100 Ways

20. Celebrate.

I saw the one year anniversary of my rape.
I realized my rapist would never be caught.
I saw my abusive ex-boyfriend and let him get to my head.
I was given my first D.
I was forced into a science class I wasn't supposed to be in.
I was given my first detention.
I locked myself in the bathroom so many times just to cry.
I heard my parents fighting.
I had my brother hit me in ways that were soooooo not playful.
I had basically strangers coming up to me knowing everything about my rape.
I felt ultimately worthless and pathetic.
And worst of all....
I had my heart broken.

But you know what else happened?

I saw my parents happy together.
I got along with my brother.
I got over my rape.
I got quality time with my parents.
I actually felt like I belonged in my family.
I found things that I was actually good at.
I made so many new friends.
My old friendships grew stronger.
I felt something that was really close to love.
I actually passed P.E.
And the best thing that happened....
I realized that I can survive with a broken heart.

What happened to you?

Honestly, this year was the worst year of my life. So far.
I have never cried so much in my life.
My journals are filled with pages that say "I am not worthless" over and over.
And you know what?
I'm not.
Things happened this year that mde me feel like I actually have a purpose.
I had a boy fall in love with me.
I had friends thank me for all the advice.
Quite a few friends were jumped this year and I was there for them.
My brother actually shared music with me and bought me a jacket.
And when it comes to him, that's saying something.
I'm almost over my abusive relationship and my rape.
The love of my life broke my heart and tortured with my emotions in the worst possible way.
But I got over that. And now we're friends. Hopefully turning into something more.

I found out that I'm good at photography.
I have a bright future in photojournalism.
Turns out, I'm really good at making bracelets and necklaces.
I give good gifts for birthdays and Christmas, for once.
People are actually complimenting me on how I look, act, and sing!
It's a freakin miracle.

I've been raped.
I've had my best friend and first love slip away.
I've been beaten.
I've seen my family at their worst moments.
My parents never cried. I've seen them cry.
I've lost friends.
I've had people follow me home. More than once.

But.....

I am alive.

I thank God for giving me another chance.
He is my savior.
He has allowed me to live on.
I can change myself for the better.
I know who I am now and I can improve myself.

I know this year has been horrible for thousands.
You thought no one could feel the pain you felt.
There was absolutely no one who could relate; there was no way they could understand.
Sometimes...the people who don't seem like it have been through more than you know.
Give people a chance. Let them in.
Don't be me. Don't close yourself off from the world.
Let it out, darlings.
God gave you life. I don't care if you believe in evolution or no God....
Something out there gave you the breath of life. Something is letting you live on.
Something is giving you another chance.,

No matter who you are...no matter what you've done....
Everyone deserves a second chance

I've given you 20 ways to make yourself happy.
For the love of all that is holy, use them. Be happy.
Be happy with what you got. Be happy knowing things can always be a little bit better.
Be happy.

Gather what you have. Get every little ounce of everything that matters.
Your parents [even if they are controlling], your family [even if they are embarassing], your friends [even if they are annoying], your teachers [even if they don't know when to shut up], your favorite bands [even if they do make mistakes sometimes]
They're all there for a reason. They make you, you.
Be happy with you got.
Gather what you have and celebrate.

You have what you have for a reason. It's fate.
Believe in it or don't. But remember that everything is connected.
All of you make me smile. You make me giggle. You make me feel happy.
I'm glad you found me.

Remember...
when you feel down, when you feel unwanted, when you feel pushed to the brink...
I'm here.
And more importantly....

I love you.

I can't say it enough.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
I'm always here for you. No matter what.
No matter who you are. No matter the situation. I'm here.
And I celebrate the fact that you found me.
I celebrate the fact that I might be able to help.
I celebrate the fact that I'm still alive to be here to help.

I live in California.
It's 11:54 PM.
In 6 minutes...it's a new year.
Gone with the past.
Hello, 2009.
All I have to say to you is....bring it on.