Status: updated
10 Things I Hate About You
Part 1
“ ‘I don’t give a damn about my bad reputation’ is a perfect theme song for me,” I thought as I drove to school with Joan Jett blasting over my radio. Not long after I found myself, yet again, in the torture chamber, pulling down posters as I went to English.
What an interesting class, I thought dreamily. I always like to use this time to have creative discussions with my fellow classmates and teacher. With comments such as, “Romantic? Hemingway? He was an abusive, alcoholic misogynist who squandered half of his life hanging around Picasso trying to nail his leftovers,” it was easy to get worked up into a creative whirlwind, but as usual I was kicked out and sent to Miss Perky. She was the weirdest guidance counselor ever and I helpfully suggested tumescent (she writes romance novels) as I went in. As usual, she gave great advice:
“So, I hear you were terrorizing Mr. Morgan's class... again.”
“Expressing my opinion is not a terroristic action,” I countered.
“The way you expressed your opinion to Bobby Ridgeway? By the way, his testicle retrieval operation went quite well, in case you're interested.” I still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls. “People perceive you as somewhat...”
“Tempestuous?”
" ‘Heinous bitch’ is the term used most often.” Thanks Perky, that was really helpful.
As I left school, Joey Donner, the school’s asshole, stopped to make his usual snide comments. I rolled my eyes. I’ve got no time for people like him. “Remove head from sphincter, then drive!”
Home was a whole other story. “Hello, Katarina. Make anyone cry today?” was my dad’s greeting to me as he flipped through the mail, his tired eyes bleary from work.
“Sadly, no. But it's only 4:30.” I replied. Some days, you just have to love my dad. As he was looking through the mail, I noticed my letter from Sarah Lawrence.Did this mean…? I got in! I was going to Sarah Lawrence!My face fell as I stopped myself from reaching for the letter. But Dad wants me to stay at home and go to the local college…
Thinking fast, I knew I had to change the subject, so I told him that Bianca, my vapid younger sister, had gotten a ride home with Joey Donner. Now, my dad was EXTREMELY overprotective, so there was no falter as he immediately forgot about me. His top two rules were “Number 1: No dating ‘till you graduate. Number 2: No dating ‘till you graduate.”
He was an obstetrician who spends his days delivering babies, which is probably where he got some of his beliefs. Bianca is so whiny and conceited and was constantly complaining that she was the only girl in school who doesn’t date.
“It’s not fair!” she squealed.
Umm hello? I would never want to date one of those unwashed miscreants. “Ok, old rule out. Bianca can date...” Dad said gleefully, “when she does.” His finger landed on me.I smiled. This new rule was already starting to grow on me.
The next day at soccer practice
After a successful practice knocking over several girls, I was greeted by the school’s bad-ass, Patrick Verona. “Hey there girly. How you doin'?” I glanced up in mild interest.
“Sweating like a pig actually and yourself?”
“Now there's a way to get a guy's attention huh?”
“My mission in life,” I muttered sarcastically. “But, obviously I struck your fancy so you see it worked. The world makes sense again.” And I left.
Back at home
“I just don’t give a rat about what people think of me. Besides, why should I change just because…” my voice trailed off as I caught sight of what was aroundmy sister'sneck. Bianca was wearing Mom’s pearl necklace! I looked down at my bed, not caring to finish my sentence.Why tonightof all nights?
It had been three years and still bothered me more than it should have.
What an interesting class, I thought dreamily. I always like to use this time to have creative discussions with my fellow classmates and teacher. With comments such as, “Romantic? Hemingway? He was an abusive, alcoholic misogynist who squandered half of his life hanging around Picasso trying to nail his leftovers,” it was easy to get worked up into a creative whirlwind, but as usual I was kicked out and sent to Miss Perky. She was the weirdest guidance counselor ever and I helpfully suggested tumescent (she writes romance novels) as I went in. As usual, she gave great advice:
“So, I hear you were terrorizing Mr. Morgan's class... again.”
“Expressing my opinion is not a terroristic action,” I countered.
“The way you expressed your opinion to Bobby Ridgeway? By the way, his testicle retrieval operation went quite well, in case you're interested.” I still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls. “People perceive you as somewhat...”
“Tempestuous?”
" ‘Heinous bitch’ is the term used most often.” Thanks Perky, that was really helpful.
As I left school, Joey Donner, the school’s asshole, stopped to make his usual snide comments. I rolled my eyes. I’ve got no time for people like him. “Remove head from sphincter, then drive!”
Home was a whole other story. “Hello, Katarina. Make anyone cry today?” was my dad’s greeting to me as he flipped through the mail, his tired eyes bleary from work.
“Sadly, no. But it's only 4:30.” I replied. Some days, you just have to love my dad. As he was looking through the mail, I noticed my letter from Sarah Lawrence.Did this mean…? I got in! I was going to Sarah Lawrence!My face fell as I stopped myself from reaching for the letter. But Dad wants me to stay at home and go to the local college…
Thinking fast, I knew I had to change the subject, so I told him that Bianca, my vapid younger sister, had gotten a ride home with Joey Donner. Now, my dad was EXTREMELY overprotective, so there was no falter as he immediately forgot about me. His top two rules were “Number 1: No dating ‘till you graduate. Number 2: No dating ‘till you graduate.”
He was an obstetrician who spends his days delivering babies, which is probably where he got some of his beliefs. Bianca is so whiny and conceited and was constantly complaining that she was the only girl in school who doesn’t date.
“It’s not fair!” she squealed.
Umm hello? I would never want to date one of those unwashed miscreants. “Ok, old rule out. Bianca can date...” Dad said gleefully, “when she does.” His finger landed on me.I smiled. This new rule was already starting to grow on me.
The next day at soccer practice
After a successful practice knocking over several girls, I was greeted by the school’s bad-ass, Patrick Verona. “Hey there girly. How you doin'?” I glanced up in mild interest.
“Sweating like a pig actually and yourself?”
“Now there's a way to get a guy's attention huh?”
“My mission in life,” I muttered sarcastically. “But, obviously I struck your fancy so you see it worked. The world makes sense again.” And I left.
Back at home
“I just don’t give a rat about what people think of me. Besides, why should I change just because…” my voice trailed off as I caught sight of what was aroundmy sister'sneck. Bianca was wearing Mom’s pearl necklace! I looked down at my bed, not caring to finish my sentence.Why tonightof all nights?
It had been three years and still bothered me more than it should have.