Behind These Refuge Walls

I figured that by the age of eighteen I'd be out of my parents' house and on the way to a bright career as a movie director. I'd only accomplished one of those things. Because by the end of the day, the dreams I'd made as a kid didn't sound so appealing anymore. The truth is that, as long as we're young, we dream. We let our minds wander and we let ourselves think that we can do anything. Why? Because the people in our stories can.

And then time passes by and you no longer have the same casual outlook on life. You don't have the same enthusiasm about your brilliant career and your perfect family. You realize it takes a lot more than predicted to survive.

But all that thinking about what will happen, what is happening, it makes you lose precious moments that you may never get back.

What seemed to be a normal Thursday for me (well, as normal as they could get lately) started off with Nathan pranking me and a cup of hot chocolate.

And then, in the afternoon, I drove Janice to Massey. Again, I left Janice and went searching for the one man I wasn't dying to see.

I reached Vallin's office, the large wooden doors half open, letting all the sounds from inside reach me.

"Perhaps I should teach them some lessons."

Nikoli sat on the armchair, legs crossed and seemingly mulling over the idea of getting revenge on some Louis Vuitton shop assistants. On the couch beside him sat Ivan with a book in his arms. He was the first to notice me and nodded towards me.

I guiltily walked in.

And he was there, too.

I had never seen him a suit before, but by God, he was one of those men who could wear a suit perfectly. The crisp white shirt had its sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He wore a pair of gray suit pants and black shoes that seemed spotless. He, himself, looked spotless.

Stone was typing away at his computer, comparing notes from the screen with numbers on scattered papers around him. I plopped across from him, staring at the back of the shiny silver laptop. He glanced at me briefly, professionally, before turning his attention back to the screen. That brief look was enough to make my body feel like on needles.

Fifteen seconds later, a frown began attacking his focused features. He was growing annoyed by the minute and I couldn't understand whether I should retreat or simply stay put.

He answered that question by running a hand through his locks. "I can't think!" he growled, watching the screen. It was fascinating, the way his features hardened and his eyes focused.

Nikoli coughed understandingly. My head snapped in his direction and I blushed. Ivan put the book aside and gave a small smile.

"How are you, Charlotte? Come, sit down."

His question made the air in the room change. Nikoli looked interested in the newly developed friendship, whereas Cain's smoldering eyes kept a tight survey of us. He'd forgotten about his issue with his laptop.

"Hi, Ivan. Good, thank you." I took a seat next to him on the couch and looked at his book, something about the controversial life of a spy. He noticed my prying and smiled.

"Entertaining."

"I'm sure," I grinned.

"Charlie," Nikoli butted in, "I was just telling Ivan what an incredible nuisance some shop assistants are. By God, I was annoyed just the other day by two ladies who had no idea what they were even selling."

I nodded, not entirely sure about what he was really expecting me to say. Ivan gave me a look that clarified everything. Instantly I nodded and appeared sympathetic.

"Terribly sorry to hear that."

He smiled, feeling victorious, now that he had yet another person to support him in his rage. The fairy gave me an odd look.

"I dare say you seem different. Do I detect the growth of a spine?"

My mouth dropped and Ivan shook his head amused. Just then, Vallin strode confidently in the room, focused on a file he was holding.

"Ah, Charlotte! Didn't see you there. How are you, my dear?"

"Good, I was...I was actually interested to see if there was anything you have for me to do..."

Since when was I so helpful? Stone's face seemed to say just the same thing. Vallin sighed and leaned against his desk. I knew that expression quite well. There would be an "unfortunately" in his following statement.

"It has come to my attention that there have been some slight...difficulties with your training."

My mouth formed the shape of an "o" and my gaze moved straightly to Stone. He did not avoid my gaze, nor did he betray any emotion.

"I am working on it."

That shocked him. Only the two of us (and perhaps Ivan) knew what tension had been in that gym that day, a tension that couldn't be broken just like that. He had expected me to run, to give up.

"Well, then, that will do. Anyway, any plans for the weekend? I hear students are exceptionally keen on going to beach parties nowadays. I dare say I have long lost the taste for such gatherings."

"Yes, well I...I had this invitation for a party...at a classmate," I found myself explaining.

His head shot up instantly from the computer screen. This time, I saw anger in Stone. An unfounded anger, but so fierce that I sunk in the couch. The air around me twisted and turned, as if something moved to attack. A frown was born on my face as I tried, for once, to. And he spoke:

"A party?"

"Yes. A friend invited me," I challenged.

He was silent for a few minutes and I'm not sure Nikoli or Vallin could understand what was happening. Ivan, however, stood up and was giving Stone warnings through his eyes. One of Stone's eyebrows went up.

"Vallin needs you."

The man in question looked up. He shook his head disbelievingly, looking between the two of us.

"No, I couldn't."

"She can do it." Stone closed his laptop. "She will. Ask her."

"Ask me what?"

Vallin looked uncertain. "I...well, you see, Charlotte. I would ask you to babysit my two daughters, but that is absolutely too much to ask, I just..."

I couldn't believe Stone's audacity. He casually took his books and laptop and left. Not once did he look at me again. Of course I couldn't say no to Vallin, because I respected him too much. I wasn't a person who could say no easily, despite my temper.

Nikoli, having been silent until then, snickered.

Vallin looked at me with a silent plead, which made me seriously question my experience with children. I didn't exactly hate them - I actually found it quite relieving to be around a funny, care-free five year old - but so far the only 'kid' I had been forced to deal with was my teenage brother.

"I--well--I'm...I'm not exactly good with kids...I don't..."

"It is either asking you, Stone or my sister Marge to look after the girls. Marge is, however, busy with her daughter's upcoming engagement party, while Stone is..." He paused and I couldn't help but cringe at the idea of Stone man being around two delicate girls. "Well, Stone is busy."

Or he just isn't the type of beast that can hang out around children without eating them alive.

It was from the desire to prove myself different from Stone that I said yes, making Vallin leave with relief and Ivan shake his head at his friend's tantrum. Nikoli began pacing the room.

"My, my, my..."

"Nikoli..." Ivan warned.

"What? I'm just saying, it's not everyday that you see Mr. Stone so riled up against a party. Dare I say he...cares?" I looked at the door through which Stone had left only minutes ago in awe. "And dare I say our savvy young lady cares, too?"

I shot him a look. "Don't be stupid."

He kept mulling the idea over. Ivan kept his eyes trained on the book.

"He doesn't care," I told Nikoli. "He's just being an ass to me because he hates me."

Ivan intervened. "If Cain hates someone, he destroys it immediately. He either destroys, or ignores." Seeing my face, he continued, "And destruction is not what he is doing to you. Should you want to go to the party, you should tell Vallin."

"No, I wasn't that interested. My last experience of this kind ended...unfortunately. I'm just annoyed at the way he has to ruin everything."

"Then test him." Ivan and I stared at Nikoli. "I am serious." He grinned widely, but I let him go on.

As soon as Saturday came round, I found myself walking to the large quarters on the last floor of the immense building. Once there, Vallin pushed open a set of eight feet tall wooden doors.

"This room usually works as the library and just a place for relaxation," Vallin explained, smiling warmly at my stunned silence, "and it is also where I like to discuss issues that are better off not heard by the wrong people."

Better said, the pastel colored room was his library/conference room.

"Daddy!"

A little girl rushed beneath an arcade from another room and landed straight in Vallin's arms. Her black hair reached the middle of her tiny black and she had a turquoise bow perched on the right side of her head. She wore a white summer dress that moved around as she spun and giggled and her clean white shoes and lace socks only added more cuteness to that little girl's look. The bright colors on her contrasted heavily with her ebony hair. She looked like Snow White - the miniature version.

She flushed as Vallin set her down and knelt before her with a loving smile. It was odd and at the same time enticing to see Vallin - whom I had grown accustomed to see in the position of a fierce leader and dedicated principal - by the side of his daughter. I had just discovered a new side of him and I was entirely blown away by it.

"Sweetheart, I want you to meet someone."

Her beautiful hazel eyes moved to me and I couldn't help but gulp. How was I supposed to treat my boss' kid? Bribe her into liking me? Act all childish around her? If I did any of those, I would have looked like the world's imbecile, I decided, because I would have done them with falsity.

"Hello!" she saluted, showing her pearly whites and swinging on the spot. I immediately recognized the gesture as one of anxiety as the little girl looked at me with curious, yet weary eyes.

I instantly knelt beside her. "Hi there. I'm Charlie."

She frowned lightly, in a way that I couldn't help but find amusing. "Charlie is a boy name!"

"Not always," I said, mimicking her frown. It was just that good.

"I'm Abby. What's your favorite color?"

So far, so good. We were making social progress. I pretended to think it over and actually started to like fooling around.

"Black," I said.

Again, she frowned. "Black is mean."

I feigned hurt and she burst into a fit of giggles. At that, I could proudly say that I had won Abby over. I stood up by Vallin again, who smiled gratefully at me.

"Abby, Charlie here is going to take care of you and your sister while I'm gone. Do you promise to be good to her?"

The little girl beamed at me. "I like Charlie!"

Success! I felt like screaming.

"Thank you, Abby." I winked at her and made her giggle again.

"You know, bribing her won't make her your friend," came a drawling voice.

I turned my attention to the front of the arcade, where my gaze first landed on a tall, well built man with black hair and piercing eyes: Stone. Every muscle in his body seemed tense, though and he looked as though he couldn't wait to get out of here. As usual, he didn't bother to look at me.

The voice hadn't belonged to him, though, but to a girl whose age was impossible to determine - given the amount of makeup caked on her face, the high heels, sparkly top and pink skirt. Her posture was a clear reminder of Denise Adams, Massey's It-Girl. She looked at me with the same bored, 'you're nothing' kind of look. I was unfazed by this, though, although mildly shocked by Vallin's eldest daughter.

"Madeline, please," Vallin warned. He then turned his attention to me. "Please forgive Madeline," - the girl scoffed; Vallin shot her a pleading look - "Well, Charlie, these are Abby and Madeline. Girls, this is Charlie and she'll be watching you for a little while."

"Why isn't Denise here?" Madeline hissed, shooting me a disgusted glance.

"I do believe Denise has family business." With that, the girl rolled her eyes and turned to walk away. Vallin glanced back at me. "That is why I need another person around my children."

I sighed, though slightly amused, then suddenly looked down as Abby attached herself to my leg - I was, unfortunately, too tall for the seven year old to hug. I let out a genuine laugh and scooped her in my arms. This seemed to make her extremely happy as she grinned at her dad.

"Look, daddy! I'm tall!" she exclaimed, looking at her father from her current position.

I couldn't help it then and stole a glance at the man on the other side of the room. He watched the scene unfold with mild interest, something rare even for him.

"Thank you, Charlotte," Vallin finally said, "I know I am asking a lot from you, but it will be this one time only. We'll be back until seven, I hope to take care of these issues even sooner."

I caught a glance of Stone and couldn't help but think of Nikoli's words.

"It's alright, I think there will even be enough time for me to get to the party."

That had Stone tensing up. I shook with an unexpected delight.

Assuring Vallin that all would be fine, I played with Abby's little arms as Stone walked past me and followed Vallin to the door without giving me any glance. He did, however, suddenly stop abruptly and I had to convince myself his next words were addressed to me.

"Knock yourself out with these two." Of course, judging by the heavy irony and demonic tone (pun intended), he had to be talking to me.

The little girl in my arms toyed with my earring and frowned.

"It looks like a spider."

"Yes, it does, Ab."

Abby was a brilliant little child. It was the older kid that scared me. Fifteen minutes from her father's departure, Madeline decided to both shoot her younger sister a cold glare and compliment me: "You're boring."

God, Cain had cursed me.

"Likewise."

The elder sister disappeared for a while, though I tried to know her location for as much as possible. Although she was playing defiant, she kept checking up on us every once in a while, which made me think she wasn't that big of a mean girl.

Hours later of playing with Abby - a little girl with which I instantly connected -, she brought me to the piano in the room.

One thing I had always had a problem with was playing piano. My father had chosen to make me take piano lessons when I was seven. It lasted for about five years, until I finally got bored and decided I had no musical inclination.

By ear, I tried a few notes that might have resembled a song.

"Is that what you're going to sing?" Madeline gave me a look equal to 'I strongly believe you are retarded'. Deciding to stand my ground and suddenly remembering that I was the eighteen year old here, I continued: "Why not Fireflies by Owl City?"

Again, the 'You are retarded' look.

"Fireflies? What kind of song is that?" she asked disgusted, as though I had brought up the discussion of crap.

I bit the inside of my lip from giving her a snide remark and inhaled as I took my iPod out of my pocket. The moment the silver shell of my little friend shone under the sunlight, Madeline jumped to her feet excitedly.

"You have an iPod?"

The simple idea seemed to thrill her beyond my understanding. She plopped herself on the couch beside me, forgetting about the piano.

"This is so cool!" she exclaimed. "Dad thinks technology is a bit overrated, but Apple sure rocks my socks! On my fifteenth birthday, I'll want an iPhone."

It was my turn to look at her bewildered, though highly satisfied by myself. If the ownership of a silver iPod made me cool, then I was down with it.

"An iPhone?" I challenged.

She shot me a confused look. "Well, d'uh! I mean, Denise has one and it's sparkly and it has these pink rhinestones and some writing on the back and she can like, totally rule the world with it."

Oh sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus.

I cleared my voice. "Well, yeah, you know, they're okay..." I had no intentions on ruining this girl's ideals in life, but having been granted a moment to peek at the possible likable character she had, I couldn't help but share my own thoughts. "These days, everyone has an iPhone."

"Denise says it's the coolest thing ever."

Fuck Denise! "Well, I respectfully disagree with Denise."

Madeline looked at me as though I had insulted God - which probably, was, an accurate euphemism. "Alright," she said smugly, "what do you think?"

"I think you should pick a phone you like and that defines you. I, for instance, like to keep the outside of my phone simple and--"

"Well, yeah, that's because you're boring."

"--classy," I nearly hissed, "but I always have killer ring tones and wallpapers. I mean, if you really want to be cool, just let your phone show that by itself and make the stuff inside it is really special."

She stroked the screen of the iPod thoughtfully. "Denise doesn't have really cool ring tones..."

Score: Charlie-1, Denise-0

"Is everything that Denise does or says so crucial to your existence?"

"Well...no, but..." The small hesitation in her voice as she tugged the hemline of her pink skirt was all I needed to crash Denise's veil.

"Look, imitating someone you view as 'cool' doesn't make you yourself cool. I mean, if you're looking for 24/7 gossiping about you, then yeah, I guess you should keep it up, but if you're looking for respect and a solid reputation, then you should try to show the world that you're not like everyone else."

Suddenly inspired by my spiritual speech, I inhaled deeply.

"It's like with phones," I said. "If the exterior is too bright, sparkly and over the top, people might give you attention, but it won't always be the right kind of attention. It's the ring tone that makes people smile or grow close to you."

There was a sudden silence between us and although the fourteen year old showed no sign of acknowledging me, I knew she was letting the words sink in.

She suddenly frowned. "What's this?" I looked at the screen.

"Three Days Grace."

I expected her then to trash my musical preferences, give me a typical Denise-like reply, but then, "It's...really cool."

My brows furrowed. "You think?" I desperately tried to keep my smirk hidden, in no need to show Madeline my proud side.

"I like it," she stated confidently, this time with a wide grin and the tapping of her foot as she turned up the volume.

I decided to stop keeping score between Denise and I (obviously, I was the winner) and returned my attention to little Abby as she rushed in my arms.

She then landed on my Lifehouse playlist and she grinned madly.