I Didn't Mean to Kill You

"Greg..." His voice was fading. His hand, covered in his own blood, reached toward me. "Greg..." His voice was a whisper, light as a feather. I started to shake.

"Nick, I'm sorry," My voice was hoarse as tears chocked me. "I didn't mean to stab you, I didn't!" I was panicking. I had killed my co-worker, my friend, my lover. "Nicky, I'm so sorry." I reached out and stroked back his hair.

“Greg, get away. They're coming," He said with his last gasping breath. I turned and ran out of his home. I left through the back door, the knife falling from my hands as I ran. The earth crunched beneath my feet as I raced off away from the stench of death.

-------------

I'm not sure how long I ran, or how far. I knew I was somewhere in the desert outside of Las Vegas. I could see part of the city from where I was, but I ignored it. I had to get farther away. Leave the state completely. I knew they were following me. That was their job; they were supposed to catch those who kill others. And I had been one of them. One of the few who solved crimes like this. Would they suspect me? Did they already know that I had done it? How long would it take for them to find me? I went on, moving farther and farther away from the city. I closed my eyes and stopped for a minute to rest. It was then that I heard the footsteps behind me.

“Greg,” Someone called out to me. Thoroughly afraid, I ran away. “Greg!” The person ran after me. I was exhausted, I needed to rest, but I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t be caught. “Greg, stop!” There was a hand on my arm, restraining me. I was crying as I hung limp in Grissom’s grasp. Hot tears streaked down my cheeks. “Greg, it’s all right.”

“No! It’s not all right! I killed him!” I screamed. I fought against him, but I was so weak. I felt a blazing heat, then cold surged through me and everything went black.

------------

I woke up in a hospital bed. I felt weak and tired, so I closed my eyes. I wanted nothing more than to fall asleep and never wake up. Maybe then I’d be able to get away from these thoughts that haunted me. The door opened and someone walked in. I opened my eyes to see Grissom sitting next to me.

“Hey,” He said. I started shaking.

“I killed him,” I whispered brokenly. I felt tears falling down my cheeks. Grissom stood and wrapped his arms around me.

“I know, Greg. I knew the minute I saw him with the knife wound in his stomach. He cheated on you,” He said.

“I didn’t mean to kill him! I just wanted to hurt him like he hurt me!” I wailed. Grissom shushed me and held me against him. His hand rubbed my back. I thought back to the conversation that had led to me accidentally killing my friend, my coworker, my lover.

I sat in the living room of the house we shared. I had overheard Warrick earlier that evening about him and Nick. I had a feeling they’d been seeing each other. It hurt me. I was on the couch, curled up in a ball. The front door opened and in walked Nick. He smiled at me as he saw me, but it faded when he saw my face.

“Hey Greg,” He said casually as he always did. He walked into the kitchen. I followed him.

“Nick, have you been seeing Warrick?” I asked. He stopped and turned around to look at me. Tears pooled in my eyes.

“I have,” He said slowly. “How did you know?” A tear slid down my cheek.

“I overheard Warrick before our shift started,” I said, my voice shaking. He sighed.

“I’m sorry you had to find out that way,” He said.

“How long have you been seeing each other?”

“Almost two months.” My heart lurched.

“Why?” I could hear the tears in my voice.

“I don’t love you anymore, Greg. I think it’s time for us to move on.” His words cut me. I felt so hurt, so betrayed. I looked around the kitchen for a knife and spotted one on the counter. I picked it up and moved toward him.

“Nick,” I said. He turned and I stabbed him. He gasped and looked up at me as he fell to his knees.

“Greg, why?” He whispered.

“Because I want you to hurt like I do.”

“Oh my God, I killed him.” My voice sounded strangled. Grissom tightened his grip on me. Fresh tears fell down my cheeks. “I killed him because I loved him so much, it hurt to hear he didn’t love me anymore. I’m so pathetic.”

“No Greg, you’re not.”

“I am, Grissom. I really am. I couldn’t just accept the fact that he loved someone else. I couldn’t just let him go. I had to try and hurt him. I ended up killing the man I loved.” I cried myself to sleep in his arms.

------------

I lost count of how long it’s been. I was so depressed, time didn’t matter to me. I sat in a jail cell, mulling over everything that had happened. I felt disgusted. I just wanted to die. I had it figured out. My escape was clear. I had sheets on my bed. I would do it tonight. I was so sick of waiting. After most of the guards had left for the night, I tied my sheets together and made a noose. I hung the sheets from the ceiling and stood on the bed to get my neck in the noose. As soon as I felt I was ready, I leapt off the bed. The sheet instantly closed around my neck. It wasn’t hard enough to break it. As I hung there, the breath slowly being crushed from my lungs, my last thoughts were I love you, Nick. I’m so sorry.