Tell Me It's Not Too Late

I cradled the new born baby to my chest stopping just short of the entry way of our new house in New Jersey, and Hailey as she stretched to see the bundle of joy in my arms. She was perched on her tippy toes, licking her precious lips and fluttering her gorgeous blue eyes from me to her daddy. Her eyebrows wrinkled in frustration as she lifted her arms to me, wanting to be picked up. Her lips were set into a perfect pout, one she used when she wanted to get her way.

"I can't honey, I'm holding Landon," I murmured to her, looking down at the sleeping boy in my arms. His nose wrinkled as he stirred slightly, his eyes coming close to fluttering open, but he opted to keep them shut.

Landon Zachary Parise was born three days ago on September 9th, weighing in at eight pounds, 9 oz, with a full head of thick brunette hair. He came out kicking and screaming, using those lungs to take in his first breath as I laid back, thankful that he was out and screaming after nearly 20 hours of labor. I was dead tired, but Zach was bouncing off the walls, his dimples prominent as he watched our new child be cleaned up. The nurse set him in my arms and Zach could barely contain his excitement, kissing the baby's nose.

Hailey and Tanner came a couple hours after Landon had entered the world, both of them getting to hold the baby with a pillow. Hailey was just as transfixed as her father was, her blue eyes locked on the baby from the moment he entered the room, to the moment he left to go back to the nursery. She was in love with him, just like Tanner had been in love with her when she was born. Zach and I had locked eyes while she was holding him, Tanner sitting next to her directing her lovingly, knowing that we were so fortunate to have three, healthy, beautiful babies.

"See baby, momma. See baby?" Hailey asked, her sweet, cheery voice sounding as her eyes sparkled with anticipation. She clung to my leg, only letting go when Zach reached out for her.

"Hails, let momma get in the door," Zach told her, scooping her into his arms and letting her look down into my arms. She gasped lightly, touching Zach's face with her little hand and smiling softly at her baby brother.

"Baby," she murmured to Zach, pointing at her new brother as Tanner came hopping into the room along with Travis, Danielle padding in a few minutes after, sucking on a popsicle.

"The newest Parise is home!" He exclaimed, lifting Tanner up by his arms and letting him look down at the baby. Hailey reached out to touch him and Tanner quickly scolded her.

"Don't touch Hails, he needs to sleep," he told her pointedly, sounding so much older than his 6 years. "Momma, I missed you." His brown eyes fluttered softly at me as I smiled at him. I shifted the baby to one arm and kissed Tanner's forehead lightly, nuzzling his nose with mine.

"I missed you too, honey. I love you."

"Love you too, mom," he smiled at me, his dimples making imprints in his cheeks. When he smiled, he looked so much like Zach that it blew me away.

I turned to Hailey who was still in her daddy's arms, taking in the sight of both of them entranced by the 3 day old still asleep. I stood at Hailey's level, dipping my head so she was looking at me, her eyes mirroring mine exactly. She gave me her cute little smile, her nose wrinkling as she started to giggle when I poked her tummy.

"How's my girl?" I asked her, kissing her cheeks, watching her eyes flutter shut, her long lashes brushing against her porcelain cheeks.

"Can I hold him?" She asked, pursing her lips and batting her lashes, trying to persuade me.

"Honey, he's sleeping. I know you love him, and want to talk to him, but babies need lots of sleep." I told her. To my surprise she didn't make a scene, instead she turned to her daddy and laid a big kiss on his lips, smiling at him and patting his cheeks. "Daddy, come play dolls with me!" She exclaimed, wiggling from his arms. He set her on the balls of her feet watching as her and Tanner scurried into the living room. He looked at me with a slight twitch of his lips, shaking his head as I laughed openly.

"Want me to take the little guy?" Travis asked, holding his arms out for Landon. I nodded and settled him into Travis, smiling as he tugged my little boy close to him, securing him to his chest as he followed my other two children, Dani trailing along behind him as well. I sighed happily and turned to Zach who gave me a grin. He held his arms out to me and I collapsed into them, still exhausted after the long hours I had been in labor only a couple days before. I tried to sleep as much as I could in the hospital knowing that when I got home, I wouldn't have much time.

"I'm tired," I murmured into Zach's chest, my eyes drifting closed as his hands trailed up and down my back, giving in to his light touch.

"Do you want to shower and take a nap? Trav and I will watch the kids." He whispered to me, his fingers now running through my hair.

"That sounds good. I feel gross and I smell like a hospital," I wrinkled my nose and pulled away from Zach. I headed for the stairs, climbing up them slowly as Zach followed behind me. "What?" I asked him, giggling as he picked me up bridal style and carried me the rest of the way to our bedroom. I snuggled into his neck as he brought me into the bathroom, turning the water on in the tub and setting me on the counter. "Mmm, a bath sounds better," I murmured.

"I thought so too," he smiled, leaning into me and kissing my lips tenderly. My eyes opened lazily as he pulled away, testing the water before tugging on my shirt. I grabbed his hands shaking my head and looking down at my still big stomach. I wrinkled my nose, knowing how gross I would look to him, hating the fact that having children meant getting fat and stretch marks.

"I don't want you to see me," I mumbled to him, biting my lip and closing my eyes.

"You're beautiful." He told me, grabbing my hands and making them fall to my sides. His hands tugged the hem of my shirt up and I cringed, closing my eyes as he exposed the still swollen flesh. I sucked in a breath as his lips fluttered over the bump, softly caressing the skin with his plump lips. I pursed my lips as tears stung my eyes at the sweet gesture while he covered every inch of my stomach with butterfly kisses.

"Zach," I whimpered as he slid the fabric completely off my upper body, turning and shutting the water off, letting the lavender bubble back form the puffy bubbles.

"I really want to lavish you with love right now," he confessed, his breathing increasing as he pulled me up, and tugged off my pants. He looked me over as I tried to cover myself with my hands, my undergarments still on, but all of my flaws still exposed.

"Zach, stop." I whined softly, feeling very insecure.

"Abbie, you aren't seeing what I am right now. You've never looked more beautiful to me." His hands brushed my hair back from my face, softly kissing my lips once more before he slid my panties down my legs. My bra came next and he let me slip into the water, turning away after I begged him to. I moved the bubbles around so that they were covering all the necessary parts.

"Okay," I murmured quietly.

He turned around and gave me a small smile after seeing me tucked under the water, the warm liquid helping my muscles relax. Zach got down on his knees and softly brushed my hair behind my ear, his eyes the deepest brown I'd ever seen them as he leaned forward, not able to keep his lips away from mine.

"I love you. You're so incredible." He whispered to me as I smiled sensually at him.

"I love you too, Zach."

"Thank you for the three beautiful and healthy babies we have. I don't know how you do it." He grinned at me, kissing my forehead before standing back up.

"I don't know either, honey," I giggled, watching as he blew me another kiss before exiting the bathroom.

I slid down in the tub, my head resting on the back of the white porcelain, eyes closed contently. The water and soap took the grim off of my skin as I scrubbed the top of my head with shampoo and conditioner. It felt good to take a bath, something I hadn't done much when I was pregnant because I didn't have time, and I didn't want to have cool water compared to the warm bliss I was sitting in right now. I stayed in the bath until the water started to turn cold and my skin began to prune. I stepped out and wrapped a white, fluffy towel around my body, drying off before going into my closet. I opted for comfort and threw on a pair of Zach's sweats and one of his Shattuck sweatshirts. I yawned softly as I padded downstairs to find Landon asleep in the playpen, Zach and Hailey playing dolls, while Tanner played on his xbox. I sat back for a moment and surveyed the scene, mostly Zach and Hailey because it was hilarious to watch Zach bouncing a barbie around.

"Yous not doing it right, dad." Hailey shook her head at him, giving him a condescending look that made me clasp my hand over my mouth.

"How can I be playing dolls wrong?" Zach asked, furrowing his eyebrows together as he studied Hailey's barbie and looked at his. "It's Barbie's fault she doesn't have a personality."

"No, dad, Barbie doesn't talk like that." Hailey insisted, rolling her eyes. "And she doesn't wear that." She took the barbie from him and began to strip off the green dress Zach must have put on her.

"Why not? I didn't think there was anything wrong with it." Zach shrugged, glancing at Landon and then at Tanner to make sure they were both still okay.

"Because she doesn't like green." Hailey told him exasperatedly, putting a pink dress on her instead. Zach wrinkled his nose as she gave it back to him, dread shining in his eyes.

"Did she tell you she doesn't like green, Hails?" Zach wondered, setting Barbie's weird feet against the wood floor. I pursed my lips as Hailey looked up at him and nodded her head, completely serious. Zach widened his eyes and shifted his gaze to me with a freaked out look. He mouthed crazy at me as I laughed loudly, moving into the room and sitting next to Tanner on the couch. I tugged him into my side where he burrowed in, continuing to play his game.

"Mom, daddy's bad at this." She looked at me, her eyes shifting to Zach for a minute where she rolled her eyes. Zach set the Barbie down and shook his head, falling onto the couch next to me.

"I know, but you need to lose the attitude." I advised her, giving her a look of my own that made her cast her blue eyes down at the ground. She shrugged and stood up, running over to the couch and jumping onto Zach. He let out a loud huff as Hailey landed on his chest, her lips fastening to his in a big smooch.

"Sorry, daddy, but you just don't do it right." Hailey told him, burrowing into his neck, thumb in her mouth. Zach chuckled softly before kissing her on the top of her head.

"I shouldn't quit my day job then?" He mumbled against her head.

"Nope. Hockey is definitely your thing." She insisted, patting his chest as the three of us chuckled at Hailey's expense, the little girl not finding any of it funny because of how dead serious she was.
***

I grinned down at the ice below me, watching as the little kids clustered together into one big clump, all fighting for the puck. The sight was adorable but at the same time you wanted to yell to them to spread out. It was hard to go from watching and NHL game to a mini mite game, no matter how many times I did it. But there was always one person on the ice who knew what he was doing. Tanner stood apart from the crowd, watching with precise eyes, waiting for the puck to squirt loose like it always did.

The black, rubber disk, flew down the board towards Tanner's offensive zone and he plucked it up with his stick, rushing down the ice like a kid way too fast to be playing with beginners, although he was one also. It was the first game he had ever played and he had been beyond excited this morning when he woke up. I made him his favorite, "hockey puck" shaped pancakes and he chowed them down before making sure all of his equipment was just right for the game. I had watched him from afar as he got ready, opting to go to the game full dressed minus his skates, and sighed deeply when I remembered that Zach would miss this big moment in his life. Sure, I was going to tape it for him, but it still wouldn't be the same to Zach or Tanner.

"Go Tanner!" I cheered, watching as he went down on a goalie that had no choice and ripped the shot into the lower right corner. He lifted his stick up and celebrated just like his dad did as his teammates tried to get over to him. The other parents including me, cheered loudly as he skated to the bench, looking up at the stands with a big grin. I tried not to let me heart deflate when his smile vanished after he remembered that his daddy wasn't here to share the moment.

"He's going to be an amazing hockey player someday," one of the dad's named Rick told me. I smiled kindly at him and shook my head.

"Yeah well I wouldn't be surprised with how many hockey games he goes too and how much him and his dad work on their skills," I giggled.

"You should consider moving him up to a different league since he's already light years ahead of these guys." He suggested. I bit my lip and looked down at Tanner, wondering if he would fit in with the kids who were 2 and 3 years older than him.

"I don't know. I mean he just started playing. I'm not sure he is ready for that kind of hockey. They can't check yet, but it still makes me nervous."

"He's big enough that I think he'd be okay. Plus they'll teach him how to take a hit and how to protect himself."

"Well, I guess I'll talk to his dad about it." I murmured, glancing back at the ice.

"Ask me about what?" I heard Zach say as he sat down next to me, picking Hailey up and settling her in his arms. I was surprised I didn't see Zach come in, but then again I had gotten used to tuning out Hailey's screaming quite sometime ago. Well, not all of her screaming, but the loud shrieks where I knew she was excited.

"See for yourself," I pointed to the ice where Tanner was making another break, moving around a defenseman who had no chance and flipping the puck into the net for his second of the game.

"Wow. I wonder where he learned that from," Zach looked up at the ceiling as if he was trying to figure it out.

"Zach!" I laughed, hitting his shoulder. "He's too good to play with these kids. I had no idea he would be that dominant."

"I did that's why I talked to the coach of the squirt team. They want Tanner to play for them and I want him to also." He shrugged, kissing Hailey's cheeks as she complained about how bored she was.

"I don't know if he's ready for that. What if he gets hurt?" I asked him, looking into his brown eyes.

"Baby, hockey is a rough sport. There are times where he is going to get hurt, but I honestly think he will be fine. Tanner is a tough kid, he'll take it as it comes."

"Well, let's ask him after this." I ran my hand through my hair, not liking that Zach was so adamant for Tanner to move up. My biggest problem with Tanner playing hockey was not only how rough it could be, but I also didn't want him to feel any pressure because of who his dad is. He was already at a level well beyond what his age should suggest and although it wasn't surprising, it worried me. I was nervous as to what would happen the older he got and the more people saw the name on the back of his jersey. But Zach was right, Tanner was a tough kid. He could handle it, but he didn't need to be exposed to it so young.

As I recall, you were not supposed to be here," I gave him a look, knowing he slipped away from New York to come here.

"I wasn't going to miss this. I walked in just as he scored." He boasted, "and damn this kid is going again." Zach told me, pointing to the ice where Tanner was going for his third. But instead he dropped it back for one of his teammates and who shuffled it behind the goalie.

"Aww baby!" I exclaimed, applauding his selflessness. I giggled as Hailey clapped along with the crowd, aimlessly cheering. Zach laughed with me, kissing the top of her head and making her throw her hands in the air. She joined in the giggling after that.

"Are you going to play hockey, Hails?" He asked her, watching as she wrinkled her nose.

"No. Imma dance, daddy," She told him, rolling her eyes as if he should have known that already. She could be quite the brat at times and I just knew she was going to be a problem teenager.

Zach looked over at me, looking me up and down suggestively before he said, "your mommy used to dance in high school. She was good at it." He grinned at me, licking his lips. "But you're not allowed to be good." He finished, giving a confused Hailey a hard look.

"Whhhyyyy!" She exclaimed, her voice going into an octave too high for my ears' liking.

"Because it will attract boys and that is NOT okay. You are not allowed to date. At all. No doing that to your daddy." He told her, kissing her forehead softly.

"No boys." She confirmed with a shake of her head.

"Oh am I going to want you to say that to me when you're a teenager and going on your first date," he murmured to her, pouting over at me and then looking back at the stunning little girl in his arms. "You only need me and your brothers. No one else." He grinned at me when she nodded.

"Stop having her make promises she definitely won't remember or keep. Plus, you never saw me when I was dancing in high school." I glared playfully at him. He rolled his eyes as me and looked to my feet where he had just noticed Landon was settled into his car seat.

"How's my other buddy?" He asked the four month old, leaning down with Hailey and dipping her. She squealed loudly, hanging onto his shoulders with a death grip. "You've gotta get used to this honey, dancers do this all the time."

"Zachary, stop." I scolded him, giving him a distinct look. Zach laughed and cowered back a bit, giving me an amused smile.

"Whaaat?" He asked innocently.

"Don't discourage her from dance because you were a horny, teenage boy." I rolled my eyes.

"Exactly. I was that teenage punk and I won't let my daughter be the prey like you were." He told me.

"Shut up."

"Okay."

"Mom, that's a bad word." Hailey scolded me.

"I said it to your dad so that makes it alright." I winked at her to which Zach scoffed.

"Now she's going to think it's okay to say it to me!" He exclaimed exasperatedly.

"No, because if she does it I won't sign her up for dance classes."

Of course I had been joking, but that didn't stop Hailey's mouth from dropping open in surprise before she snapped it shut again. She was definitely not going to be saying anything bad for a long time. Zach and I looked back down to the ice, scanning for Tanner who was on the ice, helping his teammates dig for the puck. I watched him for a moment, seeing what everyone else saw- Tanner didn't fit in. He did need to go up a level and even though that made me nervous, I realized that it was what was best for him. He would like playing with kids who were bigger and faster than him. He was just like his dad in the sense that it would be a great challenge for him, one that I was sure he would master.

"Okay." I sighed, looking at Zach who had pulled Landon out of his seat, bouncing both him and Hailey on his knees.

"Okay what?" He asked, looking at me.

"He can move up." I rolled my eyes, grimacing slightly. "But if he gets hurt, you are in the doghouse." I insisted.

"That's okay," Zach shrugged, "Mikko and I are homies." He chuckled before seeing my unamused look. "Sorry, but honey, I'll have a talk with him. I'll bring him to practice one day and teach him to keep his head up. He's a quick learner and in hockey, as long as you keep your head up, you'll be okay."

"Generally."

"Mostly." Zach stressed, knowing that there were still moments where you got your ass kicked because some opponent really had it out for you. Zach might know that a little too well. Landon began to squirm in his dad's grip, probably hungry since it had been awhile since he ate last. I grabbed a bottle, taking him from his dad and beginning to feed him, bopping his nose as he grinned around the top of the bottle.

Zach began to laugh as Hailey started waving wildly, making me look to the ice where Tanner had stopped in the middle of the game, jumping and waving at Zach, screaming Hi dad! very loudly as the other parents laughed while the coach tried to get his best player back into the game. Zach waved to Tanner while laughing, Hailey giggling because everyone around her was laughing. I looked over at Zach as Tanner got back into the game, wanting to get the puck to show Zach what his father had already seen; the potential he had to do great things, just like the man sitting next to me. I studied my husband as he looked down at Tanner, too proud to even express. And that day was the first day I realized that Tanner was right, he was going to be just like Zach when he grew up.