I Can't Be Without You

I woke up the next morning, a slight shiver running through my body as my warm feet connected with the floors cold hardwood. I walked downstairs, not hearing anything. I peeked around the corner to the living room. There was no one there.

"Mom? Dad?" I called out. No answer. I knew Airin couldn't of been home, because he went to Marques, and then had to work from 12 to 8. It was 11:30 when I got up.

I walked into the kitchen, a bowl and a box of fruit loops sat on the counter. There was a little note next to them.

Hey sweetheart. Your dad and I left this morning around 9. I stopped reading and then remembered my parents had to go to Kelowna for a few days because my aunt was having a baby shower. Airin and I didn't want to go. I love kids, but sometimes babies don't like me one bit. Babies ADORED Airin though. He told me once that babies could sense fear. I was always scared I was going to drop or break them. I was starting to believe that was the reason babies cried when I was around.

We'll be back on Monday. If you need a ride to work on Sunday, Airin has a day off so he said he'd drive you to and back. Love you, mom. XOXO

The day went by pretty quickly. Airin came home at about 9, because he worked out of town, so it took him longer to get home. I was sitting in the living room when he got home, watching Finding Nemo, because it was on TV. Airin stopped right in the living room entrance, looking my straight on. I looked back at him, his facial expression turned from being extremely tired, to very excited.

"Jaws, do you wanna help me record a song?" He asked me. I looked at him, confusion plastered across my face. Airin was mostly independant with his music, rarely ever asked for help. The only help I've ever given him on a song was how to spell something.

"Are you kidding me? A chance to work with you? OF COURSE!" I leaped off the couch, shutting the TV off. We wandered downstairs to the basement and Airin turned the recording stuff on.

"Okay,so I've been working on this song for a while, and I'd really like you to help me. " Airin said, taking his normal place behind the drumset.

"Why, all of a sudden, you want me to help you?" I asked, still somewhat confused.

"Well...Josline," Airin never used my full name. "How about we start up a band?" Airin looked rather cheerful. "I mean, we both LOVE music and you're FANTASTIC at writing songs. I mean, the last one you wrote made me cry." I remembered that song. I wrote the song about Airin, when he went through rehab. Airin had always been my support system, even more than our parents. And when he went to rehab, I really had no one to turn to.

Something about Airin that no one really knew, because he was constantly hyper and WAY out there, he was real sensitive. Airin acted like a child most of the time, because he thought that if he showed his true side, he would be shunned by a few people. 'Because who likes a guy who's senstive and shows emotions?' he would often say to me. That's why Airin started to make music, to show who he really was. My dad always thought that both Airin and I didn't really have much enthusiasm for anything. Then when dad caught Airin singing and playing dad's old guitar, dad started taking him more seriously. Then I started to sing along with Airin. Our dad was proud that we found something we were both so passionate about.

About the song I wrote, Airin was my best friend when we were growing up. Airin started smoking when he was 11. When Airin turned 16, he started getting into the more hardcore drugs, like meth and heroine. My parents didn't know about any of it, because he would secretly shoot up in our basement. My parents thought he was just making music. But one day, Airin over-dosed. I found him because mom sent me downstairs to get Airin for dinner...

"Josline, can you please go get your brother? He's been down there an awfully long time." My mom said from the kitchen.

"Chloe, he's being an artist. Let him be." My dad called from behind his newspaper at the table.

"But dinner's ready Jon. Airin needs to eat." mom said, tapping the wooden spoon against the counter. Dad looked at me and nodded. I jumped off the couch, abandoning my book. I walked down into the basement, the door going into our 'studio' space was closed. Airin rarely ever closed the door when he was writing. There was no music coming from the room, so he couldn't of been recording, plus, the "NO ENTRY" sign wasn't plastered on the door. I pushed open the door slightly.

My fourteen and a half year old self didn't know what to think about what happened.
Airin was laying on the floor, I thought he was sleeping, because he slept in the strangest places sometimes. But then I noticed he wasn't breathing. I paniced. I stepped towards him, dropping down onto my knees. I shook him lightly.

"Airin? Airin..." He made no movement. I remembered what my grade 7 health class teacher told me to do when someone wasn't breathing. 1, check for anything that hurt the person. I looked around him, noticing empty glass syringes. 2, check for a pulse. I pressed my index and middle finger against Airins neck, finding a very faint, but still there, pulse.

3...get help.

Airin was smiling at me."So, what do you think? Team?" I looked back at Airin smiling.

"Team."

We finally went to bed around 3 in the morning, Airin and I were both working like mad to write something. We managed to get an entire song written down and figure the guitar chords for the first and second verse. We both were extremely tired by the time we finished that we didn't even bother to go upstairs to sleep.We took the pillows off the chairs and couch downstairs, and used the seat cushions to make a bed. We looked for blankets, because the basement used to be the storage area in our house, but we had no luck.

"Well, what do we do about that?" Airin frowned. I looked around the room.

"You could sleep in a guitar case?" I laughed and Airin stuck his tongue out at me.

"Jaws... go upstairs and get the blankets!" Airin whined, falling down onto our makeshift bed.

"Why dont we just go sleep in the spare bedroom? It's got like...A DOUBLE KING MATTRESS!" That was the last of my energy. Airin looked at me, then the doorway, which I was blocking. Airin got up, threw me over his shoulder and ran up the stairs. Obviously Airin had energy.

He jogged his way up to the second floor and swung open the door to the spare room. Airin threw me down onto the bed, throwing a stray pillow at me. Airin then leaped on the bed and slide off the other end.

"Fuck! I thought there was more bed!" He exclaimed, crawling back onto the bed. He threw some blankets over him and I did the same.

Airin and I would always sleep in the same bed when our parents went away when we were little. Even when we got older we would. When Airin was about 14, I would have been 12 or 13, our parents went away for the weekend. It was thundering out side, and thunder tended to scare me. Airin had stopped wanting to hang out with me when he was about 12, thinking that his little sister was too "girlish" to be hanging out with him.

I sat in my bed, my hands over my ears. The thunder was scaring me, but there was no where I could go to get away from it. Another loud clap of thunder rattled the windows and I started to whimper.
Thunder had never been my favourite thing. In fact, loud noises like thunder always scared me.

I curled up into a little ball my hands still covering my ears. My door creaked open slightly. I looked up to see Airin standing in the door way. "Josline, are you okay?" He asked softly. I opened my mouth to say something, but another boom of thunder. I cringed at the sound and burried my face in my bed. Airin crawled into my bed and threw the covers over the both of us. Airin put his arm around me and I instantly felt better.

"Airin?" I asked before I fell asleep.

"Mm?" Was his muffled reply.

"Love you bro." I said. I felt Airin shift on the other side of the bed.

"Love you sis."