I Can't Be Without You

It had been about a week since Airin had hurt himself. I went and saw Airin whenever I could. My parents came back, and when my mom saw Airin, she broke down and starting saying that she was a bad mother, and that Airin would be okay if mom gave him more support. Airin told her countless times that mom was amazing, and that it was his fault that he hurt himself. Everyone seemed to be wanting to blame themselves for Airins pain. Even Josh had said at one point that if he was a little nicer to Airin, maybe he wouldn't of felt so much guilt. I was starting to believe that everyone had some sort of part in Airin being in the hospital. He repeated himself dozens of times. 'It's not your fault!' had been said more times then Airin had said the word purple, which was a lot.

Josh had come over after school on Friday, and we were working on our math homework. I was scribbling numbers down on my paper, and Josh was just tapping his pencil against the paper. "Josh, can you pass me that eraser?" I asked, pointing to the pink numb of an eraser. Josh slammed his pencil down in his book and stood up from his chair.

"That's it! I can't take it!" Josh said, running both hands through his brown hair. I looked at Josh, confused was spread across my face.

"Can't take what?" I asked.

"You've been sitting in your house ever since you came home. You don't even hang out after school, you come right home! You need to get out!" Josh said. He then stalked off into the kitchen. I heard him muttering something to my mom. I sat in my chair, completely confused. Josh marched back out of the kitchen and stared me down. "You. You are coming with me."He said, tugging on my hand. I was forced out of my seat, and Josh started pulling me towards the 'recording room' of the house.

"Josh, I don't..." I started, but then Josh cut me off.

"Josline, I got permission from your mother to take you out of the house." Josh said. I looked back at my mom, who went back to stirring a pot of water, whistling inconspiculously. I frowned at my mom, then at Josh.

"Josh, I really don't want to..." I said. Josh placed both hands on my shoulders.

"Josline, what can I do to convince you to go out?" Josh asked. I placed one of my fingers over my mouth.

"Hmm...well..." I started.

"Josline! Not while your mother is around!" Josh exclaimed. Mom stopped and looked at Josh. "Sorry Chloe!" Josh put both his hands up in defense.

"It's alright Josh. I've heard worse around this house." Mom laughed and went back to making her dinner. Josh looked back at me with puppy dog eyes. I couldn't say no to that face.

"Ugh, fine. I'll go." I said, folding my arms over my chest. Josh pumped his fist in the air triumphantly.

"Sweet! Get one of your guitars. I'll be waiting in my car!" Josh raced out the door. I looked confused. Why would he want me to bring my guitar? I shrugged and went downstairs to get one.

Josh and I arrived at out 'mystery location' as Josh called it. We were at a place called Jackson's Hole (keep the jokes to a minimum please). I knew the place was a popular place, and Friday's so happened to be open mic-night. Josh and I went inside the place and I looked around, I had never been inside. It looked like a regular place where you could have an open mic-night. I smiled at how pleasant it looked. I held onto my guitar case, still wondering why I had it. Josh nudged me, and led me over to a table by the stage.

We watched the many acts on the stage. There were a few comedians, who were extremely funny, a boy named Ethan who did a really nice cover of 'Hotel California', and some other musical acts that were flops. The owner of the place stepped up to the microphone and annouced the next person.

"Okay, so next we have...Josline." My heart dropped from my chest to my stomach. I looked at Josh as people were luke-warmly clapping.

"Josh, I'm not doing this." Josh pushed me out up out of my chair. People looked at me, and I turned pink. I picked up my guitar case, glaring at Josh as I walked up to the stage, tripping over my own feet. Some people giggled and I smiled lightly. I took my guitar out of my case and sat down on the stool.

"Uh, hi. I'm completely unprepared for this." I said into the microphone. I stopped to think for what to play. A song came into mind. "Okay, this is a song that I recently wrote, and I don't know how good it is." I admitted. I started playing the notes on the guitar,trying to remember the first verse. I took in a big breath and started to sing.

"Let's play a game,
a game to win over your heart.
The radical spillings of words,
don't seem to work anymore.
You can't keep your eyes shut any longer,
because you know it's not worth your time

I took in another breath. So far, so good. Then the chorus was coming up.

"Don't tell me this is really it,
both you and I know it can push further.
We can't take this seriously, and I think you know that.

We are both young, and so confused.
People are looking into ourselves,
and it's starting to make us paranoid.
Did you dream enough for this?

And this can't really be it,
so come on, let's make this last.
We can't both make it out, some how.
Even if both our hearts are breaking,
we'll make it out of this mess alive."

I played the last few chords of the song and ended it. People clapped and I exhaled. I smiled and thanked them. I put my guitar back in the case and walked back to Josh. I set the case down and Josh's lips crashed against mine.

"That's a great song." He said. I blushed.

"Really? I think it's crap." I said.

"The first draft of anything is shit." Josh smiled and then laughed. He pressed his lips against my forehead. "Wanna get out of here now?" He asked. I nodded my head and we went back out to the car. I put my guitar in the backseat and got into the passengers seat. We drove back and Josh didn't take me home.

"Um, Josh, I believe you missed my house." I said, when Josh started getting out of the car.

"Your mom said you should stay over here. She said you REALLY needed to get out of the house." Josh laughed, walking around the car to open my door. I got out and grabbed my guitar. I frowned at the thought of Josh and my mom planning evil plans. I laughed to myself. Josh led me inside, and I hadn't been in his new house yet. It was a nice size, and Josh took me down to the basement.

"I see you're sticking with the basement rooms!" I laughed, putting my guitar up against a wall. Josh laughed and sat down on the bed. I joined him and leaned up against him. Josh put his arm around me and kissed the top of my head. Josh then turned his head towards me and smiled down at me. I smiled back up at him, and he pressed his lips against mine. Usually our kisses were short and sweet, but I could feel something different about this one. Josh didn't pull away as fast as he would. The kiss felt more passionate. I went with it and wrapped my arms around his neck. Josh pushed me down onto the bed gently, his hands sliding down my sides. His fingers touched the bare skin around my hips and I giggled. Josh looked at me strangely.

"What did I do?" He asked.

"Your hands are cold!" I said, pulling his face back down to mine. I could feel Josh's hand start to sneak up under my shirt. He then stopped himself and pulled away.

"Josline, do you want to...you know...do this?" Josh asked me. I bit my bottom lip.

Was I really ready to go to the next step in our relationship? Josh made me feel comfortable about myself to want to, but was he even ready? I smiled at Josh, kissing him once again.

"I'm ready if you are."