It's Gonna Be Hard When I'm Gone

As I sat at home, I contemplated whether or not to call Adrienne and ask her if she was doing well. Jason was no help at all. He was entirely consumed in his new boyfriend, Alex. I have to admit, even though I am a lesbian, Alex was attractive for a gay man. He seemed to treat Jason good as well, so I had no ill feelings for him. They were good together. They reminded me of Adrienne and I before we broke up. Maybe that's why I had been ignoring Jason. Maybe I couldn't bear to be around that kind of love yet. Truthfully, I don't think I ever could. It was too much of a reminder of what I once had.

I sipped my coffee in silence, just remembering the last night Adrienne and I spent together. It was normal for us. We'd joke and laugh, and we fell asleep in each others arms that night. I was a little surprised when I woke up to find a note and all of her things gone from the closet and dresser. I remember looking at her curvy hand writing for an hour, trying to comprehend the words. I could feel my mind over-analyzing them.

Kyber,

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I know you and I know you will. It's just not working anymore. It needs to be over. I'm sorry.

P.S. Don't place the blame on yourself. I know you will.

Adrienne.

She'd told me not to place the blame on myself, but I wanted to. I wanted so badly to put this all on myself, because I didn't want to believe it was her fault. She couldn't be at fault for this. I had to of missed something, the signs of her unhappiness. But as I thought about it, drilling the whole relationship through my head, I couldn't find a single sign from her that she was unhappy with me. It didn't exist. There was no way I could've missed something, especially since I had the habit of analyzing everything. There wasn't a way I could've missed such a sign from her. We rarely fought over anything and we talked about what problems we had, or so I thought. She must be damn good at hiding things.

I decided to call Jason. He might be able to help me sort through all these thoughts in my head. As I called though, I found no answer on his end. He was probably with Alex. The thought left me with a dull ache in my chest. Was I losing my counterpart too? I forced the thought out of my head before I could even analyze it.

I could only imagine what was in store for me as the days went on. But I would've never expected the things that did happen.