Show Me What I'm Looking For

I was surprised when the doorbell rang and Kevin stood on the other side. The week had gone by so quickly. I didn’t really feel like leaving, but I knew it was the right thing to do.

The decision I made about the party was not to go. I don’t think I would have had any fun for me anyways.

“Are you ready?” he asked. I nodded my head slowly and immediately pulled grandma Alice into a hug. She had been my wonder wall for the week, and I loved her for that reason alone.

The car was filled with aimless chatter when it suddenly became serious. “He hasn’t called me all week.”

I didn’t need to be distinctive for Kevin. He knew who I was talking about. “Maybe he’s just been really busy, you know with all the touring stuff. Or maybe he wants to surprise you with something big?”

“Kevin, the concert is in two weeks, what am I supposed to do? I'm already starting to show a little bit.” I placed my hand on my belly and rubbed my almost invisible but clearly there little bump. “Its been three months and a week since Nick and I…”

The car instantly got awkward. Talking to Kevin about having sex with his little brother was just something I wasn’t comfortable with. I have a feeling that no one would be comfortable with that topic.

Another hour and a half later, we arrived on Kevin’s driveway. More silence was exactly what I needed. I thought rolling my eyes.

Sitting on my bed, I realized that my bump was looking way more noticeable, at least to me. The concert was coming up quickly and I had no idea what to do or even say to him. It didn’t seem like he wanted to talk to me though.

What I really needed at the moment was fresh air. Putting on a over-sized hoodie, I walked outside. No one was around so the tension inside of me released for the moment. It was a Sunday afternoon and all I wanted to do was relax.

There was a park not to far from Kevin’s house, so I decided to go there. People were walking around, mostly family, but one couple caught my eye. They looked about in their early twenties, like twenty or twenty one. Both seemed to be pushing a stroller, which I imagined a baby was in, and smiling like they were deeply in love.

Quickly their faces changed and I saw Nick and I strolling the baby along. We were laughing and enjoying ourselves. I hastily shook my head and the couple went back to normal.

It was around noon, but I couldn’t feel any more tired. That may have been because the immense crying I had done the night before though.

The feeling of someone tapping me awoke me from my sleep. “Carol? Why are you sleeping on the bench?”

I rubbed my eyes and looked at the scenery around me. “I guess I just happened to fall asleep.”

“Are you sleeping out here? Do you not have a place to stay?” I laughed at her sudden rambling.

“Darcy, its alright. I have a place to stay. I'm not in that bad of a situation. I can also take care of myself.”

Curious of the time, I pulled out my phone. A quarter to three.

There were no calls from Nick, not even a simple text.

Maybe he doesn’t care about me anymore. There are plenty of gorgeous girls not having a baby that he would rather be with. Thinking like this will just leave me more depressed. Great Carolina.

“Carol, are you listening to me?” Darcy was snapping her fingers in my face. “I said I know that you can take care of yourself, but why don’t you spend the night at my house, just for tonight.”

“I don’t know Darcy, we have school tomorrow.” She shrugged. I knew she wouldn’t have cared about that. We had done it constantly that she didn’t care.

“We could always just hang out and talk at my house, like we used to.”

I sighed. “I kind of just want to sit and relax. Feel the breeze against my skin, ya know?” Darcy nodded her head and looked at me skeptically.

“Are you okay? You haven’t really seemed the same since three months ago. I'm worried.”

It took a lot out of me to successfully fake a real laugh. Darcy didn’t seem to notice the difference and smiled. “I’m fine Darc. At least for the predicaments that have come up recently. Sure my dad tured aggressive and abusive when he found out I was-.” My eyes widened. I stopped myself before she found out the truth.

“You were what?” Darcy asked.

“He found out that I want to move to a different state right after high school.”

Darcy’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “Really? You want to move, to where?” maybe it was a bad idea that I didn’t fully think this through.

I placed my hand under my chin and thought. “Well, I was actually thinking around the Chicago area. I’ve always loved the snow. Plus a Julliard is near there.”

“All very true, but what am I going to do without my best friend?” Darcy’s puppy dog eyes were in full course. “I was just wondering, not to be rude, but your stomach is getting bigger.” It wasn’t really a question.

I laughed for real this time. “It must be those mini ice-creams I keep getting. Times haven’t really been good, so the saying ‘eat your depression away’ has gone literal. Nick’s been gone. He hasn’t called me all week and I don’t really know what to do.”

“Well its not really healthy to do that but it happens time and time again in a girls life. I feel really bad what I said about him. A double date could help.” Darcy wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

“I’m not going on a date with Thomas, Darcy. That is the last time I’m going to tell you.”

Darcy put her hands up in defense and laughed. “Okay, I surrender the Thomas project.”

For the next few hours we talked about life (excluding my pregnancy) and laughed all the way though. “This has seriously been a good day. I’m glad that you decided that we relax. This has been really nice.”

Suddenly my phone vibrated and I squirmed. After taking it out of my butt pocked I looked who it was from; Kevin. Hey, where are you?

Darcy looked at me quizzically. “Who is it?”

I’m at the park with Darcy. I'm going to leave soon though, I'm getting pretty tired.

“Oh it was just my grandma. I’m staying with her until we work something out.” She nodded her head. “Well I’m pretty tired, so I'm just going to go home. I’ll see you tomorrow at school.” With that final word I left her sitting on the bench.