Tell Me It's Not Too Late

The church was beautiful. everything about it screamed Krissy and femininity, as if James didn't help at all. I figured that was true as Zach and I walked up the stairs, our arms linked and my hand under my huge stomach. I was already huffing and puffing after walking up the stairs of the grand church, the outside resembling a church you would find in the middle of Europe. I groaned, my feet aching in my heels, but I liked the elevation they gave me, making me not look so huge. Zach chuckled softly as he walked me down the hall to where Krissy was already getting ready.

"You look beautiful. You're glowing." He smiled at me, his dimples making adorable indents in his cheeks. I found myself praying that our baby boy would have those too.

"You don't look so bad yourself. Who would have known you could clean up alright?" I teased him, kissing his lips softly as the door to Krissy's room opened.

"Get your ass in here!" She exclaimed.

"Hey Bridezilla," Zach grinned, watching her scowl darkly at him.

"Hey Zach, welcome to the shit list." She snapped back at him sarcastically, making both Zach and I laugh in response. "Come on Abbie," Krissy whined as I walked back into Zach's embrace. She huffed a sigh as he let me rest my head on his shoulder, his arms wrapping around my back and pressing my stomach into his. The door clicked shut again as Zach swayed the THREE of us, rocking from foot to foot.

"I can't believe she's getting married today. I can't believe how much our life has changed. I'm having a baby; she's about to be someones wife. Where did time go?" I asked him, biting my lip as the baby kicked against the walls of my stomach when he heard Zach's voice. He wanted some attention from his favorite person.

"Hi bud." Zach responded to him, dipping to press a kiss to him before answering me. "Yeah, time flies and so does life. I feel like I'm still back at NoDak, like when I first met you at that party. But I'm not. I'm in the NHL, leaving my dream, and having a baby with the woman of my dreams also. I can't complain, no matter how fast time is going by."

"It's unnerving." I muttered, pulling away and letting him kiss me softly. He grinned down at me after each soft press of our lips.

"Well, that's life babe." He told me, slapping my butt playfully and scooting me towards Krissy's room. "Go. She looks like she is freaking out in there."

"Oh, yay. Now I get to be the object she takes it out on," I mumbled before giving him one more kiss, stepping in through the door.

Krissy sat at her vanity, brushing a make-up brush over her already perfect features, staring blankly at her reflection. I walked up behind her, wrapping my arms around her shoulders and placing my cheek against hers.

"You're so beautiful, Kris," I murmured to her, sighing softly as she grinned back at me.

"I look alright huh?" She nodded her head, her blue eyes shinning back at mine. "I can't believe, after all the years I dreamed of this moment, that it's here. I'm marrying the man of my dreams, with my best friend by my side."

"Plus a couple extra pounds and a person." I giggled at her, grabbing a chair and pulling it up along side of her. "Are you nervous?"

"Actually, no. I'm surprisingly at ease, you know?"

"That means you're ready." I told her, grabbing her lip gloss and swiping some on my lips, replacing the gloss that Zach had kissed off within minutes. She sighed softly, looking over at me and then putting he hands on my belly.

"I guess. I'm ready for something like him too," she confessed, her hands running over it and making the material of my dress crease. "I want a baby. Is that weird or wrong?"

"No, it's understandable when you've met the person you want to be with the rest of your life. But today you're getting married, and tomorrow you can worry about making babies." I giggled as her mother entered the room, tears shining in her eyes.

"They're ready out there," she said, gathering Krissy into her arms.

"So are we in here." Krissy murmured.

Krissy decided that the only person she needed standing next to her at the altar was me. She didn't want the five other bridesmaids that hadn't been there through the whole coarse of the relationship. No, she we only needed each other. James would only have his brother at the altar with him, Zach would sit on Krissy's side and watch as I hobbled down the aisle with the little flower girls.

Krissy's father was waiting for her at the door of the church, his sad smile stretching his already worn and wrinkled face. I smiled at him as he gave me a hug, mentioning how much I was glowing. I rolled my eyes but gave him a smile, kissing his cheek before turning back to Krissy.

"I love you, and I've never been so happy for you before," I smiled at her, wrapping her into a tight hug, the baby making it hard to squeeze her.

"I love you too; thanks for being here for me." She pulled away, happy tears in her eyes. "Don't trip going down the aisle," she told me son, giggling as he kicked once as if he knew Auntie Krissy was trying to be funny. I giggled at her before taking my place behind the flower girls as the doors opened.

I took a deep breath and followed after them, trying to ignore all the obvious looks that the other people attending the wedding gave me. It made me nervous, like they were labeling me a slut, or a paycheck bitch, one of those girls that gets pregnant for the money. But all of those thoughts fade away when I look to Zach, who is turned in his seat, staring at me with his mouth slack. I bit my lip and smiled back at him. The way he looked at me, reminded me of the way James looked at Krissy when she walked through the doors on her daddy's arm, like an angle walking through the gates of heaven. It made me cry, and not the small graceful tears, but the thick, heavy, tears that make you want to sob your heart out and hold someone.

Her dad gave her away and she took James' hand, handing me her flowers and giving me a teary smile. It felt as if I was giving her away too, like I was giving him permission to take my best friend out of my life. The whole ceremony made me think of Zach and what Krissy had told me a couple weeks ago, that Zach wanted to ask me to marry him. Being in this moment, I wanted that. I wanted him to ask me, but that was the romantic side of me talking. The realist side of me told me to wait, if he really wanted to marry me, he could wait until I was ready.
***

I watched Zach twirl Krissy around on the dance floor, humoring me when I told him to go dance with someone who wasn't a wale and could actually see her feet. He had rolled his eyes at me, but stood up to ask the new blushing bride to dance. She giggled and waved at me as Zach spun her around, pretending to grind against his front as she stared at her husband who was sitting next to me.

"And the slutty side comes out," I joked to him, patting his thigh lightly.

"Yeah, well, I've definitely seen that part already."

"Ew." I wrinkled my nose at him, smiling up at Zach as they walked back over, a slight sweat dampening their skin. Zach pulled out the chair next to me, sitting down and wrapping an arm around my shoulder. He placed a kiss on my neck, a hint to the two women who were staring at him like they wanted to do inappropriate things to him. They all scoffed as they looked me up and down, no doubt calling me a fat cow.

"Do you want to take a walk?" He asked me. Krissy and James had chosen a hall around Rice Park in St. Paul, a beautiful, romantic park that was a great place to walk around in the summer or the winter if it wasn't too cold. I nodded, letting him help me up and lead me to the door where the path butted up with the hall. I took his hand as he lead me along the path, leaning my head against him lightly as he matched our footfalls together. I yawned softly, cradling the baby as I moved. He was fairly active tonight, reacting to my emotions and the happiness that seemed to surround the three of us with a soft glow.

"Nice night," Zach commented.

"Mmm, nice night for a wedding," I agreed with him. I knew where this was going. I knew he wanted to ask me to marry him, the bulge in his pocket telling me so. I didn't let him catch on that I knew what he was hoping to do tonight, ask me to be his forever. I wanted that, like I've already mentioned, but not right now. It wasn't right, not with a baby on the way.

"Krissy looked great today, but in my totally unbiased opinion, you were the most beautiful girl in there." He whispered to me, as I laughed softly, nodding to him.

"I do look pretty with my big tummy, huh?"

"Yes, gorgeous even," he grinned, stopping me under a tree that was lit with soft lights. I sighed sadly, giving him a small smile as he put his hands on my stomach, feeling the baby move against his hands. He grinned widely at his baby, kissing my stomach because he just couldn't stop it. The baby liked that even more, kicking gleefully in response. "He loves me."

"Of course he does."

Zach sighed softly, running one of his hands through my hair while the other one softly drew circles into my skin, making goosebumps break out as my nerves stood on end. His brown eyes were soft as he looked at me, his lips gravitating towards mine until they rested together, a painfully tender kiss of two people so in love it physically hurt. He reached into his pocket for the bulge in his pants, no not THAT way, and pulling it out, the robin's egg blue making my eyes water immediately.

"Zach," I tried to warn hi but he cut me off, telling me to stop talking. I wished he would have let me tell him, then I would save him the trouble of kneeling on the ground in front of me. People walked by, looking down at him and awing and pointing, some of the stopping to gawk. I gave them a slight glare, not wanting Zach to be any more humiliated than he already would be.

"Abbie, I'm going to ask you this because I want to and I love you more than anything. You're my world, even before he came into our lives," he started, his hands going to rest on my stomach along with the ring. "Abbie, you make me so happy, more happy than I ever thought I could be in my life. You make me feel a way that I never thought possible- hi baby- and it's so incredible that I can't imagine feeling anything but that ever again. I want you, I want the life we can have together, and I never want to share you with anyone else again." I laughed when Zach talked to our son, giving him so attention as he excitedly kicked at his hands.

"So, Abbie, will you marry me?" He asked, his smile bright and dazzling in the moon light. I bit my lip, tears rushing to my eyes at the proposal that I had always wanted. My hands shook as I reached for the box he held, wanting to examine the beautiful diamond in the platinum setting. My eyes greedily took in the piece of forever that he wanted to give to me, imagining how it would look on my finger, glistening with every ray of light that hit it.

I glanced up at Zach, seeing his smile now holding a bit more nervousness to it. He swallowed loudly, his mouth obviously dry and uncomfortable as he sucked his cheeks in, trying to find some moisture. I bit my tongue and held myself back from doing what I wanted to do, but for all the wrong reasons. I took one last look at the ring that would not be placed on my finger before shutting the box with a loud and hard snap. Zach's eyes shut at the same time the box did.

"Ask me again when I'm not pregnant, Zach. I love you, I do, and I want to marry you, but I can't do it now." I whispered to him, kissing the top of his head as he hung it in defeat, his forehead resting against my stomach. "Please, ask me again in the future, and I promise you I'll say yes."

"Will you at least ware it so I don't feel like I was completely turned down?" He mumbled to me, his hand holding up the box while I took it from his hands. I popped it open, taking the ring out of the slit in the cushion.

"Do I have to put it on myself?" I asked, spreading out my right hand so he could slip it on. He had a soft pout on his face but it turned into a smile when he saw it on my hand.

"When our son is born, can I slip it to your left hand?" He asked hopeful.

"Yes." His eyes lit up again and he stood back up, scooping me up and twirling me around just like I always imagined him to do at a moment like this. I didn't give him the foreseen answer, but it was one that we could both definitely live with for now.
***

Zach and I decided to go see a movie on Saturday afternoon in the middle of June, bored out of our minds on a rainy day. We picked a romantic movie, one that would most likely make me cry at the end but I didn't care, I wanted to snuggle with my boyfriend. I yawned as the movie played out, annoyed by how tired I was because of my changing hormones and the tough haul of having to drag around a baby all day, a good thirty pounds extra weight. Zach got me a big bag of popcorn and a huge bottle of water, not listening to me as I begged him for a Coke, not even when I told him it was a craving. He gave me a look, handing me my water and popping a kernel of the butter goodness into his mouth.

Zach had his arm around the back of my seat, the arm rest up so I didn't have to squeeze into a small space and so we could be as close as possible. I burrowed into his body, my eyelids growing heavy before the sudden urge to pee ran through my body. I was most definitely not sleeping well at all because of how many times I had to get up to pee at night. Poor Zach had to deal with it too along with my constant shifting as I tried to get in a position that would satisfy the baby enough to slip into sleep along with his parents.

"I have to pee," I mumbled to Zach, standing up slowly with Zach's help.

"Do you want me to come?" He asked me, already getting ready to stand.

"No, I'm pretty sure you're not allowed in the women's bathroom," I snorted, running my hand over his cheek as he worriedly watched me move down the aisle. He was nervous about me and stairs, afraid that I would stumbled and roll down, hurting myself and the baby. I could feel his brown eyes on my back as I cupped the baby in one arm and held the railing in the other, taking cautious and slow steps to appease him.

Once in the bathroom, I scurried to a stall, needing to relieve my impossibly small bladder before I peed my pants. It was hard stuff having a kid resting on your bladder all day. Sometimes I just wanted to reach in and pick him off of it and place him somewhere else. Actually, I just wanted to hold him in general. I had long since come to terms with the fact that I was pregnant, not minding sharing my body with my son, but I was getting antsy for him to enter the world. I wanted to hold the little boy who had been growing in my body, squish his cheeks and give him soft kisses all along his soft baby face. But I had to wait. And for me, waiting was definitely the hardest part, although I don't think Zach was fairing that well either.

I did my business, the relief coming instantly as the baby kicked me, my arms accidentally pressing into my stomach. It wasn't easy to pee with a human inside of you. I sighed softly, finishing up and reaching for my pants to pull them up, but I glanced down at my white panties, my eyes growing wide at what I saw.

Blood.

My mind was instantly worked into a frenzy, remembering the night I started bleeding, the doctor fearing a miscarriage but the baby survived. But this time I knew, the stakes were so much higher and I was more terrified than I had been a couple months ago. Tears burned my eyes and slipped down my cheeks as I pulled my pants up as quick as I could. I resisted the urge to sob as I wobbled back to the theater, pulling the door open and staying at the end of the stairs. Zach's eyes were trained on me the moment I stepped into his view. The scene from the movie lighting up my face so that he could see the tears glistening as the made their presence known. He was out of his seat, my purse in hand, and next to me before I could even take the first step.

"Baby girl?" He cooed to me, his thumbs stroking my cheeks lovingly. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?" I could see the part of him hoping it was my rapidly changing emotions, but he could see the fear, telling him something was wrong.

"I'm spotting." I sniffed, more tears slipping from my blue eyes.

"Oh no." He cursed softly under his breath, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and helping me walk to of the theater. We left the movie after only seeing 50 minutes of it, Zach placing me into his car. "Should we go to the hospital?" He asked me and I nodded, knowing my doctor would want to know about this.

Zach brought me back to see Dr. Marshall at the same hospital that I had came into the night I almost bled to death. He was already waiting for us, having Zach place me in a wheel chair and settling me into a room. I let my arms drape over my baby protectively, scared that something was seriously wrong with our baby or me.

"Alright, Abbie. So I just got off the phone with your OBGYN in New Jersey, she said that while in New Jersey, you had no problems and were progressing well. You haven't seen anyone since you came back to Minnesota, correct?" He asked me, snapping on his gloves. I nodded, feeling sort of stupid that I didn't think about it. I had an appointment scheduled with him for next week when I would be over the hump and into my 8th month. "Okay. Well I want to get a clear picture of the baby, make sure he is okay and then check up on you."

"Is it something I did?" I whispered softly, already feeling guilty for the possible danger that my son was in.

"No, spotting is actually surprisingly common." He told me, putting the same cold jell on my stomach and working the tool around my stomach, our baby popping up on the screen. He was quiet for two agonizingly slow minutes as he scoped out the baby, checking out every single part of him. "Alright. The baby is healthy and perfectly fine. His is developing normally, his lungs are about fully developed it looks like. This tells me that what you had was a clot which sounds bad, but it is a harmless symptom of what happens when pregnant women do too much. I don't want this to happen against because it could be an underlying problem that might cause complications. So I'm going to have to put you on bed rest until you deliver. I might have considered a limited bed rest, but with what happened when we first met, I don't want to take any risks." He told me and I scrunched my face up.

"Bed rest? As in I can only get out of bed to pee?" I asked him.

"Yes, no work, no walking, no standing. Just laying down and letting the baby develop." I looked over at Zach who looked slightly relieved but at the same time sympathetic for me.

"I can't leave the house?" I whimpered softly, hoping he would say I could.

"Not unless you're coming to see me," he grinned, making me want to smack him. I groaned in defeat as I sat up, shaking his hand as he bid us a good day, reminding me once again to stay off my feet and in bed.

"As if you would let me get up." I grumbled to Zach as we headed out of the hospital.

"Honey, think of it this way, the baby is much safer if you aren't walking around. We don't want him to come early, we want him on his due date."

"No we don't. We want him now and don't you try to deny it." I muttered to him as he opened my door.

"Yes, but if staying in you longer brings him into the world healthier, than you are staying in bed." He told me, shutting my door before I could argue with him anymore.

I laid down in bed after returning from the hospital, letting Zach pull my legs up for me since I was too lazy to do it myself, not to mention I was a tad bit in capable of doing it. I smiled lazily up at him, my eyes closing as he kissed my forehead, his lips soft against my skin.

"Zach?" I whispered to him as he pulled his shirt off, exposing the ridged and sexy muscles of his chest.

"Hm?" He called to me from the closet, throwing his clothes into the laundry hamper. He came out, his eyebrows raised at me, his hair sticking up in all sorts of directions.

"I want the baby." I told him, tears shining in my eyes just like I knew they would.

"Baby girl, it won't be long now. He'll be here soon," he assured me, his hands coming to my belly and kissing it softly. The same relieving flutter moved across my stomach and I sighed softly, enjoying the slight tickling of the baby. Zach sighed too, his happy dopey smile coming on his face like it did every time someone asked him about this soon to be expanding family.

"You stick handling in there, bud?" Zach asked him, his large hands pressing into my warm skin. He pressed his ear to my stomach, listening for a moment, making adorable facial gestures. I loved Zach when he was like this, when he would cuddle up to my belly and nuzzle with it. Sometimes, I could feel him in the middle of the night, stroking my stomach and cooing softly to our unborn son. There was even one time when he curled up to the baby under the covers, falling asleep under there as I ran my fingers through his hair. I have a picture that I plan on showing him after the baby is born.

"His brain is almost fully developed; I'm sure his hockey sense is working already," I whispered to Zach, lacing my hands with his on my stomach. He smiled at me, silently telling me he knew that as he leaned down and rested his head on my stomach again, his favorite, comfy pillow. He liked it when he kicked against his face, since he was convinced this was the baby's way of saying I love you. I agreed, because he did it a lot.

"I'm sorry you have to stay in bed babe, but it's what's best for you and baby." He told me, propping his chin on my stomach his hands still running up and down my sides faintly, his fingers barely brushing against my skin.

"I know, but it's hard. I'm scared." I whimpered to him, letting the tears slip into my eyes.

"There's nothing to be afraid of," he told me, climbing up the bed to rest his forehead against mine and bring me into his arms. "And if there is, it will still be okay."

"I couldn't do any of this without you, Zach."

"You're strong, but everyone needs some help sometimes," he gave me a crooked smile before rolling me onto his side to curl up to our baby boy. I ran my fingers through his hair just like the other night when he did the same thing, falling asleep next to our active baby.

"I love you, both of you," he murmured sleepily as he passed out, finally relaxing after the whirlwind day with the reassurance that all of us were alright. For now.