Pieces of Truth

After Billie dropped me off at my apartment, Kelsey was all over me.

"Was that Billie I saw down outside of the building?" she asked.

"Yeah, why?" I asked back.

"Well, I thought you guys were weird with each other."

"He came and met me after my Lit class.. Then we went to his house and just talked."

"Are you guys back together?" Kelsey pried and I rolled my eyes.

"No. I think we have a mutual understandings that we need to be friends first and it's all we're doing right now."

"Yeah, right. You want him!"

"Kels! It's not like that. Sure, I would love to go back to the way things were with him, but we can't. You don't know Billie Joe and you really don't know me."

"What do you mean? I'm your best friend!"

"I was never myself after I left Billie Joe. I lost who I was an I became someone I knew I wasn't. Did you know something like this happened with us before, just not tho this level?"

Kelsey shook her head.

"We were best friends when we were little kids. Then his dad and my mom died and we fell apart. We pretty much loathed one another."

"Ell- Grace, why didn't you just tell me these things?"

"I didn't want to drudge up old memories and stuff. Not to mention that you didn't believe me when I told you about them in the first place.

Kelsey looked away, almost ashamed.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled.

"Whatever. It's not like you ever asked about my life before you met me anyways, so it doesn't matter."

"Are you saying I'm self centered?"

"Yeah, I am," I nodded, "I've sat back and been the quiet, passive friend. You've been loud and crazy and overbearing.. A lot like Tre. But you know what? He's a much better friend than you are." I got up and walked to my room, closing the door behind me.

Flopping onto my bed, I felt the sudden urge to call Billie and just talk to him.. Something I hadn't felt in a very long time.

I picked up the phone off of my night stand and dialed Tre's number. It was 1 a.m., but he'd be up anyways. After getting Billie's number from him, I said my goodbye and we both hung up so I could punch in the new number and call Billie.

"Hello?" a groggy voice asked.

"Billie Joe?"

"Grace?" he sounded wide awake now.

"Yeah. Sorry I'm calling so late," I apologized.

"It's no problem. What's up?"

"I dunno. Kelsey and I had a fight and I just.. I wanted to talk to you."

"Not Tre or Mike?"

"No, you," I clarified.

"Do you want to meet somewhere or something?" he asked and I shook my head.

"No. I just want to lay in bed and talk to you on the phone, like we used to."

"Alright, I can do that. Now tell me about what's bothering you."

I settled into bed, now in my pajamas, and began to speak.

"I think I try to ruin everything good that happens to me.."

"What?"

"Seriously. I ended it with you, I just fought with Kelsey and I haven't seen your mom since I disappeared from you. I got opportunities to go to great colleges in beautiful places, but I decided to go to UC Berkeley. I've been offered good jobs but I still work at Amoeba. What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing, Gray. You just don't want any of that. You like things to be simple. Now, about me, my mom and Kelsey. It seems like you want to put yourself in pain because of what you put me through, y'know? Like you're making up for it by punishing yourself."

"What should I do?" I asked curiously.

"Tell Kelsey you're sorry for whatever you did.. Go see my mom. I know she misses you. Be my best friend again. Be Gray, the girl who got me through everything by being rational when I couldn't be."

"I've already proved I'm very irrational at times though."

"It was just a phase.. You've grown out of it," Billie laughed, making me smile.

"You always know what to say," I mused.

"Oh, I wish. If I always did, well, you know."

"Yeah, I know," I nodded.

We would still have been together, no doubt about it.

"Hey, can you hold on for a second?" I asked and Billie said sure.

I set the phone down, went into the small kitchen and into the fridge. I grabbed a bottle of Corona out, then went back to my room and closed the door. Kelsey was 22, despite my being a mere 20, and always had alcohol around, but I never drank it.

I picked the phone back up, greeting Billie as I got the top off of my beer.

"What'd you get?" he asked.

"A Corona," I answered simply.

"At two in the morning?"

"Yeah, so? I don't have to work or class tomorrow, so who cares? Plus, I really need a beer. I haven't had one in forever." I titled the bottle up, letting the cold liquid slide down my throat.

"Grace, are you planning to get drunk on the phone with me?"

"No! If I wanted to get drunk with you, I'd invite you over. Plus, I hardly ever get super wasted. Okay, there was once. But that was different."

"Don't lie, we've been plastered together before."

"But only a few times.. Hey. Do you maybe want to hang out some time?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Yeah. How about well, today? I was gonna work on the basement."

"That sounds cool. What time?"

"One sound ok?"

I agreed to the plans and so Billie and I talked and talked as I slowly nursed my beer.

"Grace?"

"Hmm?" I mumbled, setting the empty bottle on the floor next to my bed.

"You're sleepy."

"Nuh uh!" I managed to say before yawning.

"Go to bed. I'll come pick up up at one."

"Alright. Night, Billie Joe."

"Goodnight, Grace."

I hung up, rolled over and quickly fell asleep.

I was up and ready to go by 12:45. Kelsey had already gone to work, so I avoided an awkward morning with her.

Feeling like I had needed some form of change, I spent the majority of my morning dying my hair an extremely dark brown, which looked almost black to me and made me feel like I had done it wrong. I was wearing a pair of jean shorts and a plain, green v-neck shirt with my ancient black Chuck Taylors.

After I dried my now darker, longer hair, I plopped onto the couch and turned on the TV. Every couple of minutes, I checked the clock.. Then I noticed it was two o'clock. I groaned; Billie was late and I was getting hungry.

Deciding to wait another half hour, Billie didn't show, so I shut off the TV. I grabbed my purse and sunglasses, leaving the apartment.

I took the BART to San Francisco and found a small deli and cafe for lunch. Once I was done with lunch I went to the familiar music store where I had bought the guitar for Billie. I picked up some extra strings and picks for my guitar, then I went home around 4:30.

When I walked in, I noticed that the red light of the answering machine was blinking, so I played the message.

"Grace, I'm so sorry I didn't pick you up! I forgot that Mike, Tre and I had a meeting with our producer and manager.. If you call me back, we can still do something tonight. Bye."

I didn't call Billie back that night.

A week had gone by and Billie had made plans with me twice more, but he didn't show for those either.
He was always busy doing stuff related to the band, but I felt like he was doing it on purpose.

"Hey Grace! I'm still really sorry we haven't been able to do anything this week. But I totally emptied my weekend and I made sure nothing would come up. Wanna hang?"

"Whatever, Billie Joe."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked and I sighed.

"It means that I don't feel like being let down again."

I quickly hung up, then went to talk to Kelsey. I had apologized to her for being a jerk and we were getting along again. She suggested to me that we go to Rod's for dinner and I had to agree because it was her new favourite place to eat.