100 Ways

This is not a chapter. Not really.
I really don't know how I could make this into a way how to be happy because this is just simple logic. Not even logic. This should be automatically programmed into your brains, like breathing. But it's such a shame how many people ignore this. So many people who do nothing. So many people who sit at their computers, watch TV, and let time pass them by. Everyone should be doing something with their lives. I understand little children don't know responsibilty or something so they don't know better. But life comes right at you when you reach the ages 9-17. Those are everyone says you know nothing because you are a child but they expect everything of you because you're supposed to be growing up. How can we live with such contradictions? But that's not the point. The point is to live life to the fullest.

Every second of every day is another second where you are closer to your death.

Life and Death.
That's what I'm talking about today. Simple yet difficult subjects. Sensitive, I know, but somebody has to say it, don't they?

Every second of every day is another second where you are closer to your death.
None of us know when we're going to die. We can be staring down the barrell of a gun, we could have pills or razors in hand, we can be outside when our hearts suddenly stop, or we can be laughing as we're crossing the street and that car comes out of nowhere.
We're all dying slowly but so many people are so focused on their death they ignore that fact that they are still living. And they don't know how to live anymore.

On February 25, 2008, I witnessed Death firsthand.
I saw him come for a young man.

My dad had just picked me up from school and we were on our way home. I had plugged my iPod in and I was listening to the song I was currently obsessed with, Goodbye (I'm Sorry) by Jamestown Story. Ironically, a song about death/suicide. We were just the street over from where I live. I was looking out the window, singing along to the song, watching the field pass by. I glance through the front window when it happened.

On that street, there's a huge dip and a sudden hill in the road. The car in front of us was just driving by like everyone else. The driver of the truck must have not been familiar with the street, not knowing about the dip and hill. He was driving at least 45 miles per hour in a 25 mph area. He hit the hill hard and lost control. He hit the car in front of us. The car spun before the truck hit the passenger side. The passenger side was absolutely crushed and the driver's side was dented in. There was glass, blood, and smoke absolutely everywhere. Another truck appears out of nowhere on my side, stops, and the man runs out trying to pull the driver of the car out. My heart was beating so hard and my breath was shallow as I stared at the man. I barely heard my dad as he told me to stay in the car and he ran out. I'm staring in shock before instinct kicks in and I dig through my bag for my cell phone. It's amazing how long 911 operators take when you dial the emergency service number. I know there's so much crime and violence in one city but when you're seeing someone die right in front of you, it's an eternity. I got a recording at first. A fucking recording saying all lines were busy. I called again to get some lady. I told her what happened and where. Another thing that amazes me is how calm I was and calm she was. She said the police were on their way before hanging up. I'm staring at the car in shock when I look at the truck. The truck driver is sitting there with his arms crossed at the wheel and his mouth buried in his arms, staring at the annihilated car in front of him as men try to see if there are survivors. I stare at him as he stares in front of him before he he unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of his truck. I didn't see him again for the entire time I was there. By now, people from the mobile home park where it happened in front of are coming out. It shocks me how many women are casually carrying their babies and staring at the car with a blank stare. Mothers with their toddlers, who are giggling with their jump ropes and playing in the glass. Teenage boys who think they're tough standing on a brick wall staring at all, calling their friends over to come and stare. I'm staring from the car, paralyzed, as the fire engines come. So many people watching the accident. Teenage boys, old men, women, babies, little kids. A man comes into the street to guide the traffic. People are full on stopping and looking out the window to watch. Like it's some sick form of entertainment. My dad comes over to tell me that the passenger was killed on impact and that the fire fighters are trying to get the driver out. There is still hope for him. I'm crying saying I want to go home but my dad wants to stay. I want to go home, I'll walk if I have to. He says no because If I walk, I'd have to pass the dead body. I'm crying in the car. I look around at everyone. Teenage boys, old men, women, babies, little kids. Not even the children are crying. They stare and point. I'm the only one crying. All alone in the hot car when an old Mexican man on a bicycle passes by and tells me, "Don't cry, mija, it'll be okay. At least it wasn't you." He smiles and rides his bike away.

That's when it hit me. If were only a few feet ahead, that would be me. I'd be dead right now if I was only a few feet ahead. So many things I haven't done and so many people I've hurt. I would've left this world like that. Everyone is telling me it was God's will. Friends who are fucking Atheists are telling me it was God's will to let me live. There was nothing I could do. I know that. I know it was God's will, everything happens for a reason, blah blah blah. No fucking shit, guys. But I can't stop thinking about that young man in the passenger seat. He got up, had breakfast, did all his stuff, and he didn't know he was going to die in a few hours. How many people did he leave behind? Who would plan his funeral? Would people miss him? Did he even have anybody? People who loved him were sitting at home, not knowing he died. They'd get a sudden phonecall saying he was gone. Forever. I can't stop thinking about him. I can't stop thinking about if it was me.

I haven't graduated high school. I haven't met Karlie face-to-face yet. I haven't gone to college. I haven't gotten married. I haven't had children. I haven't done anything my freshman year. I haven't lived yet. There are no clubs I'm in. There's no abundance of friends I have. There is a boy I like and a boy I love. The boy I like doesn't even realize I like him and he probably thinks I'm crazy now. I never told him how I felt. The boy I love.....I told him I didn't love him like I used to. I just want him happy and I don't think he could be happy with me even though he's trying so hard. We never talk anymore even though I can never get him out of my head. If it were me, I would've left it like that. He wouldn't know I was dead, he would just wonder if I left somewhere.

Seeing Death really does have an impact on a person, doesn't it?

You're all so young. You could be doing something with your life right now. At any second, anytime, your life could be taken away and you won't realize it until it's too late. You need to do something with your life. Don't be the person that will die and nobody will realize. Be the person that everyone will celebrate the life you had and will miss you in the years to come. Don't just be the person who sits back and let life pass you by, like I have. Do something.

I know this sounds stupid by, seriously: Live, Laugh, Love

If you're one of those stubborn people who feel sorry for themselves and never smile, I feel sorry for you. I was like that and I'm still trying to get over that and be happy. I was like that but then I realized how pathetic I was. If you're getting offended, you need to stop getting offended by honesty because you're going to have to deal with it someday. Not everyone is going to sugarcoat life and feel sorry for you. Moping around won't get you anywhere. I know that for a fact. This is life, not a slow routine to death.

Focus on what you know that you already have, not what you think you're going to get.

You all have dreams. Do something to get them. Live life to the fullest extent and be happy.

Cherish Life