The Long Journey Ahead

That next Friday, my two friends skipped school so they could go to the mall with me. I felt bad that I was the cause of them not going to school, but I need them with me. I had a sinking feeling that Katrina would try to persuade me to go back home. I don't think she'll ever understand that "home" is with Mrs. Iero now. I still love mom, I do, but Mrs. Iero is also my mom if that sounds right. She gives me advice, hugs me when I'm down, she protects me; she's always there.

I shut my eyes, feeling the breeze blow against my hair. The three of us had to wait outside at the bus station to get to the mall. We took a Path train and now a public bus.

My two bodyguards huddled around me very closely, almost uncomfortably. They didn't say a word but I knew what they were thinking. They thought I might run again.

This time, I sighed. I understand why they think I would try to escape again. We were out in the open, surrounded by hundreds of people and a train station. I could easily slip past them and disguise myself among the innocent bystanders.

If only they believed I wasn't planning to run again. I would never again. I finally realized I'm happy with how my life is right now. Why would I want to leave? I wish they would trust me because it hurts they don't, but I understand. I've heard that once you try something once and succeed, you'll do it again for the thrill of it. That won't happen ever again in my case but people are still apprehensive.

The bus came, we paid the fare, we sat in seats, and we got off once the last stop came up. The three of us walked in silence towards the mall. I remember going here with Katrina whenever I could. I always had to convince her to take me. I never really liked this mall to begin with. I only liked the Hot Topic they have here.

It took me only a few minutes to find Katrina from all the people sitting in the food court. It's not that she's so easy to point out of a crowd. She didn't have outrageous orange hair or anything like that. My sisterly instinct must've kicked in then. All I knew was that I was running into Katrina, hugging her as I felt the tears well up in my eyes.

"I missed you so much," I murmured.

"Me too," she replied in the same pained voice.

Katrina pushed my shoulders back, taking in my appearance. She sucked in a breath of surprise. "You-you...look so different. Oh my god we have to catch up! Come on!"

Casey and Frank gave me sympathetic looks when I looked behind my shoulder. I tilted my head, urging them to follow me. They did so, sighing at the exact same time. At times, they looked happy with one another. Other times they couldn't stand each other.

Katrina sat me down in one of the booths near the food court entrance of the mall. The smile on her face was so bright, I almost regretted meeting up with her. That smile was going to die by the end of this day.

"Okay, so-"

"Wait," I told her. I pointed behind me to Casey and Frank. "These are my friends, Casey and Frank. This is my sister, Katrina."

They all smiled at each other before a silence followed. Casey and Frank mumbled something about having to find clothes, leaving me alone with Katrina. This was not going to be easy for me.

I swallowed saliva, untangling my hair with my fingers. Katrina gasped again, staring at me with wide eyes. "What?" I breathed.

"Your hair is red! You have lip rings! You're skinnier! Oh my god, you have a butt and boobs now!" she exclaimed.

"This is so embarrassing," I mumbled, hiding my face with my hands.

"You see that?" she pointed at me, her finger shaking a little. "I missed that! I missed embarrassing you! I miss laughing with you for no reason. I just miss you."

"Kat...I missed you too."

"You know, Vince told me."

"He what?!"

"What?"

"No one was supposed to know I ever had anything with him."

We spent three glorious hours catching up with one another. One fourth of our talk was serious, one fourth was sad, and the rest was nothing but laughter. I don't remember the last time I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes.

That's what Katrina did to me. She always made me laugh saying the simplest statements or making funny faces. I think out of all the people I have missed, my heart definitely yearned and sang for Katrina. I always got along great with her and she was basically my mentor and my idol. She was so perfect, so beautiful; I always wanted to be her.

She was one of the only reasons I wanted to go back home. If I could, I would only stay with her but I knew that wasn't going to happen. My mom's rule was always this: you don't move out of the house unless you're getting married.

It's an unfair rule but it did make sense. Why move out and live on your own where you have to worry about bills, rent, and food when you can just stay home and have food always there for you?

We never treated our mom as a maid; no, we could never. We appreciated the fact that she cooked and cared for us as though we were still eight year olds.

A voice over the intercom announced the mall would be closing in five more minutes. I panicked. Katrina caught my anxiety, giving me a curt nod. The both of us knew I wasn't going back home. They didn’t lie when they said the truth hurts. It hurt more than anything I ever experienced. It hurt more than when I ran away from my family the first time.

Casey and Frank returned to the spot they met Katrina, surprised we were still sitting there. I was too and I was ready to continue sitting in the booth. However, a guard walked over to us, escorting us out of the mall.

Katrina piled us all into her car, driving us to the train station. She didn't drive us straight to Frank's house because she knew I didn't want my whereabouts revealed. When you had a sister like her, how could you not miss her?

We arrived at the train station too early. I stayed in my seat, trying to cherish this moment with Katrina. I didn't want to go; I already missed her and I was still in the car with her.

Katrina grabbed my body from her side of the car, engulfing me in a hug. "Jes, come on...go. You have to. It's not like this is the last time we're seeing each other. We'll meet up more. I love you little sis."

Those words got to me. I started crying, sobbing next to her ear. She rubbed my back a few times before giving me one last squeeze and kissing my cheek.

"I love you," I told her, feeling heart broken.

"I love you too. Don't forget to write," she smiled sadly.

I nodded, getting out the car and waving bye to her. She did the same before driving off. Frank and Casey reached for my hands, massaging the back of both of mine with their thumbs.

"How do you feel?" Casey asked once we got home. We were sitting in my room, eating cookies. She had school the next day so I don't know why she wasn't asleep yet.

I nibbled on my cookie, swallowing hard on it. "I feel better. It feels like things are going to get better you know?"

"Yeah, they are," she smiled.

The way she said it, she sounded like she was ascertain with it. It was late though, close to two a.m. so I figured I took her words the wrong way. That was common for me, especially when I'm half asleep.