him while he’s asleep?” That actually sounded like a pretty good idea.