Show Me What I'm Looking For

It felt like everybody’s eyes were on me when I entered the pharmacy. Everything became more and more panicked or at least I thought it had. After two minutes of me standing here and deliberating whether or not to just do it. My hand slowly shook as I picked it up. My life right now was like a teeter-totter I can go one way and be fine or the other way and be screwed. Once I was at the house (thank god no one was home). I went to the kitchen for some water and drank it steadily, after three bottles later my feet were literally dragging themselves to the bathroom. I opened the box slowly and hesitantly just like….

His fingers slowly moved up from my thigh to the hem of my dress. My breathing was uneven due to his constant breath against my face. Our kisses were steadied each one of them was exhilarating and making my heart beat faster.

“Happy birthday Care.” Nick whispered though he knew my parents were out and my little brother has a sleepover party to attend. The date today is December 28 also known as the day my mother gave birth to a lovely baby girl which was me, Carolina Noel but back to before.

His fingers by now had reached the edge of my undergarments I gasped at the coldness but he told me it would be alright and for the moment I believed him.

This got me into the situation I was currently in at the moment. As I was going to the bathroom I remembered something. A flashback.

It was inevitable not to become intoxicated by his presence. Then suddenly I was pulling on his collar wanting to get closer than ever to him. Nick didn’t oblige he just placed my hands back on my lap and slowly unbuttoned it. His eyes were hypnotic as he slowly dropped his pants. I knew what he wanted, but I didn’t want him to stop.

If anyone asked you how I imagined my future I don’t think this would be on the list. Actually I think it would be near the bottom of the list. I had to wait a total number of 4 minutes for it to be ready for examination. I was becoming paranoid the walls were closing in making me feel claustrophobic though it really wasn’t happening.

My hands were tangled into his curly locks. Both of our breaths were staggered. I could feel the love in air around us and it was all true and the moment was so perfect.

“Care. I love you with all my heart and never forget that ok.” Nick’s eyes were so sincere and filled with nothing but love and at that exact moment I knew that he was the only one for me.

“Are you ready?” the voice sounded so far away even though his body was right next to mine. I couldn’t find my voice so I just nodded. Our eyes never left each other. My dress was then suddenly being put over my head and placed on the floor. He told me I was going too feel a slight pressure in the lower area and to just relax. He then kissed my breast next my neck after that my cheek and lastly my lips. It was just completely magical in my eyes. Suddenly I felt the pressure but I was far to distracted to feel most of it. The feeling of being one with Nick made my whole world spin. His movements were slow and steady careful not to hurt me in any way. Things then got heated I couldn’t help feeling over powered by a sin but it felt so good to be in this position right here, right now.

The timer beeped signaling that it was the moment of truth. My knees were shaking as I stood up the mirror showed a girl but I couldn’t recognize her. The eyes were wide, make-up smeared from all the crying I had done, and hair like I had just walked out of the humid rain forest. My eyes were now closed as I picked up the key to my whole life. Then I opened then and the tears came back again the stick dropped out of my hands landing right next to me and I sunk into the nearest corner.

Our movements were slow in the beginning but after a while they began to pick up pace. The silent screams bounced off the wall like a ball on the pavement. Sweat dripped down from both of our foreheads. We couldn’t stop. It’s like live was telling us that this was meant to happen.

When we were finished he kissed my lips and smiled. The I love you seemed to come out of our mouths then Nick started to speak.

“Care, you know I love you with all my heart and I just want to say what ever happens if anything does that I really do want to be with you for the rest of my life. Forever in Eternity.”

“Forever in Eternity.” I repeated after him.