100 Ways

10. Find someone you can vent to

It started when I was 4.
It was almost the end of August and school had just started. This school was called Holy Rosary Academy. It was a Catholic private school. I remember two things about it: we went to church a lot and I had no friends those 4 years I attended that school.

I didn't have friends. I had acquaintances. The girls I hung out with were Loren, Kelsea, Aimee, Selena, Bridget, and Jessica. Loren and Kelsea were supposedly my best friends. They weren't. They tolerated me, it seemed. But they were closer together than they were with me. They called each other, they had inside jokes, they went to each other's houses. It was almost sickening how close they were. (Alas! May this be where my negative nature started? That is the question that haunts my brain as I write this.) They didn't even know where I lived. I remember I sent them those valentine-grams one year. I wrote in it: "Even though you never acted as my friend, I love you."

Two years later, I transferred out of that school. Loren called me, once, when I was in 7th grade. I hadn't heard her voice in almost four years but she sounded almost the same. She said she found my number in her room and that she wanted to keep in touch. She hasn't called since.

My point is....even at a young age, I never had anyone to talk to. When I was 6, I lost my baby cousin. The only person I had was the school counselor, who I didn't even want to talk to. She made me cry. (This may be where my over-emotional nature started. What the hell did that school do to me?) At 9, I lost my grandfather; my only companion, besides Brian. Again, no one to vent to because, at the time, Brian was on vacation with his parents. I had just transferred to a new school and I was so not about to vent my feelings to kids I didn't know. I mean, come on, I was shy. But once I turned 12....I didn't care. I had so many emotions bottled up inside of me. I needed to vent and I needed to vent now.

I was in 7th grade and I was at P.E. There was a girl sitting by herself because she had cramps and just wanted to sit. Her friends left her there. I sat next to her and introduced myself. Her name was Alyssa. I immediately loved her to death and I still do. We're friends to this day.

It's amazing how when you feel an instant connection, you vent so easily. She didn't know me and she told me all about herself and her crush on my friend, Eric. She was one of the first people I could really talk to. I love Alyssa. She held me as I cried in her arms. I told her all about my cousin and my grandpa. She told me about her sick mom. The words just came out of my heart and soul and into the atmosphere. Lyssa understood me in every single way there was possible. She still does. I can still talk to her about everything; from the fight my mom and brother are having to how that boy still breaks my heart.

I was walking around the quad a couple months ago at lunchtime when I passed a girl on the steps to the B building crying. I stopped and just stared at her, biting my lip. Should I keep walking like everyone else? Or dare I step in and just let her talk? I let her talk. I went up to that girl and asked her if something was wrong and if she needed to talk. She looked at me gratefully. Maybe she never had anyone to let her vent, like I did. I sat on those steps with her, let her cry on my shoulder, and let her talk. I spent my entire lunch with that stranger while my friends sat our table wondering where I was at, not even knowing I was 100 feet away.

It can be a friend or a stranger. When it comes to me, I tend to vent to strangers over the Internet. I could be because I know I will never meet these people or because they don't know who I am so they can't even use my secerts against me. Either way, venting to someone, anyone, helps. There is absolutely no reason to keep inside every single emotion in you. It's not healthy. I did that and I regret it. Keeping inside everything ruined so much that I had. I lost friends and relationships because of it. I lost the boy I loved because of it. I almost lost my own mind because of it. My mind made up lies to balance it all out. There are some things in my mind I don't even know if they're true or not because I made myself believe it. I was at the brink of screaming my lungs out in the middle of school or suddenly crying a flood while at a family dinner until I finally let it all out.

You can talk to whoever you like. Friend, stranger, your journal. Someone to listen.
If you're willing to listen to them, most likely they'll be just as willing to listen to you.

Okay, you all should know by now that I love you. Every single one of you.
If you ever have one of those days where you need to vent and you can't find anyone at all: I'm here.
You will find I'm an easy person to talk to. I'm a good listener and I try my best to give good advice.

I'm always here. I'm just a click away.