Behind These Refuge Walls

Nathan's wide eyes followed me with shock as I tended to the newly achieved bleeding lip. He had been standing like that for the past half hour, barely saying a word to me. I felt like the biggest idiot on earth - granted, that was the biggest of understatements. Under the scrutinizing look of my brother, I tried not to let out all my anger.

"It doesn't look that bad." A sigh of relief was all that came from me. "I mean," Nate added, daring to sit himself by my side, "you had a lot worse. Does it hurt?"

"Nope. It's as if I bit my own lip."

I smiled, hoping to enlighten the atmosphere.

"Do mom and dad know?"

The atmosphere collapsed.

"No and Nate, let me handle them, alright? Now come on, junior, off to bed."

He scowled, but hugged me nevertheless before running off. Granted, I thought, there was no way mom or dad would hear about this unless there was no other way.

--

"You what?!"

"It was inevitable, alright?! You have no idea how shitty this week has been!"

"That does not excuse you hitting a student, Charlie!"

I groaned loudly and hit the nearest punch bag. Of course Gerry was barking mad! Of course the only thing that mattered to him in the conversation was the sole idea that I had hit someone.

When I tried to tell him what happened, the conversation was nothing short from retarded.

"Gerry," I had approached him, "it's been a long week and today I punched--"

"You what?!"

So there was pretty much the end of his calm afternoon - and of my satisfied conscience, because with every word Gerry said - or barked - I found myself feeling bad for lashing out like that.

As soon as he grew quiet, though, I was back to pride and satisfaction. That bitch deserved it!

"Gerry, sir, it really wasn't Charlie's fault."

Both our heads snapped in the direction of Max. As I watched Gerry approach him, only one thought hovered in my mind: He's a goner.

"I teach you kids to fight for a cause. Because you need it. Because you need to learn self discipline. I teach you how to stand above those idiots who throw fists just to prove a point. Now, if you don't mind, this conversation was between Charlotte and I."

I flinched. Gerry used my name - something he never did - giving both of us a clear clue of just how angry he was. He indicated me to follow him in his office, where he closed the door behind us and leaned in his armchair with a frown.

"Charlie," he began; his voice perfectly calm, "your safety is my responsibility. This...teenage rebellion of yours - leaving Miami, your parents, moving here with your younger brother - is a more important move than you think. Charlie, if you blow this, it's all going to end with a horrible crash."

"I know," I whispered back.

"You're a smart girl. Strong, too. But if you don't learn how to use all that in your advantage, how better are you than those spoiled brats?"

I looked away from him in the attempt to be ignorant, but he saw beyond that act and smiled satisfied at the guilt he managed to make me feel.

"I know why you left Richard and Diane. Maybe they're not the parents you want, but guess what: we don't get to choose our families. I knew since day one just how much you hated being forced to live like a stuck up and I trusted that you'd find a way out. Don't get me wrong, I never once doubted that you deserved to make a choice - because you're capable of it - but you're still so young and people can use you in the most horrible ways."

"But that's why I have you, Ger. I mean...this," - I pointed around the room, as though it signified a good amount of my life - "is what makes me wake up and stay positive."

He looked down, having not expected those words to come out of my mouth, but I couldn't help being honest - a brutal premiere.

"You know I love you, kiddo. That's why, if you ever get in a shit like this again, I am not going to help you out anymore. Comprendre?"

I nodded, visibly amused by the Irish man's Spanish.

"Oh, and keep that Cooperman kid out of my way. I have some juniors to train."

"Max? Oh, hell, Ger, why do I have to be a baby sitter?"

"Stop complaining and get to work."

--

Surprisingly enough, I did not dread going back to school the next morning. In fact, I felt refreshed and more alive than ever. Figuring that the previous day's events were some sort of revelation, I walked straight ahead through the parking lot, earning a great amount of glares.

"Good morning."

I spun around in the direction of a very tall, muscular boy. He smirked arrogantly while eyeing me up and down.

"Yeah, it was good, up until the point you opened your mouth."

Damien's hand flew over the right side of his grey t-shirt, feigning fake hurt.

"Touche. Don't worry, sweets, I'm not here to pick on you. After all, you are a feisty one, aren't you?"

"How perceptive you are!"

He burst into laughter - much to my dismay - just to spite me. Taking a few steps closer to me, he pulled his lips in a tight line. Damien was far taller than me, but I had no intention on letting that affect me.

"What do you want?" I finally asked, seemingly giving in.

"Look, I'm sorry if you think I'm the biggest asshole. I mean, we haven't even gotten to know each other and you're already being so damn mean. So what I suggest is a truce." He smirked; I frowned. "You come with me to that party this weekend and I'll turn out to be the best guy on the face of the planet."

"No."

"Come on, Charlie, why not? I'm not going to hurt you. I just...want to let you know that I'm actually pretty decent."

His grin was intoxicating, to say the least. Part of me wanted to go to a party, while the other part was kicking and screaming.

"I'll think about it."

With a smirk and a dramatic bow, he jogged off, leaving me to be scrutinized by every girl in the school. Paige showed up on cue and as she walked by me, giving me the look a hit man gives to his victim, she nudged my shoulder violently. It took everything I had, plus Gerry's words ringing in my head, to make me ignore her and focus on a blue haired girl running across the parking lot. Jake was soon to join our small group, leaving Max to be the last to arrive.

There were no words spoken about the incident the other day and my three friends - for I had shockingly came to the realization that they were, indeed, my friends - left me with the impression that a punch (or two) meant nothing.

"...and she goes 'well, yeah, but there's really not much left, anyway'."

They erupted with laughter at Jake's story. I, on the other hand, couldn't really bring myself to do so. Instead, I looked around at the various students who gave each other nudges as they spotted me or laughed behind my back. I frowned the second I reached my locker. My heart stopped and my blood boiled as I looked at the bright colored post its.

Drag queen. Tramp

Retard

Wannabe!! Who do you think you are?!

Go back to where you belong! (in a hole)

Those and plenty others filled my locker's exterior. My throat burned from the anger and sadness building up, but refused to show it to the students who now gathered around to giggle or take pictures of the amazing work of art.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Jake yelled, trying to lash out at some of the boys, but being held back by Max.

I heard Janice whisper something mainly to herself before hissing a curse. As I turned around, I quickly understood why.

"You're pathetic, you know that?" Paige hissed as she walked in front of me. I stood straight, managing to prove that I was, in fact, taller than the stiletto heeled girl. "You don't fit here, redneck. It may seem to you like you can do whatever the hell you please around here - smack one of us, hit on our boyfriends - but you'll soon realize you really don't want us to be your enemies."

"Are you threatening me, Paige?"

"No, of course not," she said in a sweet voice, although something in her eyes told me the contrary.

"You filthy bitch!" Jake barked.

"Watch your mouth, Iowa!" came one of the boys' reply.

"Alright, show's over!" the blonde yelled as she took another pleased glance at my locker.

"This has got to stop," Max mumbled, then headed to take of one of the post its. Grabbing my books, I headed to our next class, not saying another word to anyone.

The rest of the day went by painfully slowly and I couldn't be pulled out of my eerie state. Although I had managed to relax after three classes, there were just some words that didn't leave me alone: You don't fit here. Hell no, I had nothing to prove to them, that much I knew, but I couldn't leave things like that.

Which is why I couldn't help myself from searching for a certain tall boy.

"I'm going to that party. But not as your date."

"Alright then. I can't wait to see you there."