Part 4

The next few weeks were heavenly. I spent almost all of my free time with Isaac. I had no idea what had gotten into me. But I didn’t mind. I felt so free, and I was having fun for the first time since the accident. Of course, Isaac didn’t know about all that. Until one night when we were watching yet another horror film at my apartment.

“What’s that?” he asked, finally noticing my ring.

I didn’t feel like explaining. I didn’t want to ruin the night with another one of my breakdowns. “It’s nothing.”

“You’re married, aren’t you?!” Isaac shrieked in hysterics.

“Are you kidding me?” And with that, the floodgates opened.

“What else could it mean?”

Knowing that the night was already ruined, I figured I had nothing else to lose. I was finally going to confront the memories that had such a strong chokehold on me. With a shudder, I turned to Isaac. “If you promise to stay calm and listen, I’ll explain.”

Isaac took a deep breath and sat down next to me.

I couldn’t stop shaking as I recounted my entire story. About the time I was happy, when I thought the world was a nice place and life was easy. I was engaged to the love of my life. I was enrolled in art school. We had just bought our house. James was driving up there to start painting the kitchen. I was on the phone with him, arguing about his color choice. It was our first big fight. And our last. When James lost his focus on driving, he had a head-on collision with a semi. He was dead on impact.

It felt so strange having somebody other than Maddie knowing my story. Isaac was silent, just embracing me. I wasn’t crying anymore, but there was a twisted feeling in my gut.

As Isaac and I grew closer and closer, I grew more and more frightened. I was making myself so vulnerable, and I hated it and loved it on the same time. A weight was lifted off my back, but I had a growing sense of dread and worry. It would be so easy for me to get broken again. After the high of having a new boyfriend wore off, the relationship was getting harder and harder for me. I became withdrawn, and started ignoring Isaac's calls, rebuilding my walls.

A week later, he showed up at my house. And he placed the final brick onto that wall of mine.

"Felicity," he walked over and attempted to wrap his arms around me. I shook him off.

"What's gotten into you?"

"I just feel like we're moving too fast." That was a lie. "Can you go home now? I'm tired." Another lie.

Isaac grabbed me, kissed me hard, and finally did as I said, shutting the door quietly behind him. As soon as I heard his Cruiser sputter away, I took a deep breath and headed to my room. I had finally come to my senses. What was I thinking, falling in love again? It hurt. And not because of anything Isaac had done. I realized that no matter who I got close to, they weren't the ones hurting me. It was myself. I had no idea how to fix that. But for now, I could just keep dodging. I packed up some clothes, snacks, and any money I could find. I walked outside, prayed that my Buick would start, and got in. My prayers were answered and I drove away, my fears following close behind. I didn't know where I was going, and I didn't know how long. But I did know that if I kept driving, dodging, that maybe some day I would run straight into those walls and demolish them for good.
♠ ♠ ♠