Status: Hiatus, maybe? Gets updated very slowly.
100 Ways
#22
22. Faith.
It started with a song.
I kissed a girl and I liked it...
Katy Perry. Love her. Hate her. Keep your opinion on her. Because I'm not going to talk about her. I'm going to talk about a band that moved me in ways I didn't know were possible. Because of Katy Perry, I was introduced to that band. That band immediately changed me and became one of my favorite bands in the whole world. Possibly even topping Evanescence, which is most definitely saying something.
I was never really one to believe. When I was four years old, I was accepted into the only private elementary/middle school in the city. And in my city, a private school means a Catholic school. Catholic school means uniforms, church, one hour religion lessons, praying before every class starts, and mandatory after school activities. I didn't mind the activities and the uniforms. But I didn't understand why I had to learn about an invisible being I couldn't see or hear.
I had to sit through two hour masses on Mondays and Wednesdays in between two boys I didn't like because the sisters made us sit in boy-girl-boy-girl formation. I remember being in the service and having to bow to the giant cross just to cross the stage and reading things I didn't even understand from the Bible out loud to my entire school. I remember freaking out when I was in kindergarten because I thought the big kids and the adults were actually eating the skin of a human, our Jesus Christ. I remember getting in trouble for not bringing a rose to set on a statue on the day we honored the Virgin Mary.
When I was in second grade, I had the worst teacher. Her name was Sister Gonzalez. I always tolerated religion lessons before her, but she made it unbearable. I think when I was younger, I just went with whatever my teachers told me. But it was in second grade that I actually started doubting the presence of God. I refused to believe that the all-loving God wanted a wrinkled and angry old woman in black to hit me with a ruler because I asked, "Sister Gonzalez, how do we actually know He exists?" and "Why do I have to teach her to read? You're the teacher."
Let's just say I was beyond ecstatic when I found out my third grade teacher taught dance instead of religion. But dance couldn't help me escape masses and immature boys who stuck gum in my hair and mean little girls who couldn't keep their mouths shut. My mother soon transferred me to public school.
No more uniforms. Stunted creative freedom.
No more roses. Thorns hurt the children.
No more prayers. Not allowed.
No more God. Not allowed.
When I entered middle school, so many things happened that only gave me more reason to not believe in God. Molested, raped, illnesses. How could God, the one who was supposed to love me unconditionally, let that happen to me? Then ninth grade approached and I realized that I liked not only boys, but girls as well. And all of a sudden, the God who I was told was going to love me through all my flaws, hated me for what I was. I was going to go to Hell. I wasn't a virgin and I liked girls, so I was shunned and cast away.
And I hated Him for it.
But then I realized something. Something very hilarious actually. The same people who told me I was going to Hell had a priest. He had a very special interest: choir boys. Could it be? Their beloved leader was a gay pedophile? And all they said was, "God has forgiven him. He is God's child, he is a priest."
One can only imagine how much I laughed that day. Filthy hypocrites. It was then that I learned to love myself again and realize that I am beautiful, inside and out. And if God existed, he would love me unconditionally because I loved people for who they were instead of hating others and yelled horrible words from behind a book that had God's supposed word that was against shellfish and was all for a man to beat his wife and sell his daughters.
But I still didn't really believe. I believed He might be there. Maybe.
And then Katy Perry introduced me to a band all because they decided to do a cover of her song. The band was Attack Attack!
The U.S. band, not the UK, in case anyone is confused.
I became obsessed with the band and I was simply beyond happy when the album came out. I bought it the day it came out and I sat and I listened. I sat there with my iPod in my hand and listened to the beautiful sounds coming from my headphones. And the more I listened, the more I came to believe.
I had to realize that I always believed in God. All this time, I did believe in Him. I just needed some time without Him, I guess. But Attack Attack! brought me closer to God. People can call them a Christian rock band, people can call them something else. But I perceive their lyrics in a way that touched me and their lyrics brought me closer to Him.
They have this song called Bro, Ashley's Here. There's a line that goes, "No one could ever understand my shame you took with those nails in your hands." That was the line that stood out to me the most. And there's not a day that goes by that I don't listen to that song.
I'm not going to say my connection with God is uber crazy and I read the Bible and go to church. I don't believe in religion. I believe in simple faith. I believe that God loves me for what I am, always. I believe that He's angry at me for when I do wrong and that He forgives me when I ask for it. I believe I'll be welcomed into Heaven with open arms if I truly think I deserve it. I believe He is always with me. So when I'm sad and lonely, I know He's there for me. That's what I believe and I'm happy.
I'm not saying you should believe in God. God is just something I personally believe in. I'm saying that if you believe in something, truly believe in it. Hold on to it with all your soul and keep it to death. It's something precious and you should never let anyone try to change it unless you really think you should.
Faith makes us feel like we're not alone in the world.
I'd rather be connected with something than be alone.
It started with a song.
I kissed a girl and I liked it...
Katy Perry. Love her. Hate her. Keep your opinion on her. Because I'm not going to talk about her. I'm going to talk about a band that moved me in ways I didn't know were possible. Because of Katy Perry, I was introduced to that band. That band immediately changed me and became one of my favorite bands in the whole world. Possibly even topping Evanescence, which is most definitely saying something.
I was never really one to believe. When I was four years old, I was accepted into the only private elementary/middle school in the city. And in my city, a private school means a Catholic school. Catholic school means uniforms, church, one hour religion lessons, praying before every class starts, and mandatory after school activities. I didn't mind the activities and the uniforms. But I didn't understand why I had to learn about an invisible being I couldn't see or hear.
I had to sit through two hour masses on Mondays and Wednesdays in between two boys I didn't like because the sisters made us sit in boy-girl-boy-girl formation. I remember being in the service and having to bow to the giant cross just to cross the stage and reading things I didn't even understand from the Bible out loud to my entire school. I remember freaking out when I was in kindergarten because I thought the big kids and the adults were actually eating the skin of a human, our Jesus Christ. I remember getting in trouble for not bringing a rose to set on a statue on the day we honored the Virgin Mary.
When I was in second grade, I had the worst teacher. Her name was Sister Gonzalez. I always tolerated religion lessons before her, but she made it unbearable. I think when I was younger, I just went with whatever my teachers told me. But it was in second grade that I actually started doubting the presence of God. I refused to believe that the all-loving God wanted a wrinkled and angry old woman in black to hit me with a ruler because I asked, "Sister Gonzalez, how do we actually know He exists?" and "Why do I have to teach her to read? You're the teacher."
Let's just say I was beyond ecstatic when I found out my third grade teacher taught dance instead of religion. But dance couldn't help me escape masses and immature boys who stuck gum in my hair and mean little girls who couldn't keep their mouths shut. My mother soon transferred me to public school.
No more uniforms. Stunted creative freedom.
No more roses. Thorns hurt the children.
No more prayers. Not allowed.
No more God. Not allowed.
When I entered middle school, so many things happened that only gave me more reason to not believe in God. Molested, raped, illnesses. How could God, the one who was supposed to love me unconditionally, let that happen to me? Then ninth grade approached and I realized that I liked not only boys, but girls as well. And all of a sudden, the God who I was told was going to love me through all my flaws, hated me for what I was. I was going to go to Hell. I wasn't a virgin and I liked girls, so I was shunned and cast away.
And I hated Him for it.
But then I realized something. Something very hilarious actually. The same people who told me I was going to Hell had a priest. He had a very special interest: choir boys. Could it be? Their beloved leader was a gay pedophile? And all they said was, "God has forgiven him. He is God's child, he is a priest."
One can only imagine how much I laughed that day. Filthy hypocrites. It was then that I learned to love myself again and realize that I am beautiful, inside and out. And if God existed, he would love me unconditionally because I loved people for who they were instead of hating others and yelled horrible words from behind a book that had God's supposed word that was against shellfish and was all for a man to beat his wife and sell his daughters.
But I still didn't really believe. I believed He might be there. Maybe.
And then Katy Perry introduced me to a band all because they decided to do a cover of her song. The band was Attack Attack!
The U.S. band, not the UK, in case anyone is confused.
I became obsessed with the band and I was simply beyond happy when the album came out. I bought it the day it came out and I sat and I listened. I sat there with my iPod in my hand and listened to the beautiful sounds coming from my headphones. And the more I listened, the more I came to believe.
I had to realize that I always believed in God. All this time, I did believe in Him. I just needed some time without Him, I guess. But Attack Attack! brought me closer to God. People can call them a Christian rock band, people can call them something else. But I perceive their lyrics in a way that touched me and their lyrics brought me closer to Him.
They have this song called Bro, Ashley's Here. There's a line that goes, "No one could ever understand my shame you took with those nails in your hands." That was the line that stood out to me the most. And there's not a day that goes by that I don't listen to that song.
I'm not going to say my connection with God is uber crazy and I read the Bible and go to church. I don't believe in religion. I believe in simple faith. I believe that God loves me for what I am, always. I believe that He's angry at me for when I do wrong and that He forgives me when I ask for it. I believe I'll be welcomed into Heaven with open arms if I truly think I deserve it. I believe He is always with me. So when I'm sad and lonely, I know He's there for me. That's what I believe and I'm happy.
I'm not saying you should believe in God. God is just something I personally believe in. I'm saying that if you believe in something, truly believe in it. Hold on to it with all your soul and keep it to death. It's something precious and you should never let anyone try to change it unless you really think you should.
Faith makes us feel like we're not alone in the world.
I'd rather be connected with something than be alone.