Tell Me It's Not Too Late

I tipped my head back in defeat as I watched the Vancouver Canucks roll over the Devils on my laptop, doing that instead of trying to crank out my latest article. I told myself that I needed to exit out of the box and not watch Zach skate of the ice with a pissed off expression. Part of me was happy that there was a respectable amount on mileage in between the both of us but at the same time I figured it wouldn't matter. He was pissed. And he would need someone to take that anger out on and in college, it had been me. I was just hoping that it wouldn't be the case now.

I sighed and exited out of the Internet window, finally pulling up the Word document and typing away, finding my groove. The phone rang next to me and I glanced at it, seeing the New Jersey number and opting to not answer. It was still too soon after the game and I really did not want to deal with his attitude at the moment. Plus, my deadline was in an hour and I still had a lot to write.

My voice mail sounded in my quiet office and I waited for the beep, knowing Zach would leave a message. His voice came over the speaker, sounding a lot worse than I expected him to. He was practically spiting fire as he snapped at my machine, telling me to call him when I had a minute. I pursed my lips, glancing at my phone as he raged to my voice mail, sending a snippy comment in there that I should only call him when I have time for my boyfriend. I rolled my eyes as he hung up, deciding I was not going to give in to his bad attitude.

Brian walked in after Zach hung up, whistling and having a slight bounce in his step. "Well this is most definitely a role switch. Usually, I'm the one who is having a hard time missing the deadline. You should probably hurry up since you just skipped out a week ago without asking." He teased as he sat down, grabbing the stress ball off my desk and squeezing it. I felt the tension in my body grow at the light teasing because for some reason it just rubbed me the wrong way.

"Can I have that?" I asked him, holding my hand out for the squishy ball. He handed it over and I launched it straight at his chest, pointing towards the door with lowered eyes.

"Oh shit, it's that time of the month?" He asked me, an amused smile pulling up his mouth.

"No, my boyfriend just called me with a stick up his ass because he's pissed off about losing. Plus, my best friend just so happens to be moving out this weekend. And did I mention my bitch of a sister is coming to stay with me an hour after Krissy is supposed to be moved out? So excuse me if I'm a little stressed out." I growled at him, a lot bitchier than I meant to be.

But Brian, being Brian, just shrugged and waved as he walked back to his office unfazed by my outburst. I turned back to my computer, aimlessly typing anything that came to mind. Anything that would let me be done with this annoying article and give me an excuse to leave so I could ignore the constant ringing of my phone. I hated looking down and seeing the New Jersey number flashing, the one that made me want to pick up the phone, yet at the same time, let it continue to go to voice mail. I couldn't handle him at the moment, he would be too upset and the loss would still be a fresh wound.

I had just finished editing my article, typing a note to the sports photographer which one of her pictures I had liked better and sent it through cyber space, officially free to leave. The phone next to my compute rang again and I groaned, picking it up and sighing a hello.

"You sound rough," Krissy pointed out, giggling as James whispered something behind her.

"It's been a hectic day," I muttered, starting to shut down my computer and make notes for things I needed to do right away on Monday that I was putting off at the moment.

"Yeah, I saw Zach lost," She pointed out.

"Yeah, that's part of the problem. Zach keeps calling and I know he's really pissed off but I don't want to answer because I don't want him to take it out on me. Is that wrong?" I asked.

"No, it's understandable. But knowing Zach, he's just getting more pissed by you not picking up."

"I know," I sighed, running a hand through my curls brown hair. I walked to my door, the phone on speaker now, and slipped my coat on.

"Well, I called because I have the last of my stuff packed up.. so, you should come see me on my way," she murmured, her voice sad but excited all at the same time.

"Yeah, I'm leaving right now," I told her, ending the call and walking to Brian's office. He was lounging on his desk, flipping through a couple of papers. He looked up and smiled at me, motioning for me to come to him. I did as he told me, sitting on his leg as we wrapped each other in a hug. "I'm sorry," I whispered, "I'm just so crabby."

"I know, kid. Go home and have a good weekend. Kick your sister out if she gets too intense."

"Oh, I definitely will." I giggled, kissing his cheek and standing up again.

"I'll see you Monday, unless of course you hop on a plane and go to New Jersey." He teased. I rolled my eyes and scoffed lightly. "Hey, I never know if one of these days you'll do that and never come back," he smirked.

"Well, if I did, you'd be the first and only person I would say goodbye to." I smiled at him and waving as I walked down the hallway.

I jogged to my car the best I could in heels, hating that it was still so damn cold in the beginning of March. Minnesota was so cold, it should be one of those places that was inhabitable. But I would be lying if I said I didn't love it. This was my home, the place I grew up and was born in. It was a part of me just like Zach was. Ugh, Zach. I wasn't too surprised when I pulled my cellphone out of my purse and saw I had 2 voice mails and a couple missed calls to match, all from Zach of course. I decided now was the time to call him back so I dialed his number, silently hoping he wouldn't pick up.

"'ello?" He asked, his voice sounding bland compared to the usual cheer it held.

"Hi baby, I'm sorry I didn't answer. I was busy but I have time now," I told him. It wasn't really a lie but well, at the same time I guess it could be considered one.

"It's whatever," he stated coldly, ice dripping from his side of the phone to mine. I bit my lip and turned onto the freeway, merging and settling in for the ride home.

"Zach..." I warned to which he snorted under his breath.

"What? It doesn't even matter anymore. I'm out with the guys so I can't talk." He snapped at me, his voice sounding distant as laughter sounded around the table.

"Don't be like that. Don't ruin this right now." I told him.

"Ruin what? Our blissful relationship? I'm not, I've had a shitty day and I don't feel like talking to you when you're busy."

"Zach, I'm not-" The dial tone cut me off as I let out an angry sigh, throwing my phone onto the passenger seat.

"Fucking asshole." I muttered, turning the radio on full blast as P!nk sang "So What" loudly through my speakers. I jammed the rest of the way home, desperate to get my mind of Zach. I loved him a lot, but damn it I hated it when he was a dick on purpose. It's like that was my punishment for not picking up the phone. Well, sorry, Zachary, but some people actually have jobs they have to do. Sorry you didn't do yours today. Oh God, that was bitchy.

I pulled into the parking lot of my building, taking my time to reach mineand Krissy's apartment. I tried the door knob, finding it unlocked before I pushed my way into the half empty apartment. I surveyed the barren space, looking at all the picture frames and random knick-knacks that were missing. The empty shelves greeted me and it made me feel lonely, just thinking about Krissy leaving. But here she was, walking into the living room, shoes on, pea coat wrapped around her petite frame as she came from her old bedroom. I gave her a small, crooked smile and pushed out a deep breath.

"Where's James?" I asked, folding my arms across my chest and leaning my weight on one hip.

"I decided to just come alone, say goodbye and stuff," she murmured, walking towards me and pulling me into her. "You look off, anything you want to talk about?"

"No," I lied. The truth was, I did want to talk to Krissy about Zach but I couldn't. I didn't want to send her into a tyrant about how if Zach doesn't treat me right, I shouldn't be with him. But Zach wasn't normally like this, and he treated me a lot better than how he did on the phone.

"I won't judge," she assured me. I sighed, shaking my head at the fact that she just knew it was about him.

"Zach is in a bad mood about the game and it's just a downer for me because he called and was being a dick." I mumbled, running my hands over my face and pushing my fingers into the stress tugging my forehead together.

"Well, you have to love him when he's being a dick too, right?" She laughed softly, wrapping an arm around me. "He'll come around. You know he doesn't take losses very well."

"Yeah, I just wish I wasn't so far away so we could talk," I told her.

"Well, when are you going to see him again?" She asked, rubbing my back softly. I shrugged shaking my head.

"A long time," I mumbled. I watched as she bit her lip and glanced at the clock. I knew it was time for her to go. There was no point in dragging out a long goodbye since she wasn't really moving, only moving out and across town. We stared at each other before looking around at the half empty apartment. Tears stung my eyes at the loneliness that tugged at my heart, a heavy, hollow, feeling taking over.

"I guess it's that time," Krissy spoke first as I nodded, pushing myself off the couch and following her to the door. She took her keys out of her purse handing over the gold one to the apartment door. I hesitated taking it from her.

"Kris, why don't you keep it? What if I lock myself out or something?" I laughed softly, knowing it was a legitimate possibility.

"True. But aren't you going to find a new roomie?" She asked me, tilting her head to the side.

"No, this will only ever be our apartment."

"This sucks." Krissy confessed, pulling me into a tight hug. "I know this isn't goodbye but I'm like at the starting point of a huge turn in my life. Like it's actually just beginning. I'm getting married in the summer, only a couple months away! I'm scared. I don't want to move on."

"I know but don't let your fear hold you back from something great."

"You should be saying that to yourself," she whispered softly, pulling away from me. "Zach isn't the same kid he was in college, stop treating him like he is."

"I don't."

"Yes you do. You're keeping him at a distance and he knows it. You guys are still walking on eggshells around each other. Let him in, telling exactly how you feel about everything. He'll be there." She assured me. I nodded at her, tucking my bottom lip into my mouth.

"Thanks for not judging. I know it's kinda hard for you to trust him."

"No, I just want you to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted, and if that's with Zach, then okay. I'm happy for you." She smiled, pulling me in for one more hug before she shifted her purse back onto her shoulder. "I've gotta go, we're meeting with the even planner at our possible venue. You can come if you want?"

"No, I'm just going to call it a day." I told her.

"Alright, I'll call you later." She parted with me and I shut the door, trying not to cry as the only person who could help take away the loneliness, walked down the hall to start her new life.
***

The little girl had light brown hair, so light she could easily be mistaken for a blonde. Her laugh so adorable and high pitched that it made me want to laugh too. She danced around a field of beautiful wild flowers, there colors ranging from purple to yellow to a dark red. She picked one off the green stem, holding it to her small nose and taking in the sweet sent. Her eyes peaked over the pedals, landing on me softly before she turned away and giggled again.

She ran over to a dog, a perfect replica of Mikko and his soft fur, the wind slicking it back. He squinted at the wind as he kept a watchful eye on the little girl, ready to act if she needed him. He was wiser with age, but his eye still held that sparkle in them. Patches of his fur were started to fall out, a tell tale sign that his days were slowly becoming numbered. The little hands petted his soft fur as he licked her arm softly before snuggling his head back onto his paw.

"Mikko," she giggled, pointing to the dog, her deep blue eyes locking with mine. I nodded, smiling at her baby soft skin and the small puffs of breath that blew from her mouth. She was my life. My everything along with her dad. She wandered a long ways away from me, her baby feet padding softly against the grass as she ran across the field.

"Baby, stay close," I murmured softly to her, feeling tired from the draining sun rays and the light breeze. I just wanted to sleep, let the tugging of unconsciousness pull me asleep. I closed my eyes, laying down in the field and calling to the little girl. Her name escaping my lips a couple times before I slept soundly.

What seemed like minutes later, my eyes flashed open to a dark night surrounding me. It was cold and Mikko stood next to me, barking loudly. His growl coming out next. The little girl snuggled into my side, her eyes closed and her long lashes settling against her cheeks. But she looked different. Her breath wasn't forming a cloud like it should, her baby cheeks held no color, only white. She seemed to be fading into the ground. I reached out to her, feeling the ice of her skin as her skin started to shimmer like she was a mirage.

"Baby?" I called to her, softly running my thumb over her cheek. My fingers immediately turned to ice as I tried to wake her, desperately shaking her but trying not to hurt her.

My hands fell to my sides, watching as my little girl faded into nothing, only the pressed down grass a reminder that she had ever been there. MY mouth fell open in shock, trying desperately to grasp what just happened. She just.. disappeared. My fingers grazed the ground where she had been, trailing the blades of glass that suddenly felt like razors. I pulled my hand back quickly, the blood slipping down my arm and the off my elbow, pooling on the ground in between my legs. My head became dizzy and I felt the bile rise in my throat, my body heaving as I desperately tried to figure out what the hell was going on.
***

I hit the floor with a hard thud, tears streaking down my face as I struggled to regain my composure. I looked down at the wood floor, ignoring the throbbing in my knees as I I sucked in a couple gasps, needing the oxygen in order to survive. I started coughing, the bile from my dream, really coming up my throat. A sharp pain hit my stomach next, a tell tale sign that I was about to throw up. I groped my way to a standing position, doubling over in pain immediately.

I had no idea what was wrong with me. I was fine when I went to bed but now I was cough and choking on the bile. My hear was pounding so hard in my chest that it felt like I was having a heart attack, add on to the pain off my lower abdomen and back. I cried out in pain, grasping for my phone and yanking the charger from the wall. I slid into the bathroom, crawling on my knees to the toilet. The bile immediately released from my mouth as my muscles cramped up tightly, the pain making me see spots. I could feel liquid pooling in my panties, having no clue what it was but if I was going to guess, it was blood.

The tears flew from my eyes as I cried, panicked and terrified as to what was going on. I tried to take a deep breath, flushing the toilet to get the terrible stench away from me. I spit into the water the thick saliva filled with the nasty taste. I looked down at my phone, my heart pounding, ears ringing, and my breathing as ragged as if I was running. I licked my dry lips, leaning my head against the bathroom counter. I could feel myself on the edge of passing out, my head slamming against the counter as I looked down at my phone, unable to hold my head up. But I couldn't pass out, I needed help and the only way I would get it was if I called someone.

My hands shook as I tried to fiddle with the buttons, a hard job when my vision was blurry and the whole room spun. I was loosing a lot of blood, it seeped through my pants and onto the floor, telling me something was seriously wrong. I highlighted Zach's name despite the fact that he couldn't do anything for me. But I needed to hear his voice, I needed him to tell me I was going to be okay. I should have called 911. I should have called Krissy, or a neighbor, someone who could get to me fast. But I wasn't thinking, it wasn't possible at the moment.

"Abbie, do you know what time it is here?" Zach groaned as he picked up, the rustling of his sheets was just able to be made out.

"Zach," I groaned out, my sobs coming out again.

"What's wrong?" He asked, suddenly very alert and his voice demanding. "Baby, talk to me."

"Some thing's wrong with me, I'm bleeding, a lot and I'm going to pass out." I sobbed out, my breathing picking up as I turned a bend and into full out hysteria.

"Baby, call 911. Why did you call me?" He asked, his voice reaching a high level. I heard him opening drawers, pulling things out and stuffing them into something.

"Because I need you," I whimpered, the wallpaper on the bathroom wall blending into one big flower, the colors swirling as I struggled to remain awake. "Zach..."

"Abbie, stay with me baby, stay with me." He called to me, his voice becoming distant and barely heard over the sound of the blood pounding in my ears.

"Zach, I love you.." I murmured, most likely too quiet for him to here.

"Don't say that like you won't tell me in a couple hours. You'll be okay." He called to me. His voice sounded again, much more urgent as he called Travis' name. "Give me your phone," he demanded. "Abbie, stay with me baby."

"I'm trying,"I chocked out, my tears streaming directly into my open mouth as I sucked in the air.

I listened to Zach as he talked to someone on the other end, explaining that they needed to get their ass over to my apartment and stat. I had no idea who he was talking to but when his voice called out to me again, I didn't have strength to ask him who he called.

"Baby, my brother's calling an ambulance for you. Hold on for me, baby. Hold on," was the last thing I heard before everything went black.