Everything I Ask For

My first thoughts about her.

There was a new girl in town and I swear she had it all figured out. There was something about her that just drove me wild if I wasn’t next to her. I’m sure that I wasn’t in that little plan of hers though. Maybe she wasn’t looking for a guy like me or doesn’t want a boyfriend at the moment. I needed to know though.

I reached over the side of my bed I was lying on and scrambled my hand around for something that was under my bed. When I finally found what my hand was searching for I pulled it up. It was an old journal that I use to write in all the time. It wasn’t like a diary at all, but it did mean a lot to me. This is where I can put my thoughts down and turn them into songs. This is where I poured my heart and soul out it seemed and so very few people even knew I had this.

I turned to a fresh page and grabbed a dull pointed pencil off of my night stand. I just started to jot down possible lines for a new song. By the time I was finished I read each line over to myself.

New girl in town
She had the most amazing smile
Eyes like sunsets
Legs that went on for days
Falling in love
She makes me change my ways

There were more lines but these were the ones that caught my attention the most. Was I really in love with this girl I had only known for a good month? I was a Senior in High School and very soon getting out. If I don’t tell her now what would happen? If only I had more time.

My first words to her.

I walked into Chemistry class my heart racing like a horse on a track. I took a seat next to her and glanced at her wanting to say something. When my eyes caught hers I couldn’t look away she truly did have eyes like sunsets and they were beautiful.

“Is there a reason why you keep looking at me?” she asked quietly looking down at her binders. I didn’t know what to say I was a bit choked up.

“Uh because” I paused “Your really pretty is all.”

I mentally slapped myself at that statement. I was sure she knew who I was since I had almost every class with her and I made the most noise ever. Everyone called me the Class Clown and I had even won Class Clown in the year book I found out. My parent weren’t too happy about that, but it didn’t bother anyone else.

Sitting here next to her however I felt like a completely different person. Like some love sick puppy who was the shyest person in the world.

“Well thank you” she mumbled still not coming in eye contact with me again.

“Aw look John Ohh’s got a crush!” one of my idiot of a friend laughed loudly.

“Shut up Carrot head!” I shouted at Garrett as he gave me a face and covered his orangish hair with his hands.

“Mr. O’Callaghan we do not use language like that in this class room. You of all people should know that by now since I am sure you have been told enough times.” Our bitch of a teacher stated as I rolled my eyes.

“Fuck you.” I murmured as I heard a chuckle from beside me. I looked to see the new girl, Amber, giggling.

“Oh you like that?” I whispered as our teacher began another boring lesson.

“It was just a little funny.” She replied with a cute smile. Boy was she gorgeous.

Being friends and building a strong relationship with her.

“John! Put me down!” Amber laughed as I hoisted her over my shoulder. I ran around the empty playground just around the corner from our houses.

“Why should I? You said I was all yours!” I laughed holding onto her legs so they didn’t bounce. They truly went of for days it seemed and they were as soft as silk in her short shorts. However she kicked me right in the stomach and I made an oomph sound and let go of her. She went crashing to the ground and I instantly felt bad.

“Are you ok Am?” I asked worried as I bent down over her. She looked up seeming pissed.

“Just help me up you jerk!” she shouted annoyed. My heart sunk and I glumly reached my hand out for her to grab onto. She held onto it and next thing I knew she was pulling me down to her. She looked at me different as she gave me a smile. I hadn’t realized I was fully on top of her. I wanted to close the gap between our lips, but I wasn’t sure if she felt the same way.

We stared at each other in the eyes for what seemed like forever until she smiled at me again. I loved that smile. It gave me Goosebumps all over and I was hoping she hadn’t noticed since our arms were touching. I looked her all over and then finally got off her.

“I’m sorry!” I muttered as I blushed and scratched the back of my neck. I grabbed her hand again this time and pulled her up.

“Nah that’s fine it was my fault.” She laughed as she hugged me and I picked her up off her feet. She squealed and I laughed happily. I set her down and then bent down for her to hop onto my back for a piggy back ride.

“Oh I don’t know I’m kinda heavy” she said unsure biting her nails. That was a stupid habit I had noticed she picked up, but I loved it. Everything she did I loved.

“Come on your not that heavy!” I tried to reassure and finally she got on my back and held on around my neck. If only she knew how much exactly I loved her.

My first confession about her.

“Amber.” I whispered as I came closer to her. She seemed a bit confused about what I was doing. She was at my house. In my room and sitting down at my computer chair.

“Yeah John?” she smiled as she tilted her head to the side. I came closer and when I got close enough I held onto both of her shoulders. She seemed alarmed for only a moment as if she forgot who she was with.

“I’ve had these feelings ever since I met you.” I paused and closed my eyes afraid to admit my love for her until finally I opened them and looked her straight in the eyes.

“I love you” we both said in unison. I was shocked, but at the same time over excited. She loved me too? We felt the same way and for how long? Amber started to get up as she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me. It was everything I could have imagined and everything I had been wanting. It was like I was on cloud nine and it was like I was in heaven. Loving her this way, touching her this way was everything I could have asked for.

Our first fight.

“Come on Amber you gotta talk to me! We have to talk about this!” I whined as I held onto the back of her shoulders. She sat at a bar stool at the local bar that was just a few blocks away from our first apartment. After High School we applied for the same collage and both were accepted. We decided to get our own apartment together at it was great so far. However we were having issues with each other lately.

What did I do to cause this? I loved her so much and showed her unconditional love and affection. Was I going over board? Was there someone else? Was she maybe tired of me? I had so many questions if only she would just talk to me.

“You’re out of my league, but I’m trying so hard to make you happy Hon.” I pleaded as I took a seat of my own next to her. She still ignored me and refused to talk to me.

“Please just tell me. Is it someone else? Something I’ve done?” I asked concerned. At last she turned to me calmly with her Budweiser in hand giving me a pathetic look.

“Look, John, I truly love you, but you never have any faith in yourself. You act like if you aren’t perfect for me all the time I’ll get rid of you just like that! If you don’t know that I would never do that to you by now then I’m not sure you even know me!” she shouted at me. People were starting to stare, but I ignored them the best I could.

“I do know you Hon I swear I do it’s just your so much a guy could ask for and I want to make up for all my stupid acts.” I said as she just shook her head.

“John your so stupid.” She giggled as she rolled her eyes, got up and walked out the door. I was sure she was going back to the apartment and I was relived that I had saved my ass this time. What about the next times though? I’ve made so many mistakes already and I was sure the next one would be even worse.

Fight after fight. Night after night. Things got even worse for the both of us. Things got so bad that more then half my life it seemed consisted in sleeping on the couch. I woke to a sudden startle from my flash of various dreams of my past. Was it a sign? A dream of how I felt about my wife when I was younger and about how we became friends, when we first got together and our first real fight. Things still were pretty bad, but it would be a streak of love following with a streak of hate the next month.

I sat up from the couch with my eyes squinted from the bright flashes of the muted television screen. I looked around for the remote and when I finally found it I turned the TV off. I sat there in the darkness with elbows on my knees as I combed my fingers through my hair slowly. What had we become Amber and I? Where had all that love gone that just was constantly there no matter what?

I finally stood up and made my way in the pitch black to our bedroom. Amber lay there with her eyes closed and body motionless. I creped over to the side of the bed she was facing. She was very close to the edge of the right side. I kneeled down and put my face close to hers. Her breath was steady and slow she was in a deep sleep and the way her eyelids moved slightly told me she was having a dream. She looked completely defenseless and beautiful. I could never stop loving her. How could I have said all those mean things today when here I was still completely and utterly in love with her ever since High School.

There was a piece of hair in her face and I moved it away. She stirred and slowly opened her big pretty eyes. She didn’t move or say anything when she saw me inches from her face. I expected her to give me an angry face or to get up or to tell me to go away. She didn’t do anything.

“I’m falling in love, but it’s falling apart. I need to find my way back to the start. When we were in love, oh things were better then they are, let me back into, into your arms, into your arms.” I sang softly from a new song I had just recently finished.

“I love it. You have to sing the rest for me in the morning” She mumbled with a small smile. I smiled back and got up. I went around the bed and jump in. I scooted my way closer to her as she turned to face me as we stared into each others eyes for a good few minutes. We then hugged and soon fell asleep in each others arms peacefully. The storm had passed and I was into her arms once again.