When It All Fell Apart

Colton shifted slightly in my arms so that his back was pressed against my chest. His breathing was slow and shallow, and his eyes were dropping closed. I smiled and nuzzled my face into the crook of his neck, pecking the skin there lightly with my lips. It seemed as though that fun we had a little earlier really wore him out. A grin broke out on my face just thinking about it. That was officially the farthest we had gotten so far. I was completely fine with that. This whole relationship was in no rush. It was agreed by both of us that we would do as best as we could to make this work. Somehow.

To ensure that my thoughts didn't take a turn for the worst and I didn't start dwelling on all of the negative things involving us, I decided to just be as content as possible while watching Colton's face as he slept. His expression was serene, his muscles relaxed. His inky black hair framed his face in the cutest way. Even in unconsciousness, he wore a slight smile on his face. It made me smile too.

Just as I was getting lost in my thoughts, I noticed that the door knob was turning. Without a second thought, I unwrapped my arms from Colton's still form and jumped out of his bed, diving for my own in the process. When the door had finally opened to reveal our mom, I was breathing a little too hard and Colton was just stirring from his sleep. Mom stepped inside and eyed us both suspiciously.

She gave me this look that clearly said she knew something. Maybe... no, it couldn't be that she knows about... us, right?. I could tell Colton was having similar thoughts by the slightly horrified yet inquisitive expression his features held. "Hey Mom." I squeaked lamely, breaking the intense silence that had settled over the room.

"Cameron," She dead-panned. "Dinner's in the fridge, I'm going out." I nodded quickly and waited until she had closed the door and her footsteps had retreated farther down the hall before I turned to talk to Colton.

"Do you think that she's going out to drink again?" I asked him, chewing anxiously at my nails. He shrugged nonchalantly, as if he really didn't care. And maybe he didn't.

"That's her problem." Colton said bitterly, clearly remembering the emotional neglection we'd both been receiving from her since the untimely death of our sister. I nodded in partial agreement, although the grudge I held against our mother was not as great as Colton's. I sighed exasperatedly as I picked myself up and shuffled back over to Colton's bed. I settled myself on the edge of it as I absentmindedly twisted a lock of his hair gently around my index finger. Colton leaned into my touch. He tipped his head backwards so that he was facing me, up side-down, and attempted to kiss me. Fortunately, he didn't miss, but it was still sloppy and awkward.

I giggled in amusement as he pulled away from me. He offered me a toothy grin. "Your giggle is so cute." He said quietly, staring at me in what could only be identified as adoration.

"No!" I protested, crossing my arms over my chest defiantly and sitting up. "It's not even close compared to yours." He wrinkled up his nose in distaste.

"Cam, we're acting like those pathetic, cheesy couples on soap operas. Shut up and accept that you're mine, so I'm free to call your giggle whatever the hell I please." Colton declared, his sour side kicking in. I hadn't seen the other half of Colton's personality in months. It was like that stubborn, tough part of him disappeared when we got together.

In response to Colton, I merely scoffed. "So what? We're aloud to be 'pathetic and cheesy' once in a while. That's how most couples are!" I whined, even adding in a childish pout for extra effect. Colton rolled his eyes.

"No." he stated flatly. I glared at him and turned away so that I wasn't facing him. After a few moments, I heard an exaggerated sigh that indicated that he had given in. I felt his arms snake around my torso slowly. He wrapped his legs around my waist and pulled me closer to him.

"Will this make up for it?" He breathed. For a second I was confused, until I felt his lips latch onto my neck. At first it was a simple kiss to the hollow of my throat, then it turned into a gentle lick, and then a slightly harsher bite. My back involuntarily arched into his chest as his teeth grazed my fragile skin. I moaned softly into his raven hair as he marked my neck with his skilled mouth.

"Mhmm... I love you." I whispered, when his biting had calmed down to just soft kisses again. Colton lifted up his head to look me straight in the eyes. He lowered his forehead onto mine and touched his lips to my own before saying,

"I love you too." Even though he had said it before, those three words still made my heart soar with an unknown feeling of what I assumed could only be joy. The fact that he felt that way about me... it was mind-blowing- extraordinary even. I didn't know if I particularly deserved him, but I wasn't about to give him up either.

We stayed still, gazing up at each other for while, before I closed the short gap between us and pressed my lips to his once more. I literally couldn't get enough of him. And when we broke apart for a breath of air, I suggested, "We should probably go eat dinner."

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Dinner was quiet for the most part. Quite uneventful. Colton and I quickly polished off our TV dinner meals and once we were done, we were left with nothing at all to do. Just as I was brainstorming a couple of ideas on how to pass the time, I heard the front door being swung open. I looked to Colton in mild alarm. Was Mom really home this early?

Cautiously I stood and strode over to the living room where I saw Mom walk in... followed by a man. With a raised eyebrow I said, "You're home early." Mom scoffed as the guy stood in the doorway's threshold awkwardly.

"Who's that?" Colton asked flatly, walking up from behind me. The man eyed us both briefly, looking confused for a moment before he realized that we were twins. He gave both of us a smile and a half-wave. Neither of us returned either of the gestures. The man looked defeated as our mom said,

"This is Kris, I'm seeing him." While I nodded politely, Colton rolled his eyes and turned on the heel of his foot. As he passed me, he muttered a quiet, "Kris is probably her new fuck buddy or maybe even a drug dealer."

I bit my lip, pondering that thought for a while. It was possible, but on the other hand, he could be a perfectly nice guy. I'm a little bit apprehensive about this 'Kris' who's supposedly my mom's new boyfriend, but I guess you could say I'm willing to give him a chance. After all, Mom hasn't dated anyone since Dad died. With a sharp intake of breath I muttered, "I'm going to head upstairs now. It was nice meeting you, Kris."

He smiled again, this time in relief. "Same to you..." He trailed off, looking to me to continue his sentence.

"My name's Cameron," I said, and then added on, "And my brother is Colton." He nodded and waved again as I turned and nearly made a run for the stairs. Once I was safely inmy our bedroom, I sighed heavily and slammed the door, leaning my entire body weight against it. Colton peered over at me from his place on my bed. I cocked my head in confusion, about to ask why he was on my bed instead of his, when he answered my unspoken question.

"This bed smells like you." He said simply, breathing in deeply as if to emphasize his point.

"Freak." I told him playfully. Colton chuckled slightly and beckoned me over to him. I made my way over to my bed and sat down on it, folding my legs beneath me.

"What do you think about Kris?" He asked me suddenly. I sighed and shrugged, trying to brush off the subject. Colton stared at me, waiting for an answer. I eventually caved.

"He's alright. He doesn't honestly seem like too bad of a guy, but I guess only time will tell. I think Mom deserves to finally move on though. Maybe she will stop being so bitter towards us." I said, a hint of hopefulness lingering in my voice. Colton just looked at me skeptically.

"I wouldn't count on it." He mumbled, bringing his knees up to his chest and covering his head with his arms. We sat there in silence for a long while until I noticed that Colton had begun to shake slightly. Concerned, I leaned forward and attempted to hug him and ask him what was wrong. He slapped my hand away as I went to touch him.

Becoming perplexed and even more worried, I scooted farther away from him, giving him more space. It was a few more minutes that I merely sat there, and the only sound filling the room was the erratic beating of my heart. "Cole...?" I said weakly, afraid of his reaction.

There was no response.

"Is everything alright?"

Nothing.

"No..." I finally heard a low murmur. My head snapped back over to Colton's direction and I watched him closely, waiting for him to say something more.

"I'm so afraid." He whispered, his voice choked with tears that hadn't yet begun to flow. I quickly wrapped my arms around his hunched frame, not allowing him to be set loose as he squirmed around uncooperatively.

"What's bothering you, Colton? What are you afraid of?" I questioned him.

"Mom. She's going to end up just like Dad. That's why I hate her so much. I see Dad's old personality in her. Every time she goes out, it makes me think about all of those times he would disappear for days, leaving Mom to fend for herself with three children to take care of. Do you remember that? The way he used to neglect us? The way he just fucking left us? Selfish bastard deserved to die..." He muttered angrily, venom seeping into his tone. His eyes were narrow slits as he glared at nothing in particular.

"Don't say that." I told Colton forcefully, grabbing a firm hold of his shoulders.

"He made some big mistakes, I'll admit. He screwed up. But he was still our dad, and he didn't deserve to die. He must've been suicidal, because the fact that he drunk himself into oblivion everyday and smoked nearly three packs in an hour was bound to kill him eventually. But he's gone now, and there's no sense in mulling over it. Mom won't take the same path as he did, I'm sure of it. She's better than that. She's just going through a hard time right now. We all are."

Colton stared at me in shock, my words slowly sinking into his mind. "This is why I love you. You always know what to say and how to say it. Why can't I be like that?" He mumbled, wrapping his arms tightly around my neck. I pulled him into my lap and cradled him like a child.

"You don't need to be. You're fine just being you." I said softly. Colton smiled against the sensitive skin on my neck and leaned into me further. He wrapped his legs around my waist and let his head drop onto my shoulder. I placed a gentle kiss atop his messy black hair.

"What happened to the old Colton?" I asked him abruptly, curiosity suddenly striking me. His eyes immediately darkened at the mention of how he used to be.

"Why, did you like him better?" He asked sarcastically. I shook my head quickly. It wasn't that I particularly liked his old personality, I had just been so used to it that it was a little shocking when Colton began to act nicely or even remotely civilized towards me.

"No," I assured him. “I love you the way you are now. I never brought it up before, but you changed a lot after we started this whole... relationship. I'm not sure if I had anything to do with it, but either way I'm glad you warmed up to me."

Colton lifted his head to meet my gaze as he traced the outline of my lips gingerly with his thumb. After staring at me for quite some time, he grabbed my chin and pulled my face closer to his. His warm breath wafted over my lips as he said,

"I'm not proud of how I used to act. I didn't care about you or anyone else for that matter. But... it's so much different now. When you first kissed me... I actually felt something. Something completely real. That's why I was so angry when I saw you with that girl, Rachel, or whatever her name was. It wasn't because you were 'cheating' on me; it was because I felt like you didn't want me anymore. I used to think that- that no one wanted me. And it hurt so much, Cam. You have no idea. I'm still jealous of you, even now. Everyone always likes you better. It doesn't seem fair, but then I remember how much better you are then me." Colton explained.

The scary thing was that he sounded completely serious. Utterly bewildered, I blurted, "That's ridiculous! I've always loved you, Colton. I've always wanted you. You're my twin, you're... my everything. How can you say that? How could you have thought that I didn't care?"

Colton averted his eyes to his hands which were fiddling nervously in his lap. "I don't know. I felt so pathetic, and I considered doing terrible things. It got really bad..." He trailed off, looking as if he had just said something he hadn't meant to spill.

"How bad?"

He paused for a moment, and then said quietly, "There was a point when... I c-considered s-suicide." My eyes were enlarged and watery and my breath came in quick intervals. I suppressed a gasp for his sake. Instead of freaking out on him, I crushed his slender framed into my chest. I couldn't believe this. Not now. It was all too much at once. This was like a nightmare; one that I would probably never wake up from.

It took a moment for me to register the fact that Colton was crying silently into my chest by now. "Oh my god, Colton, please tell me you would never do that. I wouldn't be able to live without you." I was pleading desperately now, muttering apologies for useless things I hardly even remembered and spitting out words that didn't even form a coherent sentence. I gripped him tighter, terrified that he would slip away if I didn't hold onto him.

Colton sniffled a few times before looking at me with bloodshot eyes and flushed skin. I was positive I was a mirror image of his appearance at the moment. "No, I would never consider... killing myself... now that I have you. Cameron, this is going to sound pathetic, but you are my only reason for living."

I just... lost it. I couldn't even speak. The only way I could express my emotions was in the form of tears. It was the same way for Colton. And so we both fell asleep like that that night- holding each other with tear-stained cheeks.