‹ Prequel: Watermelon Smiles
Famous Friends
September 10th 2009
Wow, today was certainly different. I...well...how do I say this...It's strange, because, my thearpist adivsed me not to write about him, but to write about the fun I'm having in my off time, right. And, she's said that I'm coping very well for what I'm going through right now...and, I think...all of that...has crashed and burned.
Ry called. I didn't answer. He left no message.
Thing is though, maybe it hasn't crashed and burned...yet? Because, the reason I didn't answer, was, well, I didn't want to talk to him, I didn't need to. And, that's scares me. Long before Ryro even knew, he was my addiction, it fell and falter and flat-lined a bit since we left the Fever days (he wears normal, instead of tight, fitting clothes and ditched all the make-up), but it was most certantly still there. It wasn't so lustful then, it was needing. And, with this call, with that need gone, I can't help but wonder if I don't love him anymore, if he isn't my addiction. HAve I moved on? I don't want to. But, I shouldn't be writing this...my therpist will kill me.
Think happy, think happy. Deep breaths and happy thoughts, I can't have Spence find me crying, again I was doing so good, he noticed, I know it. I can't let him--or anyone else (including myself)--down. It just wouldn't be right.
Happy thoughts, happy thoughs.
Ice-cream, Bogart, sunshine, not-Ryan, surfing, friends, performing, not-Ryan, family, brownies, peanut-butter, jelly-beans, kittens, not-Ryan.
Ry called. I didn't answer. He left no message.
Thing is though, maybe it hasn't crashed and burned...yet? Because, the reason I didn't answer, was, well, I didn't want to talk to him, I didn't need to. And, that's scares me. Long before Ryro even knew, he was my addiction, it fell and falter and flat-lined a bit since we left the Fever days (he wears normal, instead of tight, fitting clothes and ditched all the make-up), but it was most certantly still there. It wasn't so lustful then, it was needing. And, with this call, with that need gone, I can't help but wonder if I don't love him anymore, if he isn't my addiction. HAve I moved on? I don't want to. But, I shouldn't be writing this...my therpist will kill me.
Think happy, think happy. Deep breaths and happy thoughts, I can't have Spence find me crying, again I was doing so good, he noticed, I know it. I can't let him--or anyone else (including myself)--down. It just wouldn't be right.
Happy thoughts, happy thoughs.
Ice-cream, Bogart, sunshine, not-Ryan, surfing, friends, performing, not-Ryan, family, brownies, peanut-butter, jelly-beans, kittens, not-Ryan.
♠ ♠ ♠
So, I didn't spell check this one, anything that's there, is a typing error, I did however, make sure I spelled everything right out on paper. So, let's see how this works.-smiles and hugs-
-Smith