Behind These Refuge Walls

The room was empty. The only noise was the one made by the bag as I angrily hit it or the chains that trembled viciously as I did. The sickening thumping my heart made filled my ears. My brain could not conceive the idea of giving up. Not yet.

I began to feel pain; a rather soft pain, but pain, nevertheless. My muscles no longer felt up for the task. My brain ordered them to continue. Once I stopped, I would be left to my thoughts. That scared me.

"Take five!" I ignored the call just as well as I had heard it. Jab. Punch. Kick-- "Keep doin' that and I'll be collectin' ye from the floor with a shovel!"

With an angry side kick, I threw the bag a good distance away from me.

"You're forcing yourself. That means something must trouble you." I breathed heavily, not turning to look at the Irish man. I heard him get rid of his shoes and plopped himself on the floor right next to me. This is what I wanted to avoid: speaking. The only result I would come to would be crying, which could not but anger me greatly. This time, I looked at him.

"I s'ppose...moving...isn't all that...good."

"Aw, but look at the bright side, aye? Ye're going to spend a lot more time here with me!"

I snickered at his excitement, but my laugh faded. "It won't be good for Nathan," I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

There was silence. The sound of the punching bag no longer kept me company. I threw my gloves aside. He watched me with care. In some ways, he was the only one to really understand me. Better yet, he was the one who knew me better than myself.

"Coming home soaked in blood was never good to him, either."

"It wasn't, I know. But it got us something, didn't it? I mean, yeah, I've been away from him for so long, but..." I was at a loss of words.

He grinned. "I know that moving out is shitty, but you also have bright sides: kiddo is goin' to be with you and he'll also be close to his dreams. Live a normal life, for crying out loud!"

"I can try," I mumbled. Easier said than done.

He stood up abruptly. "Tomorrow at 10. Get some sleep. You can come even later, if you want. And don't forget about school."

There was nothing left to be told. I walked outside. Going home was good and bad at the same time. It was good because I got to see Nate. It was bad because he would no doubt see behind my mask.

The door to my apartment opened.

"Bumblebee!"

He rolled his eyes. "I have friends over."

"Oh." Instead of hugging him, I resumed to a high five and a low five, for the sake of his pride.

I received hellos from his friends. I didn't recognize most of them. I was too tired. Letting Nathan know that I'll be in my room if he needs any help, I took off. It was sleep that I needed and it was sleep that took over when I made contact with my bed. Dreams rarely came to me. I was still a child when I stopped going to those fantastic worlds.

***

I woke up to a low noise. The TV was on. Nate was in the living room, listening to music. I groaned as I grabbed a glass of milk.

"Morning, sis! Sleep well?"

"Sure. You?"

"Good." He rushed to take a seat at the kitchen counter. "So..."

"So...?" We both waited for the other to continue. He knew better than to challenge me in a patience contest. Nathan avoided my gaze.

"Brian was bragging last night," he confessed. He was a gentle kid. Not like me. What angered him, however, were people who bragged. Orlando seemed to have more of those.

I sighed and took a seat across from him. I wanted to take a good look at him.

"What about?"

"His cousin. He said he's the best fighter ever." My eye twitched. Interest sparkled. "He went to those stupid brawls between schools and God knows what." He groaned. My eyes softened. School cocks. "I told him I knew better!" he hinted. "He laughed at me."

I laughed softly. "Is that what bothers you? School brawls? Nate..."

He chuckled as I patted his head. His face turned blank. He changed the subject.

"CJ, are you going to fight again?" His fourteen year old voice made me look at him decisively.

"Do you want me to?" I didn't.

"You used to make good money," he admitted lowly. Nate looked down, possibly embarrassed. My insides burned, though I didn't make it obvious.

"I can make just as good money from a job."

"But you won't enjoy it as much." He looked up to me and inspected my gaze. Nathan searched for something. I don't know what he found.

"Sometimes it's not about doing what you like as much as it is about doing what is right." I stood up and he watched me with a smile. "You got practice today?"

His nod made me decide to follow Gerry's advice and spend some time with Nate. I walked with him towards his school's gym. Although we had been in Orlando for a few days now, we hadn' t yet started school officially. I thought that a short break would do both of us good. Even so, Nate wanted to start playing ball as soon as we unpacked. Hence he had been going to practice since Monday and was already a star in his team.

"The guys in the team told me I have a pretty cool class," he had told me after two rounds of practice. "And the coach is awesome. You should meet him someday."

Although this was what I wanted for him, I couldn't help but feel slightly...awkward. I missed home, for one. Not because I enjoyed the oh so beautiful sights of the Miami drug filled suburbs, but because of the habits I had developed there; habits I would not give in to while in Orlando.

"I guess I'll pick you up later, slick."

Nate waved to me and rushed in the gym, keeping a firm grip of his gear. I was left with two spare hours. This only meant one thing: Gerry.

As soon as I got out of the bus and headed to the entrance of the building, I found him sitting on the steps. He smirked in my direction.

"Found some time for me, sweetheart?"

I grinned. "Two hours."

I had known Gerard for a few years. He used to live in Miami. He was the one who introduced me to martial arts. He educated my former self. He offered me the possibility to escape in my own little world.

Gerry was the first one to move in Orlando when I was sixteen. He came here to create his own gym specialized in more than one specific martial art, in order to give everyone a chance to 'discover their art'. His departure, however, brought chaos in my life and that was how my habits were created. But that's another story; one I'm not sure I am willing to tell.

I waited two years to gather enough money I needed to move out of Miami and to Orlando, as Gerry had once suggested to me. Nathan decided by himself that coming with me would be ten times better than staying with the two people who once called themselves our parents.

I followed Gerry inside and grabbed my gloves. We made little conversation, for he knew I had lately been in no mood of talking.

"Punch combo!"

I disliked it when the gym wasn't only to myself. That meant there would always be at least one guy to turn their attention to me.

"Jab. Cross. Hook. Uppercut."

That didn't make me a stranger of fights with audience. Oh God, not even close. My fist flew into the punching bag and it moved a few inches down the rail.

"Excellent one, milady!"

I abruptly stopped and turned to the cause of my interruption. "Max, put that camera down or I'll shove it up your ass."

"Done." The chubby boy in front of me deleted whatever films he had and threw his camera in his backpack.

"Someone woke up rather excited."

"Whatever you say, Jackie." I shook my head and returned to my friend: the punching bag. My breathing sounded clear as I hit the object forcefully.

"Mock me all you want. But one day, you will be watching me from your seat as I fight without mercy in The Beat." He said the name softly, as if it were his girlfriend.

I huffed as I ducked from an invisible fist coming my way. He was a really good kid, despite what he tried to become. I assumed he was following whatever the 'cool guys' in his school did.

"How...about...you find...an actual hobby?" I suggested between punches.

"Uh...yeah. Jet Li, I already found one. It's called MMA."

I looked at him weirdly. "You said Ninjitsu yesterday, you idiot."

"I did. But Gerry suggested for me to try something else." Gerard was a smart guy

I nodded. Poor Max was a complete fail when it came to Ninjitsu. He looked like an elephant trying to walk between shelves with china. The thought of Max stretching out his legs and arms made me snicker.

"What's so funny?" he questioned. Max quirked his eyebrow.

I once again stopped from my routine. I had a feeling I wasn't going to kick box anymore for the rest of the day.

"Nothing, Max. Don't worry your little head." I glanced at the clock on the wall. "Oh. Time to go fetch my bro."

I grabbed my bag and waved at Gerry. He sighed at the sight of Max following me like a lost pup.

"So guess what?"

"Amaze me."

"We have a new classmate. Moved from Iowa. He's coming on Monday, so you two will be in the spotlight."

I groaned inwardly. "Brilliant."

"But don't worry. At least you'll have me. Your pal."

I specifically told him I wasn't looking for a friend the first day he attacked me with questions. I then learned what an indolent child Max was. All week he had kept me informed about what was going on at his school and all sort of nonsense I barely paid any attention to. I found it annoying at first. When I came to the gym I expected to be left alone with my anger.

Then again, he seemed like the type who doesn't have that many friends. So I couldn't tell him to fuck off.

"Jinx? You there with me?"

My head snapped in his direction. "Don't ever call me Jinx again. Got it?" I was too harsh.

Max fell silent beside. I sighed and stopped glaring.

"B-but...I thought that was your nickname--"

"Was," I hissed, closing the subject. He nodded shortly.

I continued to walk and hoped Max had left me to my own. No such luck.

"Hey Charlie!" Moving to Orlando just got ten times worse. I turned around slowly. "I...uhm...there's this..." He began to speak rather low, so I got closer to him. "There's a party this week. Would you...uh...you know...come with me?"

With that he shut me up.

"Max, uhm...look, no offense and all, but I'm not very sociable, y'know. Parties aren't really my thing."

Part of it was a lie. Miami was the home of good parties. I was a pure blood Miami girl. The true part was that I disliked being around strangers. I hadn't always been like that, though.

"Oh, come on! It'll be so cool! I'll be at your side!" He was begging now.

"Maybe. I'll think about it."

He grinned widely. "That is all I am asking for. Come on, I'll give you a ride home."

"Max, you're pushing your luck."

"And your nickname is 'bad luck'. So what's new?" Oh hell, he was really pushing it.

I threw my bag in the trunk of his old Mustang. "Kid, you better pray to God you will never get on my bad side, 'cause when you do, there'll be hell to pay."

He lifted his fists in a defensive kick boxing move. "Girlfriend, I am a trained martial artist. You think you can take me down?"

"Boyfriend," I commented using his voice. "I've been doing this ever since I was ten. Don't test me."

His jaw dropped. "Okay...Alright...Fair enough..."

"Get in the car, Max!"