It's Just the Way We're Diseased

I ran back to the van, hopping in, Johnny started driving even before I got the door closed. I sat on Syn's lap, closing the door quickly. Matt and Grace were talking quietly, he had a confused look on his face. Grace kissed his cheek, rested her head on his shoulder, and went back to sleep peacefully this time. Matt pulled out his crappy cell phone that Nana Sullivan provided for us. That crazy old bat was the only person in our family that I loved other than Grace and Jimmy. She's too old to go into our type of business but she has a clean enough record to aid us by providing us with cell phones, though not high-tech, they get the job done.

I got a text. "We need to talk about Grace. ~Big.Daddy.~" I rolled my eyes for the ten millionth time at his signature and just replied with a "MmK. ~*Skittles, taste the jizZ*~" My signature was ten times better. I looked at Syn, apparently he got the same message. Group meetings were so cliche.

I closed I eyes, cuddling into Syn's chest, realizing now that I really am tired. I whispered, "Wake me up when we get where we're going." He didn't say anything in reply, but a little before I dozed I swore I heard, "I love you."

High School provided some of the best and the worst times. The day Syn met my parents was borderline good and bad. We'd been arguing about me being ashamed of him or loving him or not.

"You don't let me in. How the fuck am I supposed to take that?" Syn was near yelling at me, he had yet to understand that I don't take too well to being yelled at.

"First of all," I stated calmly, "this is so backwards that my toe nails itch. Second, maybe I'm not open, but why the fuck do you want my problems hanging over your head?" I sneered at him.

"Because, Lisa, I fucking love you. I want to be there for you, but you hold back. You haven't even told me your full name, I just know Lisa is a nickname because Grace told me!" He spat.

"I love you, too, but I don't want my burdens to be yours!" I made a fist and groaned some.

"Why have I never met your parents? You've met mine!" He was now in my face. I glared at him.

My voice grew deadly as I seethed, "Get the fuck out of my face. You want to meet mother and papa? Fine. After school."

I woke up a little to the van stopping.

"Where are we?" I muttered.

"Zacky needs to piss, figured we all could use a quick stop." Syn answered, his voice a little gruff. He dozed off for a bit too. I slid off his lap and went to step out of the van but my legs weren't working quite right yet and I fell.

"Classic Lease." Johnny grinned at me.

"Shut up. I have great balance. I'm just... tired." I shrugged, getting up, looking at Syn's back. I took my shoe off and threw it at him.

"Ow, shit, what the fuck?" He turned on me.

"Some great boyfriend you are. First I get a hole in my foot and you act like I'm playing games, I fall and you just fucking step over me and walk the fuck away, not so much as an 'are you okay', let alone helping me up."

He got in my face, "You're a bitch to me all the time, why the hell should I help you? You always fucking torture me if I get hurt in some way!"

"Get the fuck out of my face!" I screamed, letting my fist fly. He saw it coming and backed up, I barely hit his jaw.

"Listen, we're all just a bit tense, we've had a fucked up day. Just. we need rest, Lisa." He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Yeah, with us on the run again." Grace said, passing us. We went in, did our business in the bathroom, I poked around trying to decide what I wanted to snack on.

"Lisa." Matt said quietly from behind me.

"Matt, that was a one time deal, Grace is back." I sighed, thinking back to about 4 months ago.

"No, I know, but about Grace." He had no shame. "She thinks its still that night."

"What?" I turned to look at him.

"She thinks we just got away. She thinks we just evaded all of it. She doesn't remember this entire past year."

Lucky her. The voices were right. She is lucky. I always envied her. I ran a hand through my short choppiy hair. I hadn't changed the cut for a year, just kept it really choppy and short. Grace never liked cutting her hair, I always did. I liked to change it up, and Syn seemed to like it too. "We have to tell her." I said.

"No. Not yet. We'll talk this over when we get to the house." He urged.

Too tired to argue right now, I nodded and walked around him, grabbing a bag of Skittles Fizzl'd Fruits and Peanut M & M's. I threw it on the counter, looking at the clerk. He was adorable. His life was gonna be hell. Because it is for people who are too nice. Hell, I'm a mean bitch and life's too hard for me. "Can I get a carton of Camel Signature Frosts?"

"Yeah.Can I see ID?" Awe, I'm flattered. I showed him my license, which was the only thing I owned that wasn't acquired through scam or lies. He went to the back, in which I slid like 20 Andes' Candies in my jacket pocket. He came back, added it up. "That will be $40.72." I pulled out a fifty. and handed it to him.

"Matt, we're getting gas." I yelled over to him on his way out, he nodded and yelled out to Zacky who was almost to the van. "Put the rest in for gas on pump 3." I honestly only did that because I hate carrying change. And we hustled enough people that it was OK to waste a few bucks here and there.

"Thank you, come again." He said. I just smiled. Not gonna do that, kid. I heard in my head, not that i said it. Man I'm going nuts.

I hopped into the van, opening the carton, glad that I'm the only one who likes Camels or else everyone would be stealing from me, and packed the pack I pulled out. I opened it, pulled a fag out, grabbed my Harley Davidson Zippo, blue, it matched my cigarette packs. I lit the cigarette up and took a long drag. We were leaving now. Jimmy was driving to Zacky and Johnny could sleep. I leaned against Syn again and dozed back off, taking long drags of my cigarette before I allowed myself to go to sleep. Thinking back to the day he met my parents.

"They will scare you." I said.

"You scare me." He replied.

"Point." I nodded, opened the door. "Home!" Grace right behind us with Matt. They were all sorts of wrapped around each other.

"Alyssa! Graceful!" Mother said. I glared at her. "Wipe that nasty look off your face Alyssa."

"You're name is Alyssa?" Syn whispered.

"Who is this?" Papa glanced at Syn and Matt.

"This is my boyfriend, Brian." I said in a very bored tone.

"And this is mine, Matt." Grace said, playing the innocent role. I believe they liked her better but that's OK with me, meant she got less of the beatings and I'd do anything to make her get less to none.

"So, what are you boys into? You look like you might be our type. Leave it up to our little girls to find boys who fit into the family." Papa said. I almost broke up with Syn right there at the knowledge that Papa approved. Then I remembered Matt and Syn were nothing like Papa or Mother.

"Trust me, they won't fit in the way you want." I muttered.

"Wanna see our ritual room?" Mother said suddenly. Most religions have that room of sanctity. The ritual room was more like sacrifice. The ritual room was the only thing I feared more than being locked away in an isolation room for eternity.

"Mom, please, don't.." I bowed my head, knowing I could plead, I could scream, I could kick, there was no way of getting the boys out of this. I glanced at Grace, the horror was in her eyes but she kept her expression cool.

"Alyssa, you want to show them what we do?" Mother sounded too happy.

"No." I choked some, my eyes wide. I forgot. It was my turn for blood sacrifice today.

"Come on." She ignored my refusal. I squeaked, following, too weak to fight. I looked at Grace and she nodded. She grabbed both Matt and Syn, pulled them down and whispered. I heard some of it.

"Whatever you see and whatever happens, don't move a muscle. Just let yourself go blank and don't say a word." They both looked scared after that.

This was when the memory/dream turned into a nightmare, it was only worse because it was true. I was thrown into the ritual room where Papa started his chanting and mother pulled out the metal plaque with nine nine-inch nails sticking out. Mother grabbed my wrist, warning me that if I tried to make a fist it would only hurt more. I listened for once. I noted the nails had been sharpened, they could go through bone my dad had once said. They were testing that today. She put my hand on the nails, I could feel the poking. Then she grabbed a hammer. I felt the bones breaking, the skin tearing, and then heard the sound my piercing scream.

I sat up with sweat beating down my face and stared at Matt who sat with his head on the wall. I stared for a minute and whispered, "Matty..."

"Hmm?" He replied. We had trouble getting along but we also had a respect for each other because of the things we'd gone through.

"We need to figure out how much she remembers. She may not remember this year, and if that's it we should tell her, but if she doesn't remember anything before that, or at least not too much, maybe we should keep it that way. For her own benefit." I looked down at my hand. The scars that ran through my fingers to my palm. The bones still ached when it rained.

"What were you thinking exactly?" His tone was sincere. He had seen enough to know when I can't shake something.

I whispered two words and he understood all, "Ritual Room."