Into Your Arms

"And we're here!" John said as he pulled his vehicle into an empty parking space. I shook my head, quickly trying to focus on our present location instead of the negative thoughts that had been churning through my mind only moments before.

I smiled seeing that we had pulled up to one of my favorite restuarants in town. I could eat Japanesefood every day and never get sick of it. We exited the car, and headed for the building.Upon entering, John gave his name for our reservation, and we were seated.

John and I ordered our food and conversed about pointless things like usual, yet something inside of me was amiss. I couldn't quite place what made this feeling occur all of the sudden, and it seemed that John was trying to figure it out as well.

Fifteen or so minutes later, we decided to leave, John's plate nearly empty, and mine almost completely full.Unfortunately my worry had also ruined my appetite.After exiting the restaurant, we preceeded to get into John's car, where he drove to another mystery location.

Neither of us said much.I guess it was because of my weird mood, and John's lack of knowledge as to why I was in it. But somehow, the combination of those two things made me even more paranoid. It was obvious that it was going to be a long night.

-*-*-*-

Ten minutes later we arrived at another destination.John exited the car and grabbed a few things from the trunk before motioning for me to follow him.I did as I was told and followed him onto what seemed to be a field.Darkness had overtaken the sky since dinner and so, it was hard to see without any source of light, but I followed John's lead until he came to a stop.

John bent down, spreading what appeared to be a blanket onto the grass.I did my best to assist, and then continued to sit down on it after he did. The first few minutes on the blanket consisted of silence. I had sat as far from John as possible on purpose.This paranoia had swept through me.I was doubting everything between John and I - absolutely everything.Why in the world would he be interested in going on a date with me?

Noticing the penetrating silence betweenus,John finally spoke."What's wrong?" he asked. Hurt seemed to sting his voice as if he were secretly punishing himself for doing something wrong.If only he knew that he hadn't.I had just believed in something that was far too good to be true."And don't say that there isn't anything wrong" he continued after a short pause "because I know you.This isn't Tegan".

"What are we doing?" I asked.The question in itself was absurd, and I knew that, but what else was there to say?"I mean, we barely even know each other, but we do both know that this isn't right. I'm not the kind of girl that you want to be with, John. I'm...I'm not on that level of perfection. I don't even come close to attaining that level of perfection. I'm not what you're looking for..." After saying all of that I seriously just wanted to smack myself.Did I really just say that out loud? It made absolutely no sense, and now he probably thought that I didn't want to be with him. On the contrary, I did, but I wasn't right for him. I wasn't good enough, and I knew that.

"Tegan, how are you supposed to tell me what I'm looking for?" John asked, a little anger lingered in his voice and it made me even more uncomfortable.

"I mean, I'm...I'm not trying to. I just...I'm trying to be realistic. You're the lead singer of a growing band, and you want me? Me?I refuse to believe that."

John scooted closer to me, actually, as close as he could get to me without being on top of me. Then he spoke so softly that I could barely hear him, "Tegan, you're perfectly imperfect, and that's why you're exactly what I'm looking for".