All For Nothing

Today is Thanksgiving so that means today is prepping for food. Alex promised me that we could go to the mall in the morning to see Santa before the lines get long. Also we were going to look for gifts ideas for each other. Today should be a fun day compared to yesterday. I guess that Jack was really concerned about when I get too worried and paranoid. We talked about why I do that I should try to stop so It won't become worse when I get older. I really want to stop, I mean it would make me feel better, make Jack happy, and make Alex happy. As long as they are happy I am happy. The boys mean the world to me.
The mall wasn't really crowded since tomorrow is Black Friday. There was a line for Santa tho. I know I am too old to be waiting in line for myself but I still believe in him. I always will. As we got closer I got more excited.

“What are you gonna ask for?” Alex asked wrapping his arm around my waist.

“For everyone I am close to to be healthy and live long, for my babies come out with no complications, and for Matt to get a new Mickey mouse stuffed animal.” He started to tear a little bit.

“Krissiee that is perfect to ask for. I think that Matt has every Mickey possible tho.” I giggled and moved up. After two more kids it was my turn and I was so excited. Alex waited by the exit watching me. I sat on his lap.

“Hi Santa, I know I may be too old but I have 3 really good wishes.” I told him.

“What are they Miss?” He asked.

“I want for everyone I am close to to be healthy and live long, I want my babies in my tummy to come out with no complications and for them to be healthy, and I want my boyfriend's tour manager Matt to get a new Mickey mouse stuffed animal that he doesn't have. That last one is a hard one.”

“Those are great wishes and your going to be a great mother, Congratulations.” He said giving me a coloring book.

“Thank you Santa, have a good day today.” I told him before going. I went over to Alex and held his hand again.

“He said I am going to be a great mother.” I sold him smiling putting my coloring book in my purse.

“Krissiee why wouldn't you be a great mom?” We walked a few shops over and went into a Foot Locker. We looked at the guys shoes seeing if there are any Alex liked. After that we went to the Disney store where I went crazy. I looked at all the toys and I had to buy something.

“This is perfect babe.” I held up a huge Flounder from The Little Mermaid, my favorite fish.

“Sweetie don't buy anything cause what am I supposed to get you?” He said kissing my head making me drop him.

“Okay.” I pouted and looked at the cups. I saw the most perfect cups ever for Alex's parents. They were two cups with Mickey shoes and Minnie shoes above that in big Disney letters it says “Mr.” and “Mrs.”

“Boo let me get this for your parents.” I told him.

“Okay love, only cause it's pretty cute.” We got in line and paid. I asked them to put it in a box so it would already be ready to wrap when I get home. After looking around for hours I still can't figure out what to get him for Christmas. Before we go home I told them that I would get some Vegetarian turkey for me. Alex ran into the market for me. His phone started to ring, I looked at the caller I.D. And it was Lisa. I let it go to voice mail and she kept calling again. Finally he got back in with my Turkey.

“You have two missed calls.” I told him looking out the window.

“Why didn't you answer them love. Everyone knows that I am with you.”

“It was Lisa. Can we please just get home baby?” I asked looking out the side mirror.

“Of course what's wrong?” He asked holding my hand.

“It's nothing right now. When we get home I will tell you.” I still looked out the window wiggling my hand out of Alex's. The car ride home was quiet, half way through it I was crying. I hopped out the car and walked into the kitchen.

“I'm sorry. This just isn't a really good time for me to help right now. If you can could you please cook this for me?” I asked trying not to cry.

“Sure thing hun. I hope you feel better.” She said, I thanked her and went to his room. I took off my clothes and pulled one of his hoodies on with some of my shorts. I got under the blankets and poured my eyes out.

“Please tell me what's wrong.” Alex begged sitting next to me. I still didn't face him.

“I don't feel safe here.” I whispered.

“Why? Because of Lisa?” I nodded. “Sweetie she won't bother us anymore. Tomorrow I will get my number changed and I will delete hers.” He started to rub my shoulder.

“After Friday I want to go home, I want to be safe. I don't want you know who to find me. I don't want Lisa to find me. I want to be safe with you away from everything bad.” I said still crying.

“Baby after tomorrow we will go back. I want to visit your dad and I would like for you to go shopping with my mom. Do you think you can do that bug?” He asked kissing my ear.

“Yeah. Don't take long okay?” I asked him finally sitting up.

“I won't. Have I told you today that you look beautiful?” He asked wiping away my tears.

“Bullshit Alex.” I said. Look at me all red from crying and it's all gross.

“You really do. I love it when you don't wear makeup. You have that beautiful clear skin that everyone wants. You are too beautiful.” I smiled a very small smile and kissed him.

“Come on bug. Lets get some Thanksgiving food.” He said pulling me up. I took off my shorts and pulled some loose jeans on and walked out with his hoodie still on.