Tell Me It's Not Too Late

There are moments you think about when you are a little girl and your wedding day is one of them. When I was little, I used to go into the tree house outside of my house and dream about what it would be like to be married to someone. Of course, at seven years old, I had a very innocent reality as to what really happened when you get married. There was no such thing as fights or divorce, of course this was back when my parents were still together. Marriage was this perfect blissful happiness that you lived in with the love of your life. I always dreamed that I would get married in the church my parents were wed in, wearing the same dress as my mother, with Krissy by my side. I was able to picture perfectly the up-do I would have, ribbons gracefully woven through the braids I had. My father would give me away while my mother would wipe away tears from her eyes as Chloe would be standing next to Krissy as a bridesmaid. The only aspect I hadn't been able to picture was my groom.

Obviously a lot had changed since I was seven years old.

I knew now that marriage wasn't always perfect. It was most certainly filled with ups and downs along with periods were things weren't quite right but they weren't wrong at the same time. The church I had chosen to get married in was most definitely not the one my parents were wed in for fear that my marriage might turn out just like theirs. Instead, Zach and I chose the church Krissy and James were married in. My dress was not the long, elegant, ruffly one that my mother had worn. Instead it was sleek and slimming, not bunching out but instead flowing out slightly, hugging my upper body and my new curves that hadn't gone away after the birth of Tanner.

My hair was actually pulled up but I definitely lost the braids, knowing they were a little too childish for such a grown up day. My sister and mother would not be in attendance and for once they didn't turn me down, I gave them the boot. It was my day and I wasn't going to put up with them on the happiest day of my life. I wasn't going to listen to their condescending whispers about Tanner and how he was a bastard child, born out of wedlock. My dad would be there to give me away though, and in reality, he was the only family member I needed. I had plenty of friends who lined the pews and were actually happy for me.

But now, finally, I was able to picture the groom. I could visualize him in his black tux and bow tie as he stood at the front of the church beaming down at me. Maybe it was because I just knew it was Zach, or maybe it was because he was actually standing on the altar next to Travis who held Tanner in his arms, the little boy dressed exactly like his father, button bow tie and everything.

"Abbie," my dad whispered to me. I snapped out of my trance as I looked to my dad, his blue eyes sparkling with unshed tears.

"Sorry." I mumbled softly before taking a step forward with him to finally begin my short walk down the aisle to where I would be named Mrs. Zach Parise.

Zach had always looked good to me, but he had his moments where he looked better than others. This most definitely made the list along with the times when he would be playing with Tanner or the two of them would be passed out on the floor after a long day of playing. Zach looked amazing as a dad but he also looked damn good as a husband-to-be.

My breathing was surprisingly calm as I stepped along the aisle, politely smiling at the guests that had shown up. But my eyes couldn't stay off of Zach for too long. My body and my eyes were being pulled to him as if I was tied to a rope and he was tugging me towards him. I gave him a wide grin as I finally reached the end, Zach waiting for me with his own smile. I quickly glanced at Tanner who was watching his parents curiously, wondering what we were up too and why Uncle Travis had to hold him instead of dad.

I rotated my hips to my dad, taking in a deep breath as I saw the wetness in his eyes. His already wrinkled skin crinkled up even more when he smiled down at me. We wrapped one another into a tight hug, the last one we would have when I still shared his last name.

"You have a wonderful life ahead of you, Abbie. I want nothing but the best for you, and I know Zach is that for you." I found comfort in my father's words, extremely overjoyed that my dad approved of Zach.

"Thank you, daddy. I love you." I kissed his cheeks, my lips pausing for a long beat before we pulled apart. My chest tightened at the tear that slipped from his eye while he desperately tried to wipe it away.

"I love you, too." My dad smiled before we both looked at Zach who seemed more than eager to get on with the ceremony.

"Keep taking good care of my baby, Zach." My dad nodded at him as they shook hands, and then my hand was slipped delicately into Zach's.

"Of course," Zach told him with reassurance, never breaking eye contact from my father. With one last longing look, my dad turned to sit next to my step mom. And then it was just Zach and I, no one in the church besides us (and of course Tanner) because we were the only ones who mattered at the moment.

I slipped my arm through his as we climbed the stairs together. Krissy took my bouquet, white lilies, with a teary smile, her huge baby bump extending from her body. I chuckled for a moment at how comical it was that we had both been pregnant on the others wedding day. Next, my eyes shifted to Tanner who was still resting quietly in Travis' arms. I gave him a smile, causing his mouth to open, his two front teeth showing against his pink gums as he returned the grin.

"Ready?" Zach whispered, pulling me from Tanner and to the other main man in my life.

"Have been since college," I whispered back, wishing I could press our lips together.

"Good. Just say I do, then." He winked at me as we turned to the priest, ready to get underway.

The ceremony was touching and filled with loving words as Zach and I attempted to express out love in our own written vows. None of those words needed to said though since the two words needed to seal the deal could have been enough. Even though I told Zach I wouldn't cry when he began his vows, I barely made it past the first sentence before tears started to rain down. Although the vows were heartfelt, the second best part next to walking down the aisle as Mrs. Zach Parise, was when the priest asked if anyone objected to our marriage. Travis has dug his fingers into Tanner's side making the little boy let out a shrilly, infections laugh. The whole wedding part burst out laughing as Zach turned to Tanner winking and quietly shushing him. Tanner kept a large smile on his face the rest of the ceremony.

"We did good." Krissy told me as the two of us sat together at the reception away from everyone else. James was talking with the several other NHL players in attendance while Zach was walking around and showing off Tanner to all the people who had yet to see him, or hadn't in awhile. The little boy was acting surprisingly cheerful even though it was past his bedtime and into the hour where he was known to get cranky.

"Yeah. It turned out to be better than I could have expected it to be." I looked over at my very pregnant friend, giving her a high five. "Thank you for all the support, not just when I felt the need to pull my hair out planning, but also with everything. From getting back together with Zach and then being pregnant, you were there when I needed someone."

"You would do it for me." She shrugged, hands running over her belly.

"Is she kicking?" I wondered, placing my hands by Krissy's as I felt the series of kicks. "Just so you know, you'll miss this feeling."

"I know, but I'm ready." She told me, a smile on her face.

"Me too. I'm ready for more babies." Zach announced as he brought a very sleepy baby over to us. Tanner's eyes were shut half way but I ran my hands over his hair, making his eyes snap open wide.

"Oh honey," I murmured to Tanner as he looked at me, his face set to cry. "You're okay." I took him into my arms as Zach plopped down next to me. "I'm not ready to look like that again." I pointed to Krissy who rolled her eyes. Zach huffed, eyes sad like a puppy and lips pouted.

"Maybe you two can work on that flock when you arrive in Spain." Krissy giggled reminding the two of us about our honeymoon and the plane ride we had the next afternoon. My dad would be staying in town while we were gone and he would be playing grandpa to Tanner until Zach and I returned home. We were scheduled to be gone for two weeks, but the thought of being away from my baby boy that long made me want to cry.

"No." I laughed, shaking my head. "Tanner isn't old enough yet." My lips pressed to the top of my son's head as he gripped a strand of my hair that rested on my shoulder. His hot breath danced across my skin as his dad watched him drift to sleep.

"Hoe old?" Zach wondered, glancing briefly at Krissy who now had her husband at her side. He leaned in close to me, lips brushing against my ear as I looked down at Tanner. "Honey, he's growing up and pretty soon he won't be a baby."

"I know, Zach, but he is turning one next month. We don't need to have a baby that soon." I shook my head at him as he pouted at me, trying to persuade me. "You try carrying around an extra 30 to 40 pounds, have swollen ankles, chronic back pain and have mood swings you have no control over. Then, we can talk about having another baby."

"I'll get on that." Zach smirked, the smartass tone enough to make me roll my eyes.

"You are a pain in the butt, Zach Parise."

"I know, but now that you're married to me, you're stuck with it for life." He grinned, "it was all part of my plan." He leaned forward to press a kiss on my cheek before tilting his lips down to rest on Tanner's head. "He needs to go home."

"I know, but the party is still going." I chuckled, looking around at the vast amount of people who still hung around even though it was well after 10:00.

"We can take him home," Krissy suggested now standing up.

"Are you sure?" I bit my lip, looking down at my son as he slept innocently in my arms.

"Yeah. James can stay with him until you two come home." She murmured. Krissy and James happened to live a couple houses down from Zach's house in Prior Lake now. They use it as their off-season house and lived in a city condo during the season. I glanced at her warily and she shook her head at me, reaching out for Tanner. "Think of it as a test for the two weeks you have to be away from him." I pursed my lips, feeling the paranoia lodge in my chest. Tanner and I had never been apart for more than a couple hours. I was starting to see Krissy's point as she gave me a hard look, telling me to hand over the kid.

"Okay. Just change him into his pajama's that are sitting on is changing table. You know where his room is and make sure the night light is on and that his mobile is working." I pushed out, standing up and handing Tanner to James but not before kissing him good night.

"Sure thing, Mrs. Parise." He winked at me as I shook my head.

"That's Donna's name." I gave him a wink as the pair headed out after giving Zach and I hugs. I plopped down in my chair, glancing at Zach and biting my lip,

"How are we going to leave tomorrow?"

"I was just thinking the same thing." He repeated, his eyes, just like mine, straining on the door and begging for Tanner to come back.
***

I looked across the kitchen table at Zach as he stared back at me, both of us having two hands on our respective coffee cups as we listened to Tanner cry loudly in the living room. He had been crying since he woke up this morning, most likely because he was still tired from his late night. I knew I was from having two hours of sleep and getting up at 6 in the morning.

"What are we going to do if he doesn't stop crying?" I asked, looking at the clock to see that it was now 7:45 and I still had a little bit of packing to do. I shook my head as Tanner's cries went to a whole new level. "I'm getting him."

"Abbie, if you do he won't let you put him back down." Zach warned me as I walked past him and out of the kitchen.

"I'm not going to let him keep crying." I told him as I padded into the living room, scooping Tanner up off the floor.

His little face was beat red as he screamed, mouth hanging open wide as big, fat tears rolled down his pudgy cheeks. It broke my heart to see him so distressed. Not only was he upset from the lack of sleep, but he seemed to sense that we were leaving. I thought he would be too young to understand what was going on but when his brown eyes zoned in on Zach's suitcase packed up by the door, he started to sob in Zach's arms, squirming and flailing around. I didn't want to leave Tanner like this, nor did I want to make my dad deal with a crabby eleven month old.

"Tanner, baby, it's okay." I cooed to him, laying his head against my left shoulder and gently swaying him back and forth as Zach padded into the room. He sighed as he took in the sight of Tanner so distraught.

"How does he know?" Zach shook his head at my pointed look, running one of his paws over Tanner's hair. He leaned down, placing his lips atop of the little boy's head and looking up at me. "Well?"

"I don't know." I whispered truthfully. Zach pulled away from Tanner but not before giving him one more kiss. I turned and watched as he walked towards the door where his suitcase was sitting. Tanner looked at his dad walking towards the door and let out a distinct shout of "Da!" making the Zach whirl around and me open my mouth in surprise. "Da! Da!" Tanner tried again, reaching his arm out to Zach and opening and closing his fists signaling exactly who he wanted.

"One second buddy, daddy's going to put his stuff away." Zach murmured, lugging his stuff back up the stairs. I closed my eyes, a sense of pure relief washing over my body. We weren't leaving him; we couldn't. Zach came bounding down the stairs a second later after I had settled down on the couch, rubbing my fingers over Tanner's back lovingly. He seemed to snuggle into my chest, feeling a sense of relief as his father came into his line of vision.

"So we aren't going?" I asked him, biting my lip and thinking of all the money we were wasting by not using the tickets, not to mention the experience we were missing out on.

"No. I don't think I can leave him. I mean, I want to go..."

"... but you just can't stand to leave him." I smiled over at him, the two of us knowing exactly how the other felt.

"We are terrible pathetic when it comes to him." Zach chuckled as we watched Tanner play with the necklace that hung around my neck.

"It's only cause we love him so much." I sighed softly, pulling Tanner away from my chest to look down at his face. He looked up at the two of us, eyes shifting between the two of us. He stuck his pointer finger in his mouth, chewing on his flesh as he grinned at the two of us, eyes twinkling as if he knew he got his way. "You're so spoiled Tanner." I chuckled softly at him, leaning down to kiss his nose lovingly. Tanner yawned at the two of us, eyes drifting closed slowly.

"Yeah, it's a tough life being loved so much, and getting to sleep all the time." Zach chuckled down at his son as he drifted to sleep, the two of us watching him and not once regretting our decision to stay home.
***

Tanner bounced on his hands and knees as he watched his dad walk through the door in the middle of July, holding a birthday cake that was for his first birthday. Tanner let out a loud squeal, reaching for his dad immediately, his pudgy arms in the air. Zach grinned at him, setting the cake down on the counter before walking over to his son.

"Happy birthday baby boy!" He exclaimed, swooping him up into his arms. Tanner giggled as his dad's fingers tickled his potbelly tummy, the little boy's brown eyes sparkling in happiness. I shook my head, sitting up as Zach came to the couch with him, kissing my cheek softy. "Hi," he whispered to me, his fingers tangling with mine.

"I can't believe he's one already. I feel like we just had him yesterday," I sighed, resting my head against Zach's shoulder.

"I know. That was such a bittersweet day for us," Zach whispered to me as Tanner bounced on his dad's thighs. "Pretty soon he's going to be starting hockey, and then going to school, and then going to Shattuck, and finally going number one in the 2028 draft." Tanner let out a loud laugh as his dad blew against his stomach, making the skin flap. "Yeah! Right bud!?" Zach let Tanner go, watching as he fell backwards.

"Zach!" I exclaimed as he caught him safely, both my boys giggling at my fright.

"I wasn't going to let him fall," Zach teased me, kissing my cheek.

"That was not funny," I scolded him, kissing Tanner's head as I stood up and moved to the kitchen. In about an hour, various friends and family would be arriving to celebrate Tanner being in our lives for a whole year now. Time had literally flown by and it was so hard for me to comprehend that he was a year old. If this was how fast kids grew up, I needed to find a way to make Tanner stay this young forever.

Zach and I were able to get the decorations up and the food prepared along with wrapping the rest of Tanner's presents quickly because Tanner was having so much fun watching TV and playing with Mikko's tail. The first guests to arrive were my dad and my step mom, the two of them having their arms filled with presents making my eye widen in surprise. James and Krissy along with their new baby Danielle who had been born almost a month early just like Tanner. Travis and Lily were next to arrive, flying in to Minnesota just to celebrate with us along with their son Brett whom was now going on six months old. Zach's parents were next along with Jordan and Brian who each arrived with dates.

Soon the house was packed with people as everyone lingered around taking turns chatting and fawning over Tanner. He ate up the attention even though he didn't know why everyone was so obsessed with him today. I shook my head as I turned to look at the massive amount of presents that littered all over the living room; the sight reminded me of my baby shower.

"This is crazy." Zach chuckled, joining me in the kitchen as we looked out at the party and to where JP was holding Tanner, flying him around like he was an airplane.

"I know! I swear those presents are going to double the amount of clothes and toys he already has." I smiled thought, knowing Tanner wouldn't even be able to appreciate the opening presents aspect of the day.

"Well of course I mean that, but also the fact that he is one. He's been here for a year?" Zach shook his head, biting his lip as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder, leaning down close.

"No. He just turned one. Ask me in a year, and we will see."

"Damn." Zach muttered.

"Why are you so adamant about having another baby honey? Can't you just sit and enjoy the time you have with Tanner. He's not going to be this young forever, I think we're both getting a picture of how fast he will grow up."

"I don't know." He sighed, looking away from me with a sheepish look.

"Babe." I murmured to him, stepping toward him and wrapping my arms around his waist.

"It's just, all of these guys are having kids now too, and it's like, whoa, I had a baby first. And then... James... he has a baby girl."

"That's the issue right? You want a baby girl."

"Yes. I love Tanner and I'm pumped for when we can rough around together and when he can play hockey, but at the same time, it would be fun to have a little girl to tote around." I smiled at him, picturing him with a delicate little girl who would make him melt to mush. He was already like that with Tanner, but if a baby girl was added to the picture, Zach would be gone.

"I'll tell you what. If you be a good boy, and stop trying to force me into getting pregnant again, we can have a series talk. But I want Tanner to be able to grow up a little bit more without having his parents distracted. We need a little bit more time to work on the whole parenthood thing. Remember babe, we still haven't hit the terrible twos with him." I giggled at Zach's frightened look. "Not to mention the dramatic threes."

"But it seems so easy." Zach stressed to me, leaning against the counter and pulling me into his chest. His hands ran along my back, making the hairs on my arms stand up with the goosebumps.

"You're gone a lot." I giggled at Zach's scrunched up face. "The point is, we need to get our feet a little wetter first."

"Okay. I guess I can't really argue with that." Zach sighed.

"I love you baby. And you're a wonderful father to Tanner just like you will be to the rest of our kids." I leaned up to press a kiss against his nose and then his lips as his mom called to us.

"Hey you two, we think it would be a good idea to start cracking on all those presents." Donna chuckled softly, smiling as Tanner looked at us from JP's arms. He reached out for Zach immediately, snuggling into his chest as he looked at me, puckering his lips. I laughed and leaned up to kiss his small mouth before settling into the living room, ready to do some damage on all of those presents.