Tell Me It's Not Too Late

My stomach rolled uncomfortably as I was slowly pulled out of my slumber my first official night in New Jersey. I kept my eyes squeezed shut, hoping that maybe the feeling would pass and I would be able to stay snuggled in Zach's arms. But my stomach lurched more forcefully and I knew if I didn't get up now, I wouldn't make it to the bathroom. I slipped out of Zach's grip, careful not to wake him and ran tot he bathroom, my feet padding as quietly as possible against the wood floor.

I grabbed the door frame of the bathroom as a wave of dizziness rocked me to the core, making the bile come into my throat now. I whimpered softly before shutting the door and flipping on the light. I fell to my knees with a hard thump as I flipped the toiled seat up just in time. Tears ran down my face as I threw up, hating that this was a regular thing for me. I closed my eyes as I gathered my hair, cursing myself when I reached for the binder on my wrist and not finding it. More of the salty tracks rolled down my cheek as the self pity settled in, another reminder that I was pregnant, not married, and my life was changing so fast, it was giving me a headache.

Soft foot steps echoed from the room outside before the door creaked open quietly. Zach's hand took over mine, holding my hair, while the other one came to my back, rubbing it softly as I continued to empty my stomach. I sniffled and flushed the toilet, wiping my mouth on my t-shirt along with my tear stained cheeks.

"Sorry, that's really gross," I whispered to Zach. "I didn't mean to wake you." I looked down at my hands, bunching up my mesh shorts as my calves rested on the cool tile. I closed my eyes as the vertigo hit me again, squeezing them until dots appeared behind my lids.

"Abbie, why are you apologizing? I want to help you. I want you to wake me up because I'm going to be here for you, baby," He whispered softly to me. I sniffled again and nodded. "Do you want to go back to bed?" I chuckled softly, looking at him, with his bed head and bard chest, drinking him in.

"I'm far from done," I assured him, leaning against the counter. He slid down so he was on the floor with me, his lips connecting with my temple in a tender kiss.

"Then I'm not done either."

"Zach, you have practice early," I reminded him, snuggling into his shoulder.

"I don't care. You're more important."

I whimpered when he said that, kissing his arm to show affection and the appreciation I felt for having him to help me through this now. My stomach started to clench again and I groaned into his arm, feeling the pity rising again. But this time Zach shared my pity too. I could see the guilt he felt that I had to go through this but he didn't.

"Are you alright?" He wondered, his hand brushing the hair back from my face. I nodded into him, but pursed my lips and lunged for the toilet, giving Zach barely enough time to grab my hair.

This routine continued until the sun was peaking up over the horizon, streaming in through the bathroom window. For some reason, my moments of throwing up were longer and more vicious than before. They took their tole on me, until I could barely keep my eyes open. Finally done for the day and half asleep, Zach scooped me up into his arms and walked me to our bed, where he tucked me into bed.

"Sleep. I'll be home soon." He kissed my cheek softly before pulling on his clothes and heading out the door to practice. For the one more second I was awake after that, the guilt churned in my stomach, making me feel like I was going to be sick. But then I remembered, he knocked me up, and the tiredness seemed justifiable once again.

When I awoke, Zach was home and sleeping next to me while Mikko curled up at the foot of our bed. Zach was turned away from me, probably the way he fell into bed after practice. I yawned softly and scooted over to him, curling into his body so we were spooning each other. I placed a soft kiss on his bare back, letting the heat from his skin transfer into my body. Zach shifted slightly, looking over his shoulder through lowered eyes at me. He rolled over quickly, bringing me into his chest where he began to stroke my hair.

"How are you feeling?" He asked me.

"A little nauseous but it's nothing new," I shrugged. During this past month, I've felt sick almost all the time but it wasn't enough for me to complain about it. My stomach was constantly gurgling whether it was from the morning sickness or the fact that I needed more food, which seemed impossible because I was always stuffing my face.

"I wish you didn't have to feel like that, but I read in the book that it goes away after the first trimester," he told me. I pursed my lips against the giggle that was bubbling in my mouth.

"You read the baby books already?" I asked, referring to the books he got while he was in Minnesota.

"I read them every night until you got here so I would know what you're going through and what you will go through," he whispered softly, smiling down at me as I looked up at him.

"A lot of guys don't read them," I mused to him, my heart fluttering at the simple gesture. It might have been small, but it meant everything to me that he cared enough to take the time.

"I have no idea what I'm doing. I need all the help I can get," he chuckled softly as Mikko walked up the bed. "I can barely control this one. Look at him, taking up the bed and my girl," he scoffed, watching Mikko plop down in between up and curl up against my stomach as if he too knew there was something there worth protecting.

"Hi baby," I murmured to the puppy as his eyes closed and his ears pressed back into his fur at my gentle touch. If he was a cat, he would have been purring. "Doesn't daddy give you any love?"

"I give him plenty of love, you spoil him though," Zach argued softly, his hands running over Mikko's thick winter coat.

"I missed him while I was away," I said, my eyes tearing up for no apparent reason. Maybe it was because I was so happy. My life was turning out to be the exact way I had pictured it when I was in college. Zach was in my life for good, and I had no concerns about him going anywhere. I was successful on my own in the newspaper business. I had the job I wanted too and I found out I'm pretty good at what I do. And now I was expecting Zach's baby. My life really couldn't be better at the moment.

"He used to sit at the door and whine when I would come home and you wouldn't be with me." Zach informed me, shifting around in the bed so he was sitting up. His hands slid from Mikko and down to my stomach, cupping the small bump that was beginning to form. Anyone who didn't know I was pregnant wouldn't be able to guess, there was barely a little pouch since the baby was still so small.

"The baby has fingernails now," he whispered in my ear, making goosebumps form on my skin. I nodded, remembering that part in What To Expect When You're Expecting, the bible for pregnancy, that Krissy had thrust into my hands before I left. "And it's learning how to swallow."

"Yeah, but it's still so undeveloped." I mumbled, wondering how something so little and kind of ugly, could turn into a beautiful baby in just six more months now.

"Is it weird that I already want it here?" I asked him, tilting my face up to look at him. He shook his head, leaning down to press his lips to mine.

"I feel the same exact way."
***

Two weeks later, I woke up well after Zach did, surrounded by our comforter, and Mikko. I looked at the clock, smiling when I saw that it was 9:00 in the morning. I was now regularly missing my 4 AM wake up call, since I was now, today, in my second trimester. I was so happy to be through the first tunnel, and jumping for joy, in my head, that it was a lot easier from here on out. I had my first appointment with my new doctor today, and I was so excited to see what the baby looked like now. From the books, it said the baby has tripled in size since I last saw it. It looked like the size of a pea when I saw it but now it was supposed to be the length of a flip phone, progress if you ask me.

I sat up in bed, ignoring the slight pain I felt in my back and slipped out of bed. I walked quietly down the hall and stairs, finding Zach in the kitchen, shirtless once again. I was definitely enjoying the way his back muscles flexed as he scratched the top of his head, looking in the fridge for something to make. I snuck up behind him and wrapped my arms around his stomach and placed my cheek on his warm back.

"I love you," I murmured to him, my lips pressing against his spine. He sucked in a deep breath, his back expanding with his lungs.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" He asked me.

"Great!" I exclaimed, grinning up at him. I giggled at his bed head hair, half of his brown locks standing up while the other half was flattened to his head. "You look ridiculous."

"Sorry, I've been pulling on my hair trying to find something to eat." He rolled his eyes and pulled me into his side so I could see the very empty fridge.

"After my appointment we can go get some food since I actually want to eat now that I'm done throwing it up," I mumbled, shaking my head at the memories of throwing up and the tears that came up with the bile.

"Mkay. How's baby?" he wondered, leaning down and placing a kiss on my stomach that was now a decent sized pouch. I scowled down at it, hating that I was going to have to get fat. My fat jeans were barely fitting be and I was dreading the day that I would have to go buy the pregnancy jeans with the elastic at the waist. I was going to have to call Krissy and Lily for the moral support.

"I'm thinking good. It hasn't been talking to me so I wouldn't know," I giggled.

"It's mad at you," he confirmed. I laughed loudly and smacked the back of his head lightly.

"Be good, daddy. I'm going to go shower and then we can go."

"We are going to go shower," He raised his eyebrows suggestively at me. I bit my lip and giggled, flicking my tongue out at him and then over my lips. I gave him a come hither look, letting his scoop me into his arms and lead me upstairs.

The shower took a lot longer than it should have thanks much to my new found libido and Zach's always going one. But we made it to the doctor's office on time for our appointment. I sat in the lobby, filling out the paper work while Zach surveyed all the babies and pregnant mom's who were sitting in the lobby also.

"That kid over there has to be the ugliest baby I have ever seen," Zach widened his eyes at me. I slapped his chest but definitely agreed with him. The kid definitely had some serious cone head going and looked like it could be E.T's brother. "What if our kid looks like that?" His mouth dropped open in horror. I looked up from my paper work, my face holding a look that told him our kid would most definitely NOT look like that.

"If it did, you would still love it. And it would could find a way to blame it on Jordan." Zach laughed softly at that, kissing my cheek as I went back to my paperwork. When I got to the insurance part I cringed. Since I quit my job, I didn't have an insurance anymore. I gave my clipboard to Zach, pointing at the part that I didn't know how to figure out.

"I put you on mine before you got here," He told me, pulling his wallet out and giving me my new insurance card. "You're more than covered."

"Thanks, Zach," I smiled softly at him, kissing his lips.

"It's fine," he smiled back at me, his nose rubbing softly against mine.

"Abbie Fairchild?" The nurse called my name, pulling Zach and I out of our little moment. I stood up, pulling Zach up with me and letting him follow me.

"First we're going to take your temperature and see how much you weigh," she informed me. She didn't look like she could be any older than Zach or I. She had pretty long blonde hair and an easy smile along with some Elmo pattered scrubs on. Zach gave them a weird look but shrugged when I gave him a look. He was acting like such a boy today, almost like his filter was temporarily out of order.

I stepped onto the scale and closed my eyes, not wanting to see how much I weighed, but when the scale beeped; I just couldn't help but look. My mouth dropped open as I realized I had gained 15 pounds since I was last at the doctor. Tears poked at the back of my eyes as I blindly stepped off the scale, my eyes out of focus as I thought of how fat I was going to be by the time I was at nine months.

"Fuck," I muttered quietly under my breath. Zach grabbed my hand as the nurse led us back to the room, letting us settle in before asking the necessary questions. She left shortly after, telling us the doctor would be in soon.

"It's okay Abbie, the baby needs you to gain weight." He told me, getting up from his seat and crossing the room to me.

"I'm the fattest I've ever been in my life," I pouted up at him, the tears pooling in my eyes again. "And now I'm the most emotional fat person ever." I sobbed softly, my lips quivering with my tears.

"Honey," Zach cooed too me, wrapping me into his arms again. His lips brushed over the top of my head as he soothed me softly, letting me cry into his jacket.

"This isn't fair! I don't want to be fat," I wailed to him. I was honestly so upset that I couldn't even be embarrassed with the way I was acting. I was taking it completely out of proportion but it wasn't easy to give up my body like this. To let the baby completely dictate what I ate, how I dressed, and over all, how I looked. It was hard to just let myself go, and even harder to know that I would never be the same after giving birth.

"You aren't fat. You're pregnant, there is a difference, don't tell me there isn't." He stated calmly.

I grumbled at him under my breath, feeling the bossy side of me getting crabbier by the second. i bit my tongue against the nasty remarks I wanted to say to him, trying to take calming breaths. But eventually it was Zach's soft I love you that settle me back down, his kisses that he continuously placed on the top of my head that relaxed my whole body.

A soft knock at the door sounded, and my new doctor walked in a short second later. It was a girl who happened to be friends with Lily. I was a little skeptical seeing as she was very young, but Lily told me she had delivered her fair share of babies.

"Hi, Abbie, I'm Doctor Thompson." She greeted, shaking my hand with a tight grip. I smiled back at her, already liking the energy she gave off. She seemed spunky and I loved the way she didn't give Zach a second glance after she shook his hand.

"So from the information I have here, you're fourteen weeks along?" She glanced up at me over her glasses and I nodded. "So you're in your second trimester then." She grinned at me as I nodded, letting out a soft sigh. "Are you starting to have more energy?"

"Yes, I can get out of bed and actually walk around with out wanting to either throw up or sleep." I chuckled softly.

"That's good. The first trimester is the hardest to get through just because of all of the changed that your body is going through to get ready for the baby. But don't worry, it's mostly down hill from here. What I'm going to do is get right into the ultrasound and see how the baby is going." She smiled at me as my heart beat hitched in excitement.

She sat down on the chair next to me, grabbing a blanket and draping it over my lap before she flipped up my hospital gown, up to expose my baby bump. I looked down at it as she squirted the cold liquid on my skin. I shivered and gripped Zach's hand, trying not to wiggle at the weird feeling of it. I turned to Zach who's nose was wrinkled in such a cute way it made me let out an airy chuckle.

"Why do you put that on there?" He asked Dr. Thompson.

"It's so that we can get a clearer picture of the baby," she told him, placing the ultrasound tool on my stomach and beginning to press into my skin. I bit my lip and looked at the screen as she moved it around. I switched from watching her face to the ultrasound screen, hoping everything was okay. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, a big smile stretched onto her face and she turned to Zach and I.

"The baby looks healthy as can be." She informed us. My heartbeat on the screen dropped back to a normal level as the baby's heartbeat started to fill the room. It was loud and literally music to my ears. Tears rolled down my cheeks, my highly emotional self unable to hold the relief back. "Do you want to know what the sex is?" She asked us. I looked at Zach biting my lip and squirming because I did want to know. So bad.

"Yeah," Zach told her to which she grinned.

"You're going to have a baby boy in August," she grinned at us. Zach squeezed my hand and I looked up at him, watching his eyes as they widened with uncontainable excitement.

"Aw, there's a daddy's little man in the making," I teased him, watching as Zach practically bounced up and down in his chair.

"He's playing hockey. Actually, I think there's a hockey stick in there," he pointed to the screen, causing both the doctor and I to roll our eyes.

"Everything looks very good. He's developing just fine, he has all the necessary things he should have right now and he's growing normally. All of these are very good signs." She assured us with a smile. "Remember, since you actually want to eat now and your appetite is going to go through the roof, what you eat, the baby eats. So try to keep it healthy, I understand the cravings but remember that eating a bunch of sweets and fatty foods isn't the best thing in the world. Try to eat relatively healthy foods. Also, make sure you are getting a lot of sleep. You might feel restless and the baby might start to keep you up when he starts moving but you need energy. And also, stay active. Try moving and walking around or they also have mommy classes for pregnant women to keep them active." She told me, handing me a couple brochures. I nodded and took it all in, surprised at all the options I had.

"Do you have any questions?" She asked me. I shook my head along with Zach as she wiped off my stomach and flipped the gown back down. Zach handed me my clothes as I said goodbye to the doctor, telling her I'll be back in a month. I slipped my jeans and sweatshirt back on, looking down at my jeans when they refused to button. I glared at the metal that refused to button properly. Zach chuckled softly and pulled me to him by the flaps of my jeans, buttoning them in one swift motion.

"Don't make it harder than it is," He jokingly scolded me.

"Excuse me, Mr. I still have my ab muscles." I snorted as we walked out to Zach's Audi, hand in hand.

"You still have yours, there just under our son," he told me as he opened the passenger side door for me to slid in. "I love you." He whispered softly after he kissed my lips. My eyes slid closed while his lips trailed lightly over all the places I liked it. I moaned enjoying how good it felt as my head tilted back until it was level with the ground, letting Zach roam over my whole neck.

"I like that you're into this again," he whispered softly, remembering when I used to snap at him when he kissed me like this.

"I am totally into this." I moaned out, my tongue sliding out from my mouth to caress my top lip softly.

"Do you still want to go grocery shopping?" He teasingly asked me, his advancements on my neck halting.

"No." I answered immediately, pulling him by his shirt collar and smashing our lips together again, while wrapping my legs around his waist to keep him plastered to me.

Needless to say, we didn't go grocery shopping that day, night, or that whole next week.