Tell Me It's Not Too Late

By the time I stumbled into my apartment later that night, I was exhausted. Being near Zach had drained me emotionally and physically, so much so, I could barely drag myself to the kitchen. As I forced myself to move down the hallway, I thought about the scene he threw in the parking lot. After he left the office, I had casually walked over to the window, pretending to be busy flipping through a couple random files in Brian's office.

I had noticed Zach come out of the building and head into the adjacent parking lot, moving briskly as the cold wind blew around his body. My eyes traveled over him as he stood next to the driver's side door, his keys suspended in mid-air as he stared into the Audi with heavy eyes. I slunk behind the wall as he turned abruptly, taking a couple quick steps towards the office before he turned again, retreating back to his car. His eyes never left the building though, finding Brian's office. I was nervous that since I could see him he could see me but I knew I was being foolish.

His shoulders visibly dropped as he pushed out a deep sigh and climbed into his car. He put the key in the ignition and then sat there, motionless, staring at the dashboard. I had just been about to turn away, telling myself I was starting to look like a creep. But before I turned away, I watched as Zach slammed his hand against the steering wheel, his face flushed in anger. His hands then gripped the steering wheel, his knuckles probably white, before he released it and pulled out of the parking lot without glancing back in my direction. Needless to say, his actions had me off focus all day. But then again, it was always like that when it came to Zach.

More than anything, Zach's outburst confused me. He broke my[/] heart. What did he have to be banging steering wheels for? Throughout the day, questions tore through my mind like a fast newsreel, the same ones repeating themselves over and over again. I tried to focus on writing my article about the new Gopher football stadium while racking my brain for an answer. It was now 5:00 and I still didn't have one.

I kicked my heels off when I hit the tile in the kitchen and headed right for the fridge. I grabbed the can of cookie dough that I had stashed in case of an emergency like this. Cookie dough had been my best friend in my time of heartache. I had paid for it later when I gained 10 pounds but eating it made me feel better. After all, cookie dough can't let you down the way people can. But the 10 pounds that I gained did nothing for my self-confidence. Krissy had tried to take the deliciousness away multiple times but I always told her it was this or not eating at all. Eventually she gave up on me.

I pushed myself up onto the counter and thought about every single moment I was in the office with Zach. I pictured his spike hair, how perfect it had been. I used to watch him do it countless times and I bet I could still do it for him. I remember the exact way his gray sweater had hugged his body and the way the sleeves were pushed up his strong forearms. I smiled at the way his brown eyes had sparkled when I had been able to make him laugh. But the one thing I wouldn't be able to forget was the regret and sadness that I noticed in his eyes as he left. The same two emotions that I had wished for years ago.

The front door swung open and Krissy's blonde head appeared. She took one look at the cookie dough and dropped all her shopping bags. Unlike me, Krissy didn't have to work to get by in the world. Her dad was filthy rich and gave her money for whatever she wanted as long as she didn't embarrass the family. Her days were spent at the mall, salon, spa, or at her parents house with no care in the world.

"Oh, no, the cookie dough is out. Bad day?" She asked, walking into the kitchen.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." I muttered.

"Try me," she said, taking a finger full of the deliciousness.

"Brian was supposed to interview a certain Devil so to say. His sister was in labor and somehow I got stuck interviewing him."

Krissy gave me a weird look, her perfect eyebrows lowering over her sparkling hazel eyes. She obviously had no idea who I was talking about.

"Zach." Was all I needed to say. Her jaw dropped and her arms wrapped around me in a tight hug.

"Oh my god! Are you okay? Did he hurt you? Because I will kick his pretty boy ass if he did." She snapped when she pulled away, her eyes flaring with anger.

Krissy had seen it all with me. She was the only person that I didn't put an act up for. Yes, Brian saw my tears over Zach but nothing to the extent that Krissy did. She had to listen to me cry myself to sleep and beg for something to take the pain away. She sat with me night in and night out as I cried tears over Zach, years after he left me. She was there through it all, never telling me I was being stupid or that I needed to get over it. She knew I needed time and she was the only one who had enough patience to deal with me. And for that, I will forever be indebted to her.

"No, we just talked and actually got along. We just went through the typical interview protocol. He told me a couple stories about being on the road and about Jordan but considering our past it actually wasn't that bad. But then when he was leaving, all the emotions from the past five years just seemed to crash down on me. And now I feel like I'm stuck in this weird funk." I sighed.

"Baby, don't let Zach get you down. You've come too far to slink back into that. Remember what we decided? That Zach would want you to move on with your life." She told me, rubbing my arms soothingly. She was so good at comforting me that I jokingly call her mom sometimes.

"Yeah, but isn't it just so convenient how a year after we said that, he just comes barging back into my life like he never left. Like he deserves to be a part of it?" I asked.

"Well, Abbie, you know he will only be in your life if you let him. He lives across the country from you. This was just a chance encounter. Nothing more, nothing less." She told me as she walked back over to her shopping bags.

"Yeah," I agreed, nodding my head and looking down at my swinging feet. For some reason, her words made me sad. If I had decided to get into it then I would have realized that it was because I wanted Zach in my life. I didn't want him to leave again like last time. I wanted him around because he made me happy. But I knew I wouldn't be able to control myself around him. I still needed Zach and the way he made me feel.

"So, what are you doing tonight?" Krissy asked grabbing the cookie dough away from me without my permission.

"I was eating that," I grumbled. She rolled her eyes and pulled out a bottle of water, handing it to me. "And I don't know. Probably just sitting around on the couch." I shrugged.

"Well, I have a better idea." She told me, a glint shinning in her eyes.

"Oh really?" I asked, skeptical.

"I have tickets for a game tonight and before you say no, you might want to know that the tickets are ice level, right behind the wild bench, and I'll buy all the food and beverages." Her eyes immediately took on a soft look giving me the full on puppy eyes. I felt my nose crinkle in distaste and a sour taste coat my mouth.

"No."

"Abbie!" Krissy whined at me, her mouth turning into a deep frown. "You have nothing better to do. Come with me. You are my best friend and I know that being in the same place as Zach would be worth it if you are behind the bench."

"No, actually I don't really care," I told her, hopping off the counter and shuffling towards my room.

"Abigail Rose Fairchild, you are coming to the game tonight even if I have to drag you there myself. And I suggest you look hot because e are leaving at 6 whether you are dressed or not." She told me, the finality in her voice reminding me of my mom.

"What don't you understand about no?" I asked, rolling my eyes towards the ceiling.

"I get everything I want and I don't take no for an answer."She told me, an amused smile coming on her face. "We are leaving at 6," she told me, before turning on her heel and heading towards her room.

I sighed and shut my door, crossing the room to my bed and flopping on top of it. My mind began to go through the likely events of the night from the game to the after events. Knowing Krissy, she would try to make a big deal about tonight. She was one of those people that needed to have a night so jam packed, that she would pass out when she got home. Of course, it never mattered when I had to work the next day.

I grabbed a fist full of my comforter, pulling it out from under me and then over my head as I slid underneath it. I closed my eyes, encouraging the half hour of sleep I needed if I was going to make it through the night. I needed to close my eyes and drift into another place for the time being. I needed to escape in order to make it through tonight. Because being in the same building as Zach, with our favorite game going on around us, might just be the final bullet to my already punctured heart.
***

I fidgeted subconsciously in my seat as the pregame warm ups continued ten rows below where I sat next to Krissy. I tried to keep my head turned away from where the Devils were, knowing if I saw Zach my heart would do that weird skipping a beat thing that it had been doing all day. Skipping beats could not be healthy, especially so many in one day. My mouth seemed to be stuffed with cotton and I found myself downing the beer that Krissy had gotten me. I wasn't a big drinker and I personally thought beer tasted disgusting but Krissy had insisted the slight buzz would calm my nerves. Krissy was wrong.

My already flustered brain was even more frazzled as the players swarmed on the ice below at the start of the first period. I watched Zach every time his blades hit the ice. Every shot, stride and check, I was there with him, moving my body from left to right with him. It was a habit that I had picked up watching him at North Dakota. I played the game with him and no matter how many times I watched him play, I was always fascinated by the way he glided across the ice with such ease and the way he never seemed deterred.

The first period seemed to blow right past me as I kept my eyes trained on the red jersey with the nine on the back. I jumped slightly when the buzzer rang and looked up at the scoreboard, noticing it was a 2-0 edge for the Wild. I felt bittersweet emotions go through me as Krissy waved to James who pretended he didn't see her, but the huge grin on his face gave him away. I wanted the Wild to win, after all I was a Minnesotan, but I also wanted Zach to do something. Anything.

By the end of regulation, I wanted that even more. The game was tied and after sitting on the edge of my seat, my thumbnail firmly in my mouth, the teams were still tied. The game ended in a shootout with the Devils on top. I laughed slightly as Krissy pouted next to me while I tried to keep my eyes away from Zach, who was laughing with his teammates.

"Next time," I reassured her, patting her knee.

"I guess," she mumbled, climbing the stairs in front of me. We headed down the walkway, towards Gate B where we had come in. I headed towards the door but she grabbed my arm, pulling me past the exit. "We aren't leaving yet," she told me, giggling slightly.

"What?" I asked, tugging on my arm but her grip tightened.

"There is a locker room full of hottie waiting for us." She smiled, pulling me faster towards the stairs.

"How about no?" I told her, successfully yanking my arm from her grip.

"Oh come on, Abbie," Krissy scolded me with a mothering tone, "Don't let Zach ruin the rest of your life. If it was anyone but the Devils here today you would be totally up for going down to the locker room. Plus, we need to meet James before we go clubbing."

"Excuse me? When did you plan on informing me of this random plan?" I asked, crossing my arms over me chest. I hated surprises and this day had been full of too many already.

"I just did. It doesn't even matter, you look hot anyway," Krissy said, dismissing me with the wave of her hand and then yanking on me again, towards the stairs.

As she pulled me towards our destination, I looked down at my skinny jeans and red high heels. I had a wild jersey over the simple black tank top I wore, that accented my cleavage in all the right ways. But the problem with going down to the locker room was not that I didn't look right, it was the feeling or dread that ran through me at the mere thought of being close to Zach again.

Yes, I wanted to see him again, but I did not want to have all those weird feelings coursing through my body and pushing me off the center ground that I had fought tooth and nail for. I needed to keep my distance from the pretty boy who ripped me apart if I was ever going to really move on with my life. But the real problem with Zach was that him and all his glory just irked me. He brought up memories, some painful and others wonderful, that made me face the fact that I had been lying to myself for five years. And that is as embarrassing as it gets. The fact that it takes years to get over some one is ludicrous.

Krissy waved to the security guard who was stationed in the doors that lead to the locker room hallway. He addressed her by name and my mouth dropped open slightly, looking to my best friend for an explanation.

"How many times have you seen Sheppard?" I asked, giving her a look.

"Um.. well, a lot." She finally spit out.

"And you didn't think that as your best friend I would want to know this?" I asked, our heels clicking against the concrete.

"I just didn't want it to bring up all the memories of Zach. He's a NHL hockey player just like him and I was worried that would make things weird or complicated for you. And I was scared that you would ultimately hate him."

"Krissy!" I exclaimed

"Well, I was scared that you wouldn't approve! I mean, do you blame me? After the whole Zach thing you were all anit-pro athletes." She defended, huffing and crossing her arms over her chest. She gave me a little pout as I rolled my eyes at her rebuttal.

"I don't hate professional athletes, Krissy," I chided her, "I interview them for goodness sake."

"Whatever." She huffed again, not willing to budge on her reasoning.

We had reached the locker rooms by then, nearing the Wild doors, but still needing to pass the couple rooms just down the hall from the maple doors. I nervously glanced at the devils sign that was printed on a piece of paper and taped to the green door. I gulped when I saw the handle turning, trying to tell my feet to move faster so I wouldn't be noticed. But it was a futile attempt.

The door swung open as a New Jersey player emerged. I made the mistake of glancing into the locker room, my eyes needing to see Zach, and boy did they ever. He sat in his stall, taking off one of his skates as he laughed along with one of his teammates who stood by the door. Zach's eyes shifted away from his teammate, just in time to see me, biting my lip and scanning quickly for him. His face took on a look of shock as he mouthed my name with a questioning look. I watched as his moments ceased and he started to get off the bench.

"Whoa, run!" I said, grabbing Krissy's arm.

"Why?" She asked, giving me resistance.

"Pretty boy just saw me." I snapped, tugging again.

"So what did we just talk about?" Zach does not run your life."

"He does when I told him I would not be here." I hissed, tugging again.

"Oh, okay maybe then." She insisted, then grabbing ME and hustling down the hallway.

We were speed walking down the hall to the Wild locker room when his deep voice filled the empty hallway. Krissy and I both cringed like our parents had caught us sneaking out and stopped walking, frozen to the spot as to what to do. She turned to me and gave me a look that I needed to turn around and show him how hot I was, before she turned to show me how it was done. I heard her suck in a surprised breath. I figured if Zach looked as amazing as he did this afternoon, he looked irresistible, which was a bad thing for girls like me.

I spun slowly on my heels and was greeted with Zach in the bottom half of his equipment, minus one skate, which he held in his hand. Nothing covered his toned chest muscles or abs, just his skin was exposed to the world, glistening as the sweat ran down his body. His breathing was ragged and his eyes gave me the once over, immediately melting into pools of chocolate but then hardening slightly as a hurt expression crossed his face. He hated it when he was lied to and this is exactly what it looked like.

"I thought, you said, you, you weren't, coming," the usual assertive Zach, crumbling and a soft spoken person taking his place.

"I wasn't planning on it-"

"I brought her," Krissy pipped in, squeezing my arm once, telling me to keep my cool.

"Oh."

"Zach, get your ass in here. We want to hit the town soon ad you're still half dressed." Someone shouted from the locker room.

"I'm coming," Zach called, a harsh edge to his voice.

"I thought you had to leave right after the game," I questioned, remembering the reason why his interview was scheduled at such an awkward time.

"We had problems with our plane so we have to wait until tomorrow afternoon," he explained, shifting to get more comfortable at the height difference from his foot ware.

I just nodded, opting to to speak since my voice kept wavering. We just stood there staring at each other, drinking in the sight and feeling of being close again. If things were different, I would have ran to him, my body urging me too but the rational part of me resisted. If I could have I would've told him how much I loved him and how I didn't care that he broke my heart, that I wasn't hurting anymore. But it would be a useless set of truths and lies because I was hurting and things were different than they were when we were together. Zach was right when he broke up with me, we were different, but not then, now we were. And always would be. Who's to say we could even work it out if we tried? We went from perfect lovers to now just standing at opposite ends of a hallway, with so many words unspoken.

"Krissy?" A voice behind us called.

"James!" She squealed and ran towards him. I kept my eyes on Zach though, watching his every move.

Zach's eyes moved away from mine, looking over my right shoulder before returning to my face.

"Hey Abbs, you ready to heave out?" Krissy asked. I glanced behind me and nodded my head.

But Zach and I continued to stay rooted to the spot, staring at each other. I used to be able to tell what he was thinking but I couldn't anymore. It had been so long and the knowing of it all had faded so long ago. This feeling inside was different. This look was different too. if I was being honest, I knew Zach had changed into a cold, distant person. And as long as the honest train was going through my brain, I couldn't see myself with the person staring back at me. He wasn't the Zach I was used too, or the person I fell in love with. His face was void of the happiness that had always been presented to the world. The Zach I knew, let his emotions show on his face, especially to me. Not this Zach, his body was the same but it wasn't really him.

"ZACH!" The same voice from before screamed.

"Abbs?" Krissy spoke.

I shook my head at Zach, my eyes dipping to the floor before I turned my back to him. I walked towards James, Krissy, and Josh Harding, whom I had meet before through interviews and other events. He was adorable and I always enjoyed his company, but only in the friendly way. He extended his arm to me and I didn't think twice before I grabbed it, lacing our fingers together tightly. I knew what it looked like to Zach and I tried to muster up sympathy, but I was hoping he felt even an ounce of the pain that he made me go through.

"Tonight is going to be epic," Krissy squealed, bouncing next to James who giggled at her.

I faked a smile and nodded in agreement. I knew Krissy didn't believe it but she ignored the fake emotions and left me alone. As I walked away from Zach, holding hands with Josh, I knew Zach was still in the hallway watching us. is eyes were burning a hole in my back and I felt myself giggle. This time the roles were reversed. Zach was watching me walk away instead of the other way around. I wasn't going to lie, it made me feel powerful.

James pushed the door open and we all walked out. I felt the pull of Zach's eyes again and I gave in, looking over my shoulder at him. He stood in the same spot as before, looking slightly dazed and confused. His eyes had a far off look in them and I was wondering if he was having a moment of unbearable pain. But right before the door shut, I watched his eyes harden once more. His body turned ridged while he turned and slammed the locker room door open. His anger radiating even from where I stood. I laughed; Krissy didn't know it but tonight was already as epic as it could get.