There's Too Much Green To Feel Blue
Saturday
It felt odd to Peter not having Sam around. Lily had woken him up at eight complaining about her hunger. He was about to tell her to wait 'till Sam got there but then he realized it was Saturday. When he realized it, he groaned and laid back in bed. Lily crawled in next to him.
"How hungry are you, Lily?" Peter asked tiredly.
"Really hungry." she answered.
He breathed out slowly, "Good enough."
With his eyes half closed, Peter dragged his sleepy self out of bed and walked slowly to the kitchen.
"You want cereal?" Pete mumbled.
"No." Lily said.
He sighed, "Okay, I'll cook you something. Go watch tv."
He bent down and kissed her head. Lily smiled and ran to the living room. Peter was feeling lazy so he whipped up some oatmeal. He gave Lily a small bowl in the living room and ate his on the counter.
"Lily, do you want toast?" he called.
"Yes." she said watching tv.
"And chocolate milk?"
"Yes."
As Pete put the bread in the toaster and grabbed the carton of milk, Lily asked, "Daddy, is Sam coming today?"
"I don't know, sweetie."
"I hope she does."
"Yeah, me too."
Peter was at a loss of what to do for the day. Sam had taken care of the groceries, his car was in good shape and he had no other errands to run. He had a free day. The first in a few years.
"Hmm." Pete said as he prepared his daughter's drink.
He looked around the kitchen. Everything was spick and span. There weren't even any dirty dishes, Sam had taken care of tha too. But then Peter remembered the one room that really needed work, his room.
Happy that he had something to kill the time, he handed Lily her food, finished his and then headed to his room.
He spent three hours fishing dirty clothes, papers and everything else from the corners of his room and under his bed. He gathered all his dirty clothes and threw them outside his room. He stacked every misplaced object he found in a corner. He stepped out of his room and looked at all the clothes on the floor with his fists on his hips.
"Lily?" Peter called.
She came running, "What, daddy?"
"Do you have any dirty clothes?"
She looked up at him confused, "I don't know."
He nodded his head to her room. "Help me look for your clothes." he said.
Lily's room was slightly better than his. But he guessed that Sam may have helped clean her room up because he was sure he had seen it worse a few days earlier. Lily brought him every article of clothing she found and Peter divided them into a dirty or clean pile. After that they stuffed all her stray toys into her closet. He dressed her in a pink, sleeveless dress, put the clean clothes away and took the dirty clothes to the pile outside the room. He had nowhere else to put them, so he stuffed the dirty clothes in his closet. After struggling to close the door, he turned to the items in the corner. He got on his knees and gathered them up. He paused when he saw a folded up piece of paper. He picked it up, opened it and nearly cried out. He let the items from his right arm drop as he raised it to his mouth. It was a picture of him and his darling Hash. They were outside, it was dark and they were all smiles. Peter had his arm around Hash, he wore a gray sweater. Hash's hair was shorter and she wore a white collared shirt with a tight fitting black leather jacket. She was grinning at the camera.
Peter placed his hand on the floor to steady himself. The hectic week must've finally caught up with him. He hadn't shed too many tears all week due to Sam's coming. He hadn't even cried himself to sleep as he was so used to doing. The tears shed were like sleeping pills, he couldn't get to sleep without them. Peter stared at the wrinkled photo for what seemed like hours. The memory of the photo was in his mind. They had gone out that night to eat dinner and party it up. Lily had only been a few months old then and had been left with his mother. The picture had been taken outside a club after they had decided to head home. Peter grimaced at the photo. He desperately missed her and he thought of that happy memory made him want to stab his heart to make the pain end once and for all.
Taking a deep breath, he picked himself off the floor, made his bed and laid the picture in the middle of the mattress. He gathered up the remaining things from the corner, not daring to glance at them for fear of finding another memory in them. He stuffed the things into his bottom drawer of his nightstand. He then grabbed a pair of jeans and a gray shirt in exchange for his gray and black pajamas. Feeling increasingly miserable, he got into the shower.
When he got out, he felt refreshed but he was still depressed. He tried to distract himself by laying on the couch and watching tv while Lily played in her room.
After flipping through the tv for fifteen minutes, he clicked it off and just layed there, staring off into space. His thoughts were still on Hash, which made him sad and just laying there wasn't doing him any good. He needed to find a way to distract himself before he had a complete meltdown. He thought for a minute.
"Lily, do you want to go to the park?" he called.
"Yes!" Lily called back.
Peter slid off his couch, grabbed a gray beanie from his room and slipped it on. "Let's go!" he called.
Holding hands, Peter and Lily walked down five streets to get to the park. When they arrived, he led her to the playground.
"Go play. I'll be right here if you need me."
Lily ran to the sand box while Peter backed into a gray park bench. His plan seemed to backfire. He was watching Lily but thinking of Hash. He sat there, still and quiet, thinking of Hash. He sat there, still and quiet, thinking of Hash's light auburn hair and how it always looked amazing. He wanted to talk about her but didn't have anyone he could spill his thoughts to so easily. Sam was a very easy girl to talk to and that may have been why he did the night before. He hoped he hadn't scared her off with his sudden breakdown. She had left the night before as soon as she was convinced that he was okay. Peter sighed. He could not believe that earlier that day all he was worried about was being bored. But the picture of Hash had wrapped that familiar grip around his heart and he knew that it would be a long time before it would let go. This week had been a small relief from that death grip thanks to Sam but, now that the constricting sensation was back, Peter kind of felt like crying until life escaped his lips.
Peter was drowning so deeply in his pool of despair, he didn't notice the lady who had been sitting in that bench was calling to him.
"Excuse me, sir? Young man!" she called.
"Huh? Yeah?" Peter said in a voice that was low and devoid of emotion.
"Is that your sister playing with my little boy?" she asked pointing.
Peter looked. "No, that's my daughter." he replied.
"Oh," she seemed surprise, "Can you tell your daughter to not be so rough on my son?"
"Lily, play nice." Peter called.
"She's your daughter? So, how old are you, sixteen, seventeen?" the lady asked.
"I'm twenty-eight." Peter said emotionless.
"Oh, you look so young. How old is your daughter?"
"Four."
"My boy is five. Is she about to enter school?"
"Yeah." Peter was hardly listening.
"I've never seen you here before. You don't come here often, do you? Your wife does, doesn't she?"
Hash was the last thing he wanted to talk about with a complete stranger.
"I...don't have a wife at the moment." Peter answered carefully.
"You're a single father?" she crossed her legs and folded her hands on top of her knee, "I'm a single mother myself. What do you do?"
"I...work at the police department."
"Really?" she seemed very interested, "I work at a bank. Let me tell you, that job is..."
Peter zoned her out. He hadn't been paying that much attention to her anyway. He watched Lily play cars with the strange woman's boy. He noticed that the sun was a bright orange. Peter raised an eyebrow. It was already afternoon, the day had gone fast. The buzzing in his left ear had stopped, the lady must've stopped talking.
"So, what's your job like?" she asked.
"It pays less than I'm worth but enough to keep me coming back for more."he said absentmindedly.
The lady laughed out loud.
"So true!" she exclaimed. She stopped laughing and cleared her throat, "So, are you seeing anybody?"
That made Peter's sad thoughts come to an abrupt halt. For the first time, he turned and looked at her very quickly, then looked away.
"N-no." he answered nervously.
"Neither am I." she said, "Are you free tomorrow night? Because you and I could--"
Peter stood up, "Lily, let's buy some ice cream!" he called out, his voice cracking from nerves.
Lily rushed to him. He took her hand and rushed away. Lily spotted the ice cream man on the other side of the park. Peter sighed with relief and allowed her to lead him there.
As he sucked on his pink popsicle, Peter couldn't help but feel anxious. That had been the first time anyone had flirted with him since his wife's accident. He didn't know what else to feel. His phone vibrated in his pants pocket. He pulled it out and saw a text from Sam.
It read:
"What you up to, Man-Eater?"
Standing next to the ice cream stand, Peter texted back:
"I'm at the park with Lils. I think an old lady just tried to pick me up!"
Sam messaged back:
"Was she hot?"
Peter sent a message saying:
"She was old, she was like 30."
Sam texted back:
"Oh, yeah, like you're so young!"
Peter texted back:
"It was freaky."
Sam sent a final message:
"I bet. Well, I was just checking in, see ya!"
Peter put his phone away. "Come on, Lils." he took her hand and they walked around the park eating their ice cream. They walked until Lily complained that her feet hurt. He picked her up and he carried her home. He prepared dinner when they got home and they ate in front of the tv while they watched one of Lily's cartoon movies.
"Poor thing must've been tired." Peter said an hour later when he saw Lily sprawled on the couch fast asleep.
He picked her up and took her to her bed where he shook her lightly.
"Lily. Lily, wake up." he whispered.
As she stirred, Peter got up to find some p.j.'s. She let out a frustrated groan. Peter quickly grabbed a nightgown and rushed to her.
"Calm down, calm down. Just put your p.j.'s on and then you can sleep."
Peter sat her up. She grudginly let him dress her. The moment he was done, she toppled onto her side. Peter smiled and tucked her in.
It was only eight, but Peter decided to sleep. He needed to escape his conscious mind and the only way to do that was to enter his unconscious one. He turned the light on in his room and immediately saw the picture on his bed. He staggered and placed a hand over his heart. He stared at the picture from the doorway for a minute. In a split second, he decided to do something about the picture. He found a clean white, v-neck shirt and a black leather jacket. He dressed and grabbed the picture. He went to the lobby and caught Robert on his way out. He asked him to care for Lily.
"Only for thirty minutes." he begged.
When Robert agreed, Peter took off walking. He walked down the dark street and turned the corner. He was temporarily illuminated as he walked under the street lamp. The Chicago streets were surprisingly empty. He went to the next street and headed to the store that was located in the middle.
He exited the store ten minutes later with a shopping bag swinging in his hand. The store was already closing. As the lights were turned off in the inside, Peter caught sight of himself on the glass windows, near the street light. He was wearing clothes that looked like Hash's in the photograph. He sighed and kept walking. He passed the store and came upon the club next door. It was a huge neon purple, blue and red building that was pulsing with sound. Peter could feel the vibrations issuing out from the club under his feet. As he passed the club, someone went in and Peter was able to catch a glimpse of a tall man with a bright purple jacket dancing it up with a shorter, curly haired girl.
Peter walked home, still marveling at the quiet, almost empty, streets. He came home to find Robert watching tv on the couch. As they began to say their good-bye's, Robert asked, "Where's Sam?"
Peter fought a smile, "I don't know. I haven't seen her today."
"You, you don't think she's with that guy, do you?" he asked fidgeting.
"Who, Will?" Petee asked.
"I don't know, that guy who's always at the clubs." Robert said.
Peter gave him a confused look.
"Well, see ya." Robert left the apartment.
Peter sat on the couch and clicked off the tv. He pulled out the photo from his pocket. He extracted the black frame with a shiny border from his shopping bag. He opened the back and placed the picture in it. He closed it up and turned to see how it looked.
Peter beamed at the picture, "It's beautiful." he said with wet eyes.
"How hungry are you, Lily?" Peter asked tiredly.
"Really hungry." she answered.
He breathed out slowly, "Good enough."
With his eyes half closed, Peter dragged his sleepy self out of bed and walked slowly to the kitchen.
"You want cereal?" Pete mumbled.
"No." Lily said.
He sighed, "Okay, I'll cook you something. Go watch tv."
He bent down and kissed her head. Lily smiled and ran to the living room. Peter was feeling lazy so he whipped up some oatmeal. He gave Lily a small bowl in the living room and ate his on the counter.
"Lily, do you want toast?" he called.
"Yes." she said watching tv.
"And chocolate milk?"
"Yes."
As Pete put the bread in the toaster and grabbed the carton of milk, Lily asked, "Daddy, is Sam coming today?"
"I don't know, sweetie."
"I hope she does."
"Yeah, me too."
Peter was at a loss of what to do for the day. Sam had taken care of the groceries, his car was in good shape and he had no other errands to run. He had a free day. The first in a few years.
"Hmm." Pete said as he prepared his daughter's drink.
He looked around the kitchen. Everything was spick and span. There weren't even any dirty dishes, Sam had taken care of tha too. But then Peter remembered the one room that really needed work, his room.
Happy that he had something to kill the time, he handed Lily her food, finished his and then headed to his room.
He spent three hours fishing dirty clothes, papers and everything else from the corners of his room and under his bed. He gathered all his dirty clothes and threw them outside his room. He stacked every misplaced object he found in a corner. He stepped out of his room and looked at all the clothes on the floor with his fists on his hips.
"Lily?" Peter called.
She came running, "What, daddy?"
"Do you have any dirty clothes?"
She looked up at him confused, "I don't know."
He nodded his head to her room. "Help me look for your clothes." he said.
Lily's room was slightly better than his. But he guessed that Sam may have helped clean her room up because he was sure he had seen it worse a few days earlier. Lily brought him every article of clothing she found and Peter divided them into a dirty or clean pile. After that they stuffed all her stray toys into her closet. He dressed her in a pink, sleeveless dress, put the clean clothes away and took the dirty clothes to the pile outside the room. He had nowhere else to put them, so he stuffed the dirty clothes in his closet. After struggling to close the door, he turned to the items in the corner. He got on his knees and gathered them up. He paused when he saw a folded up piece of paper. He picked it up, opened it and nearly cried out. He let the items from his right arm drop as he raised it to his mouth. It was a picture of him and his darling Hash. They were outside, it was dark and they were all smiles. Peter had his arm around Hash, he wore a gray sweater. Hash's hair was shorter and she wore a white collared shirt with a tight fitting black leather jacket. She was grinning at the camera.
Peter placed his hand on the floor to steady himself. The hectic week must've finally caught up with him. He hadn't shed too many tears all week due to Sam's coming. He hadn't even cried himself to sleep as he was so used to doing. The tears shed were like sleeping pills, he couldn't get to sleep without them. Peter stared at the wrinkled photo for what seemed like hours. The memory of the photo was in his mind. They had gone out that night to eat dinner and party it up. Lily had only been a few months old then and had been left with his mother. The picture had been taken outside a club after they had decided to head home. Peter grimaced at the photo. He desperately missed her and he thought of that happy memory made him want to stab his heart to make the pain end once and for all.
Taking a deep breath, he picked himself off the floor, made his bed and laid the picture in the middle of the mattress. He gathered up the remaining things from the corner, not daring to glance at them for fear of finding another memory in them. He stuffed the things into his bottom drawer of his nightstand. He then grabbed a pair of jeans and a gray shirt in exchange for his gray and black pajamas. Feeling increasingly miserable, he got into the shower.
When he got out, he felt refreshed but he was still depressed. He tried to distract himself by laying on the couch and watching tv while Lily played in her room.
After flipping through the tv for fifteen minutes, he clicked it off and just layed there, staring off into space. His thoughts were still on Hash, which made him sad and just laying there wasn't doing him any good. He needed to find a way to distract himself before he had a complete meltdown. He thought for a minute.
"Lily, do you want to go to the park?" he called.
"Yes!" Lily called back.
Peter slid off his couch, grabbed a gray beanie from his room and slipped it on. "Let's go!" he called.
Holding hands, Peter and Lily walked down five streets to get to the park. When they arrived, he led her to the playground.
"Go play. I'll be right here if you need me."
Lily ran to the sand box while Peter backed into a gray park bench. His plan seemed to backfire. He was watching Lily but thinking of Hash. He sat there, still and quiet, thinking of Hash. He sat there, still and quiet, thinking of Hash's light auburn hair and how it always looked amazing. He wanted to talk about her but didn't have anyone he could spill his thoughts to so easily. Sam was a very easy girl to talk to and that may have been why he did the night before. He hoped he hadn't scared her off with his sudden breakdown. She had left the night before as soon as she was convinced that he was okay. Peter sighed. He could not believe that earlier that day all he was worried about was being bored. But the picture of Hash had wrapped that familiar grip around his heart and he knew that it would be a long time before it would let go. This week had been a small relief from that death grip thanks to Sam but, now that the constricting sensation was back, Peter kind of felt like crying until life escaped his lips.
Peter was drowning so deeply in his pool of despair, he didn't notice the lady who had been sitting in that bench was calling to him.
"Excuse me, sir? Young man!" she called.
"Huh? Yeah?" Peter said in a voice that was low and devoid of emotion.
"Is that your sister playing with my little boy?" she asked pointing.
Peter looked. "No, that's my daughter." he replied.
"Oh," she seemed surprise, "Can you tell your daughter to not be so rough on my son?"
"Lily, play nice." Peter called.
"She's your daughter? So, how old are you, sixteen, seventeen?" the lady asked.
"I'm twenty-eight." Peter said emotionless.
"Oh, you look so young. How old is your daughter?"
"Four."
"My boy is five. Is she about to enter school?"
"Yeah." Peter was hardly listening.
"I've never seen you here before. You don't come here often, do you? Your wife does, doesn't she?"
Hash was the last thing he wanted to talk about with a complete stranger.
"I...don't have a wife at the moment." Peter answered carefully.
"You're a single father?" she crossed her legs and folded her hands on top of her knee, "I'm a single mother myself. What do you do?"
"I...work at the police department."
"Really?" she seemed very interested, "I work at a bank. Let me tell you, that job is..."
Peter zoned her out. He hadn't been paying that much attention to her anyway. He watched Lily play cars with the strange woman's boy. He noticed that the sun was a bright orange. Peter raised an eyebrow. It was already afternoon, the day had gone fast. The buzzing in his left ear had stopped, the lady must've stopped talking.
"So, what's your job like?" she asked.
"It pays less than I'm worth but enough to keep me coming back for more."he said absentmindedly.
The lady laughed out loud.
"So true!" she exclaimed. She stopped laughing and cleared her throat, "So, are you seeing anybody?"
That made Peter's sad thoughts come to an abrupt halt. For the first time, he turned and looked at her very quickly, then looked away.
"N-no." he answered nervously.
"Neither am I." she said, "Are you free tomorrow night? Because you and I could--"
Peter stood up, "Lily, let's buy some ice cream!" he called out, his voice cracking from nerves.
Lily rushed to him. He took her hand and rushed away. Lily spotted the ice cream man on the other side of the park. Peter sighed with relief and allowed her to lead him there.
As he sucked on his pink popsicle, Peter couldn't help but feel anxious. That had been the first time anyone had flirted with him since his wife's accident. He didn't know what else to feel. His phone vibrated in his pants pocket. He pulled it out and saw a text from Sam.
It read:
"What you up to, Man-Eater?"
Standing next to the ice cream stand, Peter texted back:
"I'm at the park with Lils. I think an old lady just tried to pick me up!"
Sam messaged back:
"Was she hot?"
Peter sent a message saying:
"She was old, she was like 30."
Sam texted back:
"Oh, yeah, like you're so young!"
Peter texted back:
"It was freaky."
Sam sent a final message:
"I bet. Well, I was just checking in, see ya!"
Peter put his phone away. "Come on, Lils." he took her hand and they walked around the park eating their ice cream. They walked until Lily complained that her feet hurt. He picked her up and he carried her home. He prepared dinner when they got home and they ate in front of the tv while they watched one of Lily's cartoon movies.
"Poor thing must've been tired." Peter said an hour later when he saw Lily sprawled on the couch fast asleep.
He picked her up and took her to her bed where he shook her lightly.
"Lily. Lily, wake up." he whispered.
As she stirred, Peter got up to find some p.j.'s. She let out a frustrated groan. Peter quickly grabbed a nightgown and rushed to her.
"Calm down, calm down. Just put your p.j.'s on and then you can sleep."
Peter sat her up. She grudginly let him dress her. The moment he was done, she toppled onto her side. Peter smiled and tucked her in.
It was only eight, but Peter decided to sleep. He needed to escape his conscious mind and the only way to do that was to enter his unconscious one. He turned the light on in his room and immediately saw the picture on his bed. He staggered and placed a hand over his heart. He stared at the picture from the doorway for a minute. In a split second, he decided to do something about the picture. He found a clean white, v-neck shirt and a black leather jacket. He dressed and grabbed the picture. He went to the lobby and caught Robert on his way out. He asked him to care for Lily.
"Only for thirty minutes." he begged.
When Robert agreed, Peter took off walking. He walked down the dark street and turned the corner. He was temporarily illuminated as he walked under the street lamp. The Chicago streets were surprisingly empty. He went to the next street and headed to the store that was located in the middle.
He exited the store ten minutes later with a shopping bag swinging in his hand. The store was already closing. As the lights were turned off in the inside, Peter caught sight of himself on the glass windows, near the street light. He was wearing clothes that looked like Hash's in the photograph. He sighed and kept walking. He passed the store and came upon the club next door. It was a huge neon purple, blue and red building that was pulsing with sound. Peter could feel the vibrations issuing out from the club under his feet. As he passed the club, someone went in and Peter was able to catch a glimpse of a tall man with a bright purple jacket dancing it up with a shorter, curly haired girl.
Peter walked home, still marveling at the quiet, almost empty, streets. He came home to find Robert watching tv on the couch. As they began to say their good-bye's, Robert asked, "Where's Sam?"
Peter fought a smile, "I don't know. I haven't seen her today."
"You, you don't think she's with that guy, do you?" he asked fidgeting.
"Who, Will?" Petee asked.
"I don't know, that guy who's always at the clubs." Robert said.
Peter gave him a confused look.
"Well, see ya." Robert left the apartment.
Peter sat on the couch and clicked off the tv. He pulled out the photo from his pocket. He extracted the black frame with a shiny border from his shopping bag. He opened the back and placed the picture in it. He closed it up and turned to see how it looked.
Peter beamed at the picture, "It's beautiful." he said with wet eyes.