Breathe Me

A/N: So this one is long, and it's got tons of talking in it. It's really not my best, but I think you guys might enjoy it =]
also? Comments are appreciated, and they make me write a heck of a lot faster.
Now, on to the story!

After that encounter with Dimi, the drive home was what I might call insane. I remember it vividly. It shook me up so bad, that at one point I had to pull over on the highway, three miles from my house. My breathing was ragged, and I just had to sit there and brace myself against the wheel, ready for some imaginable impact to hit me. I don't know why the coldness of his skin got to me so bad – coldness was an understatement, though, you must understand that. But it opened up so many more holes in this picture perfect stranger. And it scared me.
I was sure I couldn't have imagined such a cold, I had never felt it before in my life. How could I make up something so painful? I wasn't that creative. But, perhaps, I WAS imagining it.. and my body just had a full-body twitch. It was a possibility. But why did he run, then?..
Of course to make matters worse, all the while I was pulled over, I felt like I was being watched. It's never good to rush yourself when you are calming yourself down, and so I turned the paranoia off for about two minutes until I regained composure. I felt remarkably better, and continued home, questions buzzing in my head.
Days passed after that, and this time I'm not being sarcastic when I say there were uneventful. They were so uneventful because Dimi had decided not to speak to me at all. Some days, I didn't even see him in school. And when I did, he didn't even look my way. I couldn't decipher this, but I decided that he'd gotten bored with me and realized how utterly useless I was to him. I was lying badly if I said I didn't think about it constantly. But I still had Freddie, and our trip to the beach had been fun.
Surprisingly, the scene that had sprawled out before me on Saturday was beautiful, and as I sat in my bedroom alone, it was a pleasant memory. I didn't think I'd have many of those in Jersey, to be completely honest. The shore WAS littered with driftwood, and there were many rocks and not much sand.. but still it was pretty to me, and I felt at ease when the salty air whipped at my hair, and the water lapped against my toes. Freddie didn't ignore me, but he knew we were both soaking up to scene, and that making small talk would really destroy it. He had mentioned to me, “Today was a perfect day to come. It hasn't been this serene out here in weeks. I'm glad you got to see it,” and he turned to me and smiled. I was sure I had returned it, but I was stuck on the water. It was so murky, yet it looked tempting. I wanted to go swimming, though it was freezing and I was fully clothed. Forbidden fruit..
and very quickly, and without my permission, my mind was dragged elsewhere: to him. And it stayed there for the rest of the day.
But now, I was sprawled out in my big, comfy, bed, wearing boxer shorts and a tank top. My hair was curly and dripping wet, and I was chewing on a pencil. My smooth legs were up in the air, my feet crisscrossed in a slightly cute manner. My mind had drifted between things: Freddie, the trig homework in front of me, and of course, inevitably, to Dimi. He made me angry in so many ways. I knew he wasn't thinking about me like this, I just knew it. And so I felt totally obsessive and I was kicking myself for it. I was always a detached person, and this behavior was not only odd, but it was unfamiliar. I felt passionate for once in a long time, and it was concerning.
I tossed my hair back over my shoulder and sighed. I rolled over on my bed and closed my eyes, but my thoughts were disrupted by a knock. Gracefully I stood, and answered my bedroom door, looking wary with worry. My fathers eyes met mine, and then he stepped aside, revealing something dreamlike.
Dimi Montressor.
His smile was crooked, and his eyes were wicked with delight. He knew he had caught me off guard. Oh, what gives it away? The boxer shorts? The wet mass of hair? The look of a deer in the headlights?There wasn't time to revel in his beauty, for my father was speaking instantly.
“Blair bear,” I cringed. I was embarrassed by the cute nickname, and Dimi never took his eyes off me. A smirk replaced his smile. “Dimi lives across the street, he would like to see you,” My father was beaming. His thoughts were written on his face. How shallow he could be when it came to who his daughter dated. I was almost angry at my dad for looking so pleased, he didn't know the half of it! He didn't know how angry this gorgeous, wealthy boy could get, or that his skin could give you hypothermia! I tried to push the thoughts from my head and I had successfully made my expression look vacant. I wondered if my father had noticed Dimi's crimson eyes, or if he was too busy focusing on his attractive attire that implied lots of money. I sighed.
“Hello, Dimi.” My voice was pleasant on the surface.
“Blair,” he inclined his head toward me, and I tried not to laugh. He was just so formal and old fashioned. My father looked glorified.
“Well, I have some paper work,” He said, stepping away and down the hall. “I'll only be downstairs, though!” He added as an afterthought. Typical father. He was debating with himself. Leave them alone, they'll start to like each other, and he'd be good for her, right? Right. Then again.. leave them alone, and he could be pinning daddy's little girl down on her bed. I scoffed and opened my bedroom door wider, welcoming him in. Dimi was smiling in my father's direction before he stepped in, and I supposed my dad's intentions and thoughts were obvious.
I denied all thoughts. I was not going to question what he was, why he was here, what he saw in me. I was going to let him talk.
I did notice, however, that he was careful not to touch me as he slid past me into my room. He didn't look around and make some comment like I thought he would. His eyes barely swept across the walls. It was as if nothing in here surprised him at all. He turned towards me, and I shut the door with a soft click. My hand was on the handle, almost as if I was eager to escape.
I wasn't.
His mouth opened and closed then, trying to form some words together, but nothing came out. He sighed and rubbed his temples with his hands. “Look-” He finally got out.
I could tell he was expecting me to interrupt, but I refused. I bit down on my tongue, hard. His eyes bore two circles into my face. My skin crawled.
“Blair..” He mumbled.
I didn't reply. I ran a hand through my wet hair and his body tensed. He cocked his head to the side, as if he was calculating something. His red eyes suddenly looked violent. I felt myself straighten up, and I let my hand drop lithely to my side.
Those mood swings terrified me.
He froze where he stood, and.. I could have sworn he wasn't breathing.
“Dimi..” I squeaked. I noticed my hand was still on the door. He was a good three feet away. I coughed. “What did you want, exactly?” I exhaled the breath I had been holding in.
“Can you not do that?”
I was puzzled. “Do what?”
“That.” He motioned toward me. “Breathe like that. Or move. Please, just be still.” He directed. “I just needed to talk to you.”
Under any normal circumstances, I would purposely violate his instructions. But I felt deep down, however odd they may be, his reasons were valid. Also? I was shaking with fear, and I didn't know why. I wondered if he noticed.
“Well, I'm listening.”
He smiled softly. “I wanted to apologize, Blair. For ignoring you the past couple days.”
I bit my lip. “I didn't notice.”
liar.
He squinted, trying to read my face. He must have failed, because he took two long strides toward me.
Only two feet away now.
“You didn't?” He inquired. Then he chuckled a little. “I am more attached to you than you are to me.”
I stopped myself from breaking into hysterical laughter. I kept my face a mask.
“Why?” I asked.
He shrugged, and I knew it was a lie. “I told you, you interest me. You're beautiful, you're bright, you're very..good at hiding your emotions.”
I contorted my face. “I disagree. I am quite easy to figure out. I get it from my dad.”
He took a step toward me. “On the contrary, I can't understand anything about your actions. You are a mystery to me. But.. anyways.. even though you didn't care or anything, I just wanted to apologize for my very rude behavior.”
I nodded.
The silence that followed was suffocating.
Dimi's expression was lost. He looked like he was elsewhere, but his eyes were fixed on mine.
“Your eyes..” I finally felt myself speak. He snapped out of his daze. I let my hand drift from the handle in a slow, purposeful movement. I was trying to obey his directions are well as possible.
I still didn't understand, though. I wasn't going to question it. His presence was too intoxicating, and I needed to soak up as much of him as possible.
“Yes,” His smile widened, and he flashed a pair of white, perfect teeth. “They scare you.” He stated, the smile drifting away, and then nodded.
I raised my eyebrows. “No.” I said, and he looked a bit surprised. I took a step towards him. When he didn't stiffen, I understood that I could move.. it just needed to be deliberate and slow.
“They don't? Then what do they do for you?”
“They.. draw me in. I've never seen such a red with such..clarity and depth before. They're contacts, I presume.”
His grin was contagious, but I forced the corners of my mouth down. “Contacts.” He nodded. “Yeah,” He continued. “normally people are a bit intimidated.”
“Take them out, then.” I didn't want to sound eager to see his actual eye color. But I was.
He shook his head no. “No. I don't like my natural eyes.” The excuse sounded rehearsed.
“What color are they, then?” I was so curious that I took another slow step toward him. We were close now, hardly a foot apart.
His crimson eyes plunged into my own hazel ones. “They're blue.” His tone was almost wistful, and he looked away from me.
Blue. I couldn't picture him with anything but those same crimson, terrifying eyes.
“Right.” I said, looking at my feet.
“Blair.” He was staring right into me when I raised my head. “Why did you come here, Blair?”
Such an odd question. I couldn't tell if I should take offense to it, like he was asking why he had been punished with my very presence. I decided to answer honestly, and hoped he was just asking out of curiosity.
“Me and my father.. needed a change of scenery.”
The answer puzzled him. “You hate it here, though.”
“How could you know that? You said I was hard to read.”
“Well, you haven't exactly kept your distaste for Jersey under wraps. I suppose people have been listening you and Freddie Madison talking.” He said quickly.
“Oh..” I mumbled. “Well, I didn't exactly have a say. The hospital in town, my father had visited for some medical convention, and he knew some people. They offered him a job that pays better, and..” I paused. Dimi was staring at me. “That's it.” I finished.
“No, it's not.”
I was suddenly a little angry. My skin was turning that red colour. “You're right, Dimi. It's not. But I'm not going to spill out my whole past for someone I hardly know.” I spat, meaner than I had intended.
This didn't seem to sit with him well. He didn't get angry, he simply straightened up and shifted back a step or two, hands in his pockets. He looked around the room again now, with some inside joke, his eyes ablaze with some bittersweet emotion.
“You are absolutely correct.” He said finally, catching me off guard. “And I have definitely been too open with you.”
My mouth dropped. “YOU have been OPEN with ME?!” I screeched, and he 'shush'ed me, but I ignored him completely, going totally off on him. “I don't even know why you're in my room right now, Dimi! You touch me a week ago, and my skin goes insane with some sort of icy stabbing feeling and you run off! Then you IGNORE me for a week, and now you show up at my house?!” My breathing was coming in uneven variables. I was using my hands while speaking. He seemed to be sniffing the air. “You keep approaching me, but you never tell me what you want! You keep dancing around the subject, and twisting everything, Dimi!” He was smirking now at my shrill voice, and he got a little closer. “The first time I saw you, you were crawling out of your car in the middle of the night and sneaking into your house! You skip days of school at a time, but you seem to be in perfectly fine health! YOU are the mystery, Dimi! Don't even deny it!!”
He looked thoughtful now as he stared into me. I was working on calming my breathing down. Yet, the rant felt so good to get out.
He smiled. “You remember the actual first time we met?” His head turned toward my big window. I sighed with wide eyes and nodded. He nodded back in understanding and let himself drift off. When he spoke again, his voice was musical. “You had looked a little shocked.”
“Well, you try watching this extremely attractive boy crawl out of a ridiculously expensive car in the middle of the night, and SOMEHOW know you're looking at him without being “a little shocked”, Dimi.” I spat at him. He grinned wider, and it irritated me. His face turned serious again.
“You're face was tear stained.”
“How could you see tha-”
“I just could. You looked very, very sad. I tried to smile at you and it seemed to help.” He nodded, confirming his own words. I stared at his very beautiful face, in awe of the features. I mentally slapped myself. “It's good to know, though, Blair.” He finally said, biting his lip.
“What is?” I asked quietly, wondering if I'd even get an answer.
“That you think about me, too.”
“Oh."
It was silent for awhile then, and we both were looking off in different directions. Dimi was focusing on my door, I supposed he wanted to get out by his expression. And I was staring to the right of him, out my bedroom window. In my peripheral vision, I saw him take a step closer to me and I slowly turned my head back towards him.
“Blair..” He breathed. He was now in dangerous proximity.
I wondered why I didn't move away. I didn't fear his touch.. I actually could feel myself wanting it. I was losing it, I decided. The stress, the new place, the boy.. it was all contribuating to the loss of my mind.
He bent his neck a bit, his face was now closer to mine. He smiled a little at my shock.
“Why're you so gorgeous?” He whispered and I almost passed out. The was his words flowed into each other.. it was a whole other language. I noticed his hand moving slowly toward me. “Do you mind?..” He asked, being truly considerate.
With a small nod of my head, I had confirmed how desperately I wanted him to.
And then his brushed his fingers across my jaw line, gently, and slowly. And it wasn't so bad. It made me shiver, and it was still cold..but it wasn't excruciating. It felt a little warmer than ice. Reluctantly, he dropped his hand, and his eyes were filled with passion. They didn't look dead, or menacing, which where the two states I normally saw them in. Now they looked full of life and desire. I wondered if my look reflected his at all. Suddenly I was self conscious of my appearance. I wondered if his “gorgeous” quip was a joke..
His face moved away, and I wondered if he heard my inaudible “no”.
He smiled crookedly, it took my breath away. “Was that very bad?” He inquired.
I shook my head. “No..” My mind was hazy, and I looked at my feet. “It wasn't so bad that time.”
The answer pleased him, and he nodded. “Intentions really do mean everything.” He said quietly, and I could tell I wasn't supposed to understand. And so I didn't ask anything. The moment was too precious. “I really have to get going. Marie is getting anxious.”
All at once, my senses were alive again. The fog lifted from my mind immediately and I stood up to my full height. My face wasn't very composed anymore, and I let my emotions unravel. Irrationally, I let jealousy overwhelm me.
“Marie.” I stated. It wasn't even a question. Marie. A female name.
Dimi's eyes were ablaze with delight. He stepped back just to look at me up and down. He began chucking then. “Marie is my sister, Blair, and we have plans today.”
I felt so stupid. My face blushed scarlet, and my ears were burning. I sighed and nodded, kicking myself for letting on. Now he knew how much I really liked him. “Right..” I mumbled quietly, and he was grinning at me. His fingers touched my chin, and it tingled slightly.. Yet, it was warmer still. He pulled my face up and stared into my eyes. “Don't be ashamed.” He finally stated.
I cocked my head to the side.
His hand fell lightly to his side, and he chewed his bottom lip. I made a mental note that be both shared that habit. I felt myself smiling..
“I'll see you in school on Monday,” He finally said, his eyes looking torn. “ I really shouldn't even be here..” He said quietly.
“You couldn't maybe come over tonight, later on? There's still a lot I don't understand at all,” I knew I sounded pathetic, and I knew I was putting him on edge. He was realizing how addicted I was becoming to him.
“Blair,” He exhaled.
“If you don't want to, just say no.” My voice was very monotonous, and I was proud that I'd covered the anxiety and hurt very well.
“It's not that I don't want to,” he chuckled. “I want to very much so. But tonight just.. isn't good for me. I'll see you tomorrow, though. Maybe if you and Freddie were feeling generous, I could sit with you two in the cafeteria?” He commented and a smile played on his lips. I realized now how badly I wanted to kiss them.
“Well, I'm sure neither of us would mind that at all.”
Silence again.
“Dimi?” I finally addressed him, my hands playing with the hem of my shirt. He noticed.
“Yes?” His eyes were locked on my fingers, tracing intricate and imaginary lines on my hips now.
“Don't ignore me again.”
He grinned at first, and then it faded into nothing. His face was dead again.
“I couldn't if I tried, Blair. I wish you could see it.” He pulled his hands out of his pockets. “And now, I have to go.” He looked down at my face for a long time then, searching it for something. I wanted him to do something. Kiss me, embrace me, touch me.. anything, I wanted it. But he did nothing.
He started to raise his hand, and then dropped it. He smiled at my expression and walked in a deliberately slow pace to the door. The grace he possessed was commendable. He turned the handle, and was out of sight.
tease.