When A Smile Hurts

(Seth's Point Of View)

It's nearing midnight now.. and yet I'm still up and thinking of her. It's been like this for a few weeks now, ever since I had left her at Ruby's. Since then, I've tried everything in my power to forget her. I got a job at the library recently, working from an hour after school to about nine at night. During my breaks I eat something real quick as I do my homework for the day, and with the money I earn I save half and use the other half for things I need.

But even when I'm shelving books in that quiet and peaceful building, I'm still thinking of her.

Was it really that hard to be around her that day? If I tried, could I have fought it? A part of me thinks I could have fought the feelings and memories I was having that day, but another part of me didn't think so.. The feelings she was making me feel, I just can't describe.. I wanted her to go away, as quick as possible, but another part of me needed her there, needed her as close as can be. But what I was scared of most, were the memories of my mother. I'd never really thought of her because it's just that much more painful each and every time.

And that part of me was pushed to the side once again when a week ago, I asked this guy Daniel to switch lockers with me, since me and Jamie had lockers next to each other. When ever she was there, I was sure to not be. I'd avoid her at all cost just so I couldn't face her.
I know it was a dumbass move, and the rudest of all, but I needed to do it.

Some how, everytime I look in her eyes, I see the happy me that once was, when my family was okay, when my mother was alive. I was that happy and excited teenager once, that just loved to live everyday and be with my friends. When my mother died, I never talked to anyone. I never answered my friends calls, I never came out of my room during the day, I stopped doing what I loved.

I lost my self in a world filled with nightmares and quiet days.

Ever since Jamie, that changed.

For once since my mother's death, I talked..I just kept talking and didn't stop because I found no reason to stop. I missed talking to someone, anyone even, but I never allowed someone to be there to listen. And when I did,that person just so happend to be Jamie.

If I liked it or not, I needed to talk to her again... I needed to hear the voice of Jamie Luthor fill my ears and drown out all the other voices in the world.

As I watched the full moon that night, and watched the stars dance around, I thought of her, and I fell asleep with Jamie on my mind.