Behind These Refuge Walls

The next morning, I woke up late, hence ending up walking to English later than I should have. On that note, several pairs of eyes were fixed on me as I apologized as politely as I could to the teacher and slipped to my seat.

"What happened? Too scared to come to school?"

“What a slut...”

“I know, right?”

Not even Janice's cold glare could stop the snickering. Settling in my seat, I watched Romeo and Juliet with a bitter feeling. The only thing that kept me sane at the moment was my brother's excited mood before running to school; he had a basketball match.

"So, I was thinking," came Janice's voice as she waited for me to get my books out of the stupid locker that didn't seem to budge, "maybe we should go see a movie this weekend."

Jake was the first to react to the invitation, claiming to be going to a party this Saturday. I watched him surprise, then tried to talk about two things at once.

"Jan, I don't know about it. I have a brother to look after. And Jake, what the hell? You're invited to a party?"

"Yeah."

"By who?" Janice asked, a frown dawning on her features.

"That girl in French class."

"Ooh," came our replies.

The boy scratched the back of his head embarrassed and decided to leave us for his next class. Janice followed me as I went in the opposite direction.

"So..."

"So." I copied monotonously.

"You live with your brother?"

"Yup."

"Cool? Does he go to our school? Maybe he could kick Paige's ass."

"He's fourteen, he doesn't go to our school and he doesn't hit girls." She shot me the most confused look I had ever seen her give me. "What? He's a gentleman."

"No, not that. What about your parents?"

"Left them in Miami," I muttered darkly. Her eyes widened with shock.

"So, what? You just took your brother? Do you have...I don't know, a legal right to do that?"

"Our parents agreed to it." With that, the subject was closed and we took our seats.

By the middle of the class, it became unbearable. Paige had lost all possible control. Apart from the now usual rumor that I was a transvestite, she know claimed that I had actually never kissed a guy. Attacking my sense of fashion became a favorite and every once in a while, I would receive advices such as ‘you really should give up the coke’.

“Ignore them,” Janice muttered.

It was easy for her to say. She wasn’t the new kid trying to blend in with the massive crowd that stood out one way or another. I hated people like Paige for a reason: I used to deal with them all the time back in Miami, only I wasn’t so close to the barricade.

Max was, luckily, in most of my classes as well and it turned out he was not the most quiet of all people. When he didn’t talk about what recent gossip he had caught on tape, though, he slept. Quite literally so. Janice had accepted Jake, but as far as Max was concerned, she didn’t really give a rat’s ass. I think her reaction when I asked her what she thought about him was something among the lines “what, you mean that stubborn chubby porn kid who never shuts up?”.

What bugged me was the absence of Jake during our first classes and when I locked eyes with him in recess – him having a large bruise on his right cheek – my heart dropped.

“What the hell happened?” Janice asked, watching him in disbelief.

“Nothing.”

He stood up and waited for us to follow him to class. I frowned, not willing to let this one pass.

“What happened, Jake?”

“Your pal, McCarthy, thought it would be cool to put me down in front of his group.”

“First of all, he’s not my pal. And secondly, why?”

I hit a nerve, because Jake began bouncing his right knee and biting his lip.

“He said some stuff about my...dad. And I kind of told him off. So he got pissed off and attacked. I swear I didn’t even see it coming.”

“Son of a bitch.”

“Relax, CJ. We’ll just avoid him.”

My frown didn’t disappear as he tried to calm me down. We followed Max to our class as he kept explaining his great theories regarding potatoes and whatnot.

“You know, the coolest thing about being a guy...is that you get chicks.”

Having had that revelation during lunch, Max continued on to carefully choosing his food. Beside us, Janice and Jake were talking about something that seemed slightly more intellectual than getting laid, but even so, I couldn’t be certain.

“Do you think it’s true what they say?”

“I’m sure it is. I mean, look at her. She’s probably one of those lost causes they talk about on TV.”

“...mom and dad gave up on her and she started doing drugs. No wonder she’s such a psycho.”

They stared at me. They laughed. They thought it was funny, now that they finally had me under their eyes. I refused to let them see just how hard my hands shook and just how hard this was for me to swallow.

“Can you believe her?”

Their laugh resonated in my ears cleared than it should have.

“I wonder how she got here. You think she made it through the principal’s bed?”

I was ready to stand my ground, like I always had. I was William Wallace, ready to fight for my place. Pity, though, that even heroes stumble upon rocks.

Stepping in line in front of me was one of Paige’s good friends. She ran a hand through her hair, throwing it backwards – in hope to hit me with the bloody thing. And then, instead of moving forward, she just stood there and began chatting with a friend. Max shot me a confused look and I – ever so accidentally – pushed her.

“Watch it!” she hissed.

"Look, Stephy, I was just on my way to getting myself some water and it just so happens that you're in my way."

"It's Lucy," she interrupted.

"That's what I said."

"No, you said Stephy."

"I beg to differ. Move."

Annoyed feminine huffs and manly snickers surrounded us. She watched me as I kept my blank stare and walked away. Part of me felt the need to pat myself and tell myself what a good job I had done, while part of me yelled at me to watch where I was going while I followed Janice to a table.

At one of the table around us, Danielle sat nicely by Ryan’s side and played with his shirt. He kept his eyes into his phone while they talked. She appeared to want something – and here I hoped in all the non perverted way – and she was negotiating. Ryan’s eyes suddenly shot up in my direction and I caught a certain intimidating spark in them. He told her one more thing before she looked up at me briefly and left the table.

What happened next ruined all hopes for me to socially integrate in this school.

I ran into a girl abruptly and instead of brutally assaulting her, I took the diplomatic way and apologized. All my words stopped the second I locked eyes with Danielle.

“What the hell is your problem?!” she barked, giving me the same intimidating look a bully gives to a victim. Staring up at her, I realized there was a slight handicap to the situation: she did have the advantage of being slightly taller than myself.

“Look, I said I’m sorry, alright?”

By now, most of the movement had ceased and everyone watched in expectation. I scoffed
and tried to walk past her and managed to touch her arm in the process. She scowled and grabbed my left arm menacingly. That instantly triggered the fighter in me and the water bottle in my hand fell abruptly to the floor.

"Low lives like you don’t touch me!" she spat.

“Sorry to inform you: you’re the one who’s holding my hand.”

"Pardon me, slut."

This brought a wave of discomfort and anxiety over me. My glare got colder. I highly doubt she realized the mistake she was making. She was a stupid bimbo, after all.

"You really should've just stayed home. It's not like you know how to do anything but to sit like a stone." She eyed me disgusted.

Max was the first to suddenly step between us. "CJ, she's talking shit. Let's just go."

"That's right! Listen to your chubby friend over here. Run away. I bet you're good at it. Tell me, doesn't it get boring to be so...lame?"

The people now gathering around made several 'ooh' sounds. It didn't help. I could now hear my own heart threatening to jump out of my chest. Danielle noticed the tensed stance I now had. She smirked. My blood boiled.

"You're just as much of a coward as that farmer boy from Iowa. I see you two are good friends.” She glanced at Jake. “Tell me, did you hear that he nearly pissed himself when Ryan threatened him?" Bullshit.

That was all it took. I pushed Max out of my way. Danielle smirked as she saw me coming. If she expected a cat fight, she was going to suffer a massive disappointment. People pulled out their cameras, the idiots thinking just how great of a hit this would be on Youtube.

"Charlotte, don't do it! If you even poke the chick --"

It was Max's words that caused me to hesitate. It was Max's worried tone that made me react slow. My eyes fell to the floor while my brain slowly took in what had just happened. She retracted her fists close to her in a position I knew too well. Her bitter laugh was everything that reached my ears as I looked back at her. I had no more worries of potentially hurting the bitch. My angry self kicked in and what happened next didn't even reach the cameras. It went by too quickly.

She threw another right hook at me. I ducked. My fist connected with her ribcage. She yelped, I stood up and in a blink of an eye threw a punch directly in her face. I didn't watch her as she made contact with the floor, but listened to the sound in satisfaction as she did.

"Holy shit!"

"Oh my God, that little brat!"

I marched towards my bag and growled as I walked past Max. With a short laugh, he grabbed his own and followed me. Had it not been for him, I would have been forced to make my way through the crowd with my fists.

Janice and Jake also abandoned their lunch and followed Max and I out in the air. I took deep breaths, but there was no use for that: I was already calm. The most shocked out of them all was Jake, who hadn’t really witnessed my capability of being reckless.

“You hit her! In...oh my...”

“Do you realize what you just did?!” Max yelled. “That was the best shot I’ve had in years," he announced, looking at his camera with great love. "But seriously, you’re in big trouble. Danielle was most likely pledging for Ryan’s gang, so she’s not going to let go of this easy.

Three sets of eyes were fixed on Max. “Gang?”

“Oh. Right. You’re not up to date about this. The point it, Ryan has this sort of...group of his, alright. A clique for all the really good fighters in school. They usually participate in underground illegal fights.”

Max’s words repeated themselves over and over again. Underground fighting. Illegal. Pledging. It was almost as if God now wanted me to witness the things I had once done from another point of view – the one of a bystander.

“Charlie, you okay?”

“Okay?!” Janice cried. “You retard, her lip’s bleeding and you’re asking her if she’s okay?!”

And despite all the madness that now hovered over the three of them, I genuinely burst into laughter. They watched as though I had just lost a good amount of my brain, but I honestly couldn’t care.

“A bleeding lip? Seriously, Janice, you’re worried about a bleeding lip?”

“Charlotte Sanders?”

All eyes turned to our Gym teacher as he looked at me with expectancy.

“I’d be more worried about that,” I heard Max say.

“The principal is waiting for you.”

With a sincere and reassuring smile, I told my friends I would see them after class and walked – nearly pranced – to the principal’s office. The man seriously needed a shave, I decided as I sat in one of the chairs.

“It’s quite the disappointment to me and to the rest of my staff when a new addition to our student body comes here for the reason you have. Miss Sanders, I am very curious: what do you have to say in your defense?"

What use was there in telling him all the unnecessary details of me being practically bullied by Paige and the gang, then move to the story of Danielle the Hoe?

"Oh, I am fortune's fool!"

The principal watched my Shakespearean act sceptically. Oh, so little art in him! A few seconds passed in which the old man tried to intimidate me by fixing me with what he must have thought to be a very frightening look. I'd rather look at it as a 'what's up, Doc?' sort of stare.

"It's a pity, Miss Sanders, that such a charismatic young lady is subject of such ill-mannered actions."

At least, I figured, he found me charismatic. Surely that was his way of comforting me.

“Sir, I’m afraid it could not be helped,” I clarified, for once trying to speak like an adult. He raised his eyebrows, shocked that I had become acquainted to the action named ‘proper speech’.

“Did you throw the first fist?”

“No, sir.” If I had, she wouldn’t be sulking in everyone else’s attention right now. “I accidentally ran into her and she got upset for no reason, sir.”

“Very well, then. I shall see that your punishment will be less...difficult.” Punishment? Woah, old man, such was never discussed. “However, miss Sanders, I’m letting you go with a warning: if this happens again, I will suspend you from school. Is that clear?”

“Perfectly clear, sir.”

Oh, but he had no idea just how proud I was of myself. Instead of walking back to class, I decided to wait for everyone else outside. Going home would have been another option, but then again, I had promised Janice to let her see I was alright. So I was left with almost a full hour of contemplating in front of an empty parking lot.

I wasn’t sorry; of that much I was certain. Danielle had it coming and thinking it through, I realized just how strange her talk with Ryan had been. My brain did wonders as it replayed the scene where she and Ryan exchanged looks over me and she smirked in that ‘piece of cake’ kind of way. If she did pledge for Ryan’s clique and by pledging Max meant beating the hell out of someone, then the asshole decided I should be her target. I clenched my fists and brought them to my face only to be met by a sharp pain. A good part of my cheek hurt, but I figured it shouldn’t be swollen.

“Charlie? Warrior Princess?”

My head shot up at the familiarity of the voice. His face dropped and took a step closer to me.

“What the flying fuck happened to you?”

Standing up straight, my gaze flew across the parking lot. The black Camaro was parked near the entrance and as the driver’s door opened, I looked back up at James.

“Nothing happened. I mean, yeah, something did, but it’s all cool.”

He gave me an ‘I-honestly-think-you-are-retarded’ look.

“Your lip’s bleeding. Hold on, I think Cain’s got some bandages in his car.”

Before I could even stop him, the boy dragged me all the way to the car and – much to my horror – to Cain, who was watching with a bored frown. James pulled out a small box and opening it, I saw it to be an aid kit.

“James, seriously, chill. Why are you even...I can handle...you should just...” I muttered under my breath, trying to avoid Cain’s inspecting gaze.

“Charlie, will you relax? You’re Janice’s friend, so you’re my friend. And I’m not letting my friend’s bleeding lip like that,” the red haired boy replied as he handed me a piece of white cloth that had been quickly dabbed in some solution.

I didn’t bother to even scowl at the burning feeling I got as the cloth touched the cheek.

“What happened?” It took me five seconds to actually understand where the deep voice had come from. It was James who first threw Cain a look full of shock as the boy leaned against the car. Following James’ stare, I tried my best not to stutter. I couldn't believe my ears: had he actually said something to me?

“I had a bad day.”

James burst into laughter as he patted my back. From the corner of my eye I saw Cain continue to watch me; yet this time, I could have sworn I saw a smirk tug at the corners of those perfect lips.

“I like you,” he said, “You’ve got some style. So did the principal call you to his office?”

I nodded. “Obviously. And just as obvious, he didn’t call the other tramp.”

I found myself speaking unbelievably freely to James, as though we had known each other for years. This hit me as rather strange, but tried to hide my feelings.

“So...a girl did this to you?” James asked, inspecting the cheek again. I frowned. What, he was good at evaluating wounds now?

“Yeah...”

“Did you hit her back?”

“Yes.”

“How hard?”

I hesitated and shook my head from side to side. “She fell on her back, but that’s not even the point. The point is...” I stopped abruptly as I realized just how close I was to letting out all my thoughts to these two strangers.

“What’s the point? Come on, Charlie, you started saying something, don’t stop.”

I shook my head. “The point is...this is going to be my worst school year ever.”

"Getting in a fight doesn't ruin your whole year," Cain muttered bored. I watched the tall boy - who looked all too mature for his age - enticed.

Still keeping an inspecting look over him, I found myself speaking.

"No, this particular fight was just the climax event of my social death."

"Who's the unlucky tramp?" asked James.

"Danielle Louis."

James head snapped in my direction, then proceeded to look at Cain. The latter frowned darkly, refusing to look at either of us. Instead, he kept his head high and stared at the school's building.

"Do you know her?"

James was the first to react and hide his initial shock.

"Oh, not up close and personally. Just...saw her around. Well, looks like your boyfriend’s done with classes,” James noticed.

“My what?” Looking in the direction James pointed, I mouthed an 'oh' as I saw Jake and by his side, Max. “Oh, you don’t...No, no, no...Jake isn’t my boyfriend.”

James grinned. “Sorry. I assumed a pretty girl would already have a lot of guys around her by now.”

I huffed bitterly. If only he knew how well my life was going at this school.

“Thanks, James,” I said, pointing to the cloth. He shook his head.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s bad to hear that you got into trouble, but I’m glad we got a chance to talk again.”

“Same. Ugh...See ya.” I tried to make the goodbye sound as if it were addressed to the both of them, but James was the only one to answer. Cain just stood there, staring off in the distance and ignoring me like I was an imbecilic bug.

“Alright, so I talked to Ryan and he says Danielle is definitely not in,” Max announced. I narrowed my eyes.

“So that means he did make me her target?”

“I...I don’t know...I’m not sure.”

I scoffed as the students began rushing out. Janice’s eyes first landed on James, then she rushed over to my side.

“You alright?”

“Yeah. I owe James one.”

“Max? You taking Charlie home?” asked Jake. I shook my head at his cut ruffled appearance.

“Looks like Jake and I sure know how to sync.” I pointed to both our cut cheeks and when they all caught on to the idea, they started laughing.

Janice soon said goodbye, rushing over to the black Camaro. I couldn't help but watch Cain as he got in the car, leaving James to greet Janice with an embrace. As my cheek stung again, pulling me back to reality, I sighed. Gerry would have a fit.