Whatever It Is

“You came in here to get more beer forever ago Carlos,” Gordon chuckled, opening the fridge. “I figured the girls wrangled you into some kind of conversation, so I came to save you.”

“Ha-ha,” Anne smacked Gordon’s arm lightly.

“So, what is it I’ll realize isn’t a big deal?” Gordon repeated, opening his beer. The other three all stared at him, and Gordon was starting to get a little suspicious.

Hazel nervously ran her right hand up and down her left arm, causing Gordon to set his beer down quickly and step over to her.

“What happened to your wrists?” He asked worriedly, taking her hands in his and lifting them up to inspect them. Carlos furrowed his brow and walked over, apparently not realizing that he had been the one who caused them. Hazel’s eyes got wide and she immediately looked up at Anne. Both men had their back to Anne, since they were looking at Hazel’s wrists, and Anne was motioning to her to say something.

But Hazel couldn’t speak. She didn’t know what to do. She was starting to get lightheaded, and just when she thought she couldn’t take it anymore Carlos stumbled backwards, his face pale.

He had realized where she got the bruises.

“Zell, what happened?” Gordon asked again. “Where’d you get these bruises?”

“Um…”

“Hazel!” Gordon said firmly. Hazel glanced at Carlos and Anne, silently begging for help. “You two know something about this?” Gordon asked, turning to the two of them.

“Uh, well…”

“Is this the thing I’d realize wasn’t a big deal?”

Everyone remained silent.

“You’re telling me I wouldn’t think bruises on my sister’s body were a big deal?” He yelled.

“Gordon, calm down,” Anne said, putting her and on his arm. He pulled away, looking at everyone accusingly.

“Someone needs to tell me what’s going on right now,” he said, dangerously low.

“I did it,” Carlos finally spoke up. Gordon whipped his head toward his teammate harshly, eyes narrowing.

“Come again?”

“We were drunk…it just kind of, happened,” Carlos explained. Gordon clenched his fists, and Anne once again put her hand on his arm.

“They had sex, Gordon,” Anne clarified. “He didn’t abuse her or anything.”

Gordon relaxed considerably, and he leaned against the counter.

“Jesus Christ,” he muttered, letting out a breathy laugh.

“You’re not mad?” Hazel asked softly.

“Oh, I’m definitely still mad,” he said, standing up straight again and clenching his jaw. “I’m just less mad now that I know all he did was charm you and not hit you.”

“Do you really think I’m capable of something like that?” Carlos asked, offended.

“Yes,” Gordon said, not skipping a beat. “You’re not exactly the most level headed person.”

“That doesn’t mean I’d hit a woman,” Carlos argued, getting angrier.

“Doesn’t mean you wouldn’t,” Gordon shrugged.

“Gordon!” Hazel exclaimed.

“Don’t you dare try and lecture me, Zell. I told you what kind of guy he was. What the hell were you thinking?” Before Hazel could respond, he turned to Carlos. “And you. I told you to stay away from my sister when it came to your screwing around. I thought-”

“I was keeping her company, we got drunk, and one thing led to another, alright? We’ve talked about it, we’ve agreed to put it behind us and stay friends. We’re fine with it. Why can’t you be?” Carlos replied.

“Where you guys ever going to tell me? Or were you just going to keep it from me forever?”

“Well since we figured you were going to act like this, we were leaning towards keeping it from you,” Hazel noted. “Gordon, please, it was a one time thing, and we are still friends. Just let it go.”

“I think you’re a little confused, Zell. Yeah, I’m upset that you guys had meaningless sex. I’m your brother, and of course I’m going to be protective. And Carlos, I know you have one night stands to cope or whatever,” Gordon rambled. Carlos glanced at Hazel, not wanting her to know about all that shit from his past. “And I know this may sound wimpy and what not, but I worry about you. You’re going to regret it one day.”

The three of them watched as Gordon ran a tired hand over his face.

“But I’m more upset that you went behind my back. I’m more upset that you were going to lie to me about it. Excuse me,” he said, walking toward the kitchen door.

“Gordon,” Hazel called out. Gordon turned around swiftly, holding his hand up.

“Don’t,” he stated. “Just don’t.” Gordon walked out, leaving the other three completely speechless.

“Hazel, don’t worry about it,” Anne comforted, seeing Hazel about to cry. “He’ll come around, alright?”

“I have to go,” she mumbled, walking out of the kitchen and apartment quickly. Anne turned to Carlos, who was looking at the ground.

“Good going.”

“How is this my fault?” Carlos exclaimed.

“If you weren’t such a commitment-phobe, maybe you wouldn’t be sleeping all around town like-”

“Me a commitment-phobe? Me? You do remember what happened to me a few months back, don’t you?” Carlos pointed out.

“Yes, I do, and I’m sorry. No one should have to go through that. But tell me, Carlos, why do you only have one night stands?” Anne challenged. When Carlos remained silent, she continued. “Because you’re afraid to get hurt again, right? Well have you ever wondered who you’re hurting? Have you ever wondered if the girls ever wake up heartbroken, thinking that you actually meant the sweet things you said to them?”

Anne couldn’t explain the look on Carlos’ face. His eyes were sad, haunting almost.

Haunted.

She felt bad, but at the same time she didn’t. He needed to hear it.

“I know Hazel might not be one of those girls, since you actually gave her the decency of talking to her about it,” Anne said. “But I really think you need to think about your actions from now on. Yes, you were hurt. Yes, you had every right to be angry about it. But it’s time for you to get serious again. Start getting serious about women again, dating. And you can find a girl who can make you really, really happy.”

“I should get home,” Carlos said quietly, heading towards the door. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yeah, just avoid the problem, like always, Carlos,” Anne remarked. “Not that I expected any more.” With that she shut the door in his face, leaving him shell-shocked.

The whole way Carlos drove home, his mind was racing. Without even realizing it, he found himself outside Hazel’s apartment complex. He sat in the car a moment, looking up at the building before he shut his car off and made his way inside.

He went up to her unit and knocked on the door. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say, but he knew he wanted to talk to her. His mind was so clouded, it took him a minute to realize she wasn’t answering the door. He knocked again and waited a few moments, but there was still nothing.

He leaned his head on her door, sighing. He knew she’d be upset, so maybe she didn’t want to talk. Or maybe she was sleeping or something. Carlos let out a defeated groan, walking back to his car. He went back to his apartment, ready to take a hot shower and get some sleep.

As he rounded the corner of his hallway, he saw Hazel standing by his door.

“Hazel?”

The brunette looked up quickly at the sound of his voice, her eyes red and puffy. He walked over to her, and she looked at the ground.

“What are you doing here?” He asked softly. Hazel opened her mouth to reply, but all that came out was a sob. Carlos wrapped his arms around her, and she responded immediately. “It’ll be okay. Gordon will come around.”

Hazel pulled away, mumbling a ‘sorry’ before wiping her eyes.

“I’m sorry about being here,” she added. “I didn’t even go home, I just came straight here…I figured we needed to talk but now I don’t know what to say.”

“Just give Gordon the night to cool off and talk to him after the game tomorrow,” Carlos suggested.

“Yeah…” Hazel mumbled. Carlos unlocked his door and turned to Hazel.

“You wanna come in?”

“I should probably go. You need your rest for tomorrow anyways,” she said softly. Her eyes however, were begging him to make her stay.

“It’s okay, I was going to stay up for a while anyways.”

Lie. He was going to shower and go to bed. He was fucking exhausted.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be a hassle…”

Carlos just grabbed her hand and pulled her inside, shutting and locking the door behind her.

“Make yourself at home. I’m going to hop in the shower real quick,” he said. Hazel nodded and sat on the couch, waiting for him to come back out. When he did so ten minutes later, he looked at her strangely. “You could have turned the television on or something,” he chuckled.

“How are you so calm about all of this?” She asked.

“Hazel, what’s done is done. The only thing you can do now is give Gordon some space and wait for him to talk to you about it. No sense in moping about it until then,” he shrugged.

“No sense in moping about it?” Hazel echoed. “My brother is mad at me for breaking his trust and may not ever trust me again and there’s no sense in moping about it?”

“No! What difference is it going to make whether or not you’re dwelling on it or you forget about it? I’ll tell you, it’s not going to make any difference because the ball’s in his court and nothing you worry about right now is going to change his thinking,” Carlos responded.

“So, what difference does it make then when you strike out and then go and mope about it in the dugout afterwards?”

Carlos narrowed his eyes, his anger level starting to rise.

“That’s different.”

“How?” Hazel challenged. “What’s done is done, right? How does that not apply to you? Are you exempt from the ‘No use crying over split milk’ rule?”

“Listen, bothering Gordon right now is just going to make matters worse, alright? So just let it go.”

“So, were you ‘letting it go’ when you broke your own wrist after fouling off some stupid pitch? Did that not make it worse?” Hazel said.

Carlos stood there, dumbfounded. How did she know about all this stuff? Better yet, why did she care?

“Baseball is my career, alright? I have every right to stop and think about my mistakes and try and improve,” Carlos defended.

“Oh, and I can’t stop and think about my mistakes when it comes to family matters?”

“You’re fucking impossible, you know that?”

“No, you just don’t make good arguments. You make yourself look like an idiot who is always contradicting himself,” she pointed out, her southern accent making her sound more eloquent about her argument as well.

“You don’t know me or anything about me,” Carlos spat. “So get off your high horse and stop talking about things you have no idea about.”

“I don’t know anything about you? Please,” Hazel scoffed. “I know your fiancée left you at the altar.”

Carlos spun his head to look at her, eyes ablaze in fury.

“You think I thought you were just an asshole for the hell of it? No, I looked you up,” she stated. “I know that that’s the reason you sleep around, have one night stands. It’s your way of still getting laid without getting hurt. Well fine, don’t have relationships. But one day you are going to wake up completely alone, more so than you ever realized. Because your friends are all going to mature and get married and start families and you’ll be their bitter old friend who doesn’t believe in love. And without realizing, it, you’ll have hurt yourself more than any harlot ever could. I also know that you’ve shut yourself down from outside help, and that you’re guarded. You play baseball like it’s a chore. Like you don’t even enjoy it. You foul off a pitch and you put your angry face on. You strike out and you put your angry face on. You hit a homerun and you put your angry face on. You sit in the dug out and-”

“I get it,” Carlos snapped.

“Yeah, well I’m not done. I don’t understand you. You’re one of the luckiest guys in the world and yet you act like you have it so hard. I told Gordon, and I’m going to tell you. There’s nothing wrong with being an intense, passionate player. But your intensity is brutal. It’s violent. And I for one don’t want to be around when you snap.”

“Then get the fuck out,” Carlos said hoarsely, clenching his jaw. Hazel walked over to his door, opening it before turning around.

She was about to say something else when she saw him coming toward her. She quickly walked into the hall, and Carlos stopped at the door.

“I’m about to make things real simple for you when it comes to me,” he growled. “Don’t talk to me. Don’t look at me. Don’t worry about me. As far as I’m concerned, you’re just another quick fuck I had that I don’t need to see ever again. Goodbye.”

He slammed the door in her face, causing Hazel to flinch. Normally she’d go vent to Gordon, but seeing as he was still mad at her, she discouragingly made her way home.

Meanwhile, after he had slammed the door in her face, Carlos collapsed against it. He was breathing heavy, his vision cloudy. He was so angry. Too angry. He knew there was no way he’d get to sleep now, so he went into the spare room in his apartment that held his exercise equipment. He peeled off his tank top, strapped on his gloves, and went to town on his punching bag.