I Can't Be Without You

Ever since Josline's birthday, I had noticed that Airin had been a little bit strange around me. Stranger than normal. Infact, ever since I met Josline and Airin, Airin had been a little bit strange around me. I had a feeling he didn't trust me. I asked Matt, and he didn't tell me anything. He just said that I should talk to him.

"Yeah...sure. What's up?" Airin looked at me, closing his notebook. He actually look genuinely concerned. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

"I've been getting this feeling that you don't...like me." I said, exhaling lightly. Airin looked at me for a moment, and then looked away.

"It's not that I don't like you...I'm just..." Airin paused. He looked at me again, "I'm worried about Jaws." That hit me pretty hard. I would understand a slight disliking about me wanting to date his sister, but I didn't think he'd feel like that. "There is just something, in the back of my mind, that I don't like about you." Airin said. I sighed again. Man, Airin knew how to dig deep into someone's emotions.

"Dude, you KNOW I'd never do anything to your sister." I said, letting my hands hang down by my chair.

"I know that. But she's been hurt before, and I don't want to see her go through it again." Airin said.

"Wait, you think I'd pull the same shit Alex did?" I sat upright in my chair, my attention fully on Airin. He shook his head at me.

"No, but tell me...is there something about you I should know?" Airin cornered me with that question. There was something about me I hadn't told any one. Not even Matt. I figured that I should tell someone about it. And who better to tell than Airin? He'd gone through the same thing I was going through at that time.

I looked over my shoulder and leaned in closer to Airin so no one would hear. "I'm addicted to heroin." I said quietly. Airin looked at me, shock spread over his face. Then, it formed into understanding. "Just don't tell Josline, I wan't to tell her myself." Airin nodded his head in agreement.

"Sorry about being all blah around you." Airin smiled at me. I shrugged.

"I expected it. I mean, I like your sister. It was a given that you wouldn't like me right off the bat." I said.

"Yeah, but I feel like an ass now..." We were quiet while the teacher started writing notes on the board. Once we were given our assignment, we partnered up and started on the experiment.

"So...how long?" Airin asked me. I mentally counted for a little bit.

"About 6 months. Before I met you." I replied, flipping to the page in our text book. Airin nodded at me. "It just gives me a great release from stress. I know it's bad, but I keep doing it."

"I know that one. You haven't overdosed, have you?" Airin asked, filling a beaker with water. I shook my head.

"I don't use a lot."

"Good. Don't over do it. I went to rehab for nearly 10 months because I over dosed. My parent's were absolutely PISSED at me when they found out. Josline was just really depressed. I refused to go to group therapy and I didn't eat for the first 3 months I was there. Basically I became a walking skeleton." Airin explained. I knew he was trying to help, and tell his side of the story, but I had a feeling he was trying to scare me into quitting. "And you're bathroom habits change. Because I didn't eat so much, and because I took a lot of medication to calm me down, it didn't react well with my stomach. It hurts your stomach and I swear I had a shit this big." He held up his fist. Airin did have a rather large fist. I shuddered at the thought of it.

"That's pleasant." I grimmaced.

"I know right. So, I guess all I'm saying is, don't do drugs, mmkay?" I laughed at his hysterical face. "And, also...if you don't tell Josline, and she finds out some other way...she'll be really upset. She truely does care for you." Airin added something red to the beaker of water, and it started to foam slightly.

"And I really care for her. But every one is so..." I stopped myself to find the word, "They think it wont work out between us. Which I think is bullshit."

"There is a reason for it. There is this girl, Raddison...she's my ex girlfriend. When ever Jaws ends up liking or dating someone, Raddison trys to 'steal' them..." Airin frowned. "She really is a whore." Airin smiled at the comment. "Avoid her at all cost." I nodded slightly.

"So, we cool Airin?" I asked. Airin looked at me and smiled.

"Yeah, we're cool."

I was starting to get the feeling that I was really starting to care for Josline. It was odd, because I never took a liking to someone as fast as I have her. It's kind of strange, to be honest. Matt said that he's noticed a change in me. I told him it was bullshit.

When I first met Josline, the first thing I thought about her was, 'holy shit, this girl's gorgeous. Hope she's single'. The more I got to know her, the more I liked her. Even when she got seriously angry with me when I called her short, I started to like her more, because it showed me how NOT to piss her off, and that she would cut my balls off if she ever had the chance.

Something that really caught my attention about her, Josline is a super-sensitive person. I had no idea why, but that's what she came off as to me. Super sweet, super sensitive, and could possibly knock you out if you pissed her off enough.

I just went right home after school. My parents weren't home, because they had to go back to Vancouver to pick up some more stuff from the old house. I immediatly went to the basement, throwing my backpack and jacket on the floor. It was something that I just did all the time, even at other peoples houses.

It was the nasty addiction that I had that I couldn't quit. Every day, when I would come home from school, I would shoot up, because school just got to me by the end of the day. Josline wasn't at school because she had an orthodontist appointment. She said something about getting braces, and was not happy about it at all.

It felt so good when I would shoot up. I couldn't stop. There were so many good things in my life, and I could only fall back to this? Honestly, I felt fucked up. More fucked up than what I ever thought I would be.

And deep down inside...it killed me, literally and figuratively, to lie straight to Josline's face every single day. She didn't know, and I didn't have the courage to tell her. I didn't want Airin to tell her, because she would be pissed at me for not telling her, and for telling Airin before her. But I couldn't tell her, because she would cry. I had to do something, but quitting wasn't an option. It was never an option, because I wasn't a quitter.