It's Just the Way We're Diseased

As per usual, I woke up before anyone else. I was still cuddled to Grace, who was peaceful. I sighed. She didn't remember the bad things. She didn't remember that what we wanted to escape from as children was our parents. Grace had the illusion of a great life. Part of me wanted to be jealous. A part of me said it would be rational to be jealous of her new-found innocence. But the part of me that was truly me, wanted to protect this innocent Grace. I was always jumping in the way of bullets, beatings, anything to save Grace. I failed and let her get taken. But in my defense, if I had saved her and made her get away, or gotten taken away with her, there would have been no one to get us out and free.

This time; I could make sure she had a life of ease. We could get real jobs. We could be a real family. Not some fucked up circle of people. If we would have had better lives, Grace would have been this innocent for real. If I didn't know her power, her past, I would have believed she was this way for her entire life. If I hadn't watched her slowly get aroused as she watched the life leave the eyes of countless victims, I'd have believed she couldn't harm a fly. If she wasn't my twin... If we didn't have the same sick desire to punish the world for what it let happen to us... I'd believe she was a good person.

The fact was, none of us were good people. That's what made us more sick. We know the things we're doing are all wrong. We know that this is all fucked up. But we don't care. We like it. I love the taste of flesh. The feel of blood running from a body onto my hands as I make a special liver pie. Matt likes to have that control over someone, making them believe that if they beg and say the right things, they might be free. Matt likes to make them believe they have a chance, and then change his mind and they die. Jimmy feels like this is his way of making up for the fact that he couldn't save us, his sisters. Johnny is just fucked up, and Zacky knows what I know-- Human flesh and blood will make us stronger.

If we weren't all fucked up, we could be super-heroes. Instead, we want to kill and watch people suffer. We are the worldly villains. But today... We're the neighbors coming back from a lovely vacation. At least, that's the story I was gonna tell everyone.

I rolled out of Grace's bed and sauntered to the kitchen. I passed through the living room to see that Matt went to sleep on the couch. Because I took his spot. Before this ordeal with Grace, before she got caught. Matt and I had a rivalry. We acted like we hated each other. In all honesty, he made my beloved twin happy. And that was what I really wanted. And he knew that I only had Grace's well being in mind, so I was useful. I was Grace's personal body guard.

Failure. A piece of me demanded that I don't forget how I let Grace get caught. I sighed. During Grace's time in the madhouse, and after I broke Matt out of prison, Matt and I had a heart to heart. With our clothes off.

It was a one time-deal. No one knew. And now, that Grace is back and with the new information of her lack of memory; Matt and I had an understanding. Grace would not find out. She would not remember. She could have a good life. She didn't have to know. Lucky enough, the rest of the guys agreed. We all just wished we could have good lives. And forget the past. None of us are about to take away anyone else's chance.

I knelt down next to the couch and poked Matt. "Matty. You can go to bed. It's free." I whispered to him. I could kill without a second thought, yet I had a personal problem with waking people up by being loud. "Matty..." He opened his eyes tiredly and yawned. His arm snaked around my neck and pulled me close. Alarm ran through me. "Matt." I spoke more sternly. He just chuckled.

"You're so cute when you're trying to be tough." His voice was horse and his eyes were bleary. He leaned forward and kissed me softly. I didn't let my lips respond. He pulled away, not noticing, kissing my cheek. "Oh, Grace. I missed you." His eyes were half closed now. And he was quiet with exhaustion. I moved quickly away from him and stormed to the kitchen. I stood there for a little while, next to the sink. I stared at the microwave clock, an angry scowl on my face. It hit seven A.M. I began breakfast. I made Zacky and I some special bacon, while everyone else got normal pig-meat-bacon. I made pancakes and eggs, with some hash browns, and even some gravy. Because Matt loved gravy.

I was done by eight, and ate by my lonesome. No one around here woke up until almost ten. Today, though, they would wake up. I finished my food, made everyone's plates, and set them respectively where we always sat. Cause nothing ever changed.

"Wake the fuck up, lazy asses!" I screamed through the house. I heard a thump in the living room, Matt fell off the couch. I heard a door open from upstairs, it was hard to tell from what room. But within ten minutes I had Matt, Johnny, and Zacky awake. "Eat." I demanded, pointing at the bacon I made Zacky. The excitement on his face was beyond beautiful. I padded my way upstairs to gently get Grace awake. "Gracie..." And for a split second, she was my Grace again.

"Don't call me that." Her voice was rough, angry. "You know I hate it." I grinned. I may have wanted her to have a great life and live in innocence, but I couldn't help but miss the way she was. Powerful, demanding, and so damn angry. But she yawned and stretched, and then was gone. She was her innocent self. Her voice was soft. "What time is it? And why are we waking up?"

"We always wake up to eat breakfast together on Saturday morning." I lied through my teeth. "We don't do it on Sunday, because that's too typical. And we don't do it everyday, because none of us want to wake up before 10 on a regular basis." She believed it. I explained that I already ate because I have errands to run. She offered to go with me, which almost made me laugh. I told her something about it all being boring things that she wouldn't be interested in. Once I got her up and going, I went and smacked Jimmy on the back.

"What the hell, man?" He exclaimed, angry. I just grinned.

"Feeding time. Go eat." and with that, I had to make my way to the basement of the house to wake up Syn. Him and I shared the basement, shared a bed, and even shared a dresser. "Syn." I said upon entering the dark hole in the ground. He made some grunty noise but didn't answer, nor stir. Synyster and I, on paper, were together. We were, by all rights, a couple. But I denied that we loved each other at all costs.

I crawled into the bed with him and got close. We may not have loved each other, but I certainly approved of his existence. I cuddled to him and whispered softly, "Brian." His eyes opened and were almost glowing in the darkness. There was a small light coming from our clock. That was the only light that let me see his face.

"You can call me by my name but I get left cold and alone in the bed when I call you by yours?" He sounded hurt. Angry. I scoffed and rolled my eyes, read to just back away. To my surprise, his arm slithered around me and he pulled me close. He even fought with the blanket for a second to pull me under it and close to him.

"I just... I hear my mother's voice. All the time. 'Alyssa Marie. You will do what I tell you because I know what's best.' And then she'd make me do something fucked up like slice up my arm so it bled into a cup. I wasn't allowed to bandage it until after father poked and prodded at the wound. And they'd make me bandage it myself. Give myself stitches." I sighed. "I know it's not fair to you. I'm sorry." The apology fell flat. I had made the attempt to say it, but I couldn't really mean it because in all honesty, he knew my feelings about my name and the reasons why. He's the one who made the mistake of thinking my feelings for it changed.

His lips found my forehead and stayed there for a moment. I slowly relaxed and closed my eyes. Waking up as early as I do, going to sleep as late as I do, was starting to get to me. I felt tired. "Let's stay in bed today." He whispered. I smiled a little. It was a sweet idea.

"That would be acting like a couple too much. We only need to keep up appearances in public." I stated matter-of-factly. He sighed against my forehead and pulled me closer.

"Lisa. What do you think we are? Friends? Fuck buddies? Fuck buddies don't cuddle. Sometimes don't even kiss." He sounded wounded. I wasn't sure where he was going. "I'm okay with your delusions. Your claims that you don't love me. Fine, have it that way. But you need to stop speaking for me."

"Excuse me?" My voice squeaked in defense and I pulled back away from him to tap our touch lamp so it turned on to the lowest, most dim setting. He glared against the light for a second, we both staring at each other in a standstill. His eyes got used to the light and he stopped glared.

"Lisa." Syn started. I could hear the affection in his voice. And I immediately scrambled out of the bed. I wasn't sure why, but the fight-or-flight instinct kicked in like it does when you're in terror, like at a haunted house. Or at least, how it would for a normal person. I chose flight.

"Breakfast is ready. Your plate is at your seat at the table. Hurry before Zack eats it all." And with that, I almost ran upstairs, opening the garage door as I entered where we kept Matt's pride and joy, his Mustang.

I wasn't interested in that, though. I pulled on my shoes, and started running. Acting like a normal person, going for a morning job. Acting like a normal person, worried about my health. I only ran for 10 minutes before my foot felt like it was on fire, but it was long enough for me to feel better.

Walking back home was a little rough. But I enjoyed the peace. The quiet. And seeing our neighbors, who weren't pretending to be normal but really were. Going to work. A father kissing his child before leaving. A woman running of her house to her car in a dressy looking suit, probably late. A teenager starting her walk to school or work or something. And getting waved at by unknowing citizens. I put on my best smile and played the friendly part of waving back or tilting my head gently.

"Poor unfortunate souls." I whispered. A part of me, a dark, deep, and sinister part of me, imagined a new way to kill, cook, or torture them all. And that was why my smile came so easily. They smiled to be polite, I smiled because I imagined them screaming.