Your Tears Don't Fall, They Crash Around Me

“Elena can you come in here please?” I heard my husband of two years ask.

“Sure.” I called from the kitchen.

I slipped my apron off and hung it up. I walked into the living room and saw Chad Barnes sitting on the couch. There were papers lying on the coffee table in front of him. Chad was everything I could possibly ask for. He was quite handsome, twenty five years old and perfect in every way. I love him with all my heart. He’s so good to me. I think I’m also pretty good to him also. I don’t know what he ever saw in me. I’m just a short 5’4, twenty four years old and dull in every way.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Sit down.” He said.

I furrowed my eyebrows and sat next to him.

“What’s wrong?” I asked and placed a hand on his shoulder.

He looked like he was contemplating on something.

“Chad what’s…”

“I’m leaving you.” He blurted out, cutting me off.

My breathing stopped.

“What?” I choked out.

“I’m leaving you. These are divorce papers.” He said and motioned to the papers on the table.

Tears immediately came to my eyes.

“Why are you doing this?” I asked.

“I don’t feel the same way about you anymore.” He said, not looking at me.

I grabbed his chin and turned his face towards me.

“We can make this work.” I said.

“No we can’t Elena. We can’t. What part of I’m leaving you do you not get?” He yelled and stood up.

Tears started going down my cheeks. I stood up too.

“Why Chad? Why? Is it me?” I asked.

He refused to look at me.

“Yes its you. Its all you. I can’t take you anymore. I need somebody else. I don’t love you anymore” He said.

I let out a sob. I walked over to him and placed a hand on his cheek. He looked at me.

“I’ll sign the papers and I’ll let you walk out of here and I won’t speak to you again…but not until you look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me.” I choked out.

He hesitated. I saw pain in his eyes.

“I don’t love you anymore Elena.” He said, looking me straight in the eyes.

I let out another sob. I calmed myself down and let out a shaky breath. I took my hand off his face.

“Okay then.” I muttered.

“Elena I…” He trailed off.

“Just go Chad. I’ll call you about the papers.” I said, not looking at him.

“Goodbye Elena.” He said.

I heard him walking, then the front door open and close. That’s when I broke down. I collapsed to my knees and cried hysterically. A few minutes later, I heard tires squeal, horns honk, a scream, a crash…and then silence. The silence scared me the most. I got off the floor and walked to the door. I opened it and walked out. It was drizzling outside. I looked down the street and gasped. Chad’s red Nissan was crushed on the driver’s side. A black Excursion was jammed into the car. I rushed down the street to Chad’s car.

“Chad.” I called.

No answer.

“Chad!” I called frantically.

I looked in through the passenger window and the sight horrified me. Chad’s head was lolled back and his temple was bleeding. He had a piece of metal poking out of his stomach and glass shards in his arm. His breathing was coming out in short pants.

“Chad.” I sobbed.

His eyes darted to me.

“I love you.” He muttered before he became totally silent.

That night, at 7:42 pm, Chad Eric Barnes died.

Seven days later, here I was standing under a tent as it poured down raining on the day of Chad’s funeral. They had me speak for him. I broke down crying. My mother and father were comforting me through it all. Now the preacher was praying for Chad’s soul. My best friend, Kelsey, came up and wrapped her arm around my waist. I rested my head on her shoulder and quietly cried. With her free arm, Kelsey wrapped her other arm around my chest and comforted me.

“I can’t believe he’s gone.” I muttered.

“He loved you.” Kelsey said.

The preacher came to a closing and Chad’s casket was slowly lowered into the earth. I cried some more as they filled the top with dirt. We left afterwards. As I was getting in my car, a man came up to me.

“Elena?” He asked.

I nodded.

“We found this in Mr. Barnes’ jacket pocket the night he died.” He said and handed me a vertically folded piece of paper.

I took it from him.

“I’m sorry for your loss.” He said and walked away.

Kelsey and I got in the car. I sat in the passenger’s seat and pulled on my seatbelt.

“Are you going to read it?” Kelsey asked.

“Not yet.” I muttered and kept the paper on my lap.

Kelsey dropped me off at the house.

“Thank you for coming.” I said.

“If you need anything call me.” She said and rested a hand on my shoulder.

I nodded and got out of the car. I walked up the steps and into the house. I shut the door and locked it. I walked upstairs and intoour my bedroom. I got changed out of my black dress and changed into a pair of sweat pants and one of Chad’s shirts. I sat on my bed and hesitantly grabbed the paper. I opened it. Chad’s neat handwriting was written on it.

My love,

If you ever find this, I am terribly sorry. I am writing this at work. Tonight, I plan to tell you of the divorce. Whatever harsh things I may say, please do not believe any of it. I only wanted you to hate me. I wanted you to forget about me and for you to move on. I never wanted to hurt you. I love you so much Elena. I bet you’re wondering why I’m doing this. You always wonder too much. That’s only one thing I adore about you though. Anyway to the point, remember that doctor’s appointment I went to a couple weeks ago? Well when I told you everything was fine, I lied. I didn’t want you to worry. The doctor told me that for a while, I’ve had brain cancer. I had a maximum of three months to live. I didn’t tell you because you would’ve worried and you would’ve done anything in your power to help me. There’s no help for me. I wouldn’t want you to be broken when you couldn’t save me. I knew how much you loved me and I loved you twice as much. Please move on and forget about me my love.

Forever yours, Chad.

More tears ran down my cheeks when I finished the letter. He lied to me about everything.

“Why did you have to leave me Chad?” I sobbed.