Show Me What I'm Looking For

Darcy blew loudly into the tissue. Tears were rolling down her face. I was still standing partially in the guidance office. Kevin was lightly glaring at me; that was a nasty surprise. “Sit down, Carolina Noel.”

By the tone of Kevin’s voice, I could tell that he was not a happy camper. Hell, I wasn’t either, but you didn’t see me getting an attitude with him. I did as I was told and sat in the chair next to Darcy.

“So after George and my mother split, I thought that was the end for my mom; it wasn’t. Every time a divorce was happening she would re-decorate the house. In a way I guess it was her way of coping with the the situation and trying to erase the memories.” Darcy said dabbing her eyes with another tissue.

My eyes were in slits as I looked at her. Kevin cleared his throat, trying to get my attention. I looked at him with an innocent expression on my face and smiled. He still glared at me.

“That is horrible Darcy, I am so sorry. You should just talk to your mother, let her know how you’re feeling.” I rolled my eyes at Kevin’s generic, but truthful advice.

Darcy nodded her head and smiled smally. “It’s just so hard to talk to her. She always tries to keep herself preoccupied. I can never get five minutes with her. Am I really that bad of a child?”

It took every fiber of my being not to answer her question. My hands were clenched together and I had my lips tucked into one another. Kevin rolled his eyes in a harsh manner towards me. What in the world did I even do to have him act like that? It must be horrible.

“Of course you’re not. You’re just an average teenager growing up. Everything inside and outside of you is changing.” Kevin said.

“What if I don’t want things to change? What if I’m afraid of change?” Darcy asked as her eyes did what they were naturally born to do; they played with the subject’s mind any way she wanted.

Kevin smiled brightly at Darcy. “At this age, its okay to be afraid of change. Older adults are afraid of change too. It’s a part of life and it ends up making who you are in the future.”

“Thank you Mr. Jonas.” Darcy said with a fake large smile on her face that Kevin didn’t see through. “Oh, and remember I’m hoping for your brother’s number soon.”

“Call me Kevin, Mr. Jonas is my father. Of course I can rain check that.” Kevin said with a large smile. He was actually believing everything Darcy said.

They were both laughing together as if there were some funny inside joke. I didn’t find that funny at all. Darcy was not going to get my boyfriend’s number and try to steal him away from me. That didn’t seem like such a good plan to me.

Immediately when the door closed, Kevin’s laughing ceased. He was glaring at me and I was really starting to get pissed off. “What in the world did I do wrong Kevin?’

“What did you do wrong? You’re unknowingly breaking my little brother’s heart. Darcy has a right not to like you. I don’t know if I like you anymore.” Kevin said point blankly.

My eyes widened and my jaw was fully dropped. I was so mad that I didn’t even know what to say. My face was becoming as red as a tomato and acid was bubbling up in my stomach.

“What? I’m the victim in this situation. Darcy is a liar! Her mom didn’t even marry or go out with a George! Also, how am I ‘unknowingly breaking his heart’?!” I yelled. I had a feeling that most of the office could hear me, but right now I could have cared lass.

“Carolina,” Kevin tried saying calmly. “Darcy’s family problems have nothing to do with you. Plus, Nick probably wouldn’t like the fact that you’re cheating on him.”

Kevin thought I was cheating cheating on Nick? Really? My eyes widened some more. Darcy was feeding him lies that I had to stop right at this moment.

“Seriously? You think I’m cheating on him! How bad is it that you trust Darcy over me? Craig knew my secret and I didn’t want him to tell anyone. Do you really think I don’t love my boyfriend? What kind of person are you now?” My voice was booming throughout the whole speech.

“I am a realistic kind of person. I’m basing it off of the facts that I received. Darcy told me that you were hanging out with Craig a lot and getting really exceptionally close for her liking.” Kevin said.

More anger was bubbling up inside of me. “You know what, I don’t care and I definitely don’t need this, fuck you!”

Getting out of the room as quick as possible, I slammed the door loudly. All the people in the office were staring at me wide eyes. I didn’t have a care in the world. My mind was so far gone.

Everyone’s eyes were staring widely at me. I bet my eyes were filled with fire. Some people even backed away from me. Annie looked at me with scared eyes.

“Where is Thomas?” I barked out. Annie shrugged her shoulders quickly.

Just then my prayers were answered. Thomas was walking through the halls. “Thomas Cullen Dupree!”

The whole school hall got quiet. As if in slow motion, Thomas turned his head and stared at me with wide eyes. He didn’t think that I would catch up to him this quickly. Everyone looked at the two of us then tried to stop staring.

Quickly, I walked over to him and then pulled him by the collar. He didn’t say a thing while I pulled him over to the janitor’s closer and shut the door. Turning on the light, I didn’t smile one bit.

Thomas looked at me with wide eyes and a feared smile on his face. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

A few seconds later, I got tired of the silence. The look on my face told Thomas that he needed to say something and he finally did. “Hey, whats up?”

I used all my mental strength and physical strength not to yell and strangle Thomas. Ignorance was not bliss; it was a pain in the butt. What he said really fueled a bigger fire inside of me.

“Whats up?” I yelled. “You’re ruining my life! I bet you half of the school already knows I’m pregnant because of your little stunt with the heart sticky notes!”

Thomas was silent and suddenly the bell rang for class. Thomas started to move, but I pulled him back and told him that he was staying exactly where he was. I think he had a feeling that he wasn’t going anywhere.

“I’m sorry, Carolina.” He didn’t really know what to say and I could see him fidgeting in place.

A loud groan escaped past my lips as I pulled on my hair. I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs. A wave of depression passed through me and I became silent.

“Are you okay?” Thomas asked, putting his hand on my shoulder. I cringed away from his touch and slid into the corner. Tears were rolling down my eyes again.

“What is wrong with me?” I whispered softly. A serious question suddenly popped into my and I looked up at Thomas. “Why do you like me so much? I’m a pathetic person.”

Thomas looked me straight in the eyes and without any hesitation answered my question. “You are not a pathetic person at all. You’re just going through some things that are troubling for you. I like you a lot because whenever you enter the room and a smile is on your face; I smile. Your laugh is so hypnotizing that it takes me to another world. I cant get enough of it. Also, your beauty is just so astonishing.”

In the movies, this was the part where the boy and girl would lean in for the kiss of their life, but for me it was just the opposite. This is the part where I screamed.

“God damn!” I whisper-yelled. My voice rose louder as I spoke. “Why is it that, not in a conceded way, a lot of guys like or want me when all I want is my boyfriend who is all the way across the world?”

I gave Thomas props for not leaving me already; I was a compete wreck. Through my blurry eyes, I could see that he was tense. He wanted to leave the room as quick as he could.

A strain of curse words fulled my head, but I only said one aloud. Thomas’s eyes widened and he took a step away from me “I’m sorry Carolina, for everything.”

Suddenly, the door opened and I was alone. This was the best time to wallow inside my own pity. My life was sad, depressing, and mostly pathetic. Come on, I’m a fifteen year old and pregnant.

Minutes passed as I just let the tears fall down my face. It felt like there was no more strength in my body to do anything but cry. My lifewas is very sad and pathetic.

My eyes slowly closed and I dreamed of nothing. Before I knew it, the bell rang. I decided that I wasn’t going to miss another class and opened the janitor’s closet.

I was thankful for the fact that not a lot of people were in this certain hall. The people that were there though weren’t so friendly. Either people were glaring at me, gave me a disgusted look, or just ignored me. I was beginning to love the last one the most.

Every pair of eyes stared at me and then to my stomach. I was feeling more and more self conscience about my body. Quickly, I made my way over to my seat and stayed quiet the whole way through.

[&&&]

The bell rang for lunch and a smile made its way onto my face. My stomach was growling for a peanut butter pickle. The combination sounded wrong together, but in my head it seemed to be perfection.

As I walked through the halls, the whispers increased in volume. Every single thing was starting to piss me off again; they were all starting to piss me off.

Grabbing a little container of peanut butter, I could see Darcy glaring at me. She wasn’t worth anything to me. the pickle was on my tray now and I ignored the curious stares. The whispers were a different story.

Silently, I sat at a table all by myself. People were still looking and talking about me. it was going to be a hot topic for a while. A pregnant student is always some scandalous news, but to make it better it’s the fact that I am a freshman. The freshman class had never had a girl pregnant since now.

Darcy’s laugh pierced my ears like knives. I could hear it tables away from where I was. She knew I was still silently hurting, but she still acted as arrogant as before. She didn’t have a bone in her body that was nice or compassionate.

Her laugh got louder and louder until she finally stood up from where she was sitting. I had a feeling that I knew exactly where she was going.

Suddenly before my eyes, Darcy was sitting right beside me with a large fake smile planted onto her face. Her eyes told me everything; they were mixed with fire, ice, and simplicity, to try and cover everything up.

Far a few minutes, it was silent in the cafeteria. Everyone’s eyes were staring at the two of us interacting, even though we weren't saying anything.

“What do you want?” I asked Darcy in a harsh manner after I took a bite of my lunch. She looked at my food choice in disgust. There was a silent pause.

“I want you to do something for me.” she said. Her face changed completely into something sneer. “Stay away from my boyfriend if you know what is good for you.”

I smiled darkly; I knew she hadn’t changed at all. She would still always be the same old Darcy; she could never change even if she wanted to. “You’ll always be the same fake person Darcy. You put on a show just to expect everyone to watch. No one wants to hear your constant drama. The world does not revolve around you.”

The look on Darcy’s face became darker than my own. She stood up from where she was sitting and smirked.

“In my head, the world does revolve around me Carolina, but do you realize how everyone listens. At least I‘m not a pathetic pregnant teenager who probably got with some random guy who you asked to have sex with you.” All the people in the cafeteria gasped. Angerly, I stood up from my seat. I couldn’t believe that she would actually say that or go that low.

Everything was silent. I needed to call Darcy out on some things too. “Well, that was just plain rude. This is indeed my boyfriend’s baby. You know as well as I do that I’m not the slut; that would be your job. Craig should feel bad that you’re cheating on him and he doesn’t even know it.” The whole room gasped even louder than before. I had gotten her exactly where I wanted her.

Her eyes widened to the size of golf balls. I had hit below the bet and I didn’t even care. Did that make me a bad person? I didn’t think so, because Darcy was an even worse person than I was being at the moment.

It appeared as if Darcy were about to cry, but then suddenly she did a complete one eighty. Her brown eyes turned to a black and she wasn’t smirking anymore. A certain red fire was blazing in her eyes.

Suddenly, I felt my hair being pulled and Darcy behind me smirking. Of course she had long forgotten that I spent a little over two years in the martial arts; I laughed at her stupidity.

I grabbed her hand quickly and suddenly we were both face to face. “For being my best friend, you must know nothing about me.”

My other free hand pushed Darcy onto the ground. I straddled Darcy so she would have nowhere to go. My hand lifted in the air as if I were going to punch her. She squirmed under me in anger.

“I know enough to know that you are worthless on the inside. You’re a nobody. Without me, your face wouldn’t be known to anyone and you would just be average.” Darcy said with a large smirk spread across her face.

At that moment I felt the need to hit her, but I was saving it for another moment. “Being average is okay for me though. I don’t crave the spotlight like you do.”

“Well, now you have all the spotlight in the world. Carolina Noel is fifteen and pregnant, nothing more news topping than that.” The cafeteria was silent and all their eyes were on us.

“People would expect you to be pregnant over me though; they know your ways.” I said through my clenched teeth. “You’re just a flat out bitch, nothing more nothing less.”

Darcy looked at me with her eyes wide with anger. The cafeterias’ gasping was starting to get on my nerves. “At least I didn’t get impregnated by an imaginary boyfriend. He doesn’t even exist, does he?”

My hand quivered and suddenly I was punching my ex best friend. I couldn’t believe this, this wasn’t me. I wanted to partially stop, but I knew that Darcy deserved it. She deserved to be punished for all of her previous actions. She needed to learn her lesson for once.

Over and over again, my fists collided with her entire self; mainly her face. I was letting out the all of the feeling that were inside of me. By the time that someone pulled me off of Darcy, I was full out sobbing.

Principal Shepard looked at me with a harsh expression on his face. I knew I was beyond in trouble. All he had to do was look at me, point to his office, and I was on my way.

I looked back to see Darcy’s broken face. she gasped at the sight of the blood that was coming out of her nose. I could see that her eye and cheek had a mark; I smiled lightly at myself.

A hand on the small of my back brought me to reality. Principal Shepard was behind me and guiding me to his office. Everyone in the cafeteria had their eyes on me. I felt like a criminal who had just been arrested for a crime. The whispers filled the cafeteria like air.

It was silent between Shepard and I. We didn’t say a word, we were both lost in our thoughts. Slowly, we had made it to the door of his office. He sighed and opened the door for me. The two of us both walked in the room with more silence.

The look in his eyes told me not to say anything and follow his orders, so I did exactly that. Principal Shepard sighed again and sat in his comfy chair. His eyes were closed tightly as if he were trying to erase a memory and he sighed again.

His fingers were pressed onto his temples. His eyes still weren't open. I had a feeling that he didn’t want to look at me. I was one of his favorite students, but now I felt like a shame.

“Please Carolina, tell what is going on with you. I would like to know what is happening with your life. You’re spiraling out of control.” I sighed this time and just stared blankly at the window behind him.