I Can't Be Without You

I was sitting in the living room on a Saturday morning, listening to Jazz spazz out at Josline over her cell phone. I was glued to the TV, so I wasn't paying much attention to what was happening with Jazz's phone conversation.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO AIRIN?" Jazz yelled. My head snapped around to Jazz, and I stared at her. "We will be there as soon as we can!" Jazz snapped her phone shut and started running around, throwing on random articles of clothing.

"Jazz..." I said, she walked right by me. "Jazz..JAZZ!" Jazz stopped and looked at me.

"What?" She said.

"What happened?" I asked slowly.

"Something happened to AIRIN!" Jazz said.

"What happened to him?" I asked her. I was trying to stay as calm as I could, and so far it was a fail and a half.

"I DON'T KNOW! I'm freaking out Marque!" Jazz said, going on her looking for things rampage again. I got off the couch and followed her around. "I said we'd be there as soon as we could!" She said.

"Jazz, how are we going to get there?" I asked, throwing my hands up in the air. "Neither of us can drive!" Jazz stopped and frowned.

"Right...OH! DAD! He hasn't left for work yet!" Jazz said. She ran towards our dads bedroom and I heard her start explaining everything to him in a rushed voice.

"Okay, okay, okay! Jasmine, calm down!" Dad said. He walked out of the bedroom, Jazz close behind him. "Are you going to go too Marque?" dad asked me. I bit my bottom lip, playing with the lip ring on my lip.

Should I go? What if I was the one that cause Airin to be hurt? I don't think I could face that. From Jazz's panic attack, I could tell something seriously bad had happened. I slowly nodded my head.

"Well, get your stuff then!" Dad said. I went and put on my coat and my boots, I was already in my daily clothing. Jazz was tapping her foot impatiently. The car ride to the hospital was long and filled with awkward silences. The only sound the was heard the whole time was Jazz sighing occasionally. I was starting to grow nervous with each passing minute. What if Airin didn't want to see me? I was sure he didn't need me in his life right now. I was starting to believe that it was all my fault.I was pretty sure it was, and that was the only thing that was running through my mind the entire drive.

It was all my fault. I did this, I CAUSED this to happen.

At the hospital, I let Jazz lead me around, because I didn't want to speak to anyone. One of the doctors told us what room Airin was in, and Jazz hurriedly pulled me to the room. She knocked lightly on the door and waited for it to be opened.

A million and one thoughts were racing through my mind. Airin probably didn't want to see me, and to be honest, I didn't want to see what he had done to himself. I knew what Airin was capable of, and it scared me beyond belief.

Maybe I shouldn't of been so harsh on Airin, maybe I shouldn't of yelled at him. Maybe, just maybe, if I let Airin explain himself, everything would be alright, and we wouldn't be in this fucked up mess. I couldn't stand the thought of losing Airin. It really killed me to even think about it. I wasn't prepared for what I was about to see, and I sure as hell wasn't prepared for every ones reactions to me being in the room.

I guess I was going to find out. The door was slowly pushed open, and revealed Josline's disheveld face. Jazz basically tackled her in a hug, and starting talking at rapid speed to her.

"I'm so sorry I've been such a bitch! I never meant for something like this to tear our friendship apart! Please don't hate me." Jazz said. Josline pushed Jazz away, frowning at her.

"I've had enough of you yelling in my ear for one day!" Josline said, smiling slightly. Jazz looked relieved that Josline wasn't mad at her. Then, Josline spotted me. She moved around Jazz and looked at me. I didn't know if she was about to cry, slap me, or just break down completely. I was shocked when she hugged me. I didn't expect her to be so friendly with me, I mean, I was the one who drove her brother to almost kill himself. Josline moved away from me and smiled. Jazz and Josline both went inside the room, and I hesitated for a few seconds. I braced myself and stepped inside the little hospital room. Josh and Matt were also there. I smiled weakly at them. Then I noticed Airin.

I almost had a mental breakdown right there. The person that was lying on the hospital bed, that was not Airin. Airin wouldn't of hurt himself so badly. All of the beeping machines and the tubes strapped to Airin made me even more depressed then what I was. I stood in my spot before Airin finally smiled at me.

"Marque, come here." Airin said, his voice raspy and cracking. I shuffled my way over to the bed. Airin sat up straight, and I was surprised by the strength he had in his arms. He took one of my hands, and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes.

"I'm so sorry all of this happened." I said, letting a few tears escaped my eyes. I wiped them away with my free hand. I looked at Airin, and for the first time, he looked dead serious.

"Don't be. This was initially my fault. I never told anyone what had happened to me, or what was going on. I didn't tell you about my past, and it was a dick thing to do." Airin paused. Everyone else was quiet. I think Airin being serious surprised everyone. "Don't, and I repeat, DON'T blame yourself for my fuck-ups Marque." I was silent for a few seconds.

"But, I..." Airin cut me off.

"Ah-bap." He chuckled slightly, "No blaming!" He smiled. I couldn't help but smile back at him.