Tell Me It's Not Too Late

"This is cute right?" Zach asked me, holding up a onesie with iPood on the front of it. I snorted out a laugh and grabbed it from Zach shaking my head and placing it back on the shelf. "What? I thought that was the one!" He exclaimed, laughing at me, his dimples becoming more prominent the harder he laughed.

"My son is not wearing that," I told him, shaking my head at his dorky grin. "Oh boy, daddy is never aloud to dress you," I cooed down to my now expanding stomach. I was now twenty weeks pregnant, or five months, and I already looked like I was going to explode. My mom had mentioned when she was pregnant with both Chloe and I that she had gotten huge. The couple times I talked to Zach's mom, she told me she had gotten big fast as well. I was obviously very happy that that gene had been passed down to me. At eighteen weeks, the baby was supposed to start moving around and "make waves" so to speak, but I had yet to feel a kick or any movement. I was severely disappointed, but once again, everyone was different.

The other thing, besides being fat that I wasn't enjoying, was the stretch marks. They were forming on my stomach, my breasts, and my hips, my skin stretching to accommodate my expanding body. It sucked and I refused to let Zach see me without a shirt on anymore. It was too embarrassing for me to let him see me like this, swollen and as big as a whale.

Today Zach and I were at a baby shop in New Jersey, looking for certain things for the baby. We had a crib and changing table picked out, along with the color of the walls, green for North Dakota. We also picked out a few newborn outfits so we would be able to dress the baby with when he entered the world.

"Baby! Come here!" Zach exclaimed, bouncing up and down across the store from me. I giggled at the other parents in the store who were pointing at Zach, obviously knowing who he was. "Look!" He exclaimed again once I was near him. He was standing next to a sports station that had all sorts of hockey apparel, including a Parise jersey. I swear to God, Zach was crying as he held it up for me to read.

"Aw! It's so small, and cute." I grinned at it, pulling Zach's arms down and looking into his teary brown eyes. "Honey," I cooed to him. "You're emotions are wacky like mine?"

"You're rubbing off on me," he sniffed, trying to discreetly wipe the tear from his eye.

"Hey now, be nice." I reminded him, wrapping my arms around him, our son making it hard to press ourselves close to each other. Zach's hands went down to my belly as I laid my head on his chest, his chin resting a top of my head.

A flutter ran across my belly, feeling like a bug or an itch. Both of us snapped our heads up to look at each other, our mouths holding grins of excitement. We were both still, waiting for the flutter again just to make sure it had actually happened. The movement under my skin occurred again and Zach and I squealed in excitement.

"Did you feel that!?" I asked.

"Of course I did!" He smiled down at me, bringing me onto my tip toes and pressing out mouths together in an excited kiss.

"He likes his jersey," I murmured to Zach. He nodded back to me, his head swooping down to pace a kiss on my tummy.

"I love you," He whispered, making my eyes fill up with tears. The baby moved once again, saying his own form of I love you back to his daddy. Zach stayed like that, his lips pressing to me through the fabric of my shirt as I threaded my fingers through his hair, a picture perfect moment if there had ever been one. Until my cell phone rang. Zach and I both sighed softly as I reached into my purse and pulled my phone out.

"Hello?"

"What the fuck. I haven't heard from you in a week," Krissy's annoyed voice came over the phone. "I miss you, come home to me?" She murmured softly. "Hockey is over."

"Yeah I know that, but there are things here that need to be ready before I go home since when we come back, there will be another person with us."

"That's what Zach is for," Krissy snorted, "he has to do something right? I mean, you're the one lugging around the kid."

Krissy and I both giggle and I agreed with her, but told her that it was my job as a mom to get the nursery ready. I wanted too anyway. Plus, I would also get to decorate the one in Minnesota too. Zach wandered around the store as I talked to my best friend, trying to imagine all of her wedding details as she explained them to me. The big day was 2 weeks from now, and I was more than a little disappointed that I would be a fat whale for it. Needless to say, that gorgeous Vera Wang lavender dress Krissy had picked out for me was most definitely not what I would be wearing come wedding day.

"So, we need to find you a new dress," Krissy told me, the sound of the radio adding a soft background to her voice.

"Can I just wear one of my own?" I asked her, holding up a cute shirt with a hockey stick on it to Zach. He nodded and took it from me, holding up some baby boy bottled with various animals on them. I nodded and he haled them up the the counter with the rest of our haul.

"Yeah, I guess that's fine," she sighed.

"Why? Did you already get me something?" I asked her, waddling after Zach.

"Well, kind of. See I was out at the galleria and I saw this maternity shop so I thought I might check it out, see if they had anything cute in there, and they had a section for dresses and it was too cute not to get. It's lavender, just like your other one, just made with a pouch for your baby. You'll be like a kangaroo!" She giggled at me as I snorted.

"That is not funny. You try carrying around what I am."

"Hopefully I will soon. But I always knew you would have the baby first. You and Zach fucked like rabbits in college, it was a miracle you didn't get pregnant then."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I voiced to her as Zach and I walked out of the store with out purchases.

"Yes you do. I bet you're blushing and having hot flashes, and wanting to fuck him now. I know all about those crazy hormones you have going," she teased me as Zach opened my door, helping me slump down into the car. He made sure all my limbs were tucked in before shutting the door.

"Kris, drop it."

"Alright, alright. But seriously, I have to go now. I love you, and I miss you. Please come home soon baby girl," she pleaded with me.

"I'm coming home in two weeks. Don't get your panties in a twist."

"I haven't seen you in so long! Shut up!" She exclaimed as I shook my head, pressing end and cutting her off in mid rant.

I leaned back in my seat, feeling tired from being on my feet all day after shopping for baby clothes. I yawned loudly, my head falling back to lay on the head rest as Zach drove home. He never let me drive anymore, instead opting to be my chauffeur to and from wherever I wanted to go. He got nervous about me driving despite the fact that it was perfectly fine for me to drive. I dozed off about 5 minutes from the baby shop, slipping into a peaceful sleep. When we arrive back at the house, I slowly woke up as Zach came to my side, opening my door and unbuckling my seat belt. I started to shift but Zach stopped me.

"No, I'm going to carry you. You're tired and you and baby boy sleepy time." He cooed to me, scooping me up, being careful of my head, and bringing me into the house. He carried me up the stairs, tucking my head under his chin and my feet in righter as he walked up the stairs, not letting any part of my body bump against the walls or railings. He set me on the bed very softly, my body molding to the bed immediately. He kissed my forehead softly, brushing my bangs from it as my eyes stayed shut, too heavy to open. "I love you. Sleep tight."

"Zach?" I called out to him as he began to walk away.

"Hm?" He murmured, walking back to the bed and running a hand over my face.

'Stay with me." I demanded timidly, hoping he wouldn't say no.

"Alright." He told me, kicking off his shoes and climbing over me to join me in the bed.

We fell asleep, both of us curled up with each other as our baby continued to make it's presence known every few hours, startling me awake just to be met with a couple more small flutters. I would smile down at our baby boy, hoping to come face to face with the little miracle soon.
***

"Abbie. Abbie, wake up baby, we're home." Zach called to me two weeks later, his hand on my shoulder as he shook me as softly as possible. I snapped awake instantly, wondering how I had missed the plane touching down in the first place. But that's what pregnancy did to you; knocked you on your ass until you couldn't see over your fat stomach.

"Wow. I slept the whole ride," I mumbled to Zach as WE he grabbed our luggage, tugging it out to the car despite how much crap we had brought home. I yawned and waddled slowly behind him as he moved to the area where Krissy and James would be picking us up since Zach's other car was tucked away in his garage. I stepped out of the revolving doors, running in to Zach as he stopped short, his eyes set on the blonde in front of him who bounced excitedly.

"Do NOT jump on her," Zach told Krissy who rolled her eyes and punched him in the stomach, pushing him away from me.

"Hi mommy!" She exclaimed, grabbing me and pulling me into a hug. She pulled to hard, thinking I was still skinny and slamming into my big belly. "Ouff!" She huffed out, pulling away and looking down at my belly. "You're so big! It's so cute! But it's hard. Why is it hard? Isn't fat supposed to be soft?" She asked me, her mouth tilting into a confused expression

"No, because it's not fat. It's a person." I shook my head at James who was giving his fiancee a look that said, please stop talking. "And you're lucky you're my best friend because I already get the stares, I don't need you voicing about how fat I am."

"You look like you could have baby boy Parise next week!" She exclaimed, giggling as her palms went to my stomach along with her mouth, placing kisses over my stomach. "Hi baby, it's Auntie Krissy. I'm gonna spoil you so bad, your mommy and daddy will never measure up!" Sh exclaimed, giving him a small pat. The baby moved against her hand, causing her had to fly off of my stomach and gape at me. "What the fuck was that! It moved!" She exclaimed, her eyes as wide as hockey pucks.

"Babies move Krissy," Zach told her, moving behind me and wrapping his arms around me, his hand grabbing his wrist to keep my hands around him easier.

"Oh! I want to feel again!"

"Then get over here because when daddy's around, he won't stop moving." I rolled my eyes at Zach who beamed,moving his hands over my now very active stomach. Since the two weeks the baby first made his presence known, he's become very active when his dad is around. The baby books say he doesn't know who his dad is, even when Zach talks to my stomach because of how undeveloped his ears still are, but I think that's a lie. He has to know it's his dad otherwise, why would he get so excited.

"That is like, indescribable." Krissy mused to me, her hands on the top part of my stomach while Zach held the bottom. I giggled at the people who were gawking at us, two professional athletes and a girlfriend, fawning over a pregnant woman. "James! We're baby making after we get married. That night." Krissy concluded, going back to him and slapping his face lightly. Surprisingly, James didn't seem to mind Krissy's suggestion.

Zach and I giggled at each other as they shared a soft kiss. Krissy and I had always done everything together; having kids around the same time wouldn’t be a surprise.
 
“Only if you have a little girl.” I advised, waddling over to James’ SUV, getting in with a little of Zach’s help.
 
“Obviously, then they can get married!” She bubbled excitedly, getting in the back with me with Zach got in the passenger seat.
 
“Zach, I’m hungry,” I whispered to him, pouting as he looked back at me. “Baby’s ate all of what mommy ate in Jersey. He didn’t leave me anything.”
 
“Of course,” Zach muttered to me, rolling his eyes.
 
“Don’t roll your eyes at her! She got fat for you!” Krissy told him, smacking his shoulder.
 
“No, she gained cushion for the baby. And she’s not fat so stop telling her she is.” Zach snorted at her.
 
“Children, settle down.” James chided them as I laid back, ignoring the chaos and appreciating the Minnesota scenery.
 
“I missed this place so much,” I whispered to Krissy, looping my arm through hers.
 
“I’m sure. Was there a lot of East Coast attitude in Jersey?”
 
I chuckled softly, “I didn’t piss anyone off so I wouldn’t know.”
 
“Baby, we’ll get something to eat at home, alright?” Zach asked me, rotating in his seat.
 
“There isn’t any food there! I’ve been gone for like two months!” I whined to him, watching as he rolled his brown eyes at me once again.
 
“There’s food there.”
 
I wrinkled my nose at him, sighing as James turned onto Zach’s street. All was silent while James drove, coming to the beautiful house that I had come to love; the SUV pulling into the driveway. Krissy looked over at me with a devilish look, her arm winding around my shoulders and her lips placing a sloppy kiss on my cheek.
 
“I love you!” She exclaimed, “that’s why we’re doing this.”
 
“What?” I asked, getting out of the SUV slowly and following her. She walked in the front door, for some reason the door was unlocked. I lowered my eyebrows at the door, before turning around to Zach as I climbed the front porch. I was confused as him and James sat in the car, both of their faces holding small smiles. Zach said something to James, making him laugh.
 
“Kris, why isn’t Zach coming- crap.” I muttered as I looked around at all of my girl friends, from college, work, and New Jersey stuffed into Zach’s living room.
 
“Welcome to your baby shower!” Krissy giggled as her and Lily linked arms.
 
“You guys! I asked you not to!” I told them as the room filled with laughter.
 
“Yeah, but we wanted to. It’s practically a right to have a baby shower if you’re pregnant.” Lily giggled, moving towards me with my other best friend.
 
“Now go. There’s a dress upstairs along with some pretty shoes for you to slip into.” Krissy shooed me as the talking began again.
 
I gave them both another glare before dragging myself slowly up the stairs. I met Mikko halfway up, the fluffy, white dog looking down at me with curious eyes. I looked a little bigger from the last time he saw me. Zach’s parents had driven out to New Jersey earlier in the month for the rest of the playoffs to spend time with the both of us. They offered to drive Mikko back for us, the puppy having been out of our care for almost a month. It was nice but I missed his presence around the house.
 
“Hi pups,” I cooed down to him. “I missed you.” I kissed his snout, letting him trot behind me as I moved to the bedroom. When I set my eyes on the bed, I wanted nothing more than to curl up and sleep. Being pregnant was wearing me out more every day. My fingers traced over the silky, red fabric, admiring the way it shone with the lights; it was very pretty. I heaved a defeated sigh and slipped it on after shedding my plane clothes.
 
The dress fluttered down my body, hugging my curves as it fanned out, the silk feeling so smooth against my skin. I flipped my hair out, looking into the mirror at the way it covered my bust, my mouth dropping open at how much it accented my recently developed mommy parts. I turned to the side, wrinkling my nose at the way my belly jutted out from my body, big enough where people couldn’t just assume I was fat anymore. I tilted my head, analyzing my body from every angle possible. I just came tot eh same conclusion, that I looked too pregnant for how far along I was. I let out a huff of air, my bangs flying up before settling back down.
 
I reached for my purse, grabbing it and slinking down on the bed, laying back into the pillows. I pulled my phone out, dialing Zach and waiting for him to pick up.
 
“Why are you calling me? Honey, go have fun.” Zach answered, not even giving me a proper greeting.
 
“You knew and you didn’t tell me.” I told him flatly, my voice holding no emotion, angry or happy.
 
“I did, but I figured you would try to get out of it if I told you. This is all about you. You’re going to get a whole bunch of stuff for the baby, making your job so much easier. It will be fun; try to be a little bit more optimistic about it.”
 
“Shut up, Zach. I told them I didn’t want this. I don’t want to awkwardly walk around and talk about how I’m going to be pushing a kid out of myself in about 3 months.” I huffed to him, feeling my anger flaring.
 
“Abbie, don’t get upset. You know it’s bad for you,” he sighed softly. I could practically see his hand churning through his brown hair, rubbing the top of his head.
 
“I don’t want all of these people, some of whom I haven’t seen since college, knowing I’m having a baby. It’s none of their business.”
 
“Why? Are you embarrassed?” Zach whispered to me, his voice slightly challenging, daring me to say yes.
 
“No, but it’s not exactly where I pictured my life when I was thinking about it.” I muttered to him.
 
“Yeah, well mine either. But you know what, things change and you have to learn to go with the flow. It’s one of those things baby girl.”
 
“I don’t regret it, not at all. But I don’t want this. I don’t want all these gifts and I just want to sleep.” I whined softly. “I just want to be alone with the baby.” I whispered to him, my hands running over my belly as the baby moved inside of me, fluctuating as my heart rate did, going from fast to slow again as Zach talked me down. He didn’t even know he was doing it, but he was keeping me calm, my blood pressure in check once again.
 
“Honey, go. Enjoy it. When you’re really tired, and you can’t take it anymore, call me again and I’ll kick everyone out. I’ll rub your feet, give you a massage and we’ll go from there.” Zach propositioned with me, knowing I could resist the thought of his hands kneading my sore muscles.
 
“Okay,” I whimpered, imagining his hands running over my back and feet.
 
“That’s my girl.” He whispered quietly. “I love you, sweetie.”
 
“Love you too, Zach.” I murmured before hanging up.
 
I looked to the door where Krissy was just walking in, a sad look on her face as she crossed to the bed after shutting the door. Her eyes were sad and turned down, the blue pools looking dejected and I knew she heard my conversation with Zach.
 
“I just thought it might make things easier for you. Or that you would like to see everyone again. If I had known it was such a problem…”
 
“No, Kris, it’s fine. I just didn’t want to make you guys do this for me. I appreciate it, but I would have been fine just being with you and Lily with some apple juice or something,” I giggled, poking her in the side.
 
“So you’re not mad at me?” She wondered, smoothing out my skirt.
 
“No, not at all.” I assured her, leaning my head against her shoulder. I yawned softly as she rubbed my back, reminding me of college, of the nights where I was crying so hard I couldn’t stop. I swallowed hard, feeling the tears resurface with just the thought of what Zach and I had gone through to get here. The broken hearts, the shattered trust, and a big surprise that would change our lives forever.
 
“Abbie?”
 
“Hm?”
 
“I want to tell you something, so bad. But I think it’s going to make you mad at Zach.” Krissy spoke softly, her chest barely vibrating. My throat closed up at the thought, thinking of all the horrible things that he could have done that would upset me. I sat up, looking down at her with a nervous expression.
 
“If it’s going to get me going, I don’t want to know.” I told her, pointing a finger at my expanding stomach. “It’s bad for him.”
 
“No, it’s not bad. It’s just, not what you probably want right now,” she murmured to me, grabbing my hands and squeezing them. “He called me a couple of weeks ago to talk, which is when I told him about the baby shower, and he was asking for my opinion. He wants to ask you to marry him.” Krissy gave me a sympathetic look as I heaved a deep sigh, my stomach blowing up with air and then deflating to its normal roundness again.
 
“I don’t want him to marry me because it’s the right thing to do. I want him to marry me because he wants to. And the reason I know he doesn’t want to, is because he wouldn’t have been thinking about it if I wasn’t going to have his kid at the end of the summer. Zach is one of those people who takes his time to make a decision. I know he loves me, but even he knows that getting married is not what we need.”
 
“Yeah, I get that. But he’s thinking about you, about what people will say when they find out you have a baby but aren’t married, aka your mom.” Krissy bit her lip to wait for my reaction.
 
“She can go to hell. I don’t care what she thinks about my kid because she’s not going to be in his life at all. She is a manipulative bitch who is not worthy of being in mine, Zach’s, or our sons life. My dad on the other hand, knows and is completely supportive of me whether I’m married or not. I don’t want to marry Zach right now, because of the way it will look. I want to know that he 100 percent wants to marry me because I’m not going to be the girl he “ruined his life for” because he got her pregnant. I’ve seen plenty of relationships like that and they are never happy ones.” I wove my hands over my stomach. “I don’t want him to grow up like that.” A single tear slipped from my eye as Krissy sat silently next to me on the bed. The baby kicked as if in comfort, stroking against the walls of my stomach as a couple more tears rained down.
 
“He loves you Abbs.”
 
“I know, but that doesn’t mean he actually wants to marry me.”
 
“Then why is he still around?”
 
“Zach’s a nice guy; he does what he can to make others happy.” I sniffed softly, running my fingers under his eyes.
 
“You don’t really think that’s why he’s still with you right? You have to see how excited he is to be a dad. His eyes light up to a whole different shade of brown. His smile stretches wider than I’ve ever seen. The way he cradles you against him and holds your belly, that shows you how much he cares about you. He is crazy about you, head over heels in love with you and your child.” Krissy told me sternly, “do not be one of those morons who can’t see what’s right there, spelled out for them.”
 
A knock at the door sounded as Krissy stopped talking. Lily poked her head in, smiling at the both of us. “There’s a party going on down stairs and the woman of the hour is sitting in bed,” she grinned at me, instantly making me feel better. I nodded at her and looked back to Krissy he was giving me a stern look to go along with her words.
 
“Don’t be stupid, you know he loves you.”
 
I wasn’t, I did know he loved me, but would love be enough once our baby was around and Zach wasn’t able to get his pre-game nap in? And was that enough to make a shotgun wedding work?