I'm Not Okay. I Promise.

I should have been tired. Really, I've been awake five days straight as it was. Yet, even though I was about ready to drop where I stood, I made sure that I looked alert and cheerful. After all, I couldn't let him know that I felt like shit.

Heaven forbid if he ever found out that he was the reason that I couldn't sleep properly.

My shoulders were sore from all the heavy lifting of sound equiptment, my back feeling like it would snap in half as I tried to haul the 80 pound speaker straight up into the air and sit it onto the podium post that it was made for. My knees buckled slightly, casing me to stumble backwards.

The speaker fell to the stage with an audible crash that reverberated throughout the arena. My back hit something very unstable, making me crash to the floor a few seconds after the speaker. Another smaller crash sounded right next to me.

I was petrified to look next to myself. Too afraid of what Imight knew I would see broken next to my hip.

I quickly looked down, a deep breath of relief at the broken guitar next to me.

Thank god it was only a backup guitar. If that was Pansy, he would have never forgiven me.

I quickly picked up the smashed guitar and tossed it into the nearest trash bin before picking up the speaker again. The slight adrenaline rush at almost breaking something important was enough of a boost to wake myself up a bit more.

Once the speaker was in place and the stage looked absolutely perfect, I finally let myself go back into the break room that was set up for us. Us, being all the roadies and techies on tour with My Chem... Heaven forbid if we actually got to hang out with the band most of the time. Wouldn't want that, now would we?

I scoffed as I sat down on a decrepit couch and laid back, my head resting on a half stuffed couch arm. My eyes slowly drooped closed as my mind finally began to wander.

I refuse to stand backstage like some lovesick puppy, I scolded myself. If he wants to ignore me all the time, then I'll give up on him.

And that's exactly what I did. I stayed in the lounge, trying to sleep and never accomplishing it. His face kept going through my fragile mind, his voice echoing into the room throughout the speakers. Even the sound of the guitar chords made my mind spin out of control as he sung backup for Gerard.

My eyes fluttered open for a brief second before I closed them again, my body relaxing into the lumpy couch as his voice overtook everything else.

I was standing backstage like every other time. Every single concert, this is where I stood. Right behind the side stage curtain where he always stood.

Well, when he wasn't bouncing around the stage and feeling Gerard up in front of millions of teenie boppers. His face was alight with enthusiasm as he bounced around in place, dipping his infamous guitar Pansy all around before lifting it high into the air and playing.

His eyes seemingly green, yet I knew without a doubt that they were a hazel brown, shining with joy at being on stage, doing exactly what he loved to do. Play guitar and rock out in front of millions.

And all through the concerts, he would keep casting glanced back at me, smiling seductively before winking. Then he would shake his head to get the hair out of his eyes, stalk across the stage and begin to do his little play with Gerard for the fans.

Once the set was over, he would walk off the stage, hand me the guitar without a word, and go meet up with some random fan girl, pretend to be interested in her gushing, and completely ignore everything I did.

Use me. Play my emotions.

...Expect me to always be there.

I gasped, sitting straight up as the door to the lounge swung open, slamming against the wall with a dull thud. He stood in the doorway, eyes blazing in irritation as he crossed his arms across his chest. "Why aren't you out getting everything ready for me?" he asked sharply.

I shrugged, letting myself fall back to the cushions again. "One of the others can wait on you hand and foot today, Iero. I'm done with it."

He choked on his own words, sputtering indignantly as I closed my eyes once again.

"I don't pay you to lay around and do nothing, Ava," he finally choked out.

I shrugged into the couch, knowing without a doubt that he would see it. "You aren't the one that pays me anyways, Iero. Management does. And I did do my job. The entire stage was done by me today, right down to the banners behind the drums and the pyros in the floor. Now I'm getting some sleep."

A slow annoyed sounding growl came from his general direction. "Damn it Ava, I don't have time to stand here and argue all night. We only have 15 minutes to change between break, and I've been hunting you down the past ten of them. Get out there and do your job!"

I shook my head and kept my eyes closed. "My job ended at setting the stage and lights. Get another ass-kisser to do your running. I'm done being used by you without getting anything from it."

He growled once more before huffing loudly, turning around and slamming the door while leaving.

My heart gave a painful thud against my ribs, and yet in my heart I knew that was what I had to do. I was just about asleep again when the door creaked open.

"You awake Ava?"

I blinked open my eyes to see a very sweaty Gerard looking at me in pity.

"What?" I asked slowly. "If you even dare tell me to go wait on that pompous asshole, you can just fire me now, Gee. I'm tired of dangling my emotions on a string in front of him and letting him brush them off like I mean fucking nothing."

He gave me another smile before walking all the way into the lounge, bending over to give me a hug. I laughed, playfully smacking his back. "Get off me, Gee. Your all smelly."

He laughed, moving back a tiny bit to kiss my cheek before standing back up straight. "He's a fool, Ava," he mumbled. "And trust me, he's finally realizing it. He's out there right now moaning and groaning to anyone who will listen about how he shouldn't have to get his own things like the rest of us. By the end of the night I bet you he'll come to his senses and jump you."

I snorted, but remained silent, hoping for him to continue.

"And," he added after a few second," if he doesn't jump you, then I most definitely will." With that being said, he winked, laughed, and walked back out of the room, shutting the door softly behind himself.

I let myself relax once again, and soon the sound of them playing the second half of the concert was all I heard in my dreams.

"Frank, why the hell did you keep stringing her along?" Mikey asked softly. "Did you really expect her to wait around forever and just watch you play every other girl in the world? Just wait for you for eternity?"

"I didn't think she would just up and out on me!" Frankie shot back irritably. "How the hell was I supposed to know that she would just give up?"

Mikey sighed. "If you really want her..Truly want her for herself and not just because she hurt your feelings, then you need to tell her. Before the night is over."

"Hell no!" Frankie shouted. "I am not telling her anything of the sort."

"Then you can live without her," Mikey replied softly.

My eyes shot open, staring around at the unfamiliar surroundings. I knew I fell asleep in the lounge on the couch, and yet I was now in a very different room, laying on a bed with freshly cleaned sheets.

Where the hell was I? And what the hell was that dream about?

Normally I dreamed about shit that actually has happened, or something totally far fetched like saying the high seas in a laundry basket with college courses being taught under the water. Stupid shit that wouldn't even be plausible, let along possible.

A door to my left creaked open, a soft light sneaking into the room past a dark silhouette standing in the middle of the archway.

"Are you awake, Ava?"

I blinked at the figure tiredly, trying to focus my eyes. "Depends who the hell is asking," I mumbled in response.

A soft sigh escaped past his lips just as I realized who it was. "The most arrogant asshole alive," he replied.

I smirked. "Then nope. Not awake."

Laying back down, I pulled the covers up over my head and closed my eyes, praying that he would take the hint and go away.

Instead, I felt the bed sink down behind myself before the blanket lifted slightly. An arm snaked it's way across my side, resting on my stomach underneath my own arm.

"Please Ava," he whispered against my hair. "I just want to talk for a few minutes. Then if you still want to, I'll let you kick my ass. Okay?"

Sighing, I nodded my head and turned around in his arms. His eyes were a dull brown, staring into mine pleadingly as his arms snaked around me even more. I wound up in a cocoon of his limbs, hardly able to breath without pressing flush up against his body.

"Ave, I've been a dick and I know it," he started slowly. "I'm not going to even try and excuse it, so just get past that. But I do want to apologize for it and hopefully try to start over. Deal?"

Instead of feeling happy about him finally realizing I wasn't just a gopher to him, I was pissed. "So what, you just want me to accept the fact that you used me for three years and just expect you to change? Hope that maybe we can be friends? Fuck you, Iero. Get out!"

"But-"

"Get out!" I screamed. "Get the fuck out of here right now!"

He bit his lip before a hard mask came over his features. "It's my room, Ava. Why don't you fucking leave?"

I held back a strangled scream as I pushed the blankets away from my body and crawled out of the bed, storming across the room and slamming the door shut. Four sets of eyes immediately turned to look at me sympathetically as I stalked forward on the bus.

"Unlock the bus door," I growled. "I want to get off."

Ray frowned while shaking his head slowly. "We can't stop the bus, Ava. Not till we get to our next venue. The tech bus is still at the last one till tomorrow."

Before I was able to reply, a pair of arms wrapped around my waist tightly, dragging me backwards. I struggled, trying with all my effort to kick backwards.

He avoided my feet easily as he pulled me back into the room, slamming the door shut with his foot as he spun the both of us around.

"What the fuck do you think your doing?" I spat out. "Let me out of here!"

Frank gave me an annoyed growl, using all his weight to push me back against the locked door and trapping my body with his. "Will you shut up for two fucking minutes and let me talk?"

I pushed on his shoulders as hard as I could, but he hardly budged. "Iero, get the fuck away from me right n-"

His lips came crashing down on mine in a bruising kiss, his tongue immediately ravaging mine as I gasped in shock. My mind seemed to come to a screeching halt as his hands traveled down my sides, then back up underneath my shirt to grab my breasts.

I moaned into the kiss as he pushed his hips into mine, pinching my nipples through my bra as he broke the kiss to trail his mouth down the column of my throat.

"Will you listen to me now?" he asked against the bottom of my throat.

I gasped as he pushed his hips into mine again and bit down on my shoulder just hard enough for me to feel a bit of pain.

"Nope," I gasped out. "I need more convincing."

Frank grinned against my shoulder before lifting my shirt straight up over my head, tossing it onto the floor behind himself. He quickly undid the clasp on my bra before tossing it with my shirt, his mouth roaming down to follow the trail of his hands.

A moan left my lips as he sucked on my breast, his hands fumbling with the buckle of my belt.

"No fair," I whispered as he pulled back to rip my jeans down my legs. The sneaky little fucker managed to pull my underwear off with them. I was completely oblivious as to where my shoes and socks were. I knew that I woke up without them, so at the moment, I didn't care.

"Your still dressed," I whimpered out again after a few seconds.

He smirked, walking backwards slowly as his eyes roamed over my body. "Then why don't you do something about it," he replied, a growl prominent in his voice.

I stalked forward, pushing his shoulders roughly until he fell backwards onto the bed behind him. Biting my lip in a sudden feeling of shyness, I folded an arm across my chest trying to hide myself.

He sat straight up, all looks of lust gone from his face. His hands wrapped around my wrists, pulling them down to my sides before his fingers traveled up my arms to my elbows. He pulled me onto the bed slowly while leaning back himself until I had no other option but to straddle his hips.

I bit my lip again nervously as he took my wrists again, moving my hands down to his stomach and the bottom of his shirt.

"It's all up to you now," he whispered huskily.

My mind was screaming at me to run away. That he would just use me tonight and break my heart once sunlight hit. But my hands had ideas of their own. Slowly, I ran my hands up underneath his shirt, pulling it slowly over his head and back down his arms before throwing it in the general direction of my discarded clothes.

My eyes roamed down his chest to his stomach, littered with tattoos. Slowly, I made my fingers trail across every single one, grinning in satisfaction as he bit back a moan, his body slightly shaking underneath mine.

"Ava, please," he choked out. "Don't tease me."

I looked up quickly, staring at him in disdain. "You've teased me for three fucking years, Iero. I can tease you tonight and you'll fucking like it," I snapped. "Unless you want me to leave right now."

He bit his lip, closing his eyes tightly. "Do whatever," he responded slowly. "Anything you want."

I smirked, making quick on taking his belt off and pulling his jeans down his legs just like he did to me. Boxers and all.

While I did that, I trailed my mouth down his chest to his stomach, licking his tattoos slowly as his hips arched upwards underneath me.

My mouth wandered lower and lower until I was hardly an inch away from what he really wanted. But instead of just doing it, I started to move back up his body, ignoring everywhere that he would want me to touch.

"Your not being fair," he groaned, opening his eyes to stare at me in mock anger.

I grinned, sitting up straight while still straddling his body. "Why don't you do something about it then?" I asked coyly.

I only managed to see him smirk before he flipped me over, pinning my wrists to the bed and attacking my lips with his. He dug into the lower part of my stomach making me cry out into the kiss, need racking my body with every slight movement he made.

He reached over my body to the little table next to the bed, grabbing something that I couldn't see before quickly placing his lips back to mine. Something extremely cold his my breasts as he rubbed them, quickly trailing his hand lower and lower while pinning both of mine with one of his.

His mouth broke from mine, trailing down my neck once again until he reached my chest. Every lick was like fire as he sucked and nibbled at my now too sensitive flesh.

"Frank, what the hell did you put on m-"

My words got cut off as one single finger plunged into me, my hips arching into his cold hand. Another finger joined the first, then another right after. My lips parted on a silent scream as he kept thrusting three wet, cold fingers in and out of me at a quick pace, his mouth going back and forth between both of my breasts.

"Moan for me," he growled, moving his mouth back up to my neck. "Moan for me or I leave you right here like this."

He quickly added yet another finger to the other three, making the loudest moan come out of my throat. My breathing got faster and faster as he worked my body with his mouth and one hand..And something that was extremely cold.

And yet, even though it was ice cold, it actually made me feel everything more. Every small kiss, every small touch seemed to make my body light on fire as I writhed on the bed.

His hand left my core right before I would have orgasmed, causing a disappointed whimper to leave my throat. He smirked against my neck before shifting his body slightly, his hard length plunging into me without warning.

"Frank, fuck!" I shouted, my entire lower body arching up into his powerful thrusts. He kept the same pace as he previously did with his hand. Fast, hard, and as deep as he could possibly go.

"Ava,your so fucking tight," he groaned, shifting slightly before plunging back into me.

I groaned as he hit that certain spot deep inside of me, going over it again and again with each thrust. My breath hitched in my throat as the first orgasm tore through me, bright lights exploding behind my eyes while he kept thrusting.

It took a few more seconds until I was calmed down enough to keep pushing my hips into his, my breathing hardly steady a few heartbeats before it began to quicken again.

"Frank, slow down," I begged. "It's too much so soon."

he shook his head into my neck, trailing kisses up along my neck and shoulder before quickly kissing my lips. "One more time," he whispered back seductively. "Just one more time before we both go together."

I bit my lip as the second orgasm tore through me, my body clenching around his length. He groaned, my name spilling from his lips as he came inside of me, triggering my third and final orgasm.

We laid there in silence for what seemed like an hour after he pulled out of me and laid on his side, his arms wrapped around my body tightly.

"Ava," he finally spoke softly after long minutes. "Are we okay now? With everything?"

All of my good mood quickly disappeared as his words clicked into place. My body went ridged as I closed my eyes tightly against the tears threatening to come forth.

"Yeah," I choked out. "I guess I go back to being your lacky again, Iero. And you go back to not seeing me at all."

He sucked in a deep breath before quickly pushing himself up on his hands, leaning over my body to stare straight into my eyes. "Damn it Ava, I didn't fuck you just so you would keep waiting on me!"

I bit my lip, keeping my eyes closed as I turned my face away from him. "Yes you did," I whispered. "It's okay though. I knew that before you even kissed me."

Frank let out a strangled scream before letting all his weight rest on top of my, his mouth once again covering mine. Ten second and he pulled back, staring right through me it seemed. "I will keep fucking you all damn night and day until you get it through your head. Ava, I fucking love you!" he choked out, bringing his lips to mine once again.

And for some stupid reason, as we laid there kissing all night.... I finally believed him.

A small sigh escaped his lips as the sun began to rise through the bus window, his body falling to the side behind me. Wrapping his arms around me, he kissed the back of my neck softly before pulling the covers up over our bodies.

"Now do you believe me?" he asked quietly.

"I guess," I responded softly.

His arms got even tighter around me as he moved closer, his chest pressing up tightly to my back as he bent his legs to fit behind mine. "Ava, please believe me. I want you, okay? Honest. You don't ever have to do anything for me ever again and I'll still want you. Please believe me."

I shrugged, curling my body further into the blanket. "I guess, Iero. Believe it when I see it. Now go to sleep. I'm too tired to argue."

His breath tickled the hairs along my neck as he got the very closest he could to my body. "Baby, please. What's wrong? What can I do to prove I'm telling the truth? Anything."

"Let me finally sleep," I whispered. "I haven't slept for five days straight until today, and you keep waking me up."

He sighed, moving away from me a slight bit, but still exceedingly close. "Are you sure that's it? Your okay? Seriously?"

I grinned into my pillow before taking a deep breath. "I'm not okay, Iero. I promise."

He leaned over me and frowned before recognition flickered in his eyes. "Did you just quote a song?"

I leaned up and placed a quick small kiss to his lips before laying back down and closing my eyes. "Good night Frank."