Show Me What I'm Looking For

The patter of the rain on my window was the only noise made throughout the house. One breath at a time, I thought to myself. A few seconds later the thunder rolled around; I flinched, just like every time. Most of the time I would have Nick here to comfort me, but right now I never felt more alone. Even though grandma was in the room across from mine for the moment.

Please God, protect me. I whispered inside my head. I missed Nick. I wanted him here with me; to wrap his arms around me and whisper little sweet nothings into my ear. This relationship was really hard on my part.

I grabbed my ipod from the dresser and played Nick and I’s song ‘To Be With you’. Tear ducks were forming at the corners of my eyes. Its not like I could help it.

Wiping away my tears, I stood up and made my way over to the window. My hands were folded together and I was on my knees.

“Dear God,” Taking a deep breath I began. “First I would like to ask you why you’ve done this to me. My parents are a wreck and that’s not a good thing at all. I love them dearly but they need severe help. Please do that for me; help my parents. I feel bad for not telling Nick, but maybe its for a good thing. I want him to be happy and if I told him he would give up all hes worked for just for me. I could never live that down. Thanks for listening, I guess.” I got up from my knees and opened the door.

It was quiet. I went into the dining room to see that grandma Alice was not there. She was instead in the kitchen baking something.

“That was pretty darn intense yesterday. I cant believe Melissa would do such a thing; poor Benjamin. What happened to him?”

Shrugging my shoulders, I dipped my finger into the brownie mix. “I left before most of that certain action occurred. I’m sure that he’ll either go to any other family member or maybe even foster care. I just hope he’s safe.“

“I’m sure that he is Carolina. He’s a pretty strong boy of his age. Maybe if we give this some time everything will be better. It’ll all get better in time. All you have to do is believe.” Grandma Alice placed her hand atop of mine and smiled.

I sighed with sadness. “People keep saying that but how can I believe them. Its like having Mojo Jojo kidnap the power-puff girls. They will make it, but not until the end. That doesn’t really make sense.” I rambled on.

“The point is Carolina, that nothing along this road will be easy, but in the end its all worth it. You may be fifteen and pregnant, but you giving the gift of human life. I was scared too, trust me, I got through it though just like you can. Now sit at the table and wait for the brownies that are cooking.”

Smiling, I nodded my head and walked into the dining room. I could hear some faint music and suddenly my eyes were wide. I darted into the guest room and grabbed my phone just in time.

“Hello,” I breathed out.

There was a slight pause. I waited for the person to speak. “Hey Carol.”

My eyes widened when I realized who was on the other end of the phone. “Darcy, why are you calling?”

“Well that’s a little rude to your best friend. I don’t even get a ‘How are you Darcy, I missed talking to you.’” I don’t think she got the point that when we became friends again that it wouldn’t be the same anymore.

“I really do miss talking to you, I just needed some me time though.”

She sighed in aggravation. “How much ‘Me’ time do you need? Quite frankly I want to hang out. I'm hosting my annual party this Wednesday since we all don’t have school on Thursday. Are you coming?”

“Most likely, I cant come. I'm not even home right now. I would love to if I could.” I ignored the first part but she didn’t seem to notice.

“Oh yeah, I heard what happened with your parents. I'm really sorry Carol. I wish I could help you.”

I was silent for a minute then spoke. “Its Monday, aren't you supposed to go to school.”

Visualizing her smirk made my stomach a little upset. “No actually, I’m sick. Before you say something, I'm just trying to make my party look fabulous before.”

I sighed rolling my eyes. “Well, I have to go. Someone needs me.” I hung up before she could say anything, which I would probably be lectured about later. Now that I think about it, Darcy should just not bother with me at all. I'm not her old best friend; I'm a new person.

There was a knock on the door as I stared at my cell phone, I jumped a little in the process. Grandma Alice handed me a plate with two brownies on it. I smiled at her a picked at it. “So who was it on the phone?”

“One of my friends, she’s having an annual party, she was asking me if I was going to go, and I said that I cant go.”

“Who's stopping you?” her question made my eyebrows raise in confusion.

I pondered of a moment. “No one really; more like im stopping myself.”

“Well, I don’t think you should do that, but its your decision. If you want to talk I’m here.”

She stood up from my bed and I grabbed her wrist. “Grandma, actually there is something I would like to talk to you about. You don’t have to answer me, but I would just like to know.”

Nodding her head, she looked patiently at me. “Can you tell me what it felt like to be in your position when having dad? What was it all like?”

There was a hesitance in her eyes that I could see clearly. “Well. Its started out like this…” I listened to her story with perked ears, and hanging on her every word.