Tell Me It's Not Too Late

A tiny pat to my face awoke me two days after I finally got out of the hospital. All was well with the Parise family. Tanner was already a good boy, sleeping all the time despite the countless times his daddy would take him our of his crib and walk him around the house, telling him how much he loved his baby boy. Zach had already stepped into full on daddy mode. If Tanner ever fussed, he was up and getting him, spoiling the baby with holding him whenever he was upset, not that it was frequent. I moved my face away from the pat, thinking it was Mikko trying to get some more attention from me. A slight throb in my abdomen made me wish I hadn't moved.

"Ow," I whined, clutching my stomach. My eyes fluttered open and I looked to my left where Zach sat, poking me with Tanner's hand.

"Mommy, Tanner says get up!" Zach exclaimed quietly, being conscientious of our sleeping baby. I rolled my eyes at him, shaking my head.

"Yeah, Tanner or Dad?" I asked, tilting my head pointedly.

"Tanner, he told me so himself," Zach tried to convince me.

"I'm sure he did," I looked at the sleeping bundle in Zach's strong arms. I moved to sit up and Zach immediately helped me, knowing moving was a difficult task for me.
I reached my hands out to hold the baby I had been carrying for 8 months, a perfect little boy that I already loved more than the world. Zach rested his head against my shoulder, looking down at our son also.

"Did he wake up or did you bring him in here?" I asked as Tanner wrapped his tiny hand around my pointer finger. His mouth moving as he yawned softly before settling back into my arms.

"I brought him in here, but he was up when I went in his room."

Tanner's eyes fluttered open, his brown eyes looking up at me, so much like Zach's that it temporarily took my breath away. He batted his eyelashes at me, long and thick just like Zach's. I found out the minute I held him in my arms that he was going to have all the little girls on the playground running after him. I was most definitely going to be beating them back with a stick.

"I can't believe I helped make that," he murmured as I closed my eyes, my body shaking with silent laughter.

"You're such a goof," I giggled, kissing the top of his head.

We fell into a soft silence, looking down at Tanner as he held our undivided attention. He was so adorable, his skin was softer then cashmere and he had both Zach and I wrapped around his finger. I hated it when he cried but I loved it when he opened his eyes even though he wasn't able to see me clearly just yet. But that would come.

Zach poked at his cheek, causing Tanner to open his eyes once more, looking around for the cause of him being awoken. Zach grinned down, leaning close to the baby so that his breath fanned across his face. Tanner stretched his arm up, placing his balled up fist on his cheek and letting his daddy continue to poke him. He was such a good sport when it came to his father who was constantly checking him out, poking and probing at the little man.

"Zach, I thought baby Tanner doesn't like getting poked?" I asked him, reminding him of what he told me when I had been upset that he was crying after his birth.

"Okay. Don't tell me you wouldn't cry if they were sticking tubes up your nose and down your throat." Zach explained exasperatedly, grabbing the baby from my arms. Tanner's face scrunched up when Zach took him away from me, letting out a soft cry. He wasn't a screamer but when he cried it wasn't exactly a pleasant sound, especially to me. My heart broke and yearned for him when his mouth would let loose that soft yowl, and I would need to hold him in my arms until he was okay again.

"Zach, give him back." I reached my arms out for him as Zach rocked Tanner in his arms, getting him to settle back down with his hand softly rubbing over the baby's back. Daddy turned to show me that Tanner was alright, his brown eyes open wide as he struggled to see the world around him. I sighed softly, shaking my head.

"He's alright baby girl," Zach smiled at me, puckering his lips for a kiss as he came back over, carefully holding Tanner to his body. I rolled my eyes but kissed him softly, letting him nuzzle my nose.

We were silent after that, the two of us watching Tanner as he slept soundly in his dad's arms. Zach ran his fingers over his soft head covered by small tuffs of thick brown hair. Tanner's top lip jutted out over his bottom lip, the standard look for newborn babies. His cheeks puffing out also as his small body curled up in the warmth of his father.

"Thank you," Zach whispered to me, pulling me into is body tightly as he set Tanner in against his thighs, curling his knees up almost to his chest.

"For what?" I whispered to him, running the back of my pointer finger over Tanner's cheek.

"For giving me a second and third chance that I never deserved. I don't deserve you after what I put you through in North Dakota and then how shotty I was at the beginning of our second try. I'm so thankful for you and Tanner; I never thought having babies and being with one person could be so fulfilling. But you fulfill my life, you make my job and everything else worth doing." He kissed me softly on the temple as he looked down at me, momentarily taking his eyes off Tanner.

"Oh Zach," I shook my head at him, pulling his face down to mine and wrapping my arms around his neck. Zach struggled to wrap one arm around me and keep one on Tanner's stomach to keep him securely in his lap. "I love you."

"I love you and baby Tanner so much. I'll do whatever I can to make sure you two are always okay and happy." He smiled down at me as I snuggled into his side, pressing my lips to the steady beating of his pulse in his neck. He tilted my chin, capturing my lips once again. We both were staring into each others eyes silently expressing our love because words were failing.

Zach and I were so incredible happy with the way our lives were turning out to be. Zach was living the life he always used to dream about when we would lay together in my dorm room at North Dakota, telling each other what we our lives would be like if we could pick them. He was making a name for him in the NHL and next year, he may even be able to play in the Olympics. I knew it would happen, but Zach was a tad bit less optimistic as me. We had a healthy baby boy who was already the calmest baby I had ever been around. He was perfect, no other way to describe him.

Tanner's eyes were open when I turned my attention back to him, struggling to grasp the world around him through his eyes that told him very little. I came close to his face, letting him see me clearly. He tried to grin at me, his mouth twitching.

"Hi Tanner," I cooed to him, kissing his nose softly. "How's momma's boy?" I poked at his nose, watching as he wrinkled it slightly at my touch, getting used to being able to feel me touching him for real when I spoke to him. For months he had to rely on us touching my stomach to know we were there, but now he could grasp our fingers and shrink away from our touch just to be a little fussy. I shook my head at him, watching Zach kiss his forehead.

"I'm going to have a hard time leaving him for road trips." Zach mused to me.

"I don't think I'm going to let you leave. I'll need you to take care of our little man," I teased him, poking his side. He rolled his eyes and shook his head, having no idea that there was a large part of what I just said that was true.
***

Five months. How could five months have passed so fast? I guess when you have a baby, time flies because part of you wants him to grow up so he can depend on himself but the other part wants him to stay little forever. Tanner was not five months old and he was a crazy little bugger. He had learned to roll over and crawling was just around the corner. Zach had been there for every milestone so far, never missing a second with the help of Skype and Tanner's fascination of my laptop. He would pat the screen, convinced that it was a smaller version of his father, only to come up empty handed when he didn't get a face full of his dad's hair.

That was another one of his fascinations, pulling mommy and daddy's hair. He loved the feel of the soft curls in his hands, the fine hairs curling around his baby fingers. He would take the ends, brush them against his nose and laugh after he would let out a cute little sneeze. I would shake my head and let them brush against his face freely making the little boy giggle in the cutest of ways. I fell even more in love with Tanner as the days passed, and they went quickly. He was such a happy baby, always having a smile on his face and the same dimples pressing into his skin.

But there were times when he wasn't a happy baby. If he was upset you would know. If he didn't want to be held by you he would scream and demand to be set down. He was bad when he missed his dad too, crying until I would call Zach so his voice could soothe him or put on Clifford so that he would have something to take his mind off of his daddy. But there was no one who missed Zach more than Tanner, not even me, when he left, and the feeling was most definitely returned. Zach would call in the middle of the night just for reassurance that Tanner was okay. He always was of course but Zach never believed it until he had his little man in his arms. But this was the first road trip where I actually had to tell Zach that Tanner was not okay. No, our little boy was sick, and daddy was coming to the rescue.

The sound of the garage door had never sounded as good as it did at the moment. I pursed my lips as Tanner let out another shriek of a cry, making more tears run down my face. I was breaking down and having a mix between a panic attack and hyperventilating. Tanner had been crying non stop for the past four hours and he didn't look like he was going to stop any time soon. His little lungs weren't even working on over drive yet, just screaming loudly because of how bad his ear hurt. I wished I could make the medicine work faster, to kick in and give him some sort of relief but I could only do so much for my baby boy.

Zach had been on a road trip for the first time our five month old had gotten sick. I first noticed how ornery he was being, crying during the night and whimpering with a look of pain on his face. And then the fever set in, making me go crazy to try and figure out what was wrong with him. I took him to the doctor earlier in the day and she told me he had an ear infection, his ear drum swollen significantly. I had cringed for my baby when I had to put the ear drops in. It made him scream even more despite the relief they had given him; he didn't like the feel of the liquid sloshing around.

The door to the garage opened and Zach walked in, setting his road bag by the door and throwing his keys on the counter. My back was to him as I sat up on the couch, bouncing Tanner lightly to try and console him. I had long since stopped talking to him since he wouldn't be able to hear me over his screaming. I saw Zach move towards me out of my peripheral vision before he was crouched down behind Tanner and in front of me, using my knees to balance himself.

"Baby boy," Zach cooed to him, placing his hands on the side of his head and kissing his forehead. Zach's eyes fluttered to me and he grimaced.

"Oh I look that bad," I sobbed out as Zach immediately shook his head.

"No, baby you look so upset." Zach murmured, holding my face in his hands. I started to sob, my body shaking because I was so stressed out and I just wanted Tanner to feel better. My heart ached for him and the pain he was going through. As if Tanner felt my distress, he started to cry harder, screaming so loud I was afraid something inside his body would burst.

"Abbie, calm down honey. It's okay. Babies get ear infections all the time." He tried to reason with me, taking Tanner from my arms and letting me curl up to him. He held the two crying loves of his life tightly, rubbing Tanner's back as the baby clung to him, wanting his daddy to make him feel better. His little hands balled into fists and gripped Zach's sweatshirt tightly. Zach tended to me first, knowing that I was the one he would be able to settle down quicker.

"It doesn't matter about other babies! This is our baby, and he's sick and miserable!" I exclaimed to Zach as he gripped me tightly.

"Abbs, he's going to be okay. He's just upset."

"I've been holding him, rocking him, trying to feed him, giving him his drops. Nothing works for him Zach. Nothing. He just wants to cry." I wailed back to him, my bottom lip quivering as much as Tanner's. At the sound of my loud voice Tanner screamed louder, his voice going to a whole different level that seemed impossible for someone so small.

"Honey, I've got him. I'll try and get him to settle down. You go take a warm bath with lots of bubbles and candles and a glass of wine. Let me be daddy." He cooed to me, barely heard over Tanner.

"But-"

"Abbie, go." Zach demanded, pointing to the stairs. I nodded to him, kissing Tanner's head as I walked by and trudged up the stairs, leaving my fiance and our baby behind.

I spent an hour and a half in the bath, letting my body distress and wind down from the loud and hard four days I just had while Tanner was sick and Zach was on his road trip. I let the combination of the warm water and the wine bring my stress level down as much as it could for being a mom to a five month old. I felt myself slowly starting to slip asleep as there was a soft knock on the door and Zach walked in with our sleeping baby boy.

"I guess daddy has the touch," I smiled at Zach who looked relieved that I wasn't crying anymore. I had pulled myself together the second I had slipped into the water. Zach sat down on the toilet seat, showing me the little boy with his closed eyes and his soft baby skin, his mouth open as he took in puffs of air.

"Or maybe it was the milk he finally was ready to drink." Zach looked down at the baby in his arms, rocking him slightly as he sighed softly. "I'm so sorry you were that stressed out. This should never happen."

"It's alright. I wasn't bad until you were home to allow me to go crazy." I giggled softly, standing up and grabbing one of the fluffy towels from the rack next to the tub. I toweled off quickly as Zach's eyes raked over my body. Now that I was officially cleared to have sex again, he was more than a little feisty. His eyes smoldered as he raked them over my body, licking his lips as he came to my cleavage that had been bursting because of having a baby. I thought maybe after Tanner was born they would go down, but apparently breast feeding makes them get even bigger. I covered my body with the towel as Zach pouted.

"Our sick son is in the room; turn it down horn dog." I scolded him, brushing the tangles from my wet hair.

He sighed loudly behind me, shaking his head as I rubbed lotion into my skin next and then moved to our bedroom. Zach followed with Tanner, walking to the bed and setting him back against the pillows, making sure to set him in the middle of the bed, a pillow on each side to protect him if he happened to roll over. I went into the walk in closet, shaking my head at the arms that wrapped around my waist. I looked over my shoulder at Zach, giving him a warning glance.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered to me, rocking me softly. I shook my head as his fingers came up, dropping the towel to the floor of the closet, the white fluffiness pooling around my feet. I snorted at him and shook my head in disagreement.

"Yeah because stretch marks are sexy."

"Actually, they are. They represent you being pregnant and that is without a doubt the hottest thing I've seen since the day I first saw you." His lips moved to my collar bone as his hands went to cup my now flat stomach. I had lost the baby weight fairly quickly with the help of a fast metabolism and a gym membership. Now the only reminders of being pregnant were the stretch marks and the faint scar I had from my C-section. My hands tangled with Zach's as I laid back against his chest, taking in the silence of the house with much appreciation.

"I missed you," I whispered softly to him, as he let one of his hands reach for my pajama pants and a sweatshirt of his.

"I missed you too. I missed holding you and watching as you play mom to Tanner. I missed waking up next to you. Waking up to Travis snoring and dry humping his pillow was disgusting." I laughed loudly, poking his side.

"Well that's the only ass he's getting since Lily is so pregnant." I giggled softly.

"He was so worried that she would have the baby while he was gone."

"Is that why he played so bad?" I teased, pulling on my pajamas and letting Zach take my hand to lead me back to the bed. We climbed on the bed together. Zach sat down at Tanner's feet, pulling me down into his lap so that he could hold me. I let my fingers trace Tanner's soft baby toes, squeezing them lightly as he kicked me in his sleep. I giggled at him, watching as he rolled over onto Zach's pillow, snuggling into it like he would if it was his daddy's chest.

"He cried so much when you left. I mean he was already cranky because his ear hurt but he woke up from his nap and he just knew you were gone." I really shouldn't have told Zach that because I knew it upset him, but at the same time he loved to hear how much Tanner needed him.

"I hate leaving him. I wish I could tell him goodbye without him crying and hanging onto me like if he grips my shirt I won't be able to pull him away."

"I know it's hard but he'll get better as he gets older. You just spoil him so much with kisses and hugs when you're home." I smiled back at him, sighing as I dropped my head to Zach's chest, my wet hair causing Zach's shirt to get damp.

"I love him." Zach mused softly. "I love that you got pregnant and that he's in our life. He's everything I've ever wanted in a son, and you're everything I've ever wanted in a wife."

"I'm not your wife yet," I smiled at him as he growled lowly into my neck, snapping his teeth at me.

"Yes, but you will be. And then I'll be able to chain you to the bed and make you my baby making machine."

"Oh really? Hm, that sounds like a Hollywood movie." I snorted at him as he placed a tender kiss against my temple. "How many more do you want?" I asked him, bringing back a serious topic.

"Five."

"No."

He let out a huff and a sigh, rolling his eyes. "I don't understand why you won't give me six kids!" He exclaimed exasperatedly.

"Do you have to push them out, or get fat, or get put on bed rest? No." I rotated in his lap so I was facing him, my arms wrapping around his neck as I looked into his tired brown eyes.

"I want a little girl." He told me.

"So we're going until we get a baby girl?" I giggled to him as he nodded.

"In this family, little girls are of the up most importance." He gave me a wild grin, his dimples visible in his cheeks. "I want at least three."

"I can do that for you," I whispered to him.

"Starting now?"

"No, I'm still recovering from this one." I rolled my eyes, slapping his chest.

"It was worth a try," he mumbled. "Making them is the best part."

"Of course it is."

Zach scooped me into his arms, setting me on one side of Tanner who was still fast asleep even as his parents jostled the bed. Zach rearranged the pillows, fluffing mine like I was a queen, making me smile. He moved his pillow to his original spot and turned down the bed, swooping up Tanner into his arms. He kissed his nose softly as we snuggled into our covers. His other hand squeezed me to his side before a soft kiss was set on my head.

"Are you going to bring him to bed?" I murmured to Zach, my eyes growing heavy after having no sleep the past couple days.

"No. I missed him too much to let him go." Zach mumbled.

"You're spoiling him." I chided him jokingly.

"Yeah, but he deserves it just like his momma."

I smiled and snuggled into his side more, looking at Tanner who was laying on the other side of his dad's chest, his brown hair moving as his dad breathed, his body rising and falling with Zach's chest. I leaned forward to kiss him softly before I let my body focus on falling asleep. I quickly began to lose focus, my eyes shutting instantly as Zach's hand traced circles into my back.

"I love you two," was the last thing I heard before I fell asleep, the only thing I wanted to hear for the rest of my life.