Tell Me It's Not Too Late

I awoke the next morning to an annoying ringing intruding on my ears. I covered them in a worthless attempt to block out the noise that didn't want to stop. I groaned, taking one of my arm away from my right ear and slapping in the general direction of the alarm clock. My hand came down, hard on where I thought the alarm clock was but instead my car keys were. The sharp metal dug into my skin along with the couple key chains that adorned the North Dakota lanyard.

"Fuck," I moaned out, bringing my hand to my mouth and squeezing it with my other hand. I placed kisses on it, thinking maybe that would make the pain subside. It didn't.

The light from the morning sun was streaming in through the window, giving me an extra pain to deal with. The blinding pain that seared through my head was a thousand times worse than the pain of my hand. I delicately moved so I was laying on my side, looking towards my bathroom. There was no doubt in my mind that I was hung over. My headed pounded, my mouth was as dry as sandpaper and the urge to throw up was suddenly overbearing.

I jumped out of my bed and ran to the bathroom, clasping my hand over my mouth. I reached the toilet just when I couldn't hold it back anymore and looked down, disgusted, at my dinner from the night before. Ugh, the night before was terrible. I squeezed my eyes shut as another wave of nausea overcame me, from either the hangover of the reminder, I wasn't sure.

After we left the arena, we went to a club in downtown St. Paul. Sure, last night could have been epic like I thought, if Zach wouldn't have been there, grinding and shaking his hips with every girl in the place. The more girls he grinded against, the more I drank. The liquid courage had long since taken over my body before I walked, or I guess stumbled, over to him. I basically chucked the girl he was dancing with across the room and latched onto him for dear life.

At first I watched him start to protest but when I started to move against him and any thought of conversation was gone. We danced with no sense of time before a slow song came on. I turned around and looked at him, taking in the sight of his lusty eyes and the way he seemed to be completely off his rocker. I stared up at the chocolate orbs and I felt the hole in my heart grow bigger. I don't know how to explain what was going through my mind, most of it slurred and jumbled, except that I was hurting like usual. But the one thing I know for sure is that I did the most embarrassing thing ever. I burst into tears in the middle of a club dance floor, right in front of my ex-boyfriend, who still means the world to me.

Zach had pulled me into his arms and rocked me from side to side. By the time I was done, both my mascara and eyeliner were long gone and Zach's shirt had a huge wet spot. I don't remember much after that since I turned on my heel once I was able to stop the flow of tears and ran straight to the bar. I chugged the first drink in sight. And that's the last thing I remember from last night, except the pain of not having Zach.

I laid down on the bathroom floor, letting the cool tile help settle my stomach. I took a couple deep breaths, slowly letting them out. I heard movement in the kitchen, figuring it was Krissy, and pushed myself up. I had to grab a hold of the counter to keep from falling over. Once the dots halted from bouncing in front of my eyes, I slowly walked out to my room.

"What the fuck." I whispered when I laid eyes on my bed.

There was a man, naked, except for his boxers, sleeping in my bed, with his back turned to me. I stood in the bathroom doorway, glued to the ground with only one thing running through my head: shit. I don't remember anything that had to do with that guy in my bed. I couldn't see his face but that didn't change the fact that the only guy who came home with me would have been James but obviously with Krissy. Unless I took Josh home with me. Oh god.

The guy in my bed, tangled up in my purple comforter, started to move. Afraid of who he was and what we might have done, I sprinted from the room, ignoring the dizziness and nausea that was washing over me again. Out in the kitchen James sat at the table eating cereal, despite the fact that Krissy was making pancakes, while his girlfriend poured two cups of coffee.

"Hey sunshine, cute hair," she said with an airy laugh. James looked up from the paper and snorted when he looked at me. I gave him a deathly glare and his face turned a little pale, before he looked back down, avoiding eye contact with me.

I turned to the mirror on the wall and stared at my refection. My hair was standing up on top of my head. I had snarls all over and my mascara, that I never took off my cheeks, was even more smeared than the night before. I was surprised that she choose to make the comment about my hair before my face. Saying I looked fucking scary would have been a nice way of putting it.

"How did you sleep?" Krissy asked, wigging her eyebrows.

"What?" I asked, licking my fingers and uselessly scrubbing at the black makeup.

"I saw you leave the club with him. Stop playing innocent." Her smirk turned into a full on smile.

"Who did I leave the club with?" I asked casually like this was a normal conversation.

Krissy's smile dropped, "oh my god. You don't remember?"

"No. Details. Please," I begged.

I scurried over to her and grabbed a mug of coffee. I blew on it, looking at her for an explanation. But she never had to open her mouth. The 5'11" brunette, brown-eyed hottie, came walking out of my room, wearing the same blue sweater and jeans that he wore last night. His hair was tousled from the sleep and his face looked soft and perfect. How the hell could he wake up looking so sexy while I woke up looking like Medusa on a bad day?

I turned towards Krissy, my eyes as big as baseballs. I was going to cry. How could I let myself get so bad that I didn't remember Zach Parise carrying me into my room. I took the moment to look down at my clothes, noticing I was no longer wearing my jeans, but instead a pair of boxers and a big shirt, both of which had belonged to Zach.

"Kill me now," I whispered to Krissy, dropping my head onto her shoulder. Great, now he knew I had kept his stuff after all these years.

"Honey," Krissy spoke sympathetically, "I'm sorry. I thought that you were purposefully leaving with him because, you know, you love him. I mean, I saw you crying so I figured you got back together or something along those lines. And then you counter in the way he was holding you and whispering into your ear." She glanced at Zach, sitting at the table laughing with James. "Plus, he is so sexy and you two look adorable together and I thought you would want to be alone with hi-" She finally noticed the way my narrowed eyes were piercing into her skin. "I'll shut up now."

"That'd be great!" I snapped.

How could I be such an idiot? I got completely hammered and I let Zach carry me home. I closed my eyes, the images of last night suddenly flashing like bright lights across my eyelids.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" A voice from behind me growled, pulling my attention away from the guy who was rubbing his hand up and down my leg. I didn't particularly like it or this sleazy guy with greasy hair. He looked like a total scum bag but I was too wasted to tell him to fuck off.

"Dude, this one's mine. Find your own," Sleazy ball told the guy I was now leaning against to stay up right. His chest felt familiar to me, and a sense of security wrapped around my body as his arms held me tightly to him. I closed my eyes, feeling as if I could pass out right where I was at the moment.

"Actually, she's mine," He sneered back at the guy. I could practically feel this man barking at the creeper, his chest vibrating from the sound.

"Whoa, okay," Creeper said, his hand coming off of my leg and he turned, disappearing into the crowd.

"Come on, you need to get home," the guy I now recognized as Zach whispered close to my ear, shivers running through my body.

"No, Zach. I don't need you to take care of me," I snapped, pushing out of his arms and attempting to walk away. My legs gave out on the first step and I would have crashed to the floor but a strong pair of arms wrapped around my middle. He hoisted me into his arms while I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding myself close to him. "I don't need you," I whimpered, more to myself than him.

"I know you don't," Zach murmured back to me, placing a light kiss on the top of my head. "But I'm going to take care of you anyway."

He walked out of the club and over to a rental car that must have been his. He opened the passenger side door, placing me softly into the car before pulling the seat belt over my deflated frame. I looked at him with glassy eyes, completely plastered after not drinking in so long.

"Why do you even care?" I asked him, trying to snap at him, but instead it came out as a whimper.

"Because, despite what you think, you mean a lot to me," He whispered, brushing some of my hair from my face. "And because you won't remember this in the morning, I love you. That's why."

And just as he shut the door, my eyes closed, holding me back from telling him just how much I would remember that, tomorrow, the day after that, and the lonely nights I'm missing him.

My eyes opened and connected immediately with Zach's across the room. Our eyes stayed locked on each others, an unspoken agreement that we would just forget about what was said last night. But I didn't want to. I wanted him to tell it to me now that I could return the gesture. Because I loved Zach with every part of my being and that would never change.

"So I made pancakes," Krissy said, smiling like a suburban mother.

"Great," I mumbled, slinking into the chair across the table from Zach.

"I'd love to eat, but I actually have a plane to catch," Zach apologized, standing up while glancing over his watch. His eyes traveled over to mine and he tilted his head to the door. I took a deep breath and nodded, standing up and following him to the door.

"So I guess this is goodbye," I joked, opting for sarcasm instead of a drawn out conversation. Zach wasn't having any of it.

"Do you remember last night?" He asked me, dead serious, his eyes the deepest shade of brown I had ever seen.

"I thought we were just going to forget about it," I mumbled, looking down at my bare feet.

"So you do?" He asked. I just nodded in response, afraid my voice would break. Great, he was going to tell me it was a- "I do love you, that's not why I want to know." My head snapped up and my baby blues looked into his waiting eyes.

"What are you trying to say?" I asked him.

"That maybe, I was wrong when I said I could live without you," he didn't look at me when he said it. Instead he opted to stare down the hallway. It had always been hard for Zach to swallow pride, especially when it came to relationships.

"And you're just telling me this after five years?" I asked, annoyance shinning in my voice. I crossed my arms over the chest. No, he couldn't do this. He could not just throw himself back into my life when he was about to fly across the fucking country.

"We needed time apart, you can't deny that Abbie." He told me, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

"Yeah, well what about last night when we were in the hallway together. You could have told me then, Zach," I told him, my chest getting heavy and my lungs having trouble taking in air. I could feel the lump in my throat and I wanted to punch him for making me feels so crappy again.

"I'm not good at this Abbie," He confessed, pushing out a loud sigh and then turning back to look at me.

"Zach, you can't do this to me. You can't pull me in right before you're going home." I stressed, shaking my head at the pull of his brown eyes.

"Abbie, I miss you," he told me, uncrossing my arms and grabbing my hands in both of his. I closed my eyes feeling my heart pulling towards him while my head screamed at me to hold my ground. My pride pushed against my heart, telling it to shut up and to stay strong. I couldn't just let him back in. He didn't deserve another chance. I would NOT give in to him again. I couldn't, for the sake of my sanity and my heart, I would not let Zach Parise continue this hold over me. I would tell him to fuck off, and officially move on with my life.

"I miss you too," I breathed out. My brain slapped myself across the face and my pride committed suicide while my heart fluttered at the joyful smile that spread across Zach's face, his dimples coming out in full force.

"I know I'm flying across the country in a couple hours. But I need you in my life somehow. We could make it work." He assured me as I wrapped my arms around him. "You could come see me, and I'll try my hardest to come back here and see you. I promise."

My head started screaming at me again, the warning bells going off at the word promise. Zach had a tendency to make promises he couldn't keep. And who says we'll be okay? We weren't okay last time and we lived a mere 5 minutes from each other. But once again, my heart did the talking for every part of my body, ignoring all the negative energy and jumping just like the last time.

"Okay, I want to try," I told him, squeezing my eyes shut as Zach hoisted me up, my legs wrapping around his waist. I heard clapping which caused my eyes to open. I giggled at James as he stood next to the table wiping an imaginary tear from his eye.

"Beautiful," He exclaimed, "but Zachy, you're gonna be late." He jerked his thumb towards the clock on the stove.

"Oh shit," Zach muttered, setting me back on my feet. "I'll call you when I get home, okay?" I nodded and he leaned down, placing a soft kiss on my lips. It was just a simple kiss from any outsider, but every part of my body tingled from it. From the tips of my toes, to the top of my head, all my hair stood on end, from just a simple press of his lips to mine. He pulled away, an undeniable sparkle in his eyes.

"Bye," I whispered, biting my lip slightly. His eyes crinkled at the sides as he laughed at my expression.

"I promise when I see you again, I'll give you more than that," He whispered suggestively into my ear before taking my ear lobe into his mouth and tugging lightly. "Love you. See you soon." He told me, before he pulled away and walked out of the apartment. My eyes wide, as I absently tugged on my ear.

"Abbie, pancakes are done," Krissy's voice pulled me away. I looked over at her, the frown on her face an indication that she didn't like what just happened.

"Krissy?" I questioned.

"What?" She asked, sitting down next to James, sucking in her cheeks. I've known her long enough to understand that this was her disapproving expression.

"You know what? I thought you were into Zach and I being together again." I asked her, confused as to why she was being so bitchy all of a sudden.

"I am, but I think Zach has a lot of changing to do. He hasn't changed since college in the relationship aspect. You know as well as I do that he will forget to call you when he gets home." She told me, giving me a pointed look. I looked down at my plate, not wanting her to see the agreement in my eyes. "Yeah, and you also know that Zach can't make you happy from across the country. It might work for a little bit, but after a while, it will get old."

"Kris, I can't be happy without him, you know that. I need him," I whispered, my voice drenched in emotion.

"No, I don't know that and neither do you!" She practically screamed at me, "Abbie you never even tried." Her voice took on a harsh tone and I felt myself retreating within myself.

"That's not fair, Krissy," James interjected.

"Stay out of this. You don't even know her!" She snarled at him. "I had to pick up all the pieces after him, so excuse me for giving a crap about you."

"You still missed my point! What did we just talk about before he came out here? That it would be fabulous if Zach and I got back together, and I'm pretty sure I wasn't the one saying it." I argued.

"That was before you let him in again without a fight. You don't even see how much of a hold Zach has over you still. That isn't healthy Abbs." She told me, her voice coming back down to a normal level.

"Krissy, I can't just hold a grudge against Zach for the rest of my life. You can't do that either. I don't want to miss out on something great because I'm scared. Maybe we weren't ready the first time around," I suggested.

She gave me a skeptical look and I bit back the nasty remarks I wanted to scream at her. Who was she to judge? She's never been in love before. She doesn't understand how much I need Zach in my life. He's like a lifeline for me, without him I barely survive.

The rest of breakfast was spent in silence. James continued flipping through the paper, ignoring the obvious tension that had settled over the table. Krissy picked at her pancakes, occasionally eating a bite but mostly just cutting them up and shoving them into random piles. I, on the other hand, scarfed mine down, knowing I would probably feel better if I ate, despite the fact that my stomach still rolled around painfully.

Krissy was the first to get up from the table, throwing her uneaten food away and then heading down the hall to the room. I looked at James who was still watching her stomp down the hallway. He turned back to me with a sympathetic smile.

"She's just worried about you. She cares and Zach has a history of not treating you right. But I hope he's changed. I'm happy for you," He smiled, hugging me before taking mine and his plate to the sink. I barely knew him but I already understood that he was the right guy for Krissy.

I pushed myself up from the table and dragged myself down the hallway. I knocked on Krissy's door before pushing it open and finding her on her laptop. She looked at me before turning back to the screen.

"Promise me you'll be careful. And that you'll get out if he starts treating you bad?" She asked me, still concentrated on her screen.

"Krissy, I know what I'm doing. It's going to be okay." I assured her.

Because as long as I had Zach in my life, everything would be just fine. Right?